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Sausages, It was a Tuesday


By Lord Raa


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Chapter 9


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Disclaim-me-do: Not today, Galvatron!


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Misato stood staring at Ritsuko. "I'm waiting, Ritsuko."

"And you think that you can intimidate me into revealing classified information?" Ritsuko non-answered the Captain.

"Ritsuko, I'm going to give you one last chance. Tell me what that phone conversation was about."

"I have recently discovered some disturbing information," Ritsuko said as she stubbed out her cigarette.

"And?" Misato's tone let the blonde know that her patience was wearing thin.

Ritsuko lit up another cigarette. "It turns out that Rei is not a normal girl."

"What do you mean?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Ritsuko smiled bitterly.

"Try me."

"Fine. Follow me," Ritsuko stood up from her chair.


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Gendo Ikari walked down the corridor towards the room that contained spare parts. He saw Ritsuko with Misato and frowned.

"Dr. Akagi," he called out.

Ritsuko grimaced for a second. "Yes, Commander?"

"I have received word that there is an embryonic Angel nearby," Gendo hinted as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"I'll look into these reports," Ritsuko nodded, leaving the pair standing in the passageway.

Misato frowned at the way Ritsuko abandoned her and turned to face the Commander.

Gendo, however, had started to walk away as if the NERV Tactical Officer was nothing to be concerned about any more than a wispy cloud on an afternoon in late June.


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At lunchtime, Rei was hoping to seek out Shinji, but found herself the centre of attention as the class filed out.

"Hey, First!" Asuka called out.

"Pilot Sohryu," Rei acknowledged, hoping to discuss what she had found out with Shinji sooner rather than later.

"What's going on between you and Shinji?"

"I am not at liberty to discuss such matters with you," Rei dismissed the redhead, turning to the door.

"Oh, no you don't," Asuka insisted, grabbing the pale skinned girl's arm. "Tell me what's going with you and Shinji!"

Rei struggled. "Why do you wish to know, Pilot Sohryu? Are you romantically interested in Shinji-kun?"

"No!!" Asuka's cheeks reddened. "It's just that he's been acting weird lately."

"What do you mean by 'weird'?" Rei asked.

"He's been, I don't know, off for that last few days," Asuka shrugged. "Like he's been avoiding me."

"Human behavioural patterns are not my area of expertise, but I would not call such conduct out of the ordinary, merely a reaction to unpleasant stimuli."

Asuka's grip on Rei's arm tightened. "What did you say?"

"I do consider Shinji-kun's behaviour to be merely the natural reaction to unpleasant stimuli," Rei repeated her observation as she lifted her arm. "For example a laboratory rat in maze avoids the corridor that is connected to the power source."

Asuka glared at Rei angrily.

"May I go now?"

Asuka growled, but released the blue haired girl. "Fine, run off to your boyfriend."

"Shinji-kun is not my boyfriend," Rei insisted.

"Whatever," the Second Child snorted in derision before walking off to speak with Hikari.


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Rei slowly made her way to where her co-pilot was sitting.

"Shinji-kun, I have been told how we are related," she said as she sat down.

Shinji nodded. "And?"

"You are my brother," Rei said softly.

"Older or younger?" Shinji asked, swallowing nervously.

"I am not sure," Rei said honestly. "I am not the first Rei Ayanami."

"W-what do you mean you're not the first Rei?" Shinji breathed, his unease growing.

"The first was killed by Dr. Naoko Akagi," Rei recalled. "She was the mother of Ritsuko Akagi."

"Ritsuko-san's mother killed someone?" Shinji asked in disbelief. "She killed the first you?"

"Yes. The records indicate that she committed suicide shortly after."

"B-b-but why?" Shinji asked, his breathing becoming shallow.

"I do not know," Rei admitted. "Some of my memories before that incident are unclear. I am told that it is a limitation of the memory transfer procedure to the next Rei."

The calm demeanour of Rei while she divulged the information about her current incarnation's origins, while not unexpected, was too much for Shinji.

The young Ikari bonelessly slumped forward, alarming the teacher watching over the schoolyard.

"Ikari-kun!" the brown haired, mousy woman shouted as she rushed to the pilot's aid.

"I will call NERV." Rei calmly pulled out her mobile phone and dialled Captain Katsuragi. "There has been a medical emergency involving Pilot Ikari."

"¬What happened,¬" Misato demanded. "¬Is he ok?¬"

"He is breathing, but I do not know if there is greater underlying problem. Please send an ambulance."

"¬It's on its way,¬" Misato said, her voice becoming more authoritative by the second.


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At NERV, Rei was explaining what had happened at school to Ritsuko.

"I see, so Shinji had a stress related panic attack. I'd rather you wait for Shinji to deal with these facts before you decide to reveal more to him," the bottle blonde admonished.

"I was only answering Shinji-kun's question as to whether he was my older or younger brother," Rei explained. "I was trying to explain who the older sibling was, when I mentioned that I am not the first Rei. Is this a problem?"

"I don't know, Rei, I just don't know," the lab coat clad woman sighed as she reached into her pockets for her tobacco. "I'll speak with Shinji."


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In his hospital room, Shinji lay in the bed thinking about what his long lost sister had told him.

"Why would Ritsuko-san's mother kill someone? What kind of work is Father doing here at NERV? What did Rei mean by 'I am not the first Rei'?"

The confusing questions ran through his brain, over and over again, making him wonder just how much more there was going on at NERV than he'd been told.

Ritsuko's entrance startled him from his thoughts.

"Hi, Shinji," the lab coat clad woman greeted.

"Ritsuko-san," Shinji nodded.

"What did Rei say to you?" Ritsuko asked as she flicked the ash of her cigarette.

Shinji took a deep breath to steady his nerves. "Rei told me that she wasn't the first Rei. Do you have any idea what she meant by that?"

"As you probably realised, Rei wasn't conceived by normal methods," Ritsuko said dryly. "Well, rather than use a surrogate womb, Rei was created in tank."

Shinji looked at the scientist in morbid curiosity.

"Your father decided that something might happen to Rei, so he created some 'spares'," Ritsuko said, looking out of the window. "That's how she can say that she's not the first Rei."

"But she said something about your mother..." the pilot trailed off, hoping that Rei's bombshell was misinterpreted.

"I'm sorry, Shinji, but she's correct," Ritsuko said sadly, sitting on the bed next to Shinji. "My mother killed the first Rei before she killed herself."

Shinji found himself hugging the bottle blonde in sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Ritsuko, managing not to show emotion like Misato would, smiled at the young Ikari. "Thanks, Shinji."

Standing up and stubbing her cigarette out, she said, "So now you know about Rei, what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know," Shinji admitted. "I mean, she's my sister, so I have to look after her, don't I?"

"That's a good place to start, Shinji." Ritsuko looked at her watch. "Look, I've got to go now, so I'll see you later. I think you should be ok to come home today, just don't do anything too stressful, ok?"

"Yes, Ritsuko-san."

Ritsuko smiled and left to speak with Rei in the corridor.


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Misato strode down the hallway, her mind focussed on the condition of her former ward and what could have caused it.

"This is not what we need," she snorted as she approached Rei and Ritsuko. "If I find out someone's hurt Shinji, they'll be hell to pay."

"Shinji-kun collapsed at school," Rei explained, "just as I said on the telephone."

Misato said nothing, but cast a glance at Ritsuko.

"Don't look at me, Misato. I haven't done anything to Shinji," Ritsuko insisted as she lit up her cigarette.

Misato realised that Ritsuko was innocent, at least at the moment, she latched on to the first thing she could that might be harming or upsetting Shinji.

"This is the hospital, Ritsuko, what are you doing smoking HERE?"

"Misato, you're my best friend," Ritsuko smiled, "but there are things going on that you haven't got even the faintest clue about."

"Then tell me," Misato ordered.

"Can't. Not yet, anyway," Ritsuko apologised.

"Then let me see Shinji."

"Go right ahead," Ritsuko pointed at the door.


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Shinji was distracted from his thoughts about how to deal with his friends at school when he told them about Rei by Misato almost bursting into his room.

"SHINJI!" the purple haired woman shouted happily as she leapt at him with the enthusiasm of a Chinese Amazon.

"Misato-san," Shinji mumbled, trying to breathe through the woman's full cleavage.

"Oh, sorry, Shinji," Misato apologised coyly. "How are you feeling? I heard you collapsed at school."

"I-I did," Shinji admitted.

"But you're feeling better, right?" Misato asked.

"A little yes," Shinji nodded.

"That's good," Misato smiled. "Any idea why you fainted?"

Shinji remained silent as he tried to best word his response.

"Is it to do with Ritsuko?" Misato asked, not wanting her old friend to be the cause.

"S-ort of," Shinji whispered.

"What did she do to you?"

"It was want Rei said to me," Shinji whispered in a hoarse voice.

"What did they say to you, Shinji?" Misato pleaded for an answer with her former charge.

"I-I'm not sure I can tell you, Misato-san," Shinji tried to avoid the confrontation.

"Shinji," Misato's voice became stern, "I need to know what's causing you trouble."

Seeing the look on Shinji's face, Misato wrapped an arm around the pilot's shoulders and spoke in a much softer tone. "Shinji, I do care about you. I don't like seeing you hurt. Please, tell me what's bothering you."

Shinji sighed before looking Misato in the eye. "Rei is my sister."


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To be continued...

This was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

And now for something slightly funnier: omake.


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Omake 1


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"So what're you doing to help Shinji recover from this trauma?" Misato asked the ladies in the corridor.

"Simple, I prescribed some R&R," Ritsuko smiled saucily.

"Where's Shinji planning to go for this R&R?" Misato asked, not liking the way the blonde was licking her lips.

"We do not mind, Captain Katsuragi. The R&R Dr. Akagi was referring to is shorthand for Rei and Ritsuko," Rei explained. "We will be ensuring that Shinji-kun is properly relaxed after this R&R session."

"Even if we have to spend a whole afternoon rubbing him up and down with massage oil," Ritsuko added with a look that was both innocent and lecherous.


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Omake 2


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Misato was bored, slightly drunk and very horny. A very bad combination, especially since there wasn't a suitable male nearby.

Not feeling terribly sensible, she picked up her mobile phone and dialled Rei.

"¬Hello?¬"

"Rei, it's me, Misato. I need to be relieved. Is Shinji available?" Misato asked, checking her hair in the mirror.

"¬Shinji-kun is available. How long do you need him for? ¬" the calm voice enquired.

"As long as it takes," Misato sighed.

"¬I will make sure he has his stimulants with him in that case. He has just finished servicing the Bridge Bunnies.¬"

Misato whistled to show how impressed she was with the stud that was Shinji. "How ever did you get him to work for you like this?"

"¬Simple. Shinji-kun does as his mother tells him. If you plan to allow Sohryu to use Shinji-kun, I must insist on a security deposit.¬"

"Why?"

"¬Insurance against loss of revenue. The last Sohryu got her hands on Shinji-kun, his face was bruised. I lost a lot of money that week.¬"


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Omake 3


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Ritsuko and Misato smiled at each other as they managed to drag a drunken Shinji back to the blonde's apartment.

"Why are you doing this?" he slurred.

"Because we can," Misato answered.

"And because we're in the mood for lovin'," Ritsuko added, managing to kick her shoes off as he lifted the inebriated pilot over the step.

"But why did you get me so drunk?" Shinji said, blinking at the newly switched on light.

"Because they've just changed the age of consent," Misato smiled as she fondled Shinji's buttocks. "And if you were sober, you'd say no."

"Yes, Shinji, you're no longer jailbait," Ritsuko said, running a hand through Shinji's hair. "Now answer this question: have you ever had you asshole licked by a blonde woman in a lab coat?"

"You're so shameless, Ritsuko," Misato mock scolded her friend.


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Elsewhere, Rei was watching the trio get hot 'n heavy on Ritsuko's couch with great interest.

"My son is so manly!" the blue haired pilot gushed.


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Omake 4


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Asuka was not happy. First of all, school had been a complete waste of time with the teacher droning on about the world before the Second Impact.

Second of all, everyone at NERV was treating Shinji weirdly. The men thought she was being paranoid, but the women? They spoke in hushed tones when it came to the pilot of Unit-01.

"What do they see in that idiot?" she asked the empty changing room. "I'll make him sure he doesn't do anything perverted again."

Before the redhead could make good on her promise, a chloroform covered handkerchief was placed over her mouth.


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Asuka woke some time later in a strange room.

"Where am I?" she asked, not really expecting an answered.

"You are in the presence of Lord Shinji. I suggest you take a more respectful tone when addressing him," a female voice called out from behind her.

Asuka looked around her, and realised that she was sitting in a chair. "What the hell is going on here? Shinji? Is that you on that throne?"

"Yes it is. And you will refer to his Excellency as Lord Shinji, or another appropriately respectful form of address," Rei instructed from beside Shinji.

"And you will refer to her as Lady Rei," Misato, dressed in a set of leather lingerie ordered.

"Refer to that doll as 'Lady'? NEVER!" Asuka shouted defiantly.

"Punish the insolent female," Shinji ordered.

"I wish to hear the sound of leather pounding against her buttocks," said Rei. "Ritsuko-chan, you will assist Misato-chan in the chastisement. And make an erotic show if it, I wish to pleasure Lord Shinji while he watches.


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Until laterer comes.