FicWad

While Michael and Minerva were deep in discussions of possible ways to defend Hogwarts, Minerva was quietly amazed at her good fortune. Seemingly out of nowhere, Severus and Zelda had conjured this clever Muggle man with a military background, who was willing to discuss war tactics with her.

"Remember everything I've told you," Michael said intently, "but most important, Minerva, you need to be positive about your people. Know who you can trust, and once your Legilimency is strong enough you'll need to learn the motives of every adult in the school, and if possible discover whether they're under that Imperius Curse."

"It is an ugly violation of privacy," Minerva said distastefully, "I see the importance of it, however, and therefore I shall do it."

Severus had watched their conversation in silence. He felt deep relief to see that Minerva was capable of real leadership. The woman was worth all the wizards in the Order combined, he thought cynically. Hearing a noise behind him, he saw Zelda and Molly coming from the cabin, and he flicked his wand casually, conjuring two chairs that were more comfortable, as well as a table.

Zelda smiled her thanks and began serving tea. "Minerva, have you been told who your new Legilimency instructor is?" she asked brightly.

"Yes, it is settled, Zelda," Minerva replied calmly, "and I shall be meeting Michael regularly at his home when he is unable to be here with you. Severus assures me that he is precisely the teacher I need."

Michael smiled evilly. "She assures me that she won't turn me into a cockroach, Zel," he said. "We'll have a swell time."

Molly glanced at Zelda and discovered that she was not the only one struggling for composure. They both looked to Severus and saw his mouth twitching. When he met Zelda's laughing eyes, he gave in and chuckled. Zelda's expression softened and she winked at him.

Her gaze moved from his face down to the open-necked shirt he wore and she offered her appreciation for what she saw. The sound of Michael clearing his throat loudly recalled her to their company, and with a last smile, she turned her attention back to the others, and discovered that they were all watching her in silence.

"Sorry, did I miss something?" she asked airily. Her slight blush gave her away.

"Before we leave you, Zelda, I wish to know if there is anything that we can do to make this place a safe refuge for Severus and our students," Minerva said. "We shall Apparate here periodically, but I shall also be meeting with Michael at his house, though of course most of my remaining time must be spent at Hogwarts."

"There are two things that worry me," said Zelda, and she was instantly serious again. "I know you've said I can send an owl to you, but that takes time, and I don't have any magical post owls hanging out here. How can I contact you in an emergency?"

"While we ponder that question, tell me your other concern," Minerva replied.

"Well," she said hesitantly, "this will show my ignorance, but I know there are spells that do physical damage, as well as ones that kill. If someone shows up here wounded by a spell, will Muggle first aid help? If it won't," Zelda continued, "what should I do? Is there something that Michael or I could do to help?"

"Those are practical questions," Minerva said approvingly. "For the question of communication, We could assign a post owl to stay here, for non-urgent communications, but I have thought of two other methods. Neither is foolproof, but they are better than nothing."

"Go on," Zelda replied. "I'm intrigued now."

"Do you have room for a small portrait to be placed temporarily on the wall here?" Minerva said, causing Molly and Severus to stare at her.

Zelda gulped visibly, and said, "A magical portrait /here/, Minerva?"

"The subject will visit the portrait every twelve hours, to make sure that things are going smoothly, and report back to me," the Headmistress said calmly.

"Which portrait?" Zelda said, a hideous foreboding overtaking her.

"I am considering Phineas Nigellus," Minerva firmly replied.

"Oh, no! He'll hate it," groaned Zelda, trying to imagine the sleek, late Headmaster sniping at her from the wall of Michael's little cabin.

"It will be a fine lesson for him." Minerva chuckled complacently. "He is actually accustomed to being sent on errands that he dislikes. He ran messages between Albus and Sirius Black for a year before Sirius was killed, and was reportedly quite obnoxious about having to do it."

"I suppose he won't stay long," Zelda mused. "What's your other idea?"

Minerva rose gestured to them to follow her into the cabin. She searched the small kitchen cupboard until she found a dented old flour sifter. She hung it on a hook high in the corner and pointed her wand at it, causing it briefly to tremble and glow a brilliant blue.

"That is now a Portkey," she said. "If at any time you need to get to Hogwarts in an emergency, you and anyone who needs help need only touch it at the same time and it will transport you to my office at Hogwarts. It will only work once, and it is only to be used in the direst of emergencies."

Michael looked intently at the Headmistress. "You must trust her a lot, to leave that here."

"It is time to decide specifically who I shall trust. Severus trusts Zelda, and I do not believe his trust is misplaced. I am also trusting you, Michael," she said firmly. She led them back outside and they sat down again.

"Don't worry, no matter how I'm tempted I won't show up in your office uninvited," he said. "I'm quite sure you can make me sorry."

Minerva nodded sternly, and then a small crooked smile appeared on her austere features. She pointed her wand at a large boulder nearby and narrowed her eyes. The boulder suddenly became a huge African lion, staring intently at them with tawny, gleaming eyes.

Michael's eyes grew wide as the animal shook its head and took a tentative step toward them, growling. He noticed Molly grasping her wand firmly, but saw that Severus remained relaxed, calmly watching the scene unfold.

"Uh, Minerva, that looks awfully real," he offered nervously.

"It is completely real," she replied pleasantly.

"Can it attack us?" he asked, wishing he had his shotgun.

"If I allow it to," she said. "I shall not, however." She pointed her wand again, and once more, it was a large boulder.

"I won't come calling without an invitation," he promised.

"Excellent," she said gently. "Now, Zelda, regarding your other concern, you are correct that spell damage is often very different from non-magical injuries. It is not likely that you will be required to deal with such things. However, Severus is quite skilled at Healing, so he can advise you better than I am able to.

Zelda turned an enquiring smile toward Severus. "Are you a walking magical encyclopedia, Sev?"

"We shall discuss such concerns later," he replied softly. "Now, before Minerva leaves, is there anything else we must discuss?"

"I can't think of anything, except to ask when she'll bring ..." She paused and sighed, " ... the portrait back."

I shall bring it back immediately," the Headmistress replied. "Molly, please wait here, and we shall go back together. We still have a great deal to discuss." She stepped away from them and vanished with a small pop.

Zelda began to laugh. "I don't think Phineas Nigellus is going to want to hang out here, do you?"

"Who's Phineas Nigellus? Or what is he?" Michael asked irritably.

"You'll see soon," Zelda said ironically. "He's totally amazing, and a bigger bitch than you. I bet you'll be crazy about him."

Severus closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, trying to imagine Phineas Nigellus Black, late Headmaster and pureblood Head of Slytherin House, visiting a magical portrait on the wall of a Muggle holiday cottage. His own world was colliding with Zelda's in a most unaccustomed manner. After a minute or so, a popping sound told him that Minerva had returned.

She was holding a small picture frame and smiling slightly. Without a word, she headed for the cabin, and the others all rose to follow her.

"Um, not the bedroom wall, please?" Zelda pleaded, and heard Molly, who was walking by her side, give a quiet chuckle.

Severus found himself walking next to Michael, who looked apprehensively at the wizard.

"She obviously knows what she's doing," Michael said quietly, "but am I going to care for this?"

Severus could not contain his smirk. "I believe you will find it fascinating, but I am personally looking forward to watching Phineas Nigellus adjust to this situation."

They discovered Minerva studying the layout of the small cabin, and with a grim smile, she enlarged the portrait, applied a Sticking Charm, and placed it on the wall. "Come along, Phineas," she said sternly. "I must introduce you to Michael, whose house this is. I believe that you can see both doors from this vantage, as well as the windows."

"Headmistress," a voice said distastefully, "Dumbledore occasionally ordered me to do distasteful things, but this is the most outrageous thing imaginable." Phineas Nigellus appeared from outside the boundary of the frame, a sour looking sneer upon his features.

Michael looked at Zelda in amazement, but for once said nothing. He saw the portrait man gaze around the room, and snort when his eye fell upon Zelda.

"Hey, Phineas," she murmured soothingly, "Welcome to Muggle land. Why don't we declare a truce for the time being?"

"I do not attack without provocation," he pronounced coldly. "Now, please explain what I am required to do here, Headmistress, so that I may return to civilization as quickly as possible."

"Phineas, You shall come here twice per day, at noon and midnight. You shall find out who is here, consult with Zelda to see if there is anything she requires or any messages to be conveyed, and then you will return to me and report. There is a Portkey here for emergencies, however you shall be our communication link," Minerva said severely. "Do you understand?"

"I am not an imbecile, Headmistress," snapped Phineas Nigellus. "I shall do as you ask." He glared around at them, and when his eye fell upon Michael one elegant eyebrow arched skyward. "Another Muggle?"

"This is Michael Fletcher," said Minerva. "This is his house, and at times he will be here. Also Molly, Severus and the three young people... Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger... will have access. The Fidelius Charm has been cast, so no others will be able to come here."

"I cannot conceive why anyone would wish to come to such a Muggle hovel," he replied resentfully, "but I understand your instructions and shall obey them."

Sorry to ask you to come slumming here, old man," Michael drawled, "When I relocate to the French Riviera I'll bring your portrait along and give you a glorious view of the seashore."

Phineas rolled his eyes in exaggerated horror. "Another impudent Muggle! Is it impossible to try to ally yourself with more respectful, well-trained ones, Headmistress?"

"Have you ever imagined functioning as a dartboard?" Zelda snapped, an irritable gleam in her eye. "It's a shame you're dead, Phineas, or I'd find a way to change that attitude of yours."

Phineas Nigellus raised his chin haughtily and turned to Severus. "I am surprised you will lower yourself to consort with such a wench, Snape," He sneered, "but I can see now that you have lost all sense of wizard pride. You look ridiculous in that Muggle costume, by the way. Furthermore, I cannot believe you are allowing that little strumpet of yours to expose herself publicly in such unseemly garments, and to express such opinions."

Severus glanced from Minerva to Molly, both of whom waited, fascinated, for his response to this spiteful attack. Michael was wide-eyed, and as for the 'little strumpet,' she promptly sat down in the nearest chair, legs demurely together, folding her hands in her lap, her eyes cast modestly down.

His lips twitching, Severus gazed at the portrait wizard coldly and said, "How odd that you are now so puritanical, Sir. Over the years, we Slytherins have heard tales of you expressing a more... adventurous side, Headmaster Black. I wonder if they are indeed true."

"Insolence!" thundered the outraged portrait, glancing hastily at Minerva McGonagall. "Whatever stories you may have heard, they are undoubtedly all lies."

Severus smiled coolly. "Undoubtedly. I expect, however, that you will behave with the utmost respect toward Mrs. Larsson and Mr. Fletcher... Sir."

"I am always respectful," Phineas hissed nervously. "I shall be here at the appointed times, Snape!"

"Excellent," Severus replied silkily. "You do realize that there is a time difference? You shall appear here at noon and midnight local time. Since it is nearly noon now, you may consider this your visit, Sir, and we shall see you in just over twelve hours. Thank you very much for your assistance."

Phineas Nigellus nodded brusquely, and disappeared from the frame. Severus turned to the others.

"May I ask what tidbits of gossip you're holding over his head?" Minerva asked. She had enjoyed watching Severus put Phineas in his place very much. Trust one Slytherin to know about another's dirty laundry, she thought cynically.

"I do not indulge in idle gossip," Severus replied austerely. "Now, Professor, tomorrow afternoon I must leave to monitor Pettigrew's progress on the Polyjuice Potion. I shall be fulfilling other appointments as time goes on... but rather than spend my free time dodging around Britain to avoid various enemies, I shall return here whenever it is possible. I shall send Phineas to you when I must communicate with you from here."

"Splendid, Severus," replied Minerva. "I shall be returning to Hogwarts now." She held her hand out to him. "I wish you luck tomorrow, and hope to hear from you soon."

He nodded respectfully and shook her hand. Then he turned to Molly. "Will you be staying longer now?" he asked politely.

"No, but I'll return sometime tomorrow," she said. She smiled wickedly. "Enjoy those visits from Phineas Nigellus," she murmured.

Zelda laughed and held an impulsive hand out to Molly. "Come back any time, and bring your darts," she said.

Michael walked out with the two witches, chuckling at the whole scene. It was certainly not going to be boring, being connected to Severus's world. He wished the circumstances were not so threatening, but realized that without that urgency, this impromptu uniting of effort would not have happened. He shook hands with Molly before turning to Minerva. "I'll see you later," he said cheerfully, holding his hand out to her.

"Very well, Michael," she replied politely. "Do try to stay out of trouble."

He laughed and raised his hand in farewell, and then they were gone.

When he reentered the cabin, Michael found Severus and Zelda still standing in front of the empty portrait frame. "You're not all over each other," he said mockingly, "Is the honeymoon over?"

Zelda replied acidly, "You should strive for some decorum, Michael. In fact, you may use me for an example." Her eyes began to twinkle. "Will you be staying for lunch?"

"You mean, will I stay and cook lunch for you?" he asked with a smirk. "Sorry, but I need to spend some quality time with the girls before work, and I can use a break from the steamy atmosphere here. I hope you won't starve without me."

Zelda stared forbiddingly at him replying; "We're in no danger of starving, idiot." She snickered and added, "Severus is a marvelous cook."

Michael threw back his head and laughed. "Severus, she doesn't deserve such amazing luck. Make her cook for you, man."

Severus smiled slightly. "Between you and Phineas Nigellus, one might believe that I am incapable of managing one small... strumpet," he said, putting his arm around Zelda's waist and drawing her to his side. "Do you have any way to contact Zelda, if it is necessary?"

"I had the phone service turned on, since cell phones don't have service out here," Michael said. "The dusty old phone is in the cupboard, Zelda. Dig it out and plug it in, and call my house to make sure it works, will you?"

"Okay," she said, going to hug him. "Kiss the girls for me and give my love to Jess. And hey, come here!" she said, dragging him out the door.

Zelda ran around to the sunny side of the cabin and pulled a handful of leafy green stalks off a cluster of plants. "Bring these to the cats, will you? Or they'll never speak to me after I've abandoned them like this," she said.

Michael rolled his eyes, took the plants gingerly and headed for his car. "Have fun, you two, but don't forget this is serious business!" he called, and then he was gone.

Severus had watched her, and he took her hand and sniffed at it. "Catnip," he pronounced amusedly. "Is there anyone in your life that you don't take care of?"

Zelda curled her lip mockingly. "If you believe Michael, I'm not capable of cooking, so everyone in my life has probably starved to death."

"Come along, and I'll feed you," he said, leading her into the cabin. As she glanced toward the empty frame on wall, he said, "l hope you will not be annoyed by Phineas Nigellus, Zelda. He is not a real person, you know."

"No, but his opinions must be what they were in life, aren't they?" she asked. She opened the ancient refrigerator and briskly rummaged around.

"Zelda," he said, "Step aside." He drew her firmly away, and brought out meat and cheese. He found two peaches and he handed one to her. He then made two sandwiches and handed one to her.

"Thanks," she said. "I'm capable of making sandwiches, you know."

Severus stroked her cheek with a gentle finger. "I must apologize for Phineas's offensive comments. He is an ass."

Zelda frowned. "It was the way he spoke to you as if you're almost his equal, and about me as if I'm hopelessly dim and inferior." She went to the cupboard and got two plates, put the sandwiches on them, and went to find something to drink.

"It is airless in here, so I believe we should go outside to eat," he said, holding the door open for her. "I have never been in such a vile climate, it is extremely hot here."

"It cools down beautifully at night," she replied, striving to regain her good humor. "And we have ways of staying cool, besides dressing in an... unseemly fashion."

"I hope that you will share that information with me," he said, following her into the densest shade and summoning the table and two chairs.

They sat down facing each other. Zelda still felt disgruntled at Phineas Nigellus's insults, and Severus could see it. After many years of receiving vicious insults himself, he knew such words could sting. Albus Dumbledore had shown him true respect, which had helped him to put the rest of it in perspective. Nevertheless, Zelda, in spite of her ready ability to tease, chose to refrain from spitting out truths in such a cruel manner.

"It does not matter what Phineas Nigellus says, my girl," he offered softly. "He is not the real man, merely a kind of shadow, an imprint of what he was in life. And in his life, he was both arrogant and bigoted."

"I see that," she said wryly. "I feel like such a baby. Every woman has known contempt at some time for being female, but he made me feel worse for not being magical too. It was just a new sort of prejudice that I'm not accustomed to." She took a bite of her sandwich and chewed meditatively. "I'll get over it."

"Do not let it disturb you, my girl," he murmured.

"I've never been called a strumpet before," she said pensively. "It seems such a ridiculous thing to be irritated at."

"Pure-blood wizards of one hundred years ago, especially from families such as the Blacks, did not experience much fun," he said with a chuckle.

"Black?" she muttered attentively, "Was he related to Sirius Black?"

"Yes," he replied with a sneer. "His descendants included Sirius and Regulus Black, as well as Bellatrix Lestrange, her sister Narcissa Malfoy and Nymphadora Tonks."

Zelda's eyes lit up with fascination. "He must have had some fun, in that case."

"More like a dreary effort to continue the noble line of Blacks," Severus replied nastily. "He was married to a Flint, I believe... and if the current generation is any indication, his wife was probably not clever or sexy, my girl."

"Are you implying that he suffers from 'Muggle envy' or something?" she said, chuckling.

"It is very likely," he said firmly. "Since I am not a pure-blood myself, I cannot imagine why else he would care."

"Wasn't he Head of Slytherin before he became Headmaster? Perhaps he thinks you're lowering the tone of his House."

"Of course he was," Severus said, pleased to have this small irritation sorted out. "Enough of Phineas Nigellus, my love. When we are finished eating I believe we have two tasks to occupy the rest of our day."

"Two tasks?"

"We shall briefly discuss magical injuries and their treatment," he replied, "and then, as I recall, you promised me that we would find time to play." He bit into his peach and sucked its juicy flesh, his eyes gleaming in anticipation.