Categories > Games > Zelda > Le-Popo's Quest for the Creepy-Looking but Heart-Shaped Mask
Journey to the Icky, Sticky Swamp
0 reviewsThere is a monster in Woodfall Temple, who just so happens to have a name similar to that of an energy bar company. Link and le-Popo have to save the Deku Princess for her slightly insane father, a...
0Unrated
Chapter 2: Journey to the Icky, Sticky Swamp
Le-Popo and Link have decided to help the Happy Mask Salesman get his mask back, mainly because they have no choice.
LINK: Man, I don't have time for this, I'm in the middle of a search.
POPO: Why are you searching for Navi anyway? She's annoying as hell.
LINK: Because, well.... you know, I don't even know. She wasn't even helpful, all she could say was 'look!' 'listen!' And 'hey!' It's like being taught traffic safety all over again!
POPO: Well if you do find her, I'll swat her for you, okay?
LINK: Okay, but where exactly are we going? We have to get that scary looking mask that Skull Kid is wearing, right?
POPO: Well first we have to go to the swamp.
Link and Popo walk to the gate that leads out of South Clock Town, where they are confronted by a guard.
GUARD: Halt! What business have you in the swamp? It is dangerous beyond the town walls. I could never let children like you pass. Oh, what's that? A swo-
Popo roundhouse kicks the guard in the face.
POPO: So who's a child now?? I just went Chuck Norris on yo ass!
LINK: I think he was about to let us through anyway...
POPO: Just shut up and let's go.
They walk into Termina Field and towards the Swamp.
LINK: Oh, look! It's a drawing on the tree!
Popo grabs Link and drags him into the entrance to the swamp area.
POPO: That's not important, just shut up and keep walking.
They are about to make it to the swamp when they are confronted by a strange little man floating with a balloon.
TINGLE: Oh lookie there! Green clothes? An emo looking teenage girl instead of a white fairy? Could you sir, perhaps, be a fairy?
POPO: OH GOD, NO.
LINK: Uh, I'm not a fairy.
TINGLE: Oh, Mr. Fairy! You're so lucky! Tingle will sell you one of his maps! It's only 3472359875435 Rupees!
LINK: Uh, I have 4 Rupees....
POPO: Alright then, it's a deal.
TINGLE: I thought Tingle was the one selling the map....
POPO: No, I sold Link the map, now give it to him.
TINGLE: Okay, here you go Mr. Fairy. Thank you for doing business with Tingle!
LINK: .....
TINGLE: Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo, Limpah! These are Tingle's magic words! Do not steal them! Even if they are completely ridiculous and nobody in their right mind would ever say them. Bye bye now!
LINK: .... so how exactly did you do that?
POPO: I used the force.
So Link and Popo enter the Swamp.
LINK: Ewwww, it's stinky.
POPO: That's because the water is poisoned.... or maybe just because the only toilet here is in the Stock Pot Inn.
Suddenly, a monkey appears in front of Link and Popo.
MONKEY: You need help us! Brother enter temple at top of waterfall. Temple for Deku only. Brother go with princess. Princess not come back. Deku think brother hurt princess. Brother trapped in palace. Me no speak English. Help.
The monkey hops away.
AUDIENCE: You just skipped part of the game.
POPO: Well I don't care about Koume and Kotake, they can go ahead and make their fancy, useless potions.
LINK: Well, where are we going?
POPO: I guess we might as well go to the Deku Palace.
They travel to the palace gates but are stopped by two guards.
GUARD: Stop! This is the Deku Palace. Your kind are not allowed here!
POPO: Hey Link, why don't you put on the mask?
LINK: There's no way I'm doing that again.
Popo points behind Link.
POPO: Hey, what's that?
LINK: What?
Link turns around and Popo grabs the mask and shoves it on Link's face, causing him to transform.
POPO: MADE YOU LOOK!
AUDIENCE: So immature....
LINK: I hate you.
POPO: Well let's just see what the guards say now.
GUARD: Stop! This is the Deku Palace. Even though I just saw you transform over there I will let you in to see the punishment of the monkey who kidnapped our princess. The girl can't come though.
POPO: It's because I'm white!
Link goes past and le-Popo tries to follow him, but the guards stop her. Popo the roundhouse kicks both of them in the face.
POPO: Who can't enter now?? I just went Chuck Norris on yo a-
LINK: Just come on!
Link and Popo enter the Deku Palace where the ceremony to 'punish' the monkey begins. Though dipping him in boiling water seems more like murder than punishment.
DEKU SERVANTS: Pu-nish-ment! Pu-nish-ment!
DEKU KING: That monkey will pay for taking my precious princess! I'm just going to stand here and bitch instead of doing anything about my lost daughter!
POPO: So, what's the dealio?
AUDIENCE: Ugh....
BUTLER: Please allow me to apologize for the King's rash actions. He tends to get a bit cough/insane/cough when he's angry.
DEKU KING: Yeah, I'm insane! INSANE!
POPO: No, I just think you have an anger management problem and can't think rationally. Have you considered Prozac?
The Deku King begins foaming at the mouth. If that is a mouth anyway.
POPO: Oh dear....
LINK: So why did we come here again?
POPO: Well, we're just going to completely ignore the fact that you didn't learn the Sonata of Awakening and go to Woodfall Temple.
LINK: So you mean I had to put on the mask for nothing?
POPO: Yup, I'm just mean.
Le-Popo spirits herself and Link away to the Woodfall area, where they stand on a wooden platform.
LINK: So where's the temple?
POPO: It appears after you play the Sonata of Awakening on this platform.
LINK: But I didn't learn that!
POPO: Well, I'll think of something. Hmmm..... Hey, Mr. Platform?
PLATFORM: Ahem, you have to play the song for me to open up the temple for you.
AUDIENCE: You are insane. You call this writing?
Popo backhands the audience.
POPO: So. Mr. Platform, I'll give you this here fancy Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar if you open up them temple for us.
PLATFORM: Well....
POPO: It has /almonds/.
PLATFORM: Fine then.
POPO: I'm a genius!
LINK: That was the most retarded thing I've ever seen....
The temple begins to rise up out of the water. Link and le-Popo enter.
POPO: Well since I'm magical and amazing like that, we're just going to skip straight to the boss.
TEXT: Masked Jungle Warrior ODOLWA
POPO: Lol, that sounds like that company that makes energy bars and weird juice.
ODOLWA: What are you talking about?
POPO: I had one of those once, it was like a shit-flavored chocolate energy bar or something, lol.
ODOLWA: You know, I find that rather insulting. Are you trying to tell me I'm shit-flavored?
POPO: Yeah, something like that.
While Popo and Odolwa are arguing, Link walks up behind him and pokes him with his sword.
ODOLWA: You know, I should set my horde of giant icky spiders loose on y- AUGHHH!
Victory music starts playing and Link runs to grab the heart container, but Popo reaches it first.
POPO: Haha! MINE!
LINK: Hey! I was the one who killed him!
POPO: Well I distracted him, so I win!
LINK: You suck.
Link and Popo walk into the portal and are transported to a strange place with bubbles floating around everywhere.
GIANT: xdskjsdxjksdjwsswiuhujwwwm -insert more banging head against keyboard here-
POPO: Uh, English please. Tattl is the translation fairy here, not me, comprende?
GIANT: Aw, but speaking gibberish makes it so much more amusing.
POPO: Just teach Link the Oath to Order and let's get out of here.
GIANT: Can't you at least stay for tea?
POPO: NOW!
The Giant moans the Oath to Order and Link repeats it.
POPO: Congrats, you just learned the song you only use once in the game. Now let's go.
Outside the temple the water turns back to normal and a new level of the temple is revealed. Link and Popo are transported back inside.
DEKU PRINCESS: Oh, did you break the curse on the temple? Thank you so much! Hm, you both smell a little like monkey. Tell me, was the monkey okay? My father didn't do anything to him did he? I was afraid that he might even punish the monkey, lollerskates. Blah blah blah blah BLAH.
POPO: Oh, he just went insane and decided to dip the monkey in a cauldron of boiling water, that's all.
DEKU PRINCESS: WHAT?! You need to take me back to the Palace now! Please! I don't mind small spaces! If you can find anything to carry me in please use it!.
POPO: Right, so you can't get your lazy royal ass to walk itself down there?
DEKU PRINCESS: Of course not! Please, just carry me to the Palace!
POPO: Don't mind small spaces, eh? Well then I guess you won't mind going down there in this bottle that I mysteriously acquired even though I skipped the Koume and Kotake part, that happens to be no bigger than the size of a football, right?
DEKU PRINCESS: Well, I don't know about tha-
Popo stuffs the Deku Princess into the bottle.
POPO: Alright Link, let's go.
LINK: You are not healthy to be around....
POPO: Heheh.
Popo and Link go back to the Deku Palace, carrying the princess in the bottle. Popo roundhouse kicks the guards again to get in. They enter the Palace, and Popo lets the princess out of the bottle. She begins jumping on top of her father.
DEKU PRINCESS: Father, you fool! You acted without thinking again! What are you fools doing?? Let the monkey go!
LINK: Interesting father-daughter relationship....
POPO: It's like Hop on Pop!
AUDIENCE: I begin to doubt if you really are 14 years old.
POPO: Well I'd be one foul-mouthed little kid.
AUDIENCE: You already are foul-mouthed....
DEKU KING: Thank you for returning my daughter to me. Our butler seems to have taken a sort of fondness of you, Mr. Link, and has prepared a gift for you in the Deku Shrine outside of the Palace.
LINK: Yay! Free stuff!
POPO: No. We're not going to that death trap, you're coming with me.
Popo drags Link out of the Palace and into the swamp.
POPO: Now, play the Song of Time so we can start this whole thing. All. Over. Again.
LINK: I wanna go home!
POPO: NOW, BISH!
Link Plays the Song of Time and the two of them wind up in front of the clock tower again.
AUDIENCE: Whoo-whoo! [/sarcasm]
End Chapter 2
**************************
Disclaimer: Le-Popo does not own Nintendo or any of it's characters, or any of the people/characters mentioned in this parody, but if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
**************************
Notes: Popo loves this game. Too much. But as with all things she loves, she has to make fun of it :D
Unlike the last parody, this one will have more than one chapter, and will eventually cover the whole game (so yes, lots and lots of spoilers) but of course, it will be funnier :D
A lot of this will not make sense if you haven't played the game.
Of course, if Popo is feeling lazy or is getting negative feedback, she will not complete the parody D: (because what's the point if people don't like it?)
**************************
Le-Popo and Link have decided to help the Happy Mask Salesman get his mask back, mainly because they have no choice.
LINK: Man, I don't have time for this, I'm in the middle of a search.
POPO: Why are you searching for Navi anyway? She's annoying as hell.
LINK: Because, well.... you know, I don't even know. She wasn't even helpful, all she could say was 'look!' 'listen!' And 'hey!' It's like being taught traffic safety all over again!
POPO: Well if you do find her, I'll swat her for you, okay?
LINK: Okay, but where exactly are we going? We have to get that scary looking mask that Skull Kid is wearing, right?
POPO: Well first we have to go to the swamp.
Link and Popo walk to the gate that leads out of South Clock Town, where they are confronted by a guard.
GUARD: Halt! What business have you in the swamp? It is dangerous beyond the town walls. I could never let children like you pass. Oh, what's that? A swo-
Popo roundhouse kicks the guard in the face.
POPO: So who's a child now?? I just went Chuck Norris on yo ass!
LINK: I think he was about to let us through anyway...
POPO: Just shut up and let's go.
They walk into Termina Field and towards the Swamp.
LINK: Oh, look! It's a drawing on the tree!
Popo grabs Link and drags him into the entrance to the swamp area.
POPO: That's not important, just shut up and keep walking.
They are about to make it to the swamp when they are confronted by a strange little man floating with a balloon.
TINGLE: Oh lookie there! Green clothes? An emo looking teenage girl instead of a white fairy? Could you sir, perhaps, be a fairy?
POPO: OH GOD, NO.
LINK: Uh, I'm not a fairy.
TINGLE: Oh, Mr. Fairy! You're so lucky! Tingle will sell you one of his maps! It's only 3472359875435 Rupees!
LINK: Uh, I have 4 Rupees....
POPO: Alright then, it's a deal.
TINGLE: I thought Tingle was the one selling the map....
POPO: No, I sold Link the map, now give it to him.
TINGLE: Okay, here you go Mr. Fairy. Thank you for doing business with Tingle!
LINK: .....
TINGLE: Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo, Limpah! These are Tingle's magic words! Do not steal them! Even if they are completely ridiculous and nobody in their right mind would ever say them. Bye bye now!
LINK: .... so how exactly did you do that?
POPO: I used the force.
So Link and Popo enter the Swamp.
LINK: Ewwww, it's stinky.
POPO: That's because the water is poisoned.... or maybe just because the only toilet here is in the Stock Pot Inn.
Suddenly, a monkey appears in front of Link and Popo.
MONKEY: You need help us! Brother enter temple at top of waterfall. Temple for Deku only. Brother go with princess. Princess not come back. Deku think brother hurt princess. Brother trapped in palace. Me no speak English. Help.
The monkey hops away.
AUDIENCE: You just skipped part of the game.
POPO: Well I don't care about Koume and Kotake, they can go ahead and make their fancy, useless potions.
LINK: Well, where are we going?
POPO: I guess we might as well go to the Deku Palace.
They travel to the palace gates but are stopped by two guards.
GUARD: Stop! This is the Deku Palace. Your kind are not allowed here!
POPO: Hey Link, why don't you put on the mask?
LINK: There's no way I'm doing that again.
Popo points behind Link.
POPO: Hey, what's that?
LINK: What?
Link turns around and Popo grabs the mask and shoves it on Link's face, causing him to transform.
POPO: MADE YOU LOOK!
AUDIENCE: So immature....
LINK: I hate you.
POPO: Well let's just see what the guards say now.
GUARD: Stop! This is the Deku Palace. Even though I just saw you transform over there I will let you in to see the punishment of the monkey who kidnapped our princess. The girl can't come though.
POPO: It's because I'm white!
Link goes past and le-Popo tries to follow him, but the guards stop her. Popo the roundhouse kicks both of them in the face.
POPO: Who can't enter now?? I just went Chuck Norris on yo a-
LINK: Just come on!
Link and Popo enter the Deku Palace where the ceremony to 'punish' the monkey begins. Though dipping him in boiling water seems more like murder than punishment.
DEKU SERVANTS: Pu-nish-ment! Pu-nish-ment!
DEKU KING: That monkey will pay for taking my precious princess! I'm just going to stand here and bitch instead of doing anything about my lost daughter!
POPO: So, what's the dealio?
AUDIENCE: Ugh....
BUTLER: Please allow me to apologize for the King's rash actions. He tends to get a bit cough/insane/cough when he's angry.
DEKU KING: Yeah, I'm insane! INSANE!
POPO: No, I just think you have an anger management problem and can't think rationally. Have you considered Prozac?
The Deku King begins foaming at the mouth. If that is a mouth anyway.
POPO: Oh dear....
LINK: So why did we come here again?
POPO: Well, we're just going to completely ignore the fact that you didn't learn the Sonata of Awakening and go to Woodfall Temple.
LINK: So you mean I had to put on the mask for nothing?
POPO: Yup, I'm just mean.
Le-Popo spirits herself and Link away to the Woodfall area, where they stand on a wooden platform.
LINK: So where's the temple?
POPO: It appears after you play the Sonata of Awakening on this platform.
LINK: But I didn't learn that!
POPO: Well, I'll think of something. Hmmm..... Hey, Mr. Platform?
PLATFORM: Ahem, you have to play the song for me to open up the temple for you.
AUDIENCE: You are insane. You call this writing?
Popo backhands the audience.
POPO: So. Mr. Platform, I'll give you this here fancy Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar if you open up them temple for us.
PLATFORM: Well....
POPO: It has /almonds/.
PLATFORM: Fine then.
POPO: I'm a genius!
LINK: That was the most retarded thing I've ever seen....
The temple begins to rise up out of the water. Link and le-Popo enter.
POPO: Well since I'm magical and amazing like that, we're just going to skip straight to the boss.
TEXT: Masked Jungle Warrior ODOLWA
POPO: Lol, that sounds like that company that makes energy bars and weird juice.
ODOLWA: What are you talking about?
POPO: I had one of those once, it was like a shit-flavored chocolate energy bar or something, lol.
ODOLWA: You know, I find that rather insulting. Are you trying to tell me I'm shit-flavored?
POPO: Yeah, something like that.
While Popo and Odolwa are arguing, Link walks up behind him and pokes him with his sword.
ODOLWA: You know, I should set my horde of giant icky spiders loose on y- AUGHHH!
Victory music starts playing and Link runs to grab the heart container, but Popo reaches it first.
POPO: Haha! MINE!
LINK: Hey! I was the one who killed him!
POPO: Well I distracted him, so I win!
LINK: You suck.
Link and Popo walk into the portal and are transported to a strange place with bubbles floating around everywhere.
GIANT: xdskjsdxjksdjwsswiuhujwwwm -insert more banging head against keyboard here-
POPO: Uh, English please. Tattl is the translation fairy here, not me, comprende?
GIANT: Aw, but speaking gibberish makes it so much more amusing.
POPO: Just teach Link the Oath to Order and let's get out of here.
GIANT: Can't you at least stay for tea?
POPO: NOW!
The Giant moans the Oath to Order and Link repeats it.
POPO: Congrats, you just learned the song you only use once in the game. Now let's go.
Outside the temple the water turns back to normal and a new level of the temple is revealed. Link and Popo are transported back inside.
DEKU PRINCESS: Oh, did you break the curse on the temple? Thank you so much! Hm, you both smell a little like monkey. Tell me, was the monkey okay? My father didn't do anything to him did he? I was afraid that he might even punish the monkey, lollerskates. Blah blah blah blah BLAH.
POPO: Oh, he just went insane and decided to dip the monkey in a cauldron of boiling water, that's all.
DEKU PRINCESS: WHAT?! You need to take me back to the Palace now! Please! I don't mind small spaces! If you can find anything to carry me in please use it!.
POPO: Right, so you can't get your lazy royal ass to walk itself down there?
DEKU PRINCESS: Of course not! Please, just carry me to the Palace!
POPO: Don't mind small spaces, eh? Well then I guess you won't mind going down there in this bottle that I mysteriously acquired even though I skipped the Koume and Kotake part, that happens to be no bigger than the size of a football, right?
DEKU PRINCESS: Well, I don't know about tha-
Popo stuffs the Deku Princess into the bottle.
POPO: Alright Link, let's go.
LINK: You are not healthy to be around....
POPO: Heheh.
Popo and Link go back to the Deku Palace, carrying the princess in the bottle. Popo roundhouse kicks the guards again to get in. They enter the Palace, and Popo lets the princess out of the bottle. She begins jumping on top of her father.
DEKU PRINCESS: Father, you fool! You acted without thinking again! What are you fools doing?? Let the monkey go!
LINK: Interesting father-daughter relationship....
POPO: It's like Hop on Pop!
AUDIENCE: I begin to doubt if you really are 14 years old.
POPO: Well I'd be one foul-mouthed little kid.
AUDIENCE: You already are foul-mouthed....
DEKU KING: Thank you for returning my daughter to me. Our butler seems to have taken a sort of fondness of you, Mr. Link, and has prepared a gift for you in the Deku Shrine outside of the Palace.
LINK: Yay! Free stuff!
POPO: No. We're not going to that death trap, you're coming with me.
Popo drags Link out of the Palace and into the swamp.
POPO: Now, play the Song of Time so we can start this whole thing. All. Over. Again.
LINK: I wanna go home!
POPO: NOW, BISH!
Link Plays the Song of Time and the two of them wind up in front of the clock tower again.
AUDIENCE: Whoo-whoo! [/sarcasm]
End Chapter 2
**************************
Disclaimer: Le-Popo does not own Nintendo or any of it's characters, or any of the people/characters mentioned in this parody, but if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
**************************
Notes: Popo loves this game. Too much. But as with all things she loves, she has to make fun of it :D
Unlike the last parody, this one will have more than one chapter, and will eventually cover the whole game (so yes, lots and lots of spoilers) but of course, it will be funnier :D
A lot of this will not make sense if you haven't played the game.
Of course, if Popo is feeling lazy or is getting negative feedback, she will not complete the parody D: (because what's the point if people don't like it?)
**************************
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