Categories > Games > Zelda > Le-Popo's Quest for the Creepy-Looking but Heart-Shaped Mask
Crisis on the Really, Really, Really, Really Cold Mountain
0 reviewsSnowhead Temple is cursed, casting an eternal winter upon the mountain and its inhabitants. Of course, le-Popo manages to help Link defeat the monster and return spring to the mountain, while keepi...
0Unrated
Chapter 3: Crisis on the Really, Really, Really, Really Cold Mountain
Having Played the Song of Time, Link and Popo have been sent back to the beginning of the three days again.
POPO: It's mountain time! Come on!
Le-Popo drags Link to the northern gate and repeats the process with the guard. The two of them start up the mountain path.
LINK: It's really cold! You could have told me about this before we came here!
POPO: Well if you didn't wear a mini skirt it wouldn't be as bad.
LINK: It's not a mini skirt! It's very manly!
POPO: Manly? It's practically indecent! If you were a chick, I'd call you a whore for showing off your ass to everybody who walks by.
LINK: Well I've worn these clothes for as long as I can remember anyway....
Somewhere in Hyrulian Guardian Spirit Heaven....
GREAT DEKU TREE: Heheh.
Link and le-Popo eventually make it to the Goron Village, which is, for the most part, empty.
LINK: Well, what are we doing here anyway?
POPO: We're going to get you a new item that actually isn't a new item.
LINK: Oh boy.
They walk to the edge of a cliff at one end of the village.
POPO: You see that floating cave in the middle of the deep, scary, bottomless chasm?
LINK: Yeah?
POPO: Well you're going there.
LINK: How?!
POPO: Like this.
Popo hops a few feet into the chasm and stands, seemingly in mid-air.
LINK: How u do dat??
POPO: Magic. Now come on, and hope your little mini skirted ass doesn't fall down.
Link and Popo hop across the chasm and end up in the entrance of the cave, which seems to have told the law of gravity that it can go screw itself. They enter.
LINK: Yay! Treasure!
Link opens the chest.
MUSIC: Dun dun dun DUN!
LINK: The lens of truth? I thought I already got the lens of truth in the last game.
POPO: Say hello to irony. Now let's go.
They leave the cave and get back to the edge of the cliff, using the lens of truth.
LINK: Hey, look, a mysterious shadow with no source. Could that be important in some way? Nah, I guess not.
POPO: Just look at it with the lens.
Using the lens of truth, Link sees a black and white Goron with no legs, floating in the air.
LINK: Lol, it's a funny man with no legs!
DARMANI: You can see me, Goro?
POPO: No, he's referring to the other funny man with no legs.
DARMANI: Who?
POPO: Just tell him what you wanted to, geez.
DARMANI: I was once the hero of the Gorons, but then a curse came over Snowhead Temple because of a terrible monster there. Because of the curse, Spring will never come to the mountain. My people are in danger of dying. So I went to the temple to kill the monster but, I- I died.
POPO: Orly? Honestly, the fact that you're floating gave me no idea.
DARMANI: How regrettable, Goro. How unfortunate, Goro. I can't stop saying Goro, Goro.
LINK: So what am I supposed to do?
DARMANI: Please. I need to help my people. If you can't bring me back to life, please just heal my soul.
POPO: Have you considered Prozac?
DARMANI: Medicine only works for the living. Please, you must know some way to heal my soul.
LINK: I remember hearing something like this somewhere before....
POPO: I'll give you a hint - it's called 'Song of Healing.'
LINK: You're getting closer..... Oh! I've got it! I have to play the Song of Healing!
POPO: Feeling a bit slow today, aren't we?
Link plays the song of Healing and Darmani turns into a mask. Lol.
LINK: Hey, a mask! I wonder what will happen when I put it on.
Link puts on the mask and screams in pain as he is transformed into a Goron.
LINK: Man, I wasn't expecting /that/.
POPO: Well let's go into the main building and see what's going on.
Link and Popo get the Goron to open the door for them and enter the building.
GORON BRAT: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
POPO: Okay, let's go.
They leave the building and head for Snowhead temple, where there is a strong wind preventing them from entering.
LINK: Where's the wind coming from?
POPO: Use the lens of truth again.
Link looks through the lens of truth and sees that the source of the wind is a rather large Goron blowing. Yes, Popo said /blowing/.
LINK: Hey, big fella', can you move out of the way for us?
POPO: That's not going to work. You have to play the Goron's Lullaby to make him fall asleep.
LINK: I never learned that, either!
POPO: Well yeah, I skipped it.
LINK: You know, I'm getting sick of you and your skipping things.
POPO: Don't worry, I'll think of something.
LINK: Which means it'll be something stupid....
AUDIENCE: Amen.
POPO: I've got it!
AUDIENCE: Here it comes...
POPO: HEY GORON! GO TO SLEEP!
The giant Goron falls asleep and falls off the mountain.
LINK: I don't think it's supposed to work like that.
POPO: Who cares, let's go.
They climb up the long and annoying walkway into the temple and Popo once again uses her super sexy magical author powers to take them straight to the boss room, depriving Link of yet another item.
TEXT: Masked Mechanical Monster GOHT
POPO: So you're trying to tell me that these people somehow managed to make a giant mechanical bull, but they still can't figure out to put doors on their bathrooms?
Goht charges and Popo narrowly dodges out of the way.
POPO: I'll take care of this one, Link.
Le-Popo pulls out a convenient red handkerchief and waves it around. Goht turns around and charges, and at the last second, Popo removes the handkerchief to reveal.... nothing.
POPO: Where was the anvil?! There was supposed to be a huge anvil!!!
LINK: What are you talking about?!
POPO: It worked in Bugs Bunny!
LINK: Maybe I should do this...
POPO: No, wait, I just have to say the magic words.
LINK: Alright then...
Goht charges and Popo pulls out the handkerchief again.
POPO: Hocus Pocus, Kalamazoo! Or whatever....
She removes the handkerchief, and behind it is a large iron anvil with 'ACME' carved into the side. Goht rams into it and falls over, with little cartoon stars floating around his head.
Popo thinks she watched too much Loony Tunes as a kid....
Meanwhile, back down in the Mountain Village...
MOUNTAIN SMITHY: Where the hell is my anvil??
Anyway, Link plays hack and slash with Goht, who stands back up and crashes into a wall. Yay! Another heart container appears and Link races towards it, but once again, Popo reaches it first.
LINK: COME ON!! Why do you need those things anyway?? You never do any of the fighting!
POPO: Because they're shiny, now let's go.
Link and Popo step into the portal and end up in the weird bubble place again.
GIANT: Oh, visitors! How wonderful!
POPO: Chya, so now is the time where you say 'we're guardians, blah blah,' and we get the hell outta here.
LINK: Why are you always in such a rush anyway?
POPO: Patience is a virtue, and virtues are for squares. Now come on!
GIANT: But I made fresh scones!
They are transported back to the Mountain Village, where it's spring again. The giant bees are buzzing, the frogs are singing, all of that good stuff.
POPO: So. Do you want to enter a really annoying race to win some expensive gold dust so we can get you a better sword? No you don't. Play the Song of Time.
LINK: Don't I get a say in this?
Popo pulls out her kinky-looking whip.
POPO: No.
Link quickly plays the Song of Time, sending them back to the clock tower, again.
AUDIENCE: Here we go again...
End Chapter 3
**************************
Disclaimer: Le-Popo does not own Nintendo or any of it's characters, or any of the people/characters mentioned in this parody, but if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
**************************
Notes: Popo loves this game. Too much. But as with all things she loves, she has to make fun of it :D
Unlike the last parody, this one will have more than one chapter, and will eventually cover the whole game (so yes, lots and lots of spoilers) but of course, it will be funnier :D
A lot of this will not make sense if you haven't played the game.
Of course, if Popo is feeling lazy or is getting negative feedback, she will not complete the parody D: (because what's the point if people don't like it?)
**************************
Having Played the Song of Time, Link and Popo have been sent back to the beginning of the three days again.
POPO: It's mountain time! Come on!
Le-Popo drags Link to the northern gate and repeats the process with the guard. The two of them start up the mountain path.
LINK: It's really cold! You could have told me about this before we came here!
POPO: Well if you didn't wear a mini skirt it wouldn't be as bad.
LINK: It's not a mini skirt! It's very manly!
POPO: Manly? It's practically indecent! If you were a chick, I'd call you a whore for showing off your ass to everybody who walks by.
LINK: Well I've worn these clothes for as long as I can remember anyway....
Somewhere in Hyrulian Guardian Spirit Heaven....
GREAT DEKU TREE: Heheh.
Link and le-Popo eventually make it to the Goron Village, which is, for the most part, empty.
LINK: Well, what are we doing here anyway?
POPO: We're going to get you a new item that actually isn't a new item.
LINK: Oh boy.
They walk to the edge of a cliff at one end of the village.
POPO: You see that floating cave in the middle of the deep, scary, bottomless chasm?
LINK: Yeah?
POPO: Well you're going there.
LINK: How?!
POPO: Like this.
Popo hops a few feet into the chasm and stands, seemingly in mid-air.
LINK: How u do dat??
POPO: Magic. Now come on, and hope your little mini skirted ass doesn't fall down.
Link and Popo hop across the chasm and end up in the entrance of the cave, which seems to have told the law of gravity that it can go screw itself. They enter.
LINK: Yay! Treasure!
Link opens the chest.
MUSIC: Dun dun dun DUN!
LINK: The lens of truth? I thought I already got the lens of truth in the last game.
POPO: Say hello to irony. Now let's go.
They leave the cave and get back to the edge of the cliff, using the lens of truth.
LINK: Hey, look, a mysterious shadow with no source. Could that be important in some way? Nah, I guess not.
POPO: Just look at it with the lens.
Using the lens of truth, Link sees a black and white Goron with no legs, floating in the air.
LINK: Lol, it's a funny man with no legs!
DARMANI: You can see me, Goro?
POPO: No, he's referring to the other funny man with no legs.
DARMANI: Who?
POPO: Just tell him what you wanted to, geez.
DARMANI: I was once the hero of the Gorons, but then a curse came over Snowhead Temple because of a terrible monster there. Because of the curse, Spring will never come to the mountain. My people are in danger of dying. So I went to the temple to kill the monster but, I- I died.
POPO: Orly? Honestly, the fact that you're floating gave me no idea.
DARMANI: How regrettable, Goro. How unfortunate, Goro. I can't stop saying Goro, Goro.
LINK: So what am I supposed to do?
DARMANI: Please. I need to help my people. If you can't bring me back to life, please just heal my soul.
POPO: Have you considered Prozac?
DARMANI: Medicine only works for the living. Please, you must know some way to heal my soul.
LINK: I remember hearing something like this somewhere before....
POPO: I'll give you a hint - it's called 'Song of Healing.'
LINK: You're getting closer..... Oh! I've got it! I have to play the Song of Healing!
POPO: Feeling a bit slow today, aren't we?
Link plays the song of Healing and Darmani turns into a mask. Lol.
LINK: Hey, a mask! I wonder what will happen when I put it on.
Link puts on the mask and screams in pain as he is transformed into a Goron.
LINK: Man, I wasn't expecting /that/.
POPO: Well let's go into the main building and see what's going on.
Link and Popo get the Goron to open the door for them and enter the building.
GORON BRAT: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
POPO: Okay, let's go.
They leave the building and head for Snowhead temple, where there is a strong wind preventing them from entering.
LINK: Where's the wind coming from?
POPO: Use the lens of truth again.
Link looks through the lens of truth and sees that the source of the wind is a rather large Goron blowing. Yes, Popo said /blowing/.
LINK: Hey, big fella', can you move out of the way for us?
POPO: That's not going to work. You have to play the Goron's Lullaby to make him fall asleep.
LINK: I never learned that, either!
POPO: Well yeah, I skipped it.
LINK: You know, I'm getting sick of you and your skipping things.
POPO: Don't worry, I'll think of something.
LINK: Which means it'll be something stupid....
AUDIENCE: Amen.
POPO: I've got it!
AUDIENCE: Here it comes...
POPO: HEY GORON! GO TO SLEEP!
The giant Goron falls asleep and falls off the mountain.
LINK: I don't think it's supposed to work like that.
POPO: Who cares, let's go.
They climb up the long and annoying walkway into the temple and Popo once again uses her super sexy magical author powers to take them straight to the boss room, depriving Link of yet another item.
TEXT: Masked Mechanical Monster GOHT
POPO: So you're trying to tell me that these people somehow managed to make a giant mechanical bull, but they still can't figure out to put doors on their bathrooms?
Goht charges and Popo narrowly dodges out of the way.
POPO: I'll take care of this one, Link.
Le-Popo pulls out a convenient red handkerchief and waves it around. Goht turns around and charges, and at the last second, Popo removes the handkerchief to reveal.... nothing.
POPO: Where was the anvil?! There was supposed to be a huge anvil!!!
LINK: What are you talking about?!
POPO: It worked in Bugs Bunny!
LINK: Maybe I should do this...
POPO: No, wait, I just have to say the magic words.
LINK: Alright then...
Goht charges and Popo pulls out the handkerchief again.
POPO: Hocus Pocus, Kalamazoo! Or whatever....
She removes the handkerchief, and behind it is a large iron anvil with 'ACME' carved into the side. Goht rams into it and falls over, with little cartoon stars floating around his head.
Popo thinks she watched too much Loony Tunes as a kid....
Meanwhile, back down in the Mountain Village...
MOUNTAIN SMITHY: Where the hell is my anvil??
Anyway, Link plays hack and slash with Goht, who stands back up and crashes into a wall. Yay! Another heart container appears and Link races towards it, but once again, Popo reaches it first.
LINK: COME ON!! Why do you need those things anyway?? You never do any of the fighting!
POPO: Because they're shiny, now let's go.
Link and Popo step into the portal and end up in the weird bubble place again.
GIANT: Oh, visitors! How wonderful!
POPO: Chya, so now is the time where you say 'we're guardians, blah blah,' and we get the hell outta here.
LINK: Why are you always in such a rush anyway?
POPO: Patience is a virtue, and virtues are for squares. Now come on!
GIANT: But I made fresh scones!
They are transported back to the Mountain Village, where it's spring again. The giant bees are buzzing, the frogs are singing, all of that good stuff.
POPO: So. Do you want to enter a really annoying race to win some expensive gold dust so we can get you a better sword? No you don't. Play the Song of Time.
LINK: Don't I get a say in this?
Popo pulls out her kinky-looking whip.
POPO: No.
Link quickly plays the Song of Time, sending them back to the clock tower, again.
AUDIENCE: Here we go again...
End Chapter 3
**************************
Disclaimer: Le-Popo does not own Nintendo or any of it's characters, or any of the people/characters mentioned in this parody, but if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
**************************
Notes: Popo loves this game. Too much. But as with all things she loves, she has to make fun of it :D
Unlike the last parody, this one will have more than one chapter, and will eventually cover the whole game (so yes, lots and lots of spoilers) but of course, it will be funnier :D
A lot of this will not make sense if you haven't played the game.
Of course, if Popo is feeling lazy or is getting negative feedback, she will not complete the parody D: (because what's the point if people don't like it?)
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