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H A R R Y P O T T E R A N D T H E I N N A T E M A L A P R O P I S M

Harry Potter sighed dramatically and finished signing the photo with a very dramatic flourish. Setting down the quill, Harry leaned back to examine his handiwork. On the bed before him lay nine identical photographs of Harry making a troubled and saddened face. Harry had taken solace in the fact that he had personally signed each one. With a melodramatic nod to Hedwig, who made a rude sound, he indicated that the owl had an important job to do.

"You know what to do, girl. Deliver these photos to the people who should - no, NEED to get them. Post haste." Harry raised his appropriately tear-filled gaze to the snowy owl. "With all..." at this point, his voice grew raspy and choked. "Great... expediency." He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds about right." He scratched Hedwig lightly under her beak and smiled. "Thanks again, old girl." Hedwig cocked her head and nipped him affectionately. With a quick movement, she grabbed the pictures with a practiced motion, and hopped over to the window. With an amused look back at her master, she hooted once, then flew out the window.

Harry smiled through his now teary eyes and walked over to the window to watch his favorite owlish friend soar majestically through the air. Of course, by the time the Boy-Who-Lived had dramatically made it over to the window, Hedwig was no longer in sight. Harry's eyes, now filled with enough liquid for a reasonable cup of coffee, squinted as he brushed his unruly hair back. "Merlinspeed, old girl. Merllinspeed."

With a quick shake of his head, sending tears in all directions, Harry turned back away from the window, to face his now all-too-familar bedroom door. Yup. It was time, once again, for Harry to leave his room. Taking a firm step forward, Harry squared his shoulders and breathed in deeply. The door would soon be opened once again. Keeping his breathing steady, Harry took one step after another, ensuring each foot hit the floor with a suitably dramatic smack. After a seemingly interminable time, Harry stretched out his arm in a dramatic motion and slowly, yet dramatically, turned the knob.

Harry stepped into the hallway, hands on his hips, and looked around proudly. He had made it. Suddenly Harry realized something.

"Ah, Crapwarts!" he cursed. With nary a look back, Harry ran to the bathroom.

****
Frankie The Spoon Presents
A Djinni Softworks Production

Harry Appears to be Troubled
by Lord Jeram
**

Young and ebullient Ginevra Weasley was concerned; she worriedly brushed back her brilliant, dancing red hair out of her eyes. The only downside to the "Dancen Folliclus" charm was that sometimes her hair seemed unnaturally attracted to her shimmering, warm, brown eyes. Those, of course, were enhanced by the "Aqueous Flamberge Opticus" charm, but that tended to cause swelling to her nose, so in turn that had yet another charm... well, perhaps using Lockhart's book of Cosmetic Charms for the Clueless wasn't the brightest idea. But at least it was quite cheap.

Anyway, bright and smart-as-a-whip Ginerva Wesly - that is, Ginreva Weasly, no, strike that, it's Gun... Ginny, just use Ginny. Yes, young Ginny sighed and blew the hair out of her face. She still didn't quite understand why her mother used the "Randomus Ridikullus Appellatious" spell to come up with silly names for her prodigious progeny. Nor did she know what "prodigious" meant. Nay, the young witch was worried about Harry Potter - better known as Jarry Jotter to those who were idiots. Ginny was worried because she had received a very disturbing photograph in the mail from her old boyfriend (or Harry Potter, as he was also known) which depicted him in a myopically morose and quite pensive mood. The picture had a note from Harry, scribbled in Harry's elegant, if crude, handwriting.

Ginnrerva,
Enclosed is a picture of me.
Hope you are well.
-Harry Potter

Ginny remembered all too well when she had first received the picture from Hedwig, Harry's snowy-white owl...

::FLASHBACK::

Ginny yawned and scratched her cute, if slightly bulbous, nose. "Ah!" she exclaimed. "My nose! The coltish legs charm must be interfering again, dang it!" Ginny sighed as she walked to her mirror to reapply the necessary charms to bring Ginny back to her normal, bright, shining self. The young witch giggled as she considered the great quantity of daily charms she utilized. "I wonder what I'd even look like without them... probably like Ron with longer hair. Or Bill with softer features. Or Percy with more facial hair."

She laughed at herself, knowing full well that deep inside, a hideous pit of darkness waited to rear its ugly, horrendously malformed. How malformed, you ask? Well, this evil monstrosity had BEARD STUBBLE. That's right, it never shaved properly. On the other hand, razors are difficult to come by when one is contained within the spirit of a young, if overly made-up, girl. She still remembered how it had first showed up...

::FLASHBACK::

Ginny screeched in terror as the approaching darkness encroached steathily. "NO!" she screamed in protest. "No," she said again with slightly less intensity. "No..." she murmured weakly, falling to the ground.

::END FLASHBACK::

Choosing to ignore this plot point, as it would clearly not be relevant, Ginny started working on pulling a large piece of spinach out of her teeth. "Bollocks..." she mumbled. "It's in there good and rotten, it is! Blimey and gargelfraster!" Ginny gasped and covered her mouth. With horror, she realized her Cockney suppression charm must be fading. "Ah, spit and gulliver! It'd take me flinches to gorm up this blumstencher," she growled grumpily.

Just then, Hedwig flew in the window, spotted Ginny and screeched in horror, dropping a photograph before fleeing in terror.

::END FLASHBACK::

Ginny chuckled at the remembered antics of Harry's familiar friend... or was it friend familiar? Ginny shrugged with a grin. Such things were irrelevant to someone as startingly pretty as herself, right? Anyway, she knew that something had to be done about Harry. That photo was not very comforting. Quite the opposite, actually. Ginny knew that she'd have to tell her parents about this quandry at once.

::FLASH FORWARD::

"What?!" Molly Weasley screeched. "Harry's in a coma and Ron choked to death on a carrot?!"

Ginny quivered at this outburst. "Um, no, Mum. I said that Harry sent me a photograph that worried me."

"Oh, is that all," Mrs. Weasley said pleasantly, taking the time between the upcoming flashbacks to bake a few pies for dear Harry. A coma! Honestly. "What's so worrisome about the picture, dear?"

Without a word, the youngest Weasley handed the picture to her mother, who frowned at the sight. It was indeed worrisome. Why, she remembered all too well how dear young Harry had looked the last time she had seen him...

::FLASHBACK::

Harry frowned as he looked back at the Hogwarts Express with a serious expression on his face. He then nodded once, and turned to face his friends. They spoke quietly, and Molly couldn't quite make out what they were saying. Using an old Prewett family trick, she plugged one ear with a finger and listened with the other.

"Hmm," she frowned. It sounded something like "Getting to the crux of the matter" and something about "whore-something"... oh, they were talking about darling Ginny. Molly smiled beatifically and stopped eavsdropping, letting the precious precocious children have their privacy privily.

Ginny didn't like the looks of Harry's look, and she hurried forward to her father's waiting arms. It looked like she would have to think about Harry later.

::FLASH FORWARD::

Ginny sighed as she inspected the picture of Harry. A hoot startled her, and she whirled to the window, wand out, only to see Hedwig arrive with Harry's picture. The owl spotted the photo in Ginny's hands and hooted in confusion. "Oh no," Ginny grimaced. "I think I've lost track of flashbacks again. Sorry about this Hedwig. I'll take care of this."

::END FLASH FORWARD::

Ginny stumbled forward, started by the abrubt end of the flash-forward. Arthur quickly caught her.

"Are you okay dear?" he asked kindly. "Hey, what's that picture you have there?"

Ginny looked down at the everpresent and screamed. "No! You shouldn't be here, you stupid bloody picture!"

Molly sighed and shook her head. She'd have to discipline Ginny when they got back from the flashback.

::END FLASHBACK::

"That reminds me," Mrs. Weasley said sternly. "Ginny, watch your language!"

"Huh?" Ginny said intelligently. "Mum, I didn't say anything!"

"I know", Molly replied in a patient tone. "But you did, remember?"

"Oh nuts to this!" Ginny said angrily. "I'll show you the bloody photo later! I mean earlier. I mean... Damn!"

::END FLASH FORWARD::

Ginny looked around the room cautiously. "Okay, I think I'm back. But I'm worried about dear Harry. Oh, bloody hell, now I'm doing it!"

With a scathing glare at the author, Ginny stomped downstairs. "Mum!" she called out.

"What is it, dear?" Molly stepped out of the kitchen with a curious expression on her face.

"It's Harry," Ginny stated unnecessarily. "I got this picture and then I had a flashback and then YOU had a flashback, or was it a flashforward? Well, it just got all jumbled out and everyone went crazy and you punished me for something I hadn't done yet, or had already done or..."

"Shh, shh," Molly stepped forward and embraced her hysterical daughter. "Calm down, Ginny. Don't worry about a thing. I know exactly what you're talking about."

Ginny looked up hesitantly "You do?" she asked.
"Yes," her mother replied. "I have a copy
too."

A sudden noise came from upstairs, startling the two women. They both turned in unison to face the stairway, only to see Ron's panicked countenance as he ran down the stairs.

"Mum! Ginny!" Ron gasped as he breathed rapidly. "I got a picture in the mail from Harry. I'm worried about him."

"Oh? And why is that?" Ginny asked with a bemused smirk.

"Look," Ron exclaimed, holding up said photo. "Harry appears to be troubled."

------

Hermione gasped as she saw the picture she had received from Harry's owl, Hedwig. "Oh no! Harry appears to be troubled! I had better write Ron."

------

In the shadows, a mysterious entity lurked, waiting patiently for just the right opportunity. The being with the initials PH would get its day. Oh it would GET ITS DAY.

-------

Author's Notes:

Well, there's another cliche for you - why does Harry always look so worried? Geez, lighten UP man! What could you possibly be so worried about? Oh, wait. Right.

------

Harry sighed as he considered the magnitude of what he had done. Why, he remembered all too well how it had all started....

::FLASHBACK::

"Okay, Hedwig, just peck the button, that will take the picture. Just wait for me to get into position. Then I'll get you some crispy bacon."

Hedwig hooted in understanding, and hopped over to the camera.

::END FLASHBACK::

"Yeah," Harry mused. "Just like that."


OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE

Ginny snarled angrily as she pointed her wand at the author. "What the hell was that?" she demanded.

Um, what do you mean? the author asked nervously.

"Harry's flashback. It was nothing! And this confrontation! It's not even in the actual story!"

Well, that's intentional. I mean, I'm not actually a character in the story.

"Shut up!" Ginny blazed. "You're about to find out about my famous Weasley temper firsthand!"

Hey, I didn't even mention that cliche in this chapter!

"You just did," Ginny said smugly.

Oh. Well, regardless, the chapter's over anyway. I'm afraid you'll have to wait to hex me.

"Fine..." Ginny growled. "But you're not out of the fire yet. When I get a chance, maybe the next omake, you're toast!"

Hmm.. I think I'll start running now.