(#) ArwenUndomiel 2006-11-27I really liked this. Lovely little drabble, and the imagery was really well done.
However, there were a couple of moments where I thought your choice of word was strange. For instance, I'm not sure 'leaved' is a word. I could be wrong, but I thought maybe 'budded' or something along those lines would be better in the context.
The other one was 'fruitful'. Shouldn't it have just been 'fruit'?
Aside from that, it was beautiful. I loved it. Keep writing!
Author's responseThank you for reading and responding.
I did attempt to justify my use of "leaved" as a verb, but it appears that either it is not a word, or it is so old it is not in use any longer. "Budded" was the best I could come up with in place of it, so thank you for the pointer there.
"Fruitful". This is referring to any capable of reproducing, so fruitful is a correct word. Think of Genesis.
There were a couple of other changes I made, as others at another site pointed them out.
Again, thank you, and your comments were very helpful.
- Actually, if you're talking about trees, then "leaved" is a usable word. Still, it takes some context and still ends up sounding a bit kindergarteny.
This would better accomplish its spooky mission if it were clearer which race you're talking about. Elves? The wizards, perhaps? The Men of Minas Tirith and of the North weren't exactly asleep.
Try rephrasing the disclaimer. People won't know if they get it until they read it.
Author's responseThank you for reading and taking the time to comment. Hmm..."kindergarteny". How many five-year-olds use this language? It is a bit past "Dick and Jane". I should know better than to use archaic terms today. And, I changed this much.
I should have thought that the idea of aeons passing would make it obvious. I truly did not want to dummy it down. It is about the elves. They would be the only ones interested in the effects of something three thousand years later; man would have long forgotten until shaken up, again.
What in the disclaimer needs clarifying? And, what is wrong with getting as you read it? Do you need it spelled out? If this needs that much clarifying, then it is read by the wrong person.
(#) EatThePath 2007-10-17I think 'kindergrateny' refers to the usage of 'leaved' as a past tense of 'leave', just tacking on the 'ed' sound to the word, instead of using 'left'. Silly kids, thinking our language logical.
Nice imagery, though not a whole lot happens, but it paints a pretty decent picture. Good stuff.
As to the disclaimer, I think "If you do not get drabbles, do not read it." would work a bit better, but it's really not a major issue.
Author's responseThe word in question was actually an old variation of the word "leave" meaning to green; as in "the flowers bloomed, the trees leaved". I forgot to take into account my audience here. :)
Yep, not much happening; but the prompt was seasons, and if viewed in that sense, then I think it speaks volumes. Of course, you need to know the backstory.
Thank you for the feedback.
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