FicWad

Zelda jumped up so fast that her chair went flying as she ran to hug the frightening figure. "You're back sooner than I thought! Is everything okay?"

Severus pushed the hood off his head and embraced her, not caring that the others were watching them. "Fine, for now." He walked with her to the table, righted her fallen chair and they sat down next to each other. He accepted a cup of tea from Michael with a nod.

"I shall attend the Dark Lord with the idiots tomorrow night. Their report is, of course, woefully incomplete. I copied it and asked Aberforth what is missing. He gave me information enough to make it appear that I have been frequently in Hogsmeade, dodging the useless pack of Aurors loitering around the town."

Michael had gotten up and brought a plate of food to Severus. "Zelda was worried that you left without eating," he said, adding with a smirk, "keeping up with her, you'll need your strength."

Severus looked up. "Thank you, Michael." His first bite reminded him how hungry he was, so he concentrated on eating for a short time. It was pleasing to arrive and find no students loitering around the place, he thought.

"Severus, Zelda has agreed to meet my candidate for the Muggle Studies position," Minerva told him.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"Piers Clearwater, do you remember him?"

"Yes, of course, he was competent at Potions and has a good head for details," replied Severus. "What are his qualifications?"

"He has lived with his Muggle grandmother for the past several years, and attended Muggle University."

"Interesting," Severus replied. "Generally wizards do not choose such a path unless their powers are marginal." He smiled slightly at Zelda and said, "You will enjoy pulling his story out of him, my girl."

"You make me sound like a master interrogator," she replied with a grimace.

"Which you are," he said with a smirk. "The boy will be turned inside out in no time."

Zelda turned to Minerva and asked, "When's the interview?"

"Five o'clock tomorrow," she said. "If he seems suitable, I shall have you meet him some time after that."

Zelda turned to Severus. "Is that okay?"

He paused thoughtfully. "I am concerned, Minerva. Quirrell came to Hogwarts possessed by the Dark Lord. You must be certain Clearwater is not Imperiused or a spy."

"Yes, very well," the Headmistress replied. "You make a good point, Severus. We know nothing of this young man since he left Howarts. I'll have Kingsley investigate him, and I shall examine him closely.

"Thank you, Minerva," Zelda said. "When you're sure it's safe, I'd like to meet him."

Minerva nodded approvingly. "I wish that you could teach Muggle Studies for us," she said. "And if we can manage to get this curriculum, or even part of it, approved by the Ministry, I'll enjoy learning of these things. I have isolated myself too long at Hogwarts."

Michael chuckled. "That's a tribute to Zelda's radical ideas, but any time you need to know about Muggle life, just come to me, Minerva."

Minerva smiled wryly at him. She could no longer doubt that she was becoming quite fond of this Muggle man.

"I hate to bring up more business," Michael said quietly, "but we've devised a plan for communicating our whereabouts." He explained about the answering machine, adding, "Severus, I'll show you how it works after Minerva leaves."

Severus was relieved that this was something he did not have to manage. He relaxed back in his chair and let Michael explain about their other ideas.

"So if no one is here and things are out of order, Phineas will alert me. That's excellent, Michael," said Minerva. "Do you wish him to come more frequently?"

"I like having him come at noon and midnight, it's consistent. If he stops in more often to check on things, maybe he should choose random times," Michael mused.

"I'll arrange it," she replied. "Do you mind if I stay here? I avoided dinner in the Great Hall, and Phineas will fetch me if I'm needed. I don't wish to inconvenience you, however."

"You don't need a reason to be here," Zelda said. "And you don't have to talk with us if you'd rather be alone. I'd go crazy if I had people constantly demanding my attention."

"Perhaps you should add a sitting room here for your convenience," Severus suggested quietly. "This is an excellent refuge from the wretched business."

The witch smiled ruefully. "If you do not object, I shall do it."

He nodded approvingly, and said, "I wish to spend some time with Zelda, but if I am needed, call me." He rose from his chair and held his hand out, and Zelda took it and walked with him to their room.

The door closed and he sank down on the bed. She sat next to him and said, "What is it?"

He stared wearily into her anxious blue eyes. "If I had not found you, I cannot imagine how I could accomplish this."

"What makes you say that?" she asked gently, kneeling and beginning to pull off his boots.

Shocked at her gesture, he began to pull back, but realized that if their positions were reversed he would happily care for her, so he let her proceed. "Many things, but discovering your Legilimency has made it possible for me to understand and communicate with Aberforth. His help is invaluable."

She set his boots aside and sat next to him, removing his cloak and jacket. She set them carefully on the chair by the wall. "What would you like to do now?"

"Take off these clothes and get clean," he said, rubbing his temples. "I feel filthy after I've been near any of them."

"I'll run a bath," she said, stroking his stern cheek lovingly.

The magical bath filled quickly, and she beckoned to him. "Lean forward," she instructed, and when he did, she pulled his shirt over his head. She finished undressing him and watched as he settled into his bath, groaning with relief.

Severus looked up at her as she stood over him. "Thank you, my girl. Will you scrub my back for me?"

She undressed and stepped into the bath, where he captured her, pulling her close against him and holding her hard. "What's wrong?" she asked, frowning slightly.

Severus had not expected to be overcome by this pensive mood. He was silent for a long moment. "Sweetheart, nothing to do with you. But the whole scenario, so many people knowing and coming here... it is overwhelming. I need time to think."

She kissed his lined cheek and pressed her nose to his. "Okay. How can you do it?"

What a good woman, he reflected gratefully. No demands, just acceptance. "I must find a quiet place to be alone, Zel, I crave silence." He hoped she would understand, or at least accept this.

"Lean back so I can wash your hair, love," she murmured. When he complied, she shampooed him, massaging his scalp firmly and carefully rinsing his hair. Then she began scrubbing him all over, in a ceremonial cleansing of Death Eater horridness. Her eyes twinkled and she saw his dark eyes light up with relief.

"It is not you," he repeated guiltily.

"No," she agreed. "But you've spent much of your life alone. I don't doubt that you love me."

"Time is short, so I hate to be away from you," he said sadly, allowing her to lead him out of the bath and wrap a towel around him.

She wrapped a towel around herself. "I know about craving solitude. I'll keep everyone from bothering you, and you go whenever you need to go. Get dressed and I'll run interference for you."

He hugged her to his bare chest and said, "Thank you. I shall only be gone an hour."

"Come home /when you're ready/," she said. "I'll distract Michael." She slipped over to the closet and took out a sundress, which she slipped into, as he got dressed.

Severus put on clean Muggle clothing. The worn T-shirt was soft against his skin, and the jeans were becoming a part of him, he realized ironically. He turned to her and saw her already dressed. "I love you, Zelda," he said, finding it hard to leave her, even for a brief time."

"My love's always with you," she said firmly. "Now kiss me, and I'll see you later."

He kissed her as instructed and Disapparated with a pop, arriving back at the forest pool. The evening air was fresher, and already the birds had quieted. He sat down on the fallen tree and breathed deep, allowing the silence to clear his mind.

Nothing had gone according to the plan; it disturbed him. For months, since they had known Dumbledore was dying, they had discussed his plans and options. Knowing he would soon be alone, without Dumbledore, he had accepted that he would likely die in this war. He was prepared for death, and indeed, it seemed easier than trying to live out his natural life.

He rose and began walking, following narrow trails away from the cabin. It was natural to walk alone, and his legs relaxed into their familiar ground-covering stride as his mind returned to musing.

He had loathed himself for so long, despising the pathetic choices that had led to death and suffering for others. His own death might have been an appropriate punishment, but to continue living with the endless knowledge of what he had done was more painful, therefore more fitting. But there should not be joy. He had not imagined joy, and it refused to fit into what he thought right.

The sound of a car, surprisingly close, told him he was reaching the limit of Michael's land. A few more steps took him to the edge of a narrow road. There was a rickety fence running along it, with 'No Trespassing" signs on every post. Severus could sense the magical protections on the boundary and spared an admiring thought for Molly and Minerva's excellent work. The place was indeed well protected. He turned and followed the fence, walking farther away from the cabin. He decided to trace the boundaries of the property and continued walking, trying to sort out his confused emotions. Merlin, how he hated his emotions!

Harry Potter's face appeared in his mind, and he wanted to hex something very badly. The bloody Boy-Who-Lived was a walking reminder of all the worst mistakes and humiliating moments of his life, and when Zelda suggested that Dumbledore had bequeathed him the boy; he had realized it was true...

As though he had not already spent every day while the bloody pest was at Hogwarts trying to keep him safe and hammer lessons through the boy's thick skull. It was worse now that Zelda suggested that Potter had come to respect him. It had been easier being hated and despised, now he had the wretched feeling he had something to lose in their interactions.

He ground his teeth in frustration, having found the deepest source of his foul humor. He now had something to lose, and he hated it. Worse, he hated it because he would want to die if he lost all of it; thus he was terrified. He, Severus Snape, had a lover, had the trust of people he respected and possibly even the respect of Harry Potter.

He had survived after fulfilling his dreadful promise to Dumbledore and now craved a future existence. It was a shocking change in his circumstances. His belief that he deserved none of it was still strong and he was nervously aware that, not only Potter might forgive him, but that he might learn to forgive himself.

He followed the fence line, testing the protections for another hour and was no closer to resolving his dilemmas. He curled his lip in disgust when his conscience prodded him for staying away from Zelda longer than he had planned. At least he knew she did not care, and thanked the gods that he had found a wise, loving woman who did not cling, and wanted him to have time to sort things out.

A deep moan forced him to take stock of his surroundings. He approached the sound, and saw a large dog lying in the ditch next to the road. It stared piteously at him, growling as he drew near. A car must have hit it, he realized, as a back leg was mangled badly. He prepared to dispatch it quickly, but even as he raised his wand he looked in the suffering eyes and paused. He remembered how it felt to be suffering and helpless, prepared to die alone in the forest.

"Unbelievable," he muttered bitterly. He was far from the cabin and could not Apparate with a wounded dog. He cast a Full Body Bind and conjured a stretcher, which he carefully secured the animal to. "This is frightening," he said. "But sleep now, and you will be better soon."

Levitating the stretcher before him, he began walking back to the cabin, sardonically aware that he had no business taking on yet another pointless responsibility. The shadows were long and low by the time he entered the clearing. He opened the door to see Zelda sitting at the kitchen table with her laptop before her. She turned, and he was intrigued to see that she was wearing spectacles.

"What've you brought?" she asked curiously as the stretcher floated inside and was gently lowered to the floor. She stood up and saw the unconscious dog. Examining it closely she saw the twisted hind leg and whispered, "Sev, the poor thing..."

Michael's bedroom door opened and he joined them. When he saw the dog's broken body he lost all desire to joke. He dropped to his knees and carefully began to examine the damage. "She can't move, can she?" he asked.

"I cast a Body-Bind. She is fully immobilized now." Severus watched, fascinated, as Michael instantly became a paramedic. He was obviously very familiar with dogs and could determine the extent of the damage better than he could.

"This leg is shattered from the hip down," Michael said bluntly. "I don't think the spine is damaged, but it'll be a long, expensive, painful recovery for her. She's dehydrated too." He ran his hand gently over the creature's head and pulled her mouth open to examine her teeth.

"Too bad, she's a beauty. A fine German shepherd, and young too." He stood up and said, "I'll get the car ready."

"Where are you going?" asked Severus.

"I'm taking her to town, to the vet," he replied.

Severus put a hand on his arm. "There is no need. We shall be able to heal the animal. I can heal broken bones."

"What about dehydration?" Michael asked.

"Can't the animal drink?" asked Severus.

"It's more advanced, but I can actually deal with that." He went to the closet, pulled out his medical kit, and, smiling, pulled a bag of saline solution from a box on the closet shelf.

"You're unbelievable, Michael," said Zelda. "IV drips in the wilderness?"

He grinned as he shaved the dog's front leg and found a vein. In no time he had the IV drip working. He smiled at Severus, who had watched this bit of Muggle healing in fascination. "This'll do it,' he said. "Now, I want to watch you heal broken bones."

Severus felt the broken leg cautiously. It was indeed shattered. "She will probably limp," he cautioned. He decided it best to start with the hip and move down and directed his Healing spell accordingly, feeling the joint as he worked. It went slowly, and it was almost half an hour before he had finished. Finally he lowered his wand and turned to the others.

"That's amazing," said Michael, feeling the leg. "God, I love magic. What a difference it would make at the hospital."

Zelda went to Severus and looked into his eyes. He smiled ironically at her, and seemed more at peace than he'd been earlier. "Are you keeping the dog?" she asked mockingly, knowing damned well who'd be the creature's new owner.

"I shall keep it if I can hand Potter over to you," he murmured.

Zelda laughed out loud. "I'll take the dog, thanks," she said. "But if you really want to marry me, the dog's part of the package." She put her arms around him and snuggled close.

Suddenly life was bearable to Severus. Alone, he did not have it in him to deal with people, animals, emotions and spying. But Zelda's presence in his life made it possible. "I have your promise, you know," he murmured.

"You do," she whispered, raising her face to be kissed.

Michael loudly cleared his throat. "I hate to interrupt this touching moment, but what happens now to the dog?"

"Are you finished with the IV?" asked Zelda.

In answer he removed the needle. "All hydrated. When she wakes up, she'll be able to drink for herself. What about her leg, is she completely healed?"

"Yes," replied Severus. He raised his wand and removed the Body-Bind. "If you are ready, I shall revive the animal. She will be drowsy, and should be kept quiet." He knelt in front of the creature and directed a spell at her.

The brown eyes flew open and the dog raised her head to sniff at him. She seemed confused, but when he laid a hand on her head, her tail thumped slightly.

"Oh," Zelda sighed. "She loves you, Sev."

He turned and glared at her. "It is not my animal."

Zelda knelt beside him, running her hands over the dog's body. She cautiously touched the leg that had been healed, and it felt solid. "That's amazing," she said. "You're amazing. Now, what'll we call her?"

"Whatever you wish," he replied coldly, aware that he was not fooling her.

The dog climbed shakily to her feet looking from one to the other, sniffing madly at them. Then she pressed her head against Severus's chest and leaned against him.

Zelda choked down her laughter and said, "Come here, baby." Only when the dog turned to her and tried to climb into her lap, did she dare to look at her beloved, and found his face carefully expressionless. "You have a way with non-magical females," she murmured ironically.

Michael burst out laughing. He filled a large bowl with water and set it on the floor. Then he went to the closet and pulled a huge, pink cushion out. "Will she be sleeping in your bedroom?" he asked matter-of-factly, wanting badly to laugh again.

"Merlin, no!" snarled Severus. "There!" He pointed to a spot next to the couch in the corner, far from their bedroom.

"Come here, girl," Michael said coaxingly, and the dog trotted after him to her new bed. She stepped onto the cushion, sniffed it, and turned back to gaze at Severus, who hastily averted his eyes.

"I'll run into town and buy dog food before the store closes," Michael said, trying to keep all hint of a smile off his face. "See you later." The door slammed behind him.

Zelda would not look at Severus until she could control her expression. When the dog walked back and stood shakily before them, she knelt and gazed into the brown eyes. "You look awfully alert for someone who needs rest, baby. Come with me."

Severus followed them to the corner, and when Zelda pointed firmly at the cushion, the dog sighed and settled on it. Severus then settled next to Zelda on the couch, took her hand and held it.

"Is everything okay?" she asked lightly, smiling at the absurdity of such a question.

"It is my new reality," he confessed. "Before, I had nothing to lose, thus nothing to fear for. Now, I do nothing but worry. I do not wish to go back in time, but it is... difficult."

A tear came to her eye. "That's the terrible truth of it," she said. "Everything we care about, we stand to lose, sooner or later."

The sorrow in her voice made him want to weep, /the return of bloody Snivellus/, he thought bitterly. "I cannot stand to think of losing you," he muttered, striving for control.

Zelda turned and knelt across his lap, straddling him. She stared into his eyes, searching to connect with him. "You can't really lose me," she whispered. She brushed her lips across his and softly said, "Somehow, I think it'll be okay. You've hated yourself for so long that you don't dare to be loved. But you're loved anyway, Severus, so find a way to get over it."

He was tired from the long day, and tired of thinking. So he lay down, pulling her against him, and they slept there, waiting for Michael to return. Perhaps she was right, he thought, as he fell asleep. Perhaps...