FicWad

yeah i know what you're all thinking and yeah, i did update yo. scream it at the top of your lungs!! and review cough**


I woke up that night screaming and covered in a cold sweat. I was desperately trying to get out of the bed but failed helplessly when I fell face first onto the ground making a loud thud. I laid on the ground breathing heavily while my feet were still caught up in the blankets to the spare bed in Patricks house. The door opened and let in a stream of light into the darkened room. I looked over to see who was opening the door and I saw a ruffled looking Patrick wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a white undershirt. I looked at him and gave him a lopsided grin and he shook his head at me before walking into the bedroom and closing the door behind me. I watched as he ran a hand through his hair and looked down at me questioningly.


"Trick I had a bad dream." I sounded more like a three year old wanting to be held by her mother than a twenty two year old.
"Princess." Patrick said sarcastically before bending down and picking me up off of the floor. I laughed as he pushed me back onto the bed and crawled in next to me. I moved over closest to the wall so that Patrick was able to squeeze into the bed with me. Once we were both comfortable with Patrick laying on his back and me laying next to him, I moved over and layed my head on his chest and my arm around his side. This was the most comfortable I had been in days. I smiled and kissed Patrick on the cheek before laying my head down on his chest again and yawning.


"Night Trick, love you."
"Night babe, love you more."

I felt Patrick pull the blankets up around us and then place his arm around my back. I wasn't sure what time it was that we both actually fell asleep but I'm positive it wasn't much later after we had both said our goodnight's. I never slept that well after a nightmare unless someone was there. Whenever I stayed with Patrick and had a bad night, he would always be there for me - no matter what. I distinctly remember a couple of time where Patrick had even invited a girl to spend the night at his house while his parents were gone for the evening and I would, of course, interrupt the whole game plan of his. Not that Patrick ever was a player to begin with, but the whole general idea of having someone spend the night at your house while your parents weren't around was to get some.


By the time Patrick and I had realised that it was time to wake up, the sun was shinning through the blinds and the clock was reading almost one pm in the afternoon. I poked Patrick in the stomach before rolling over and stretching in bed. Patrick poked me back in the stomach before mimicking my moves and stretching out in the bed. I sat up in bed and used the elastic that was around my wrist to pull my dark hard into a messy bun. Stretching again, I rolled over Patrick and out of bed. Patrick grunted and rolled over on his stomach on the bed where I used to be laying. I laughed and walked out the bedroom door in search of a bathroom that was not occupied. I walked down the hallway yawning and before turning around the corner before the bathroom, I felt myself bump into something unmistakeably hard and unforgiving. I yelped as I fell backwards against Patricks floor. This was the second time in less than twenty four hours that I had been thrown on the floor out of carelessness.


I winced as I felt the pain go from my butt and hands to the middle of my back and arms. Pouting, I started to pull myself up off of the floor. I looked at the persons feet as I started to stand up and immediately froze. I knew those legs anywhere. I started to feel light headed as my vision travelled up his body to meet his gorgeous eyes. The look on his face made it look like he was seeing Casper the Ghost for the first time. I twisted my mouth to the side and started to bite the inside of my lip, Pete shifted uncomfortably in his stop in the hallway. I had nothing left to say to Pete right now, I couldn't say anything that would make it better anyways even if I wanted to try. Pete's gaze instantly switched from me to the person coming out of the room I was once in. Patrick looked even more confused again seeing me on the floor for a second time today. I looked from Patrick to Pete and instantly regretted coming out to Chicago again. The look on Pete's face was one mixed with disgust, hurt and betrayal. Pete looked at me and then back to Patrick who was still standing in his night attire and then back to me. I was still on the floor also dressed in my night attire which happened to be a lot more scantaly clad than Patricks' choice of night time wear. My black lace panties that barely covered my butt and my Black undershirt insinuated something to Pete that I could see he was formulating in his brain. It was as if you could see the gears going to work in there.


Looking back down at me Pete uttered the words that I could have waited to hear.

"What are you doing here?"

Pete spoke with such disgust in his voice that I wasn't quite sure how to answer the question. To be perfectly honest I really didn't know what I was doing there. Was it to get back with Pete? Was it because I secretly wanted to make some effort to make the reminents of our so called relationship work? Was it because I missed Patrick? Was it because I didn't know what I was doing with Zacky?


I felt my stomach twist into a knot when I said the name Zacky to myself. I didn't tell him I was coming out to Chicago to see the guys, he would be crushed if he knew. That was the last thing I wanted, especially right now. I did not need anymore hearts to be broken in this triangle that were going to get broken or possibly already were broken. I sighed and pulled myself up off the ground which ended in me be dangerously close to Pete. He looked at me up and down and I swore for one second I saw that sparkle in his eyes that I was so used to seeing. I brushed off my butt and pushed the thought of that look to the back of my mind.


"Patrick what's going on?"

Pete was clearly desperate for some answers from the both of us, but right now neither of us knew what to say.

"Her flight got in yesterday morning Pete. She came out for a few days, that's all." Patrick was being so carefree about the whole deal, he probably didn't get how it was looking right now. Think about it - you and your ex girl-friend break up on bad terms, days later she's photographed with Zacky, the person you loathe the most in the world, and then days after that she's waltzing around your best friends house dressed in nothing but scantaly clad underwear and a tank top. To put the cherry on the sundae, your best friend walks out of the bedroom she just came out of wearing nothing but his boxers and shirt as well. The acusations just keep piling up in Pete's mind, you can see it adding up.


Pete's lips soon grew into a smirk on his face. I wasn't sure how to react to this so I moved closer to Patrick. Patrick shrugged when Pete started to walk away and walked into the bathroom. Great, I sighed. Pete knew that I was back in town and that I wasn't as strong as I was pretending to be. Pete walked back around the corner and looked me up and down before giving me his patented smile. I rolled my eyes and the next thing I knew Pete had his lips crashing against mine in a battle for control. I tried so hard to resist it but I couldn't. I finally gave in and Pete pulled me into the bedroom that Patrick and I came out of. I moaned into his ears as he kissed my collar bone. Pete threw me onto the bed and came crashing down ontop of me. I hungrily kissed him and pulled off his teeshirt, our lips only parting for mere seconds. Pete made quick work of his pants, taking them as well as his boxers off in one fast swoop. Pete was now over top of me naked and panting. I lay on the sheets anticipating his next move.


I shivered slightly as Pete moved his hands down the side of my body causing goosebumps to form on my skin. He always had this touch about him that could manipulate me in anyway he wanted to. Pete's calloused hands made their way to the hem of my underwear. The inside of my thighs quiverred at his touch and I met his eyes with a hungry gaze. He took this as his permission and slow but surely removed my underwear revealing my most private area. Pete grinned and tossed my panties to the side, using his hand he carefully spread my tights ever so slightly before diving his fingers into me. I moaned in extascy and arched my back. He wasn't being that easy with me and that's what the made the whole feeling a lot more pleasurable. I closed my eyes and grabbed onto the blankets on the bed for safety. This was going to be one hell of a ride.


"Tell me you want it, baby." Pete's voice was dark and husky, you could tell he wanted it just as bad as I did. His body was so tan and starting to grow a thin line of sweat on his forehead.


"I want it Pete.." I growled, "Give me what I want." I grabbed Petes hair and pulled him up to meet my face. I kissed him and kissed back hungrily, I bit his bottom lip and then proceeded to kiss him again. I pulled away from Pete's lips when he unexpectidly slammed himself into me. I groaned with pleasure and dug my nails into his back. He definately wasn't being easy with me now. It felt like within a matter of seconds this side of Pete that I'm seeing now came out of nowhere and was taking over my mind, body and soul. Our hips rocked back and fourth endlessly. Our bodies were lined with sweat and my nails dug into his back until I swore I was going to draw blood. Pete's breath started to become more ragged and I felt my legs starting to get that oh so pleasurable feeling.


"Pete.. I.." I barely got the words out before Pete pushed into me one last time and fell down onto of me, both our bodies collapsing with pleasure and from being worn out. Our breathing patterns were nothing of the norm, but more or less out of control. Pete crawled down by my side and placed his head on my chest. It reminded me of the good times that I always had with him. My breathing had slowed down again and I watched as Pete reached over to my right hand and entangled our fingers together. My heart was breaking, this was by far the most painful thing I've ever had to experience. There was one time when I felt like Pete could have possibly been my soulmate, and that was such an unsettling thing for me to say or believe in because I never really believed in soulmates before him. I always believed that people were together out of convience rather than love and that true love was just like Santa Clause, something we were lead to believe in all of our lives.


I sighed and caused Pete to look up at me. I looked into his eyes and I felt my stomach get caught up in my throat. I remembered Zacky, I remember Pete's proposal, I remember the night we met, I remember the drunken fights I used to have with him. I remember the overall feeling of being so in love with him. I remember our first date, the awkwardness of our first kiss, the first time we actually had sex, hell, the first time we actually had sex on a tour bus. Tears started to well up in my eyes and I saw Pete sit up, my eyes went out of focus and I didn't care anymore. I let the tears fall down my face, Pete's hand moved over my cheek and whiped away some of the tears. I tried so hard to keep myself calm but I couldn't. Pete moved off of the bed and started to put on his pants again. I watched him wondering what the hell he was doing. I grabbed his arm because he was close enough in arms reach of me, he looked at me and continued to do up his belt.


"Get dressed." I furrowed my eyebrows at him and whiped the remaining tears off of my face, I stood up and pulled Pete's boxers on. I didn't hesitate to get dressed though, pulling on a pair of black jogging pants, a white abercrombie sweater and a black vest, both Pete and I walked out of the bedroom together. He grabbed my hand as we were walking down the hallway, I liked the way it felt to hold his hand again. I was pretty sure that by this point my whole face was red and blotchy from crying like a big bawl bag but I didn't care. We walked out of the house without the other guys noticing, if Patrick had of noticed I'm pretty sure we would have had to play the twenty questions game before actually stepping out of the house itself. I sighed as Pete walked me to my rental SUV. I tossed him the keys and walked over to the passenger side of the SUV and hopped in. Buckling up into my seatbelt I sank into the seat as far as one could possibly go.


I was so upset with myself that I couldn't stand my ground, but at the same time I think that Pete leaving my house in Toronto and me not chasing after him made him realise that I was always going to be that take no shit girl, sort of. When Pete first met me I would be the kind of girl that would be sarcastic and sharp tounge, as the days progressed and the closer that Pete and I grew, I started to break down the walls that I once thought were made of iron. He grew on me, he grew into me, he became me. As did I. It felt so bad to know that everything we had was crushed by one girl who decided one night that she was going to go out and be a homewrecker and in the end utlimately run some lives.


I must have drifted off during the trip to where ever Pete was taking me, the next thing I knew was that he was leaving over me undoing my seatbelt and carefully shaking me awake. I yawned and smiled, my cheeks felt red hot because of the crying I had done earlier. I stepped out of the SUV and realised exactly where we were. Pete had taken me to the park where we always used to come when we had free time or just needed to think. I smiled when I saw the swing set that we always used to spend time on when we were here. I looked back at Pete who was already a few steps ahead of me, I smiled and followed his lead towards the swing set.


I sat down on the swing and Pete started to push me back and forth gently. I was laughing and having a genuine good time with him, but I was always afraid it was going to end sooner than I wanted it to. Pete slowed down the swing and moved in front of me, he stood between my legs and I put my head against his chest and inhaled his scent. It was so comforting just to have that smell there near me. Pete wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped my arms around his waste. I enjoyed his embrace but he quickly pulled away. His fingers went underneathe my chin and forced me to look in his eyes.


"Gorgeous.." his eyes darted back and forth from mine, "I don't know where I would be without you in my life. I want to keep you in my life for a long, long time but if you're not ready for that big of a commitment, I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I know people are only people and they make mistakes and trust me, I made a big one. I realise this and I can't apoligize enough to you. I would scream at the top of the tallest building that I'm sorry and that all I want is your forgiveness, but if it's not what you want, I won't do it. I live for you, I live with you, I live vicariously through you. Many people wouldn't know it or would they guess it, but without you I don't live. Without you, I can't live." Tears were now threatening to come out of Pete's eyes by this point.


"Pete.." I said quietly. I was quickly hushed by his fingers.

"Shh. Just let me." Pete took a deep breath and looked around the park. "You'll never understand what it felt like for me walking out of the apartment and you not running after me. I felt hollow, I felt like I lost half of myself somewhere. Standing in the airport without you to see me off felt like my world was ending. Do you know how badly I wanted to run back to you after walking out of that door and tell you how sorry I was? Do you know how much I actually regretted getting on that plane back to Chicago? I didn't think I could walk back because I didn't think you wanted me to so I didn't. Today when I saw you for the first time in a while I realized how much I needed you but then I thought you and Patrick had finally gotten together like everyone always said you should have been. That killed me inside, I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. I still love you but if you don't want me, I think, well no, I won't be able to deal with that but I'll have to because the ball is in your court now gorgeous."


Pete moved from in front of me to the swing beside me, I didn't know what to say. The boy just got done pouring his heart and soul out to me and now I don't even know what to say to him. Did I want Pete? Did I want to emotionally invest myself into him again, knowing that he may or may not hurt me? I didn't know.


I honestly did not know.