Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Between your smiles & Regrets

I'm not ready for sincerity.

by burnbaby_xburn 0 reviews

Do You Love Me?

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: G - Genres: Drama - Published: 2006-11-28 - Updated: 2006-11-28 - 1715 words


The drive home from the Park was long. The tension in the car was so thick it couldn't be cut with a knife. I was sitting in the passenger side seat fidiling with my sleeve. I felt like I had been run over like a truck, then if that wasn't enough, the truck backed up and ran me over again. I looked over to Pete who had the most composed look on his face. I wasn't quite sure how he could be so extremely composed after just pouring his heart out to me the way he did. Better yet, I couldn't quite understand how composed he could be since all I did to acknowledge his confession was manage a half hearted smile and a kiss on the cheek. I swear the minute I pulled away from him I saw the look of heartbreak in his eyes. I swear that minute I saw my life flash before my eyes.

The lights in the house when we arrived back to Patricks were all on. The house was lit up like there was a party going on. I sighed, I didn't really want to interact with people, I pretty much just wanted to be left alone for the majority of the night left to listen to the voices in my mind and heart. I dragged myself out of the SUV after Pete had completely parked it. For all I cared at the moment he could keep the keys. I pulled the hood up on my sweater and placed my hands into my sweater, I tried my best not to make eye contact with Pete, I didn't want him to see that he could do this to me, again. I walked up the front steps and into the house, all you could hear was the sound of video games and arguing. It brought a small smile to my face when I walked into the living room just in time to see Andy haul off and his Joe in the head with a pillow. Pete brushed passed me and walked up the stairs. The guys turned around from their video games just in time to hear the sound of Pete's door slam shut. I winced when I heard the door slam. I felt tears start to sting my eyes and I did my best to swallow them. Darting my eyes around the room I didn't notice that Patrick came up to give me a hug. I jumped slightly when I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders. I immediately froze. It wasn't that I didn't want to have Patrick's hugs, infact, I enjoyed them so much, but right now I wasn't quite sure what I should be doing with myself.

I smiled to Patrick and pushed him away gentley. He smiled back and watched me walk up the stairs to where the bedroom was that I was staying in. Coindicently, it was right accross the hall from Pete's room. I started to turn the nob to my door, but I stopped myself. Part of me wanted to know what he was doing in there, part of me wanted to know what he was thinking, part of me wanted to be in there with him curled up in his arms. I went against my better judgement and went into my own bedroom. Finding the room just as messy as Pete and I had left it. The sheets on the bed were thrown about everywhere, Pete's boxers lay in their own pile on my floor. If a stranger walked into this room their first thought would be sex. Hot wild, passionate sex. I stood against the back of the door and starred at the bed. It was just a few hours ago that Pete and I were in that bed together, needing each other as if we would both go out of style if we weren't touching.

I shook my head from my thoughts and walked into the personal bathroom that was off of the bedroom. The only thing that this bathroom lacked was an actual toilet. I guess when the house was built the only thing that Patrick thought would be amazing enough for this bathroom was the jacuzzi tub. The whole bathroom was designed around this tub. The room was painted a dark, dark red with a golden wallpaper going up the wall halfway. The bath tub itself was a golden tinge to it and it accented the room rather quite elegantly. I turned on the water, letting the hot water pour into the bath tub just enough to almost fill it. Steam started to the fill the bathroom and I stripped off my clothes and stood in front of the mirror wearing nothing but my bra and panties. I looked my body over, sighing in defeat. I looked at my tattooed wrist, up my arm to my collar bone line and then down the rest of my body. I wasn't very tall at all, but I still had very toned legs from my years of being a rugby player. I ran my hands over my stomach, touching my pelvic bones as I went. My tanned skin was more accented in the bathroom. My dark hair was situated on my shoulders, it went down to almost the middle of my back. It made my skin look even more tan.

"You're beautiful, you know." I jumped and turned around looking towards the bathroom door. Pete was standing there wearing a pair of basketball shorts and looking like he just had a rough fight with his shirt. His hair was tasseled around and his make up was smeared under his eyes, not that it was any different from normal though. I wrapped my one arm around my stomach and looked towards the ground, avoiding all eye contact with Pete for the time being. I walked over to the bathroom door and started to close it. Pete stuck his arm out to stop it, and sucessfully did so as I wasn't shutting the door that hard anyways. I looked at him, locking eyes with him for only a few seconds. Pete hand came out and started to touch my cheek then his other hand snuck around my waist. Pulling me into him, his lips crashed into mine. It wasn't a rushed kiss, it was very gentle. I didn't know if I wanted to react in the beginning but I kissed back. Pete pulled away and pushed my hair out of my eyes and kissed my lips again before closing the door and leaving me in the bathroom to think about what had happened tonight.


I was laying in bed not sleeping a wink. Even if I wanted to I probably wouldn't have been able to. The night was so complicated, it was as if I was on a roller coaster that was constantly going up and down. I didn't know what to say to myself to make it feel better, but I was beginning to hate Patrick for daring me to come out here. He knows goddamn well that I cannot, under any circumstance, turn down a dare. I sighed and rolled over and noticed that my phone was lit up. I picked it up and noticed 18 missed calls. The majority of the calls were from Zacky. The minute I saw his name on my screen, my stomach turned. I felt sick to my stomach and ran out of my bedroom in search of the nearest bathroom to throw up. I ran into the bathroom and threw myself into the toilet. After what felt like my whole lower intestines had nothing left in them, I picked myself up off of the ground and walked over to the sink. Looking in the mirror I hated what I saw. My eyes were crying and my cheeks were flushed. My eyeliner was smudged down my face. I spit into the sink and started to brush my teeth, nothing could compare to how I was feeling right now. I felt like dirt, absolute dirt. I had Pete on one hand who, admitedly was a screw up. He chased me, and liked to be chased. Then on the other hand I had Zacky who was completely head over heels for me and I think that he may have always been head over heels since day one.

I couldn't choose, I just couldn't. It would almost be de ja vu and I really didn't want history to repeat itself again. I pulled myself away from the sink and whiped my face off. I still felt like dirt even though there was probably nothing left inside of me to throw up. I dragged myself back out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom. I fell backwards onto my bed and felt my cell phone hit my head. I sighed and picked it up noticing two new text messages. Of course, it was from Zacky and to my surprise, the other was from Matt. What. The. Hell.

'You can't avoid me like this. Call me, please. - Zee.'
I closed Zacky's text message and started to read Matts, of course it was as long as a book.
'You haven't changed one bit. You're a fucking whore, I knew you would do this to him. Don't fucking call him again or I'll have your ass bitch. Do you understand me? I fucking mean it this time. You hurt him, I hurt you - in the worst fucking way. Yeah, I'll go for Pete and we'll see what fucking happens. Peace, Shadows.'

Who the hell did Matt think he was? I can't even believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, rather, the balls that the guy had to send to me. I remember the days when Matt and I used to be like brother and sister. It seemed like those days were long gone and the thought of it even was so dusty that it could hardly be resurected. I was completely shocked and I didn't notice I was crying until a tear fell and hit my hand. I curled up into a ball on the bed on the bed and rocked myself to sleep. This was the last fucking thing I needed to deal with tonight.
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