FicWad

An hour latter the party was still going full force. Everyone was having a blast; there was dancing, games for the kids and food, lots of food. Monica hurried from table to table making sure all the plates were full. Ray was helping carry the heavier bowls for her. She sensed he was waiting for the right moment to talk to her. It finally came when they were in the kitchen.
"Monica just what is going on between you and Gerard?" He was direct but she didn't take offense, he was a very good friend who was concerned. She had realized that all the guys were more like brothers than friends.
Monica sat down the pitcher she was holding and turned to him, "Ray I am very fond of Gerard."
"But you don't love him?" He was watching her closely to see her reaction.
She turned not able to look him in the eye "I don't want that kind of relationship, I can't. He deserves so much more than I can give him"
He shook his head "Shit Monica why can't you give him your love? The guy needs you. He really fucking needs you."
"Ray, you have no idea how much I wish things were different. It's me, I'm fucked up. I would end up hurting him more and I know it. I just want things to be different so badly I let myself forget when I'm with him." She brushed a tear away and picked up a plate of cookies leaving the kitchen before he could say anything else.
Donna saw her and motioned for her to come and sit down by her. "Sweetie, you need a break. You have been going non-stop for hours. This has just turned out perfect. I was just talking to Doug and the donations have been fabulous."
Monica forced herself to smile, she had been smiling while in pain for years, and "Your sons and their band mates have a lot to do with that, just look at them They are all still here. Alicia and Jamia are wonderful too. All of you are. I can't believe how much my life has changed, all from a chance meeting in a grocery store." She smiled but it was sad.
Donna took her hand "Honey when are you going to let the past go? It doesn't own you." She saw the pain on Monica's face and decided to let it go for now. "OK I'll keep quite at least for tonight. Now where is my oldest son?"
Monica looked around "I think I saw him walk into the kitchen. I'll go see" she was happy to have an excuse to leave the table. Before she could leave Mikey appeared
"Mom, that bitch Liv is here." He looked so angry it was frightening. "What the hell is she doing here?"
Monica wasn't sure what was going on but it obviously wasn't good "Who is Liv?" she asked Mikey.
He turned to her with an odd look on his face. Instead of answering he looked at his mom. She looked as upset as her son "Liv is the woman who practically destroyed my son."
"Fuck, where is Gerard?" Mikey looked around the room. "I am going to throw her ass out of her before he sees her." He went in search of his brother. Monica watched him walk away.
"Does he still have feelings for her?" Monica's voice was strained. She looked at Donna who was also scanning the room for Gerard.
"God, I would hope not. She is pure evil. I can't go thru what happened to Gerard again." She moved away from the table in the opposite direction Mikey has gone.
Monica wasn't sure what to do. Looking around the room everyone seemed to be having such a wonderful time. She wondered where Gerard had gone then thought of the hall behind the stage. A very bad feeling came over her. Slowly she made her way towards the stage then to the back hall.
When she neared she heard voices. It was Gerard and a woman's voice she hadn't heard before. The woman giggled, "I've missed you baby"
Gerard was in the shadows the blond woman standing close, "so who is that older woman I saw you talking to? Don't tell me you hooked up with her. Honey I'm sure you could do better than that. "
"Shut the fuck up Liv" he growled.
She moved even closer to him "Baby I love it when you say fuck. Hell I love the way we fuck. You know you've missed me." She put her arms around his neck, "Gee you know your body wants me, you can't get me out of your system. Especially with that little old mouse" She kissed him hard, he swung her around and pushed her against the wall. Monica turned away as Liv's throaty laugh purred. "Oh baby you know I like it rough."
Blindly Monica rushed back into the main hall. Her mind numb she needed to get away from this. Without thought she brushed by people and out into the cold night air. She realized she didn't have her coat but she wouldn't go back in. She began to walk not caring about the cold. She felt dead. Part of her mind told her this was what she had wanted. She didn't want him to love her. That was lie of course but then most of her life had been a lie.