FicWad

Gerard had been spending an awful lot of time on Saint Lily's tour bus. Everyone was highly suspicious, but Lily didn't want to give it any thought. To be honest, she didn't want to jump to any conclusions. As she sat with Bert outside Red Lobster, they discussed Gerard's birthday plans.
"I think that's a pretty good idea." Bert admitted, picking his teeth with a cinnamon flavored toothpick.
Lily nodded, "I think it should be good...we should get some of their merch and wear it too! That'd be so cute!" Lily gasped, grabbing onto Bert's arm with excitement.
Bert laughed, "Yeah...I guess that would be...cute." he admitted with a shrug.
"Aghhhhh" Lily groaned in anticipation, "This will be sooo fun!"
Lily pumped her fist into the air, "Yessssss."
Bert smiled and shook his head,"Im pretty psyched about going down under, though."
"Yeah..Australia should be fun...lets get that stuff everyone eats there...vege...vegemite!"
Lily finished, visibly excited.
"That brown stuff?" Bert made a face of disgust and stuck his hand into the pocket of his jeans, searching for his carton of cigarettes.
Lily frowned as he lit one and inhaled deeply.
He exhaled silently, looking up at the night sky. The stars were out, dulled by the lights of the city. The moon was high in the sky, surrounded by a thin circle of mist...of clouds...of something.
"Do you see that?" Bert asked, pointing up at the sky.
Lily stood next to him and looked up, "That's wierd...that little ring around the moon...is that a cloud?" she wondered softly.
Bert shrugged, and took another drag off his cigarette, the ashes glowing like embers in the dark.
Lily looked at his face...his face that was usually so calm..so happy. Sure, there were days when he was off...days when he would throw tantrums and demand only brown M&Ms. But today...he was different. And as he stared up at the ring around the moon, at the dull stars, she saw a vulnerability in him she had never seen before. He had gone through things...
through things he had never told her. Through things she had read in interviews, or heard from other people. Things that he never wanted to talk about, because it was like getting gutted and having your insides thrown out on the street; Having your feelings, your memories, out there..for everyone to see. On display for the world to comment on, and tell you what you should and shouldn't have done, or tell you things you already knew, like, "Fuck..that sucks".
She wanted to talk about it with him. She wanted to tell him everything was ok, and that everything would be fine...but she couldn't. She knew everything wasn't ok for Bert, and it never would be. There would always be a part of him that would always be crying, always be deep in mourning..over the loss of his unborn child, and his first love. There would always be a part of him, pushed into the far corner of his mind, that he kept for her. That he kept to daydream, to remember her smile, her laugh...the way her hair smelled. And he would keep those memories of her locked up like old pictures, only to be taken out and looked at from time to time, because the memory is almost too much to bear. And as he stood there, the smoke curling up into the cold winter air and disappearing amongst the dull stars, Lily reached out her hand, and laid it softly on his arm, squeezing gently.
"Hey." she whispered, a closed mouth smile and watery eyes.
He looked at her, and let his cigarette fall to the cold, hard cement; to the smashed chewing gum and old footsteps..to memories long gone and the bitterness of the past.
"Hey." he whispered, "I'm ok."