FicWad

Lily sat on her tourbus, chin in hand. She exhaled, bangs rising and falling softly with her breath. She stood up and looked out the window...at the rising sun. At the techs and roadies moving around the venue...at the dimming streetlights and at the cold cup of coffee on the kitchen counter. She zipped up her sweater and took a step outside, into the waking morning. She walked, hands in pockets, through the parking lot; in between buses taking a long needed rest from the highway...still wet with the morning dew. It was the day after Gerard's birthday...the day after their lips had almost touched...
She could almost see that look in his eyes...recreate that adrenaline..that longing..that tremble in her lower lip.
Fuck.
Her body tensed up just thinking about it. She wove her way through the guitar cases and wires, and up a flight of stairs and through a door. And sat. And waited. Waited for her life to slow down. And up there on that rooftop...on top of the arena...time did slow. And as she watched the parking lot wake up...people emerge from their buses and into the sun...she realized where she was. She realized where she had come from...the sacrifices she had made..the struggles she had been through to make it to where she was today. The countless nights left on bathroom floors, staring at the cracked tiles, the dirt between the lines....the cold, smooth feeling that soothed her until she passed out...
And she spent time with her face pressed up against the porcelain as she heaved through the night...throwing up acid....until there was nothing left. Until she retired to the cold tiles..to the sticky, cold floor..that felt so good pressed up against her cheek...her brow, lined with sweat.
And there were nights when she couldn't stop the bleeding, and had to shove a tampon up her nose just to stop the flow...the taste of copper spreading through her mouth..her brain.
And there were nights when she'd catch herself in the mirror and wonder who she was... who that girl was, staring back at her...with the tampon in her right nostril and the greasy hair..the sad smile and the bags under her eyes...
It was her.
Lily hugged herself and stared down at her own tourbus. She imagined Adam getting out of bed quietly...toes softly patting the carpet as he made his way to the Mr. Coffee in the kitchen. She imagined Will in his pajamas, laying on his back..stuck in a dream. And Ryan..laying there peacefully on his side, balled up and serene...wrapped in his blankets...away from reality...
Oh how beautiful sleep can be.
In a sense, Lily wished she was sleeping..sleeping through her life and waking up for the good parts...for the parts that were worth while.
Right now was one of those parts...
That moment, on that rooftop, was definitely one to wake up for. Lily smiled and stood up. She couldn't wait for the day...she didn't want to sleep anymore.