Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Not Looking
Chapter 10 - We Are Nothing Without Free Will9 reviews
Anyone but him.
He jumped slightly as he heard the female squeal and a thud, he poked his head out of the curtains and peered down at the morning bedraggled version of Olivia.
"Hi!" She whispered and looked at them both. Patrick helped her get up and she moved into the other area, pulling her mass of hair over her shoulder and twisting it habitually.
Pete walked into the area silently and looked at her kneeling on the seats, facing the window, watching the landscape roll by completely anonymously.
He wasn't entirely sure why he'd been given this Track back, he wasn't sure what changes he had to make or what the long sighted implications of allowing the previous chain of events to stand, would have really meant. Last thing in his mind, was hearing her words. She loved him.
"You love him." He said. Olivia looked at him suddenly. He looked at her suddenly too, realizing his whispers had indeed vocalized. Her eyes wandered over his, silently, preying him, preying his thoughts, his intentions. Her head snapped back to the view from the window.
"Hm!" She mumbled slightly as she watched the tree's whip by, matchsticks, all with a history to tell, if only they could speak.
"DÃ©jÃ vu!" She mumbled.
Pete sighed as he carelessly landed on the seats next to her.
"We've been here....we've had this conversation." He said bluntly,
"I can feel it." She acknowledged.
"I'm on a Track Back."
The pause allowed time for at least another mile of flat terrain to storm past as they drove on regardless of all the mental hostility going on.
"What are you going to change?" She asked.
"How I feel about you." He replied without a second thought.
She laughed gently and shifted slightly on to her bottom and pushed herself against the back of the seats.
"They tell me I have to be with you." He blurted out. Her face showed the coldness he was expecting to receive, from someone who was in love with his closest friend.
"I didn't know it was you!- They just kept saying someone I wouldn't expect. I'd know when I was ready."
"Peter-" She started with a little laugh.
"-Last night.....Last night when you were sitting in the snow, I finally got it.....it's been you the whole time!"
Olivia closed her eyes, took a huge breath and then, slowly re-engaging her eyes, looked right into Peter's eyes.
"You stop! And you stop right now!" She said angrily.
"I can't stop! Don't you understand?! I don't have a choice!"
"No I don't understand!" she said with another laugh of mockery to her voice.
"I don't understand anything Peter, I don't understand who I am, what I'm really supposed to do with my life, I don't understand why I am who I am, or why I can do the things I can do!!" She said in a loud whisper.
"They choose who you love Olivia."
"What do you mean they choose?" She sniped with a venom.
Pete shook his head slowly, unsure if it was part of the bigger plan to be advising her of these small details or not.
"What do you mean, they choose who you love?" She asked again.
"You don't choose..../they/ choose, they match us all up and.....that way their type-our type.....keep on....we survive." He said with a softness, to mark the poignant revelation.
"Oh my god..." Olivia laughed. She stood up and walked over to the intercom.
"Hey Doug - 5 minute stop to help a lady out here!" She said,
"Only because it's you Olivia!" he said. She grabbed her shoes and hurriedly put them on.
"What are you doing?" Pete asked
"I'm getting air." She snapped back.
The bus ground to halt and she rushed out. Pete clambered into his jacket and shoes, going after her.
The cold air she took into her nostrils was biting now as it touched the warms insides of her nose and throat. His hand turned her shoulder round and she turned to face him,
"You know what makes me mad!" He started, she just stared at him blankly.
"I'm not even attracted to you. I don't even feel anything for you in that way. I don't want to be with you. You're the last kind of girl I'd go for!" He retorted, evidenced further by his words vapourising in the cold midday of this unknown landmark.
"Good! My feelings are not too different!"
"They put the feelings in me Olivia!"
"Then they can take the feelings away because I will never be with you!" She said, raising her voice now. She walked further away from him.
"You won't have a choice!" He called as she walked further away, stomping in the snow.
"They'll put them in you too." He said with tone of regret.
She turned around and looked at him.
His heart beat increased in speed as she slowly walked closer to him. Stopping right before him, her eyes made brave contact with his.
"I will fight every feeling they put in me."
It hurt him.
"I could never love someone like you Peter, I'll always need someone who can love me more than themselves." She replied.
He couldn't understand why she attacked him like that. Had he not explained it enough? He didn't want to feel how he did about her, it was out of his control, but they were right, the reason he didn't want to was because she was involved with Patrick. Olivia was definitely not the last kind of girl he'd go for.
"What are you talking about, O, you'd look fabulous!" He said with a huge smile. She went a little weak as his whole face emitted the sincerity of the smile.
She whipped back the dressing room curtain and his eyes nearly popped out of his head.
"You need to warn-" He stopped and swallowed hard, trying not to stare at her breasts.
She laughed loudly and grabbed his wrist and hauled him into the cubicle, pulling the curtain over.
"You like this?" She whispered.
He laughed in a low dirty way and on cue, she leapt into his embrace, wrapping a leg around him tight and kissing him hard.
Her eyes flipped open, they didn't blink, they didn't move. She pulled back the sheets and tried to become familiar with where she was. Patrick's place in Chicago.
She threw the cold water over her face, it splashed over her T-shirt too and it made her shiver. Looking in the mirror she stared hard.
"Why are you in my head?" She whispered.
"Why are you in my head....." she repeated.
She opened the door to Patrick's room and sloped out, treading carefully on the bare floors. She could feel the cold around her naked thighs, forgetting she was dressed solely in her T-shirt and pants.
Pushing open his ajar door, she waited as the increasing gap allowed her to look into his room. She frowned slightly as his bed was empty.
"Looking for me?" He whispered, spinning quickly on her tip toes she pressed her back against the hallway wall.
"Just checking!" She said quickly.
"Of course!" He said, he had a look in his eyes, Olivia was confused as to whether she did or didn't like it. Both his arms pressed against the wall and his body came close to hers.
"What are you doing?" She frowned, swallowing. His face came close to hers, he felt smug at the control he had over her. His lips carefully pinched at her lower lip and as he skillfully worked at opening her lips, she allowed it. She could feel his hips press into hers as his tongue obeyed his head and kissed her slowly and deeply.
As he pulled away, he smiled at her closed her eyes.
"I'm guessing you felt that...." He smiled coyly. Her eyes opened and she swallowed.
"You guessed wrong." She said softly.
"There's only one man who can make me feel that, Peter.......and it isn't you."
She walked away from him and back towards Patrick's bedroom. As she lay down to sleep she touched her lips and let out a gentle breath on her fingertips, they still tingled where he'd waged war on them. The sparks that flew from her stomach were still setting off and the lust bubbling in her chest was near boiling point.
Turning on her side, she put her back to the sleeping form of Patrick and closed her eyes tight.
If there's one thing that will keep you awake at night, it's a guilty conscience.
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