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Donna was unusually quiet at dinner. She seemed upset that Gerard and Monica had come in when dinner was almost over. Gerard said it was his fault that he had taken Monica on a tour of the neighborhood and that they has lost track of time. She just nodded and looked away.
Monica knew that Donna was still upset that she hadn't answered the question she had asked yesterday - "Did she love Gerard?" Monica understood she was worried about her son being hurt. She worried about that too. He has been through so much in his life and his emotions ran deep. He had fought depression and addiction. He deserved happiness and love. He deserved someone who didn't have all the emotional baggage she owned.
A fork stabbed the last French fry on her plate startling her. Gerard popped it in his mouth and smiled. "Excuse me" she tried to sound upset.
"You were just looking off into space and that fry was taunting me. I had to eat it, there was nothing else I could do."
Kelly laughed, "Gerard you are so goofy"
He looked over at her "Oh yea" He snatched a fry off her plate "take that" She just looked at him and shook her head "you are what, like three?"
Kara giggled, "Gerard is just being goofy cause he's lovesick."
The whole table grew quiet. Monica stared at her daughter and wondered if it would truly be wrong to kick her under the table. Kelly seemed slightly surprised but just shrugged her shoulders. Donna was looking directly at Monica who now wanted to crawl under the table.
Gerard cleared his throat "For sure I'm love sick." He seemed ready to say more but changed his mind "so I guess Frank and Jamia are coming over tonight. Do I need to get anything from the store before they get here?" he asked his mom.
She thought a moment, "Actually I think we have plenty of snacks and drinks. Mikey and Alicia are stopping by too."
"And Bob" Kara added
Donna smiled at her "Of course and Bob"
"What no Ray?" Monica asked.
Gerard laughed "I better call and invite him or he will think we are planning something behind his back.
"Mom can I go over to Cathy's tonight, her dad will pick me up" Kelly asked. "I really don't want to hang around her and watch Bob and Kara make out....OUCH"
"Kara do not kick your sister under the table" Monica knew exactly what had happened. "Yes you can go as soon as the dinner dishes are done."
"Actually I'm supposed to go to Julie's house tonight around 9:00. Bob said he would drive me over there if that's OK with you" Kara said to her mother.
Monica agreed that would be fine. But Gerard laughed, "I can't believe Mikey said Bob could use his car. Man he won't let me drive"
"I understand completely, I have seen you drive" Monica kidded him. He pretended to be wounded by her words but ended up laughing with her.
Both girls started to clear the table. Donna started a pot of coffee. The wonderful dark roast aroma filled the kitchen. "Gerard, I would like you and Monica to attend Mid-Night Mass at St Lucy's with me tomorrow night."
Gerard looked shocked and shook his head. "No sorry but I'm not going there"
He stood up and left the kitchen. Kelly and Kara looked over at Donna clearly confused.
She sighed, "My mom, Gerard's grandma was buried from that church. He hasn't set foot inside it since her funeral. I want him to let go of the pain, its time. They have a beautiful Christmas mid-night mass. I wish he would go"
Monica wasn't sure what to say. She could understand Donna wanting her son to go with her on Christmas Eve to church but she could understand Gerard's pain too. She signed, "I'm going to talk to him"
Donna nodded, "Tell him I understand and I'm not upset he won't go." She stood and walked away from the table. Kelly said before she left the room "I will go with you, it you want" Donna stopped and turned to her "I would really like that, thank you honey"
She found him sitting staring at the Christmas tree. "I can't go there. I just keep seeing the coffin. Makes me sound like a stupid shit doesn't it?"
Monica sat next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. She didn't say anything because she really wasn't sure what to say. She just wanted to make sure he knew she was there for him. He spoke quietly "Grandma was such a beautiful person. She had such a great sense of humor and she loved me and Mikey so much. It was my fault me and Mikey weren't there the last few months of her life."
"What are you talking about?" She raised her head and looked at him. He was sitting with his eyes closed.
"I started the group. It was my idea and cause of the group we were touring constantly. We should have been here not fucking traveling all over while she was dying."
Monica sat up and took his face in her hands "Gerard, stop that. You were touring because it was what you had to do. You had to do it for the group and I'm sure your grandma understood that. Hell, Gerard she wanted you and Mikey to be successful. She did what she could to help you reach your dreams. And I'm guessing she would probably set you straight if she was here"
He opened his eyes and turned to her "She would. You're right. Grandma never put up with any of my shit. When I would start bitching she would tell me to stop and to just keep going and not look back. God I miss her"
Monica kissed him softly and wrapped her arms around him. "I wish I could have met her. She must have been a wonderful woman." They sat together in silence for several minutes. "You're mom said to tell you its OK if you don't go to mass with her. She understands. Kelly offered to go and I think I will too. I'm not Catholic but I know its important to your mom and she has been so good to me I want to do this for her."
Gerard said nothing. His eyes were closed again and she knew he was lost in memories. She wished with all her heart she could take the pain from him. They sat together and soon Frank and Jamia arrived.
Frank came in and kissed Donna "Have you missed me?" he teased. He carried a vegetable platter that he sat it on the kitchen table.
She smiled "Frankie I always miss you. Jamia honey, how are you?" She hugged Jamia and took her coat.
"I've been fine. Busy with Skeleton Crew but I'm loving it. We have some awesome artist. You know I have to take care of everything while my fiancé travels the word wowing the girls"
Frank laughed "Yea that me. Big rock star." He threw his arm around her "if you're lucky I might give you a little kiss later" he gave her a wink and tried not to laugh.
Jamia punched his arm "Oh goody, can I have an autograph too? Pleaseeeeee"
They both walked into the living room where Gerard and Monica still sat.
Mikey and Alicia with Bob in tow arrived next. Mikey was excited "It's starting to snow" he announced while brushing flakes off his coat. Alicia rolled her eyes and giggled.
"Maybe we can make snow angels later." She hugged her future mother-in-law then took her and Mikey's coat into the bedroom. When she returned Mikey and his mom were talking in whispers. Donna saw her and smiled.
"We are talking about Gerard. I'm worried about him is all" she didn't want Alicia to feel she was not included in the family conversations.
Alicia nodded "He was pretty happy today at Rays. He and Monica seem very close. I really like her, I think she will be good for him."
Mikey agreed, "Mom, he seems to be really in love with her. I got him alone for a few minutes today and he did was talk about her. Is there something I don't know?"
Donna looked sad "I guess I'm just worrying too much. I'm so fond of Monica but she has had some bad times. I'm just hoping she can love Gerard as much as he loves her."
"Mom, can I talk to you a minute" Gerard's voice startled all of them. Donna wondered how long he had been standing there.