Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Not Looking

Chapter 12 : We Are Just Empty Ships With No Cargo

by whatkatydid 13 reviews

When you add corn flour to gravy, it thickens. Well I just added a load to this chapter.

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: R - Genres: Drama - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2006-12-21 - Updated: 2006-12-21 - 1820 words

It's hard to imagine what can happen in 6 or 7 months. In this case, not much. Not much at all. They were almost uneventful and Olivia got used to her life without the torment of having to go back and readjust. To say her relationship with Patrick was less than perfect would be totally wrong, it was perfect. Every day, she inched closer to just cutting her heart out and handing it to him. He was a solid character, fairly unmovable and brought stability to her world.

As for Pete, he just existed. Olivia so cleverly disguised the history between them, even if it was taken back and replayed the right way, he would never forget how she kissed him that day, how her hands squeezed his flesh and how she voiced her desires. But it appeared she had relinquished even the memory of it. He tried his best to keep out their way but still maintain his friendship with Patrick as best he could.

There were all in Los Angeles, recording for their new album. That's the huge snag with going out with someone who has more money than you know what to do with. He makes you come out to LA with him. It was just awful.

Pete quietly entered the house they were renting. He looked at the note on the table.

"Gone Shopping. " it read, rolling his eyes he moved across to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

"Could've asked if I wanted to go..." he mumbled. The house was quiet and all he could hear was sound of the freeway that was about a kilometer away. LA was noisy. It never slept, it never moaned or groaned and the people in it, were only senseless.

"Hello?" He asked, screwing the bottle top back on, he pulled his cell out and placed it on the table, there was no response. He saw only an opportunity to grab a sleep whilst his band mates laid down further parts of the tracks.

He trudged up the stairs and as he passed Olivia and Patrick's room, his eyes opened wide in fear.

"Olivia??" He called to her, rushing in.

"What's going on?" He asked, he pushed away hair from her clammy face and she opened her eyes sleepily.

"Olivia - talk to me!" He pleaded, he looked down at her hands crossed over her tummy.

"They were right." She managed to whisper out.

"Who? Olivia, please tell me what's going on!" He cried anxiously. He watched as she closed her eyes tight and bared, what appeared to be, a lot of pain.

"I'm pregnant!" She gasped out softly.

"But I'm losing it, Peter...just like they said I would...." She gasped out after the pain had subsided. Tears were instant and he held her face consolingly.

"I'm so sorry!" He cried back and he pressed his forehead against hers.

"Peter, make it stop! You can do this - make them stop this happening - I don't want to lose this baby!"

"I'm so sorry....." he said shaking his head.

"Peter!" She pleaded, her shoulders shaking as her crying over took her body.

"I can't!" He whispered back, pushing his forehead against hers. He was crying too, this was probably the most disturbing thing he'd had to endure.

" I will never forgive them!" she whispered harshly and he only agreed with her vow.

"Neither will I!"

With that he pulled the woman into his arms and did all he could to console the grieving process she was going through.

Hours passed, darkness granted them privacy from the unrelenting LA sun. The rest of the guys were still in the studio, Joe and Andy's girlfriend's came back, of course, without empty hands.

Pete continued to hold Olivia in what had been a very dark few hours for her. Silence mainly cemented their time in each others arms, it felt only right to respect the situation.

"When did you find out?" He whispered. Knowing she was ready to talk.

"2 weeks ago. I was only 10-11 weeks gone. " She replied.

"Did Patrick know?"

"No..." she replied softly.

"And he won't." she added. Pete nodded, acknowledging that request.

She sat up slightly and he supported her as she did.

"Is this punishment Peter?" she asked, looking him directly in the eyes.

"No..." He said shaking his head.

Tell her that she was in control of this situation, the consequences are only results of her decisions.

"No." he said bluntly. Olivia looked at him.

"You didn't deserve this, no matter what decisions you made!" He whispered. Her eyes filled with tears again.

"It's probably for the best anyway! Patrick doesn't want kids." She said, wiping her eyes and sniffing slightly, trying to shake off the very dark feelings she had.

"This was about you, not Patrick!" Pete said. She smiled slightly.

"No...not really." She said, defying his comforting words.

"It's never about us...." She added, he dwelt on those words.

He dwelt on those words all evening.

"You didn't have to let her go through that!" Peter said bitterly as he tried to sleep that night.

No reply.

"She was right, it's never is about us. It's always about everyone else. We're just empty ships with no cargo and no where to go." He added, there was a venom attribute to his tone.

No reply.

"I hate being who I am. I would rather be dead than live life like a shell."

Sleep Peter.

And with that....... he did.

"Maybe you should go and see someone..." Patrick said gently as he pulled on his hat.

"I don't think that's necessary!" She said with a little laugh.

"I'm worried about you." Patrick said. Referring to the problems that Olivia said she was having that was preventing them from anything further than quick pecks on the lips for the last 3 weeks. In fact, he'd noticed a whole barrier going up with her recently. No Entry for Patrick Stump, under any circumstances, he knew, he'd tried most of them.

"It's fine Patrick, it's probably the weather or something!" She chirped, ignoring the massive loss she'd had to deal with.

She'd honestly questioned their compatibility after she lost the baby. It wasn't conscious, far from it.

"Olivia..." He frowned, walking over to her.

"What's going on with you, you've been acting like a little nut for weeks!" he said with a little grin. She couldn't help but laugh softly.

"I'm fine Patrick."

He clasped her hands in his and used as leverage to press her against the dresser slightly. He went for her tender spot in the neck and she closed her eyes tight, wishing he wouldn't.

"Patrick." She objected.

"C'mon sweety...." He whined.

"Please..." she said. She firmly pushed him off.

"Olivia - what the hell is going on, can't I even just get near you now?!" He said with a raised voice. Her eyes stared at his, reacting to his outburst.

"Well??!" He shouted.

"Don't shout at me Patrick!"

"Tell me what's going on!!" He persisted.

"I can't!!!" She yelled back.

That was enough to just by her some time, he was so shocked she'd shouted.

"Does it even involve us or is it something with you?" he asked, trying to wean it out of her. She didn't reply.

"Olivia!!" He shouted, angry she wasn't talking to him.

"Talk to me now, I need to know what the hell is going on!"

His hands gripped her upper arms firmly and he made her look at him.

"Tell me!" He pleaded, she shook her head firmly.

"Olivia?!" he retorted. His hands squeezed a little more and she took in a breath.

"You're making me angry just te-"

"I've lost a baby!!" She blurted out. He stepped back and stared at her.

"What?" his voice was weak and the shock had stole his anger.

"3 weeks ago....I had a miscarriage..." She said defeated. She wished he would speak, because the noise of her thoughts in her head was deafening her.

"You were pregnant?" He asked. She didn't respond, he needed time to process that revelation.

"When?...I're always so careful - how did that happen??" He asked.

She had nothing to say to that. She could understand perfectly clear what his eyes were telling her, what they accused her of, what they questioned her of.

"Does it matter?? The baby's gone! Isn't that for the best anyway??" She snapped angrily.


"What? You've always said you didn't want kids, so lets count it as a small blessing because it was a huge mistake!" she snapped and stormed out the room.

"Olivia!!" He yelled.

"Olivia!!!" He yelled again. He heard the door slam hard, it nearly shook the pictures off the walls.

"Damn it!!!" He growled and swiped the dresser of it's contents.

Creeping in, she silently went to make her way up the stairs.

"Where did you go?" The deep voice asked. Spinning on the ball of her foot she looked at him sat in the kitchen.

"I went to calm down." She replied, staying on her spot at a safe distance from him.

"And think...." She added. He fiddled with a playing card in between his fingers.

"About what?"

"About us."

"And what did you think about?"

"How...I don't think I can be with someone, who doesn't want the same things as me!" she whispered. His eyes looked especially handsome in the night and she would fall in love with him over and over again if he asked her to.

"And what is it you want Olivia?" he asked, standing up.

"I wanted that baby.....more than anything.....I didn't know I did. Not until I was actually pregnant." She added.

He was silent, and she knew why, because it was something he definitely didn't want.

"I'm gonna go back home." She said, nodding a little.

"Are we breaking up?" He asked.

"I don't know....are we?" she asked.

His eyes looked at hers and he moved closer.

"Maybe just some time apart..." She said with a little smile.

"Maybe..." he said gently.

"I need my family...I need their help to get over this...." She whispered. He leaned in and kissed her hard, she wrapped her arms around him and they kissed truthfully. He quickly lifted her up into his arms and they went to their bedroom to say goodbye a more meaningful way.

Handing Patrick back his credit card after booking her flight home, she gently hugged him.

"I'll see you soon!" She whispered. He nodded and held her head into his neck affectionately.

"Call me when you land." He instructed her.

"I will." She smiled faintly.

She tugged her small suitcase with her and stopped at the departure point, he pulled her in to kiss her firmly.

"This isn't over." She whispered, without any delay, she left before she wouldn't be able to let go.

He watched her walk away. Hoping it wasn't over.
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