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I looked at the clock on the dash of Brendon's car. 10:30 p.m.? /Damn it, my Dad will be pissed/. Brendon was humming and smiling, not talking to me at all.

He turned and smiled at me, I smiled weakly back, which obviously bothered him. "Hey, What's the matter?" he said looking at me. "Nothing...I'm fine" I said in my most 'normal' like voice. He frowned, Damn him and his mouth.

"That was No Doubt with their hit Hey Baby/, next up we have /Bayside and their newest single, Devotion and Desire" the guy on the radio was sickingly enthusiastic. His joy made my stomach cringe.

I can't believe that Brendon can make me feel so.../insaine/

Well after all that Brendon began to inch his hand closer and closer to mine on the arm rest. What am I supposed to do? Karate Chop him? He is the one driving you know.

Well he inches closer and closer, to the point where his hand was practically on top of mine. "I had a great time today Ry. Maybe we could do this again sometime, just minus the Brent and the Spenc." His lips shined and I watched them gracefully moved with each Syllable.

What I wasn't watching was Brendon, slowly leaning towards me. 'Snap out of it Ross, if you two don't get your acts together you'll get in a freak accident.' once again my suconcious mind snapped me back into reality.

I pushed him away, and turned to look out the passenger-side window. Brendon grunted and looked back at the road. And then, behind us I could hear a loud screeching noise, like cars slamming on their brakes. An /almost/, but not quite car crash, and to think me and Brendon were /almost/ caught in it.

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The ride home was very quiet. I don't know if it was because of the crash or because of me pushing Brendon off of me. For what it's worth, I'm just glad we got out of there alive.

The silence was a dagger in my heart, and Brendon was the murderer. I just wanted to come out of my shell and say 'I'm sorry Bren, I just can't let my feelings for you get in the way of everything else.' but I couldn't. Same old Ryan Ross, as Usual.

But as if Brendon could read my thoughts he spoke, "Yeah thanks for the warning Ry, we could have been killed. I really do mean it. Thanks man." and he patted my shoulder.

This is the point were I get really confused. We're talking now like high-school buddies rather than two Bi guys who almost kissed. I know, it's like WTF? but really who knows?

So of coarse I was curious, "Do you still...erm...want that kiss?" I asked ask Bayside began to play and we pulled into my driveway.

Brendon shook his head, "No, I'm not gay. I'm sorry Ryan. I'm not a fag like you"

I could feel tears stinging my eyes, I couldn't let him see me cry, I just...couldn't, ya know? So I threw open the door and ran up to my door. I turned back and screamed, "I hate you, you asshole! I fucking HATE YOU!" before slamming the door shut.

I turned around to find my dad up in my face.

He grabbed me by my shirt, pressed me against a wall and punched me. Not the nice, fake little punches either, the two pound full fists of fury punches.

It hurt like hell and to top it off I hit the floor pretty hard, all I can remember after that was my dad shouting, "and don't lemme catch you making a scene again. I've worked too hard for the reputation we've got in this town." before everything went dark.


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Eventually I came to. Everything was blurry, but just a little, not enough to make me temporarily blind or anything.

I walked into the bathroom and put a wet wash cloth over my eye. Yeah, I was gonna have a shiner, for sure. Fucking Dad, He never liked me. Then He just happens to walk by the bathroom, and pauses in the door. "You tell /anyone/, and I will kill you. Got that Georgie Boy?"

It's offical, /he does fucking hate me/.

I went to the kitchen with my wash cloth. I opened up the freezer and got out some ice. I wrapped it in the cloth and pressed it against my eye. /Thank god/, my dad was going to sleep. Finally piece and quiet.

I wanted to punch Brendon in the gut. But not even that could compare to the hole he had left in me. fucking bastard he took my heart with him.

I put on my Simple Plan cd. Perfect came on. I turned it off and put in my Spiderman 2 cd, turned it to "Vindicated", mmmm Dashboard...

"I am Vindicated,
I am selfish,
I am wrong,
I am right,
I swear I'm right,
I swear I knew it all along,
And I am flawed,
But I am cleaning up so well,
I am seeing in me now,
The things you swear you saw yourself."
I sat there looking out my window, all I could really do was think of Brendon. What is he doing to me? He called me a fag and I still love him.

Then I saw a car, Spenc's mom's car? No way, it couldn't be. I had to be dreaming.

Nope, I wasn't. Out popped Spenc and Brendon. 'Oh geez spenc, why'd ya have to bring that asshole with you?' was all I could think.

I watched walk up to my door, Brendon knew I was watching. I knew he knew. I'm not as stupid as people think.

So they knocked on the door and walked in. Yep, that's spenc for you, always walking in without permission. Stupid ass
I could hear their footsteps comming up the hallway. I really didn't want them to find me, not like this anyways. With a cloth over my eye and my heart broken, listening to dashboard? (Not that there's anything wrong with dashboard or anything)

No, I can't have that happen. Not to me anyways.

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knock knock Spenc opened the door. He wispered something to Brendon and I heard Brendon walk downstairs. I felt kinda relieved.

Spencer looked at me, then he sat down next to me. I looked back out the window, he reached forward he moved my hair out of my face and smiled. "Damn you look fucked up, what happened?" I looked at his shoes, then back out the window. "I don't want to talk about it."

He wrapped his arm around me and looked out the window too, some lady and her dog were out for a walk. "You know why I'm here Ry?" I shook my head, "No Spenc, I don't" I moved my hair back into my face, I liked to be hidden from the rest of the world. "Brendon told me everthing. Well he told me about what he said to you, calling you a stupid jerk and everything. and he told me you looked like you were gonna cry. He felt really bad, and he's sorry for it. Really, he is."

I looked at him, my eye's were still weak looking, I guess. "Yeah I bet you he didn't tell you /everything/" Spenc nodded. "Maybe he didn't but hear me out on this. He was worried about you. He heard the loud bang, and thought you'd gotten hit or something. Obviously...you have...but he was the one that called me, he was really worried about you Ryan. And he thought it was all his fault."

'Well, yeah Spenc, it was all his fault. If you knew the whole story you'd understand.'

I couldn't say that out loud, so I kept quiet. Spencer's eye's looked sad, like the guys in the soap operas. It was kinda weird. "Yeah then where is he? If he was so worried about me why isn't he here?"

"I'm right here Ryan" and no lie, there he was, standing in the doorway, it was a little startling. I looked back out the window as Spenc got up. 'Please don't sit next to me'

And guess what? He did.
He sat uneasily at first. I was wishing that he'd fall of the chair or something, but /he didn't/.

He made a motion at spenc, and spenc left the room and closed the door. Damn it fucking spenc. Leaving me in this room with this asshole. What a bitch.

Brendon looked out the window, you had a nice veiw of the Luxor from my room. Counting that I was only right down the street from the whole Sunset Strip.

He looked at me and exhaled, my face still turned away from him. "You know, the lights on the strip look really beautiful from here." I didn't say anything, "Just like you eyes. So bright, so beautiful."

I rolled my eyes, talk about 'Desperate for attention'

He looked up at me and moved my hair out of my face (that does it, I'm getting my hair cut in 2 weeks weather they like it or not) and he looked up at me and pouted.

Damn him, and his mouth

I looked at him, I couldn't ignore his pout, really, who could? And it seems I couldn't resist his lips either. Cuz our lips met before I could say anything.

After a few minutes Brendon pulled away, leaving a kiss lingering on my lips. His lips were pinker than usual. He looked so beautiful.

I opened my mouth to say, "I forgive you" but Brendon put his finger to my lips. "Keep quiet"

I don't think Brendon knows how bad I am at keeping secrets.