Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > To Whom It May Concern

Part 5 & 6

by conrete_falloutangel 3 reviews

Basically, Ryan wishes he could disappear.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst, Drama, Erotica, Romance - Warnings: [!!!] [X] - Published: 2006-12-22 - Updated: 2006-12-23 - 2773 words


Yeah like I said, I was never very good at keeping secrets. If I couldn't tell anyone, I'd tell my diary.

Yes/, I do carry a diary because /diaries are people too ya know.

Yeah we finished up our album that very same day. It was boring to the point where me and Bren got to sit a sound proof room to do vocals where no one could possibly see us if we were to make-out.

Naturally we did, He forced me up against a fall and slid his tongue in my mouth. I moaned, he moaned. He pressed his cock against mine. But nothing that dirty, afterall, /he is a virgin/. But a horny one none-the-less.

After we finished recording what was left of the album the tech guys told us we could take a break. psh We were too tired to 'take a break' at all.

So we sat there, Spenc spinning around in a spinny chair, Brent chatting a million miles an hour on the phone, Brendon lying on the floor and me with my head on his stomach.

What a spectacle of amazement huh?

Yeah I was holding my diary close, even though I led all the guys to believe it was where /'I kept the songs'/, that still remained only partly true.

After about 2 hours of sitting and waiting, and talking, and sitting, and waiting, and talking and more sitting and more waiting and tons more talking, they finished 2 of the songs on the mix board.

Lying is the Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off and /Camisado/.

We got to check them out. Lemme tell you, I was impressed. They were really good, I knew the fans would not be disapointed.

Brent however, had other ideas. "I hate how you made his voice high pitched everytime he says 'kid' and 'sit'. Like people will really want to have their ears scratched out by Brendon's voice". Seriously, Brent could be super annoying sometimes. Specially when he's envious of Brendon for getting his spot.

Yeah, that's right, Brent was originally the vocals. But when Brendon fell into our laps, he lost his job and became Bassist.

But no big, it's not that much of a deal anyways. I was getting agrivated at Brent's whining so I decided to speak up, "Brent, He sounds great. Ever sense you lost your spot as the vocalist because of Brendon all you've been doing is criticizing him! Just stop, please"

Everyone's jaws dropped. I don't know why, that was acctually a nice one. I can be pretty mean sometimes.

Well Brent decided to leave, then Spenc Brendon and I left. We really didn't want to get ran over by him that's why. So Spenc dropped us off at my house and we went inside.

'No dad, thank god' yeah I really wasn't too intrested in walking through the door and have to explain why I had a guy hanging all over my half naked body.

That one would have been a little hard to explain.

I sat on the couch with Brendon still attached to me, and turned on the T.V. "Cartoons, Cartoons, Music Videos, The Real World, David Bowie Interview, ah this looks interesting. The Truth Behind Vegas." I left it on the channel, even though it was on commercial.

Brendon made the funniest face when a tampon commercial came on, "Now that's, just plain out wrong." he said as he turned to me. His nose was scrunched up and his lips slung out to the side, it almost looked like a Patrick Stump face. It was so /cute/.

We watched the show, something on the Travel Channel about the truth behind Vegas. Ha, what a bunch of fuckheads.

Brendon looked like he was falling asleep, so I made sandwiches. Why? I don't know, I just had this sudden urge to make sandwiches. So I made some and placed them on the counter and walked over to Brendon. He looked like a little kid while he was sleeping, it made me smile, how cute an innocent he was. Awake and Asleep.

I kneeled down right by him on the couch and bent forward. Kissing him gently on the lips. No luck in waking him up. So I did the next best thing.

"BRENDON!! OH SHIT THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!" he fell off the couch, and I fell down laughing. Poor mistreated Brendon. He needs a new boyfriend.

He got up and took off his shirt, Damn Brendon had a nice chest.

He sat down next to me, rubbing his bare chest against mine. It was enough to stir me up, literally, stir me /'up'/.

He began to kiss and bite my neck, hard. I winced in pain. "Was that too hard for you babe?" just the sound of him calling me babe made me hard.

Then reality hit me, what if my dad came home and say us making out on the couch? That wouldn't be too good.

"Bren, hun, can we go to my room or something? please?" He made a pout, "Awww, okay." He beamed and without a moments hesitation yanked me upstairs, to my room.

Before I could blink he had closed the door and locked it, closed the blinds, and went back to what he was doing to me on the couch. I can't believe this boy.

Then I heard a voice I hadn't heard in a while, 'He's fucing with your head Ryan' it was my mind. Something I thought I had forgotten about.

I angrily yelled back, /'Oh Yeah? And how would you know?'/, yeah I'm having an enternal conflict with my mind, kinda weird.

'I'm your voice of reason, I'm your mind, I CLEARLY SEE THE THINGS YOU DON'T! which, by the way, is just about everything other than Brendon.' Yeah, I was wanting to punch myself in the face right about now. 'Can We continue this later? I'm about to fuck a guy here.' the voice was silent.

Brendon was kissing my abdomen and unbuttoning my pants. I began to moan loudly as he slipped his hand in pants and brushed against my cock. Once he got my pants off we covers ourselves with darkness and blankets. All you could make out after that were moans and groans and loud, pleasured, screams.

I awoke to Bren getting his clothes on. "Where are you going love?" he turned and gave me a bitter look, I remember that look from a few months earlier in the car, he must be angry about something.

Bren finished putting his shoes on, "I'm going away, I can't be this way Ryan. Do you know how much it would jeprodise the band? Even if it's hush hush and stuff. If someone were to find out in anyway, they'd totally bash us."

I didn't care about anyone but Brendon at this moment in time, so if that's what he wanted, that's what'll happen. I guess.

"But Brendon..." He glared at me, "Shut up Ryan, I'm going to go buy me a lap dance and forget the fact that I just did that with you." all I could think was 'Prayin' for love in a lap dance.' so I spoke te first thing that came to mind.

"But Brendon...I love you. Isn't that enough for you? for us? who cares what they think?" now I know I sound really selfish and everything, but I really wanted what would make Bren happy. No matter what.

He walked to my door and opened it, "I do" and slammed it behind him. Leaving me to tear up and cry, naked, on the bed.


I don't know where he went or what happened to him, but after the second time he turned his back on me I decided to leave Las Vegas, and him for good. I couldn't do this anymore.

I bet they'll notice when I don't show up for practice today. Who cares? I'm sorry to Spenc and Brent, but not Brendon. I hate him with all my heart.

I'm packing tonight and leaving tomarrow night. I have it decided. Nothing or no one can stop me.

Not even Brendon Urie.

I packed up my bags and went back to sleep, ready to take the subway as far away from Brendon Urie as I possibly could.


The next day I woke up to realise that I had no toothpaste, and my camera was broken. /Damn it/, now I need to go to the store and buy crap.

I also decided to write a letter to Spenc and leave it in his door. Maybe he'll understand why I have to leave.

Dear Spencer,
You and I have been good friends sense you moved in next to me when we were 7, then you moved across town. I felt like we got more and more distant. Well I do hope you understand we're about to get even more distant. I'm leaving Vegas, I wish I could tell you why, but I can't. Just remember that I will be your best friend always, and I will have my cell on hand 24/7.
If you're ever lonely, pick up the phone and call me.

Ryan/Georgie Boy/R.R

I left it where he always sat on the front porch, and left. I still had to pick up those things while I was out.


Whilst I was walking in the center of town I spotted a young girl, about my age, in a black dress with off white polka-dots. Spinning in circles. I decided to watch her for a second, she was so carefree and poised. Her dress seemed to move with just as much grace as she did. Then, /she fell/.

I ran over to help her up. She got up and dusted herself off, her curly short layered hair flowing with her every move. She looked up at me and I could see her think black rimmed glasses that seemed to magnify he brown eyes.

"Thanks for helping me up George, I appriciate it." I was startled a little that she knew my real first name. "How do you know my name?" I questioned her, "Easy, You look like a George Ryan. Is that not your name? George Ryan...Ross?", okay that offically not a lucky guess. "Y-yeah that's my name. Do I know you?"

She shook her head, her hair bouncing with it, "No, If I told you who I was, you'd think I was lying." I laughed, "Try me."

She sighed, "I'm another form of an 'angel' as you would put it."

Okay that was riddiculous, I had to laugh. "No it wasn't riddiculous! It's the truth. and if you don't believe me than how do I know that you going to leave Las Vegas because of Brendon Urie? I can't just google that you know"

She was right. As crazy as it seemed, she must be an angel. She sat down on the concrete around the fountain, and I sat down next to her, "So, how do you know all this stuff about me?" She giggled, "I told you I'm an angel silly. What more do you want? Ice Cream to fall from the sky?" I really didn't want that. Especially not on my Clandestine shirt.

She pulled a pack of cig's out of nowhere, and began to smoke one. As she smoked she sang, "Do de do de do do" she was a little weird. Then she began to sing /I write sins, Not Tradgedies/, which was an unknown track at the time.

She turned to me, "Want one?" I shook my head, "No I-" she cut me off, "You Don't smoke, you like virgin strawberry daquiri's and your mothers name is Melissa. I know I know I was just pulling your leg Ryan." she called me Ryan. Wow. So awkward.

I arched an eyebrow, "You know-" again she cut me off, "I have to stop freaking you out if I want you to acctually stay here and receive the 'thing'. I know I know."

/the 'thing'/? What the fuck is that? It must be old to have such a tacky name.

She grabbed something out of the air again, "It is old, as old as time it's self. It was kept so that people could fix mistakes they made so they could get into heaven," she grabbed my hand and place some pocket watch thing in it, "But 'people' want you to have it. An innocent life will be saved if you use it well."

I looked down at it, "But who will die if I don't use it well?" She stood up, "That I can't tell you. When the time comes, you'll know."

I looked back down at it, and tried to open it. Then I looked back up at where the girl stood, no one was there. She was gone. and in her place was a note, "My names Missy, But you can call me lizzie, oh and open it"

I opened it and a picture popped out. It was a picture of Brendon.

Yeah I know it's a little retarded. But hey I wanted to mix it up a little and let everything go over well in the end.

I got up and went home. I grabbed my hat and coat and was out the door. 'I can't leave now. Not right now anyways.'

I walked out front door just in time to see Spenc's car pulling up. He stopped and got out, Brent right on his heels. "Ryan! I'm so glad to see your okay, do you know where Brendon is? He's been missing sense yesterday. You haven't seen him have you?" Spencer looked worried. "He left my house yesterday, murmuring something. But that was the last time I saw him."

I was scared, maybe he ran away. /Oh geez Bren, whow could I do this to you/?

Oh shit. Maybe he's hurt. Maybe /he's/... "Fuck!" Spenc turned to me, "What?" I shook my head. "This girl yesterday, she said something, people were gonna get hurt, die even. Maybe he's hurt somewhere, or maybe he's dead."

Spencer put his hands on my shoulders and shook me violently, "Don't say that, don't ever fucking say that! Brendon's fine, maybe he took the subway home or something." Double shit. He might gotten hit by a subway.

"Spenc, we need to check the subways, see if he's down there, lost or something." Spenc nodded and looked at Brent, "Well lets go find him."

Wow, Brent acctually wanted to find Brendon. I have offically seen everything.

"Without him, I have not competition. Competition is what keeps me alive." Brent smiled and got in car. I got in the backseat, and we left.


The mainstreet subway was crowded, lots of people and lots of ambulences. It too crowded too see what was going on. /Wait/, ambulences??

Something is terribly, terribly wrong with this picture.

I ran through the crowd, with shouts of, "That's my friend up there!" one person turned around and said, "Wow, I-I-I'm so sorry." That really didn't leave a good picture in my head at all.

I got up to the tracks to see a pool of blood and 11 people hovering over something, some one that is. I fell to the floor in tears, 'I'm sorry Brendon, I'm so fucking sorry'

Some one put their hand on my shoulder, I pushed it off, not noticing that it was missy at all. "You know how to use that thing in your pocket?" I looked up and reached to my pocket.

Oh yeah the 'thing'. "Yeah, Turn the little knob at the top clock wise 3 times and you'll go back to last night. Before this, before you met me, before he was stabbed by...nevermind that, before he died. Thats all you need to know. Oh and 2 turns will put you here right before it happened. I suggest 2. Okay, bye now"

Before I could as for anything, even say goodbye, she was gone again. Poofed into thin air.

I pulled out the pocket watch. I looked at the picture of Brendon inside, he was sleeping, how cute. Then I looked at him lying cold and breathless on the subway tracks.

I wanted to kill myself for saying he looked beautiful even when he was dead. I wanted to kill myself for what I had done to him. I wanted to kill myself /for him/.

I pulled the knob up so I could turn it, and I took a deep breath. "Brendon, I love you, and I probably always will."

And with that I turned it.
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