Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Patrick Stump and the Great Cupcake Caper
A/N: The pure ridiculousness of this cannot be expressed in words. I swear I wasn't on anything when I wrote this--unless you count 3 hours of sleep "on something". And it just keeps getting more ridiculous as it goes along. Hope you like it.
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"Ooof!" Bridget exclaimed as she landed on the floor of the van.
"LEMME GO!" Callan screamed smacking at her much smaller kidnapper as he had forgotten to tie up her hands. Smaller then her the kidnapper may have been but this was one determined person lemme tell you. Bridget sat up as she felt Callan land next to her and the van start up a second later before it peeled out. Ripping the bag off of her head she was surprised to suddenly feel like she was in a band 70's porno.
"Whoa..." Callan said looking around next to her having removed her own..bindings. "bam chicka bam bam son."
"Seriously...I feel like we should have like someone as massivly endowed as Ron Jeremy here with us. But not ya know Ron Jeremy 'cause he's skanky." Bridget mused outloud.
"Well, that automatically means Pete doesn't qualify. Maybe this guy is hoping for lesbian porn?"
"..possibly. Although that does automatically bring Pete back into the equation. Fucking chick. Dude you shoulda seen his room."
"SHUT UP!" was screamed from the front and both girls were suddenly reminded they had been kidnapped. A few seconds later however if a person were looking close enough they would have seen the proverbial lightbulb explode over Bridget's head. Not a second after that she reached over and ripped open the gold satin curtin that had seperated the driver from them.
"It IS you. PATRICK WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"umm...pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." suddenly bumbling nervous Patrick was back.
"Wrong story Hatrack." Bridget said patting him on the head. "Don't worry. I get confused sometimes too. Now stop the van and let me out. You can keep that one. She'll thank me later." she said pointing in Callan's direction. The other girl was nodding enthusiastically while attempting to hold a sexy pose, although it was proving difficult as the van's shocks were dying and it didn't seem to want to stay still.
"I want my cupcakes. You can both go when I get my cupcakes back. AND answers! They did nothing to you. I want to know why you would take them!" He rambled beginning to resemble a hysterical munchkin.
Bridget backed away from the younger man and slid up next to Callan. Turning to the taller girl she said in a hushed tone of voice, "We may have a problem."
An hour later they had pulled up to the hotel. The hotel that was all of a seven and a half minute drive from the docks. Patrick got lost. "It happens" was his response to the girl's glares. Learning from past mistakes Patrick grabbed two of his kerchiefs, "They are HANDkerchiefs" he stressed to Bridgets amused chuckel, and tied their hands up. He then walked them up the stairs to the suite that Fall Out Boy was staying in and walked in to find Pete pacing frantically while clutching an asco...bandan...HANDkerchief to his chest.
"There you are! I've been worried sick young ma...hellllllo ladies."
"ew." Bridget stated simply while Callan rolled her eyes at both parties and mumbled something about "children"
"You sit down and don't talk." Patrick stammered out.
"If we don't talk you don't get your lucious...gooey...baked goods." Bridget drolled out.
"Ok who is she? 'cause she's kinda making me hot" Joe asked as he walked into the room during Bridget's sentence. Pete nodded severely as his eyes widened.
"They stole my cupcakes!" Patrick exclaimed throwing his arms in the air not understanding why two single, fairly attractive, dim witted boys would want to hit on the girls Patrick had basically led into their hotel room tied up and ready for the taking.
"Dude. Here." Pete said handing Patrick a bakery box.
"See all fixed. Can we go now?" Callan asked suddenly nervous that her crush object might be lacking in a few screws. Watching him stare into a box of cupcakes as though he was staring at the love of his life was making her all sorts of twitchy.
"Yea, can we go? Oh and umm...Pete...can I have maybe like a pair of boxers? or four? autographed?"
"Sit. Down. ALL of you!" At Patrick's statement the three young adults, and dude who was pushing thirty, sat down where they stood. Two on the couch, one on the coffee table, and Joe on the floor. "Peter. There is no green." Patrick hissed.
"Whoa dude. Chill. I got hungry."
"YOU ATE IT!?!"
"Pete shutting up right now would be a good idea." Bridget said kicking him in the shin. Mainly just 'cause she could.
"Umm...you might be right about that dollface."
"Don't make me hurt you."
An hour later all four were sitting on the couch watching Patrick walk back and forth and rant and rave about "cuppycakes". Bridget had tried opening her mouth to say something for the first twenty minutes but everytime she did Patrick would tell her to "shut up. I'm trying to think." Finally she shrugged and settled for glaring at Pete. Callan and Joe had taken to discussing jewlery as he was trying to figure out what to buy his girlfriend. Pete was just staring at his reflection in his pocket compact mirror. "OK you know what? I'm so over this." Bridget exclaimed getting up from the couch.
"SIT!" Patrick squeaked in a high pitched voice.
"Nope." Bridget responded while taking off her "bindings". "I've humored you long enough. The fucking cupcakes are in our car down the block at the docks. We took them 'cause we were that bored. And we figured 'what would be the least likely to get us into any sort of trouble. lets take that.' Guess that plan got shot to hell."
"Why didn't you tell me this before? If they're right down the block I can go get them and this will be over with."
"Argh." Bridget said sitting back down and flopping over into Pete's lap. "Just kill me now ok?"
"Ya know...while your down...ouch."
Reaching the docks again by way of the van the four and their..umm...captor stared in dismay at the empty parking lot.
"Where's my car?!" Callan screamed.
"uhh...I might have left the keys in it when he grabbed us." Bridget said pointing at Patrick.
"Wonderful." Callan said putting her hands over her eyes and shaking her head. Bridget reached over to smack the snickering Pete and Joe. And Patrick sighed softly before saying, "I'm sorry."
"Its ok Patrick. It isn't your fault. It's Pete's."
"HEY!" the indignant boy stopped laughing to yell.
"What? He's too cute to stay mad at. And in some way I bet this is your fault." Callan replied.
"Uhh...guys. What's that?" Joe asked pointing to a package sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The five people shrugged at each other and looked at it as though it would come to them. Bridget finally sighed dramatically and walked over and picked it up.
"Its a bakery box." She called back to them. Five seconds later the little engine that could...err...Patrick was next to her and opening the box.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" was all the other three heard as Bridget reached out to catch the little man before he hurt his knees attempting to fall dramatically to the ground. For in the box was another note. And a picture of the green cupcake with a bite taken out of it.
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"Ooof!" Bridget exclaimed as she landed on the floor of the van.
"LEMME GO!" Callan screamed smacking at her much smaller kidnapper as he had forgotten to tie up her hands. Smaller then her the kidnapper may have been but this was one determined person lemme tell you. Bridget sat up as she felt Callan land next to her and the van start up a second later before it peeled out. Ripping the bag off of her head she was surprised to suddenly feel like she was in a band 70's porno.
"Whoa..." Callan said looking around next to her having removed her own..bindings. "bam chicka bam bam son."
"Seriously...I feel like we should have like someone as massivly endowed as Ron Jeremy here with us. But not ya know Ron Jeremy 'cause he's skanky." Bridget mused outloud.
"Well, that automatically means Pete doesn't qualify. Maybe this guy is hoping for lesbian porn?"
"..possibly. Although that does automatically bring Pete back into the equation. Fucking chick. Dude you shoulda seen his room."
"SHUT UP!" was screamed from the front and both girls were suddenly reminded they had been kidnapped. A few seconds later however if a person were looking close enough they would have seen the proverbial lightbulb explode over Bridget's head. Not a second after that she reached over and ripped open the gold satin curtin that had seperated the driver from them.
"It IS you. PATRICK WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"umm...pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." suddenly bumbling nervous Patrick was back.
"Wrong story Hatrack." Bridget said patting him on the head. "Don't worry. I get confused sometimes too. Now stop the van and let me out. You can keep that one. She'll thank me later." she said pointing in Callan's direction. The other girl was nodding enthusiastically while attempting to hold a sexy pose, although it was proving difficult as the van's shocks were dying and it didn't seem to want to stay still.
"I want my cupcakes. You can both go when I get my cupcakes back. AND answers! They did nothing to you. I want to know why you would take them!" He rambled beginning to resemble a hysterical munchkin.
Bridget backed away from the younger man and slid up next to Callan. Turning to the taller girl she said in a hushed tone of voice, "We may have a problem."
An hour later they had pulled up to the hotel. The hotel that was all of a seven and a half minute drive from the docks. Patrick got lost. "It happens" was his response to the girl's glares. Learning from past mistakes Patrick grabbed two of his kerchiefs, "They are HANDkerchiefs" he stressed to Bridgets amused chuckel, and tied their hands up. He then walked them up the stairs to the suite that Fall Out Boy was staying in and walked in to find Pete pacing frantically while clutching an asco...bandan...HANDkerchief to his chest.
"There you are! I've been worried sick young ma...hellllllo ladies."
"ew." Bridget stated simply while Callan rolled her eyes at both parties and mumbled something about "children"
"You sit down and don't talk." Patrick stammered out.
"If we don't talk you don't get your lucious...gooey...baked goods." Bridget drolled out.
"Ok who is she? 'cause she's kinda making me hot" Joe asked as he walked into the room during Bridget's sentence. Pete nodded severely as his eyes widened.
"They stole my cupcakes!" Patrick exclaimed throwing his arms in the air not understanding why two single, fairly attractive, dim witted boys would want to hit on the girls Patrick had basically led into their hotel room tied up and ready for the taking.
"Dude. Here." Pete said handing Patrick a bakery box.
"See all fixed. Can we go now?" Callan asked suddenly nervous that her crush object might be lacking in a few screws. Watching him stare into a box of cupcakes as though he was staring at the love of his life was making her all sorts of twitchy.
"Yea, can we go? Oh and umm...Pete...can I have maybe like a pair of boxers? or four? autographed?"
"Sit. Down. ALL of you!" At Patrick's statement the three young adults, and dude who was pushing thirty, sat down where they stood. Two on the couch, one on the coffee table, and Joe on the floor. "Peter. There is no green." Patrick hissed.
"Whoa dude. Chill. I got hungry."
"YOU ATE IT!?!"
"Pete shutting up right now would be a good idea." Bridget said kicking him in the shin. Mainly just 'cause she could.
"Umm...you might be right about that dollface."
"Don't make me hurt you."
An hour later all four were sitting on the couch watching Patrick walk back and forth and rant and rave about "cuppycakes". Bridget had tried opening her mouth to say something for the first twenty minutes but everytime she did Patrick would tell her to "shut up. I'm trying to think." Finally she shrugged and settled for glaring at Pete. Callan and Joe had taken to discussing jewlery as he was trying to figure out what to buy his girlfriend. Pete was just staring at his reflection in his pocket compact mirror. "OK you know what? I'm so over this." Bridget exclaimed getting up from the couch.
"SIT!" Patrick squeaked in a high pitched voice.
"Nope." Bridget responded while taking off her "bindings". "I've humored you long enough. The fucking cupcakes are in our car down the block at the docks. We took them 'cause we were that bored. And we figured 'what would be the least likely to get us into any sort of trouble. lets take that.' Guess that plan got shot to hell."
"Why didn't you tell me this before? If they're right down the block I can go get them and this will be over with."
"Argh." Bridget said sitting back down and flopping over into Pete's lap. "Just kill me now ok?"
"Ya know...while your down...ouch."
Reaching the docks again by way of the van the four and their..umm...captor stared in dismay at the empty parking lot.
"Where's my car?!" Callan screamed.
"uhh...I might have left the keys in it when he grabbed us." Bridget said pointing at Patrick.
"Wonderful." Callan said putting her hands over her eyes and shaking her head. Bridget reached over to smack the snickering Pete and Joe. And Patrick sighed softly before saying, "I'm sorry."
"Its ok Patrick. It isn't your fault. It's Pete's."
"HEY!" the indignant boy stopped laughing to yell.
"What? He's too cute to stay mad at. And in some way I bet this is your fault." Callan replied.
"Uhh...guys. What's that?" Joe asked pointing to a package sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The five people shrugged at each other and looked at it as though it would come to them. Bridget finally sighed dramatically and walked over and picked it up.
"Its a bakery box." She called back to them. Five seconds later the little engine that could...err...Patrick was next to her and opening the box.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" was all the other three heard as Bridget reached out to catch the little man before he hurt his knees attempting to fall dramatically to the ground. For in the box was another note. And a picture of the green cupcake with a bite taken out of it.
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