(#) JesusKetchum31 2005-08-21That... was cute. It really captured the basic vibe of the Pokemon anime, with the great elements of the game, and a more cerebral bent than EITHER has. Plus, the May/Brendan thing is interesting, and I like the explanation of his hair color (although I'm not sure if it's canon or not, since I can't watch the anime). This was very well-written. I'm impressed. Good job!
- Wow, that was amazing -- especially since at the beginning I was wincing at the lack of complete sentences, and by the end I was convinced that this pair was cannon, and the story perfect.
Anyway, my biggest suggestion is mainly don't depend on the broken sentence stream-of-conciousness style to help create mood and ambience. It's great in small doses (REALLY effective when it came to the Earthquake matching up), but with the entire first half of the story written that way it's just harder to read, and more annoying. There's no conherent flow to the story, which you really need, especially in battle scenes. Time outs to look at the pokedex break up the action as it is, without fractured sentencing (although, to be fair, you had pretty much ditched that style by the time the battle started).
Other than that, everything is wonderful. I love your dialogue. The banter was cute and fun, and the ending was just worth everything. Misty is such a devious little girl, isn't she? Poor Bredan, he probably doesn't know what hit him.
And, even though I hate romance, and I'm pretty dodgy on the anime, I think I will also write a Misty/Brendan one shot, just because you convinced me.
Enjoy getting Brawly and Steven together.
^.^ IWCT (If Walls Could Talk)
- Incredibly cute!
Brendan's enthusiasm really is infectious. Your battle is hard-hitting but still fun, and your grasp of strategy is superb as is the back and forth dialogue of Misty and Brendan and the way you led up to her decision to leave with him.
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