Categories > Cartoons > Delilah and Julius > Kill Me Inside
I Just Want You to Know Who I Am
4 reviewsSet back when Julius first got into poetry, around age twelve, maybe?
2Moving
Song - Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls.
Julius walked into his room, noting the door was open when he was positive he had closed it when he'd gone out. He sucked in his breath as he saw the papers spread out on the floor, and Ursula laying on his bed, reading from a sheet. He felt himself blush, just being in her presence. He'd had a crush on her for nearly a month now. She glanced at him as he gasped, and chuckled.
"You didn't tell me you wrote poetry." she said flatly.
******************
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
******************
His face turned a deeper red. "Well, I, um ..."
Ursula got off the bed and walked over to him. She leaned in close to him, so close that he thought she might actually kiss him. But then she whispered in his ear, "These suck!"
Before Julius could stop her, she crumpled the poem she was holding into a ball and shoved it into his arms. Then she set about kicking, ripping, and tearing all of his poems on the floor. All his months of hard work, gone in an instant. Ursula grinned when she was finished. As she strode past him, her nose in the air, she said loudly,
"You suck."
**************
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
**************
As she left his room, Julius felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest. He blinked back tears. Those poems had meant something to him, a lot to him, and now they meant nothing. With four harsh words, his dreams had been dashed. He'd thought they were pretty good. Ursula didn't think so, though. And she must be right. How could he judge his own writing?
Being told your writing sucked was enough, but then Ursula had gone further, telling him he sucked. His self-esteem had been shattered in one brief moment.
*****************
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
*****************
He stood in amidst the torn papers, watching them, as if that could bring them back. A teardrop escaped his eye and fell to the floor. As much as he wanted to cry, he couldn't. Why? His writing had been criticized, he had been insulted. Why couldn't he just cry? It felt horrible holding the tears in, but they just wouldn't come out.
"Julius?"
He turned around. Delilah was standing in his doorway, looking at him with concern. Her brown eyes flickered to the floor, then down the hall as Ursula's laugh echoed through it. "Oh, Julius, no. Are you okay?"
"Yes," he muttered angrily. He saw the look of hurt in Delilah's eyes. "No. No, I'm not."
******************
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
******************
Delilah walked into his room and bent down. She picked up a small piece of paper and sighed. "What were these?" She stood up. "Can you replace them?"
Biting his lip, Julius shook his head. "No. They were my ..." He blushed, at a loss to why. "... my poems."
His friend wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Who did this?"
"Ursula ..." he managed, his throat tightening up. He had thought she liked him, but she had done this. Why? Was he supposed to be the best writer in the world? It was his first time, for Heaven's sake! And yet, he couldn't help but feel that Ursula was right. He did suck. He couldn't write.
*****************
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
*****************
As if reading his thoughts, Delilah interrupted them. "Don't listen to what Ursula says, Jay. She doesn't know anything. She's a stuck-up bully. Probably jealous, too. She's never written anything worth-while, so what gives her the right to judge?"
Julius sniffed, knowing that Delilah was correct. "But it still hurts."
"Oh, it will," she answered softly. "You'll get over it. And don't pay attention to her anymore. She doesn't know jack."
****************
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
****************
Julius sighed, and squatted down. "Too bad I can't fix these. I can't remember half of them."
Kneeling down beside him, Delilah placed a hand on his shoulder. It made him tense up. What was this strange feeling? "Maybe not. She didn't do a very good job of shredding them. We could probably put them back together again."
His blue eyes wide, Julius gaped at her. "You'd do that? For me?"
"'Course I would, silly!"
"It would take some time, though ..."
"All important things do, Jay,"
*****************
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
*****************
As Delilah ran to get tape, Julius began to sort out the scraps of paper. It wasn't just his poems that needed to be put back together, it was his confidence.
"These suck!"
With those words, those two, simple words, Julius had felt his heart break. He had worked hard on those, poured his soul into them. He hadn't built up enough courage to show Al or Scarlett, or even Delilah, any of them yet. His confidence had been small as it was, and Ursula had just about obliterated it.
*************
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
*************
"You suck!"
She's wrong, Julius told himself. Delilah's right. She can't judge me. And I don't need to listen to her. She won't get to me. I won't let her. She's not worth it.
"Are you ready, Jay?"
Delilah came back, holding a tape dispenser. He grinned as she sat down beside him. As she ripped of a piece of tape, and put two pieces back together, he got that strange feeling inside his stomach again. Before, he'd only gotten that feeling around Ursula.
"There!" Delilah said triumphantly, holding up a full sheet of paper. "One done!"
************
I just want you to know who I am
************
And with that one sheet of paper, Julius felt one piece of his confidence fit back into the broken mess.
Julius walked into his room, noting the door was open when he was positive he had closed it when he'd gone out. He sucked in his breath as he saw the papers spread out on the floor, and Ursula laying on his bed, reading from a sheet. He felt himself blush, just being in her presence. He'd had a crush on her for nearly a month now. She glanced at him as he gasped, and chuckled.
"You didn't tell me you wrote poetry." she said flatly.
******************
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
******************
His face turned a deeper red. "Well, I, um ..."
Ursula got off the bed and walked over to him. She leaned in close to him, so close that he thought she might actually kiss him. But then she whispered in his ear, "These suck!"
Before Julius could stop her, she crumpled the poem she was holding into a ball and shoved it into his arms. Then she set about kicking, ripping, and tearing all of his poems on the floor. All his months of hard work, gone in an instant. Ursula grinned when she was finished. As she strode past him, her nose in the air, she said loudly,
"You suck."
**************
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
**************
As she left his room, Julius felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest. He blinked back tears. Those poems had meant something to him, a lot to him, and now they meant nothing. With four harsh words, his dreams had been dashed. He'd thought they were pretty good. Ursula didn't think so, though. And she must be right. How could he judge his own writing?
Being told your writing sucked was enough, but then Ursula had gone further, telling him he sucked. His self-esteem had been shattered in one brief moment.
*****************
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
*****************
He stood in amidst the torn papers, watching them, as if that could bring them back. A teardrop escaped his eye and fell to the floor. As much as he wanted to cry, he couldn't. Why? His writing had been criticized, he had been insulted. Why couldn't he just cry? It felt horrible holding the tears in, but they just wouldn't come out.
"Julius?"
He turned around. Delilah was standing in his doorway, looking at him with concern. Her brown eyes flickered to the floor, then down the hall as Ursula's laugh echoed through it. "Oh, Julius, no. Are you okay?"
"Yes," he muttered angrily. He saw the look of hurt in Delilah's eyes. "No. No, I'm not."
******************
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
******************
Delilah walked into his room and bent down. She picked up a small piece of paper and sighed. "What were these?" She stood up. "Can you replace them?"
Biting his lip, Julius shook his head. "No. They were my ..." He blushed, at a loss to why. "... my poems."
His friend wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Who did this?"
"Ursula ..." he managed, his throat tightening up. He had thought she liked him, but she had done this. Why? Was he supposed to be the best writer in the world? It was his first time, for Heaven's sake! And yet, he couldn't help but feel that Ursula was right. He did suck. He couldn't write.
*****************
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
*****************
As if reading his thoughts, Delilah interrupted them. "Don't listen to what Ursula says, Jay. She doesn't know anything. She's a stuck-up bully. Probably jealous, too. She's never written anything worth-while, so what gives her the right to judge?"
Julius sniffed, knowing that Delilah was correct. "But it still hurts."
"Oh, it will," she answered softly. "You'll get over it. And don't pay attention to her anymore. She doesn't know jack."
****************
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
****************
Julius sighed, and squatted down. "Too bad I can't fix these. I can't remember half of them."
Kneeling down beside him, Delilah placed a hand on his shoulder. It made him tense up. What was this strange feeling? "Maybe not. She didn't do a very good job of shredding them. We could probably put them back together again."
His blue eyes wide, Julius gaped at her. "You'd do that? For me?"
"'Course I would, silly!"
"It would take some time, though ..."
"All important things do, Jay,"
*****************
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
*****************
As Delilah ran to get tape, Julius began to sort out the scraps of paper. It wasn't just his poems that needed to be put back together, it was his confidence.
"These suck!"
With those words, those two, simple words, Julius had felt his heart break. He had worked hard on those, poured his soul into them. He hadn't built up enough courage to show Al or Scarlett, or even Delilah, any of them yet. His confidence had been small as it was, and Ursula had just about obliterated it.
*************
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
*************
"You suck!"
She's wrong, Julius told himself. Delilah's right. She can't judge me. And I don't need to listen to her. She won't get to me. I won't let her. She's not worth it.
"Are you ready, Jay?"
Delilah came back, holding a tape dispenser. He grinned as she sat down beside him. As she ripped of a piece of tape, and put two pieces back together, he got that strange feeling inside his stomach again. Before, he'd only gotten that feeling around Ursula.
"There!" Delilah said triumphantly, holding up a full sheet of paper. "One done!"
************
I just want you to know who I am
************
And with that one sheet of paper, Julius felt one piece of his confidence fit back into the broken mess.
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