FicWad

Bender took the group past the school at about a half hour before it was slated to start classes that morning. They had decided to go out to the suburb of Northbrook and have breakfast together to give them the opportunity to digest their situation, and to figure out each other's lives, families, and other situations. They had remained silent for most of the trip to the restaurant, but it unfortunately also gave them the opportunity to think about just how screwed they were.

Living life behind someone else's eyes really wasn't as appealing as it sounded.

Brian couldn't even think of how many times that he had wished that he was someone else; after many years of being picked on and ridiculed, it was natural for him to think such thoughts. He wasn't a person who was known for his self-confidence, but he was known for having a runaway imagination. He was now stuck in another person's body, and he wasn't too sure that it was all that appealing.

The fact that he was stuck in Claire Standish's body made it all the more horrifying; he felt like he was violating her just by looking in the mirror. Not only was there the issue of him having to go to the bathroom in her body, he would have to worry about changing and showering, fitting in with her family, dealing with her friends, and making her look decent enough to go out in public. Her life was just way to hectic and dramatic for a kid like him!

On top of the worries of dealing with Claire's situation, he was more than worried about his own. As it turned out, Allison had been transferred into his body, and he couldn't have thought that was worse - unless of course it was Bender in his body. Allison and Brian had two totally differing personalities and opinions which Brian thought would make it increasingly difficult for Allison to remain undercover and not screw things up for him.

He had grades to maintain, college applications, his family, his responsibilities, the Physics Club...he had all of that to worry about, and Allison sure didn't know anything about keeping those up! Allison had total freedom in her home, no academic responsibility, or social gatherings to worry about. If anything, Allison could make him look like a freak! He didn't want to think such thoughts about someone that he considered a friend, but it was in his nature to panic about such things!

Allison was a smart girl; she had street savvy, creativity, sass, and she was a very good analyzer and observer. Allison also had style and no fear when it came to reputations and public opinion. All of those qualities were qualities that he very much enjoyed about her, but on the other hand, were qualities that he didn't deem very acceptable for his own body; those qualities could lead him into some very deep trouble if she wasn't careful!

At the same time, he could see the same trouble arising with him being in Claire's body. Claire was very sophisticated, fashion savvy, mature, feminine, and graceful; five things that Brian Johnson was not. He knew that Claire cared very much for the way she looked and the way others perceived her, and that fact scared Brian a lot. His biggest fear and pet peeve was failure, so the thought of failing his friend devastated him.

He wasn't entirely sure what sort of consequence the situation would have on their friendships, and in some cases relationships, with each other. Brian had a gut feeling that maybe his little birthday wish had something to do with it.

"He wished for something - anything - that would help them to understand each other and be close again."

"I wish that they would just learn their lesson."

His words - in his opinion - had been rather harsh. His birthday had not even been close to how he planned it to be; in fact, it would be safe to say that the entire night had been a disaster for them. The fact that he had been so excited and happy that they wanted to do something, and the let down that he got afterwards was definitely what caused him to mutter such things. Of course, he really did want their relationships to be good again - and yes he wanted them to understand one another again - but was the process worth it?

Better yet, would it be safe to tell the others that their predicament may in fact be his fault?

He was hoping to god that that runaway imagination of his was what was causing him to have such thoughts. Hell, maybe he wasn't responsible at all and he was just being paranoid. He hoped so anyways.

"We're here," Allison - err, Andy - muttered from the seat as he unbuckled his seatbelt. The rest of the group followed suit as Bender turned off the ignition, and they all piled out of the vehicle.

Once they got inside and were seated, an awkward silence overcame the table. It was fairly obvious that everyone was sizing their own bodies up - maybe out of self consciousness, or fear, or curiosity, Brian wasn't sure.

"So are you all ready to order now?" A male waiter approached the table. He had jet black hair, and dark beady eyes; he was extremely tall and way too skinny for his height.

"I'll have a stack of pancakes," Brian started, but before he could finish, Claire cleared her throat and spoke the deep voice of John Bender.

"Uh, I don't think so. You don't need pancakes. I think you should order a salad." She stared directly at Brian's eyes, with Bender's menacing glare. Brian could only scoff at the order.

"I can't eat salad for breakfast! I'll starve!" He sank in his seat and paused. "Can I eat an omelet?"

Claire hesitated before shrugging her shoulders. "No bacon and low fat cheese!"

Brian looked back up towards the waiter and smiled politely. "Make it a western." The waiter only gave him a sympathetic look before leaning down and whispering in Brian's ear.

"You know, you don't have to take that kind of abuse from your boyfriend. There are plenty of guys out there that would treat you right, you know." Brian snorted in laughter; naïve to the waiter's flirting.

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend. That's just my friend!" He smiled brightly at the tall boy.

The waiter's smile widened. "Well in that case, can I give you my number?"

Brian felt his face pale as Andy and Bender - in Allison and Andy's bodies respectfully - starting cracking up at him. Brian stammered on his words. "Uh...well, um, maybe I...um..."

Claire glared at John and Andrew and put her hands sweetly under her chin. "Go for it, Claire...he is totally cute. I would take his number."

John instantly stopped laughing and growled at his body. "Back off of it!"

The waiter only gave Claire a disgusted look. "Um, sorry...I like...um, girls..."

"But I!" Claire stopped herself and just slouched in her seat. "Whatever."

The rest of the group ordered their meals without protest, although Allison gave Andrew a concerned look when he ordered two full meals for himself. Brian was pretty sure that with Allison's body Andrew would not even be able to fit down a half of his meal, but that was just his opinion.

"I can't believe you just hit on that guy! You're a homo!" Bender exclaimed to Claire. "My body does not get boners over guys, so don't even fuckin' try it, Cherry!"

Claire rolled his eyes. "God, you laughed as though you couldn't believe anyone would hit on me!"

"He hit on Brian!" John yelled, exasperatedly.

Claire glared at him. "Which was really my body that he liked, not Brian's!"

"Hey!" Brian defended.

"Okay guys, I think we should settle down now so we don't draw any attention to ourselves." Andy interrupted.

"Whatever, I just want to make it clear that there will be no flamer activity in my body. Claire, if you wanna fuck a chick, then you can."

"What!" Claire screeched. "You think I would make you cheat on me! Are you insane?"

"And do you think she would lose her virginity with a girl, John?" Brian laughed at the thought.

Bender looked unimpressed. "For one, that body is not a virgin, so it wouldn't see anything it hasn't seen before. And two, I'm perfectly okay with the thought of Claire fucking a girl."

They all just stared at him for a few moments before settling down again. Brian was not only surprised that John had a brain in Andrew's body, but that he had a brain at all sometimes.

... ... ...

When the food finally arrived at the table, Andrew smiled. It was strange because mentally he felt really, really hungry, but now that the food was at the table he felt that he may have ordered way too much for Allison's smaller body to handle. He sighed and began to eat anyways.

After a few moments, he looked up at Bender and cleared his throat. "We have a bit of a problem."

Bender perked his eyebrow with a piece of bacon sticking out of his mouth. "What?"

Andrew put his fork down and wiped his lips. "I have a huge wrestling meet coming up in less than two weeks."

Bender shrugged and popped another piece of meat into his mouth. "So what? I'll just pretend to be sick so I don't mess your shit up. No big deal."

Andy sighed irritably. "It is a big deal, John! This is the biggest match of the year, and all of the university scouts are going to be there looking for scholarship applicants! It's my only chance of getting into a good school without student loans!"

"And how the hell do you expect me to win shit all, Sporto? I'm a fuckin' smoker and I've never rolled around with a boy before!" John was equally as irritated, but kept piling food into his mouth as though he hadn't eaten in months.

Andy rolled his eyes. "Those lungs are not smoker's lungs, and don't even think about making them that way either! My body is physically fit; you just have to go to my wrestling practices and gym classes to get your mind into it."

John gave him a doubtful look. "Look, Sporto, I don't think that I can do that shit. If I go to your gym class and hang out with a bunch of jock straps, I'll just end up kicking someone's face in."

Andrew felt his desperation and frustration kicking in. "Bender, you have to! How would you feel if Claire totally screwed up your life just because she didn't feel like doing something?" Andy tucked Allison's hair behind his ears and sighed. "How would you feel? This is so important to me...you can't just screw it up!"

John took a bite out of a piece of his toast and shrugged. "I'll do what I can, but I can't promise you no gold medal!"

Allison nodded in agreement. "He's right, Andy. You can't expect too much from him."

Andy almost glared at Allison for not agreeing with him. "But it's important!"

Allison rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and you try running your normal laps in my body and see if it's possible for you!" Her - well Brian's - eyes were pleading with him to stop and he could only sigh and lower his head.

"Fair enough, but Bender, you have to promise to try." Andy conceded. "You know, if you don't you won't just have me on your ass, but my dad and my coach too. They'll ride you so hard you'll wanna snap."

Bender looked around the table at the rest of the group and just shrugged. "Fine, fine...I'll run around in a couple of circles, do some fuckin' push ups, and throw some fairies around. No big deal."

"Almost every school scout in the country will be there," Brian pointed out. "That's a lot of pressure."

Bender only shrugged at that and piled some more eggs into his mouth. Andy sighed and dug around in Allison's bag for a piece of paper. He came across a spiral notebook and a sharpie marker and smiled. "Anything in here you don't want me to see?" He asked her.

She looked unfazed. "Does that matter at this point?"

Andy shrugged. "I guess not." He flipped open to a blank page and wrote down a few names on it, a couple of times, and a few household chores. He passed the paper to Bender. "Those are the names of my family members. The little one is my brother, Nicky, and there's my older sister, Annette. You've already met them though. My dad's name is Tony, my mom is Sheila. I have physiotherapy I have to go to twice a week with Dr. Morton. I also train with two guys who usually pick me up; their names are Chris and Jack." He straightened up in the chair and watched as Bender let it all sink in. "My coach is Coach Waters, and I have wrestling practices Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at second lunch period. The rest of the stuff on there are the chores that I am expected to have done before every Friday."

Bender's eyes scanned up and down the paper a few times. "Well this should be interesting."

"I know it seems like a lot, but..."

"No, I mean living with your sister. She's hot, man! Have you ever checked out the rack on her?" He almost drooled on himself.

"John!" yelled everyone at the table simultaneously. He rolled his eyes and ate - yet again - some more food.

Claire could only glare at him. "You need to take this a little more seriously! Andy's entire future is on the line here, and you could screw it all up!"

"You think I don't know that, Cherry?" Bender yelled back. Andy almost inwardly laughed at the sight of his body calling Bender's cherry, but knew to keep it in check. He swallowed hard and sighed.

"Listen John, you just do what you can, okay."

John nodded. "Who knows, maybe I'll enjoy the tights?"

... ... ...

Allison ate silently away at her French toast and mustard. She was seriously scared for Andy; he had been training and working so hard at the upcoming tournament, and now it could all be for nothing. She knew how much it meant to him, and she was scared that he would lose something sacred.

"And while we are on the subject of catching up," Brian cleared his throat and eyed Allison. "Maybe I should inform you of my responsibilities."

Allison wiped the mustard from Brian's lips and set her napkin down on her plate. "Shoot."

Brian swiped the notebook from Andy, and began to write down his own set of notes. "First of all, I live with one sister and both my parents - which I know you know, but, uh....I just wanted to remind you. My mom's name is Diane, my dad is Ralph, and my little sister's name is..."

"Mary," Allison cut him off with a nod. "I met her this morning. She is a messy eater."

Brian blushed a little. "Yeah well, don't mind her, okay? She's only six, and..."

"It's fine..." Allison cut him off once more. "Don't worry about it."

"Okay," Brian replied with a smile. "Tonight I have a birthday dinner with my grandparents. They come from Evanston. They don't like my mom at all, and they usually argue a lot. They are very serious Catholics, so you're going to have to watch what you do or say around them...they can be, uh, pretty strict, you know."

Allison nodded. "Will I have to eat the roast beef?" She was dreading the prospect of eating a slab of cow. The thought absolutely disgusted her.

Brian made a sympathetic face. "Unfortunately, yes. I'm really sorry about it, but things will just get ugly if you don't..." Allison cut him off with a disgusted grunt. Brian cleared his throat. "Okay well, just so you know I have physics club meetings on Tuesday after school, Latin and Math on Fridays at lunch and after school." He stopped when he caught sight of Allison's unimpressed face and sighed. "But you don't have to go if you don't want to."

Allison released a deep breath and smiled. "Thanks."

"Other then that you just have to watch Mary for an hour after school everyday until my mom gets home from work. The number for her job is on the fridge...she works at a nursing home in Northbrook. Um, you have to take care of the dog and the hamster - which I'm sure you won't mind, you know, because you like animals and all..." He chuckled nervously at himself and passed her off the finished paper. "You just have to do two hours of homework a night, and that's about it."

Allison looked over the paper with a straight and bored looking face. "Is there anything else that you do...anything that's a little more up my alley?" She thought that Brian's life was pretty structured and straight forward, but at the same time totally different than hers.

He smiled at her sheepishly. "Well I, uh...I kinda have to...you know, see a - a..."

"Spit it out, dork!" Bender butted in angrily. "God, I hate it when you do that!"

Brian blushed. "I have to see a therapist every Friday night at 6:00."

Allison cocked an eyebrow at him. "Why do you have to see a shrink?"

"How long has that been going on?" Andy asked curiously.

Brian sighed, looking very embarrassed - Allison wasn't sure why shrinks were embarrassing, but whatever. "Since last year," He whispered. "Since the flare gun thing."

Allison nodded at him in a reassuring manner. "I can handle a shrink no problem."

Bender snorted at that. "Yeah you just better hope that she doesn't start fucking him in your body there, big Bry."

Brian's cheeks burned and he shrugged. "My therapist is a woman." The group all laughed at that, finally calming down a bit. Allison decided to join the club and give Andy some of her instructions - even though she didn't have to tell him much that he didn't already know.

"I have an art show on Wednesday; they are displaying one of my pictures in the Shermer Galleria. That and I have to see my own shrink on Thursdays."

Andy perked an eyebrow. "Mr. Hashimoto?"

Allison shook her head. "No, my real shrink. My parents might take you, but if they don't I can maybe walk you there."

"If you can get out of the house," Brian commented.

"Right," Allison replied.

... ... ...

"So, Brian..." Claire started. "Um, I guess there is quite a bit that you need to know to be me."

"Oh god, here we go!" Bender moaned.

Claire ignored him and grabbed the notebook for her own turn. "Okay I live with both of my parents, Georgia and Robert. We have a maid named Manuela, and a landscaper named Julio. Manuela lives with us full time, and Julio drops by a few times a week." She bit the inside of her lip and frowned. "They don't speak English very well...in fact, they speak horrible English and you're probably going to have to pick up some basic Spanish."

"Is it close to Latin?" Brian asked enthusiastically.

Claire raised her eyebrows. "I have no idea."

"Oh," Brian sighed dejectedly. "I already know French and Latin; it shouldn't be that hard to pick up."

Claire only shrugged. "You probably won't see my dad much unless he wants something, but if you ever need money or clothes just ask him for his credit card - he should give it to you." Brian's eyeballs almost popped out of his head at that. "My mom is usually home a lot; she's a yoga teacher and she is a volunteer at the charity bingo and on Mayor Hughes' campaign committee. She is throwing a big party for him this weekend and you have to be there to help her set up and keep an eye out around the house."

"That sounds easy enough," Brian replied optimistically.

"Not so fast, mister." She cut him off and gave him an evil look. "I will not have you walking around and looking like that." She was appalled at the way he let her hair sit flat on her head, and how he didn't even bother to try with any make-up. She was a little more forgiving with the clothes, however, her purse did not match her shoes and that was bothering her as well.

Brian swallowed hard. "I didn't want to make you look trashy."

"Well I don't want to look like a slob either." Claire pointed out. "Look, one of these nights I will have to sneak over and give you some fashion tips. In the mean time, remember that you don't wear clashing colors, no white pants or skirts, no mini skirts, and no frumpy sweaters."

"Why can't he wear a mini skirt?" John complained.

Claire rolled his eyes. "Because he doesn't know how to wear one!"

Andy laughed at that. "I didn't know there was a way to wear them."

Claire glared at the three of them. "I will not have my ass falling out in public because he forgets that he can't sit with his legs open, or that he can't bend over. I will not tolerate that."

"You suck, dork!" John moaned.

Brian looked horrified. "You think I want you looking at me that way anyways? I don't think so!"

Claire shook her head at him. "You'll do fine, Brian. I trust you...well more than I would trust him in my body anyways."

"Hey!" John protested loudly. "I resent that!"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure that you do."

"Well just so you know, I think you make a shitty Bender anyways. You act all fuckin' faggy and such. I don't trust you."

Claire snorted at that. "So then why don't you give me some pointers, hm?"

John rolled his eyes. "Stay away from the whore - that's my mom's name; stay away from the big asshole - that's my dad's name; and stay away from the crazy fucker with the sticky uppy hair do - that's my brother. Anything else you need to know?"

She gave him a deadpanned look. "Oh that helps, John. Stop worrying about hiding shit now because I'm going to find out anyways. So just spill already."

John glared at her. "You need to go down to a house on Fourth Street West to drop off some money on Friday."

Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head. "Fourth Street West?! Are you crazy? I will get shot, raped, arrested, and beaten all at the same time! What on Earth would you need to be dropping money off there for?"

John stared at her dumbly for a few moments before Andy beat him to the punch. "Why the hell else would he need to drop off money on Fourth Street? That is drug dealer central!"

"WHAT?!" Claire shrieked. "I can't do that! They'll know I'm Claire and they'll abduct me or something!"

John sighed irritably and pinched the bridge of Andy's nose. "Look, I know I wasn't supposed to be doing that shit anymore, but you're gonna have to do this for me so that I can not have a whole organized gang on my back, okay?"

"You're damn right you're not supposed to be doing that shit! You told me you quit dealing, John!" Claire was beyond pissed now; how dare he lie to her like that!

John bit his lip. "I know, I'm sorry, okay! It's only four hundred dollars, the money is in my room...you just have to go in, and go out. You can get someone to go with you!"

"Four hundred?!" Claire was dumbfounded; how could he be pushing that much without her even knowing? "And who would you suggest to go with me? I have no clue who any of your friends even are!"

John clenched his fists. "We'll figure it all out later."

"What, when I find out all the rest of your secrets too? What else are you hiding from me, John?"

He stared at her angrily. "Nothing; the only other thing you need to know is that I have detention on Saturday for the next three months."

Her head almost exploded on that one. "No fucking way!"