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Crawford stared dispassionately at his teammates. "You want me to what?"

"Get rid of him. Make him leave," Schuldig ground out, jaw clenched and hands curled into fists.

"And why do I have to do this?"

Schuldig shifted. "Because..."

"Because..." Nagi trailed off, idly playing with the buttons on his new sexy coat.

"Damnation!"

They all gave Farfarello a look, who in return blinked his one eye and was silent again.

"Because why?" Crawford pressed, eyes glinting. Schuldig could practically feel the smugness coming off of him like expensive cologne.

The German sighed. "Because I /can't/." He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. "I tried. Several times. I can't. Happy?"

Crawford made a "hmm" noise in the back of his throat. "Nagi?"

"I had to put up with his fans for two weeks because of /someone/." The Japanese man shrugged. "I can't help but respect the man. Do you know what it's like to have thousands of teenage girls screaming your name and offering to bear your children?"

They all shook their heads, even Schuldig- who, if asked, would say that the most he had had was nine-hundred.

"I'll do it!" Farfarello offered cheerfully, hand going for one of the many knives he kept on his person. Nagi and Schuldig simultaneously restrained him, the latter deciding to appeal to Crawford again.

"Come on, Brad. You didn't want him here to begin with. Now's your chance. "

"Exactly. I didn't want him. Which makes this your mess to clean up, Schuldig."

"But. I. /can't/. Every time I get within two feet of him I get the urge to-"

"My son's hair is blond, Crawford. Blond! Soon he'll dye it green or red or some other terrible color," Nagi suddenly exclaimed, ignoring Schuldig and Farfarello's "Hey!" of protest. "He's corrupting the children."

As one, the four members of Schwarz leaned backwards so that they could peer into the living area. Gackt was lounging in a luxurious silk bathrobe while Kirito massaged his head, with Brett manicuring his nails on one side and Cailin peeling grapes on the other.

They all frowned and leaned back, once again retreating into their War Room to avoid the others' suspicion. Farfarello was growling in outrage and writing angry messages on the refrigerator's wipey board. "Somethin' must b'done."

Crawford's glasses suddenly flashed, causing the others to look at him excitedly and huddle closer.

"I have a plan."


*

Gackt was content. What had started out as a disaster had quickly fallen to his advantage. It was the first vacation he had had in years and he hadn't fainted once since being dragged here against his will. He sighed, happy for the moment, before realizing that something was very wrong. It was quiet in the house. Almost too quiet. He sat up straighter. "You, tiny-German, go get the stereo. And bring some of my CDs. Please," he added thoughtfully.

Brett jumped up, abandoning his nail file, and hurried towards the kitchen. Some part of him that sounded distinctly like his father berated him for becoming a servant to the Adonis currently taking up space on his couch.

The part that sounded like his Schuldig was mumbling in German about hypocritical Americans. Shrugging, Brett walked into the kitchen.

"No, Brad, I won't."

"Why not?"

"Because I won't!"

"Schuldig..."

"Crawford..."

"Farfarello..."

"Farfie, it doesn't work if you say your own name."

The albino shrugged. Then noticed Brett and coughed rather loudly, making the other three men abruptly stop arguing.

Schuldig waved at his son. "Yo."

Moving cautiously, not making any sudden movements, Brett moved towards the counter and grabbed the stereo.

Schwarz smiled. In sync. The younger redhead hurried up with his task. There was nothing quite as frightening as Schwarz smiling. As he headed towards the door, the voices started again.

"Why not?"

"Because, Nagi, I have a phobia of it now."

"You used to do it all the time."

"Yeah, then Brad beat the habit out of me, the bastard."

"Schu, I threw a slipper at you. Once."

"It was traumatizing."


*

Sunlight streamed into Schuldig's room, lighting all corners of it and falling upon the sleeping figure in the bed. Birds chirped merrily. Children laughed from somewhere outside. Gackt woke up with a flourish, blankets swirling like an over-sized cape. Putting on the pair of slippers he found three days ago, that made Schuldig run away for some reason, the musician glided out of the room and through the house.

Crawford was sitting at the table, eating toast and sipping coffee. Nagi was trimming a bonsai tree. Farfarello was making French Toast, Fi Fi sitting on the counter next to him. How nice, Gackt thought, that they can live so peacefully, without even needing to speak. It reminded him of those silent times with Mana.

Then he noticed two things.

One, they all had earplugs in.

Two, Schuldig was missing.

"Excuse me," his sleep-deepened voice rumbled. "Where is Schuldig-sama?"

Crawford appeared to be watching his lips very carefully, looked thoughtful, then answered. "Bathroom. Shower, I believe."

"Ah."

Why did they all have those smiles on their faces?

Then the singing started.

And Gackt's soul cried.


Twenty minutes later, Schuldig wandered in, towel-drying his hair. "So?"

"He's gone," Crawford supplied. "That worked better than I had hoped. For once your horrible singing has come in handy."

Schuldig took an angry step forward. "I can't believe you-"

"Gackt-samaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!" three voices rang out.

Schwarz winced.

"Have fun explaining, Crawford," the redhead said and grabbed Farfarello by the arm.

Crawford looked alarmed. "What? Where are you two going?"

"For a new pet. It should keep the bloodshed down." Schuldig already had his shoes on. "Something cute, fluffy, and blue."

"Wi' sharp, pointy teeth," Farfarello added. The door closed behind them.

Nagi abandoned his bansai tree. "Well, I'm still emotionally unstable from being forced to dance on stage. I'll be in my room."

Crawford cursed.


*

"Gackt, where have you been for the past two days?" You demanded. "We searched everywhere for you."

Two days? Then Gackt remembered the disgruntled Japanese man who had apparently taken his place.

"Uh..."

"And don't say you were reaching enlightenment. You already used that excuse. And you're Catholic."

Damn, Gackt thought.

His bandmates looked at him expectedly. He needed something they would believe.

"I was...uh...I was with...Hyde," he finished lamely.

Gackt blinked when people started grumbling and exchanging money, most of it going to You for some reason. Who was crowing a triumphant "I win!"

Gackt decided he needed another break.