FicWad

The tour was going great the first week in, but me and Brendon weren't going quite as well. Just the other night we fought in the van, it was over the stupidest thing too. /Publicity/, and how it would be 'bad for the band' if we were to come out and admit we were gay.

"Well we can't just keep these things inside you know bren." Bren sat there turning away from me and crossing his arms, "Yes we can! And we have to Ryan. I'm sorry but we can't be parading around showing off the fact that we're dating." I grabbed his shoulder, he shrugged my arm off. "Then what do we do Bren? Lie to them and say we're '/Single Virgins/?' I don't want to lie to our fans. I don't want to have to lie to everyone."

Spencer was driving, looking back at us now and then. Or maybe I thought that cuz my head was in the way of the back window.

Bren turned and looked at me, "Fine if you don't want to lie to your 'fans' then it's over." I looked at him my eyes widening and my tearducts overflowing, "W-what?"

All anger on his face was gone at this point, cold hard regret and mental shock filled it's place. "Ry, I-I-I didn't mean it that way...I" I turned and placed my forehead against the window, "It's fine. It's not like you loved me anyway."

Brendon opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. I began to silently cry against the window, letting all my hopes and dreams and love for Brendon pour out the window like the air I exhaled.

I know Spencer saw that though. "Brendon FUCKING Urie, what the hell is the matter with you?" He shook his head, "Nothing, I just realised some of the mistakes I made."

When we finally pulled up in sacramento I didn't wait for Bren to get out, I pushed my way past him and ran as far down the street as I could. I stood there for a second before falling to my knees and looking up at the sky, "Damn it missy, Where are you when I need you?" I felt a rough palm on my shoulder. "I'm right here. No need to damn me."

I turned at looked at her, almost positive that my eyeliner was running, "What do I do? I can't hate him, but I can't love him anymore. I'm so confused Missy." She helped me up and let me put my head on her shoulder. "There there RyRy. It'll be alright. Just listen to your heart like that song says. And I promise you'll be as right as rain in no time."

I began to hold her close, "I don't know what my heart is saying. What do you do when everyone you loved is dead to you? When every single thing you held dear is gone in one second?" he grabbed my hands, "Hey I'm like your sister okay? Not god. I'm only here to help, not answer your prayers. All that stuff will fill in time. Just give it time /sunshine/."

Wait one minute...That's something my dad said my mom used to say before I was born.

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I looked back up to where miss should have been, and she was gone in a poof of dust. Gone again. But she'd be back, she always came back.

Then my pocket began to vibrate, my cell was rining. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at it, it was /Jac/. The girl that had broken up with me about two months before.

I answered it anyways, "Hello?" it other side was silent, "Hello? Ryan?" it was Jac alright. "Hey Jac, what's up?" I had a plan, and I knew what she wanted, "Ryan, let's not play games here, I want to get back with you." I smiled and turned to look at my other bandmates, "Sure babe, you've got it." she squeeled in delight.

After about ten minutes I hung up with her and walked back over to the van where Spenc stood shouting at Brendon. "Hey guys!" I said, beaming as wide as possible without looking creepy.

They turned an looked at me, "When'd you get so happy?" said Spenc smiling too, "Oh about ten minutes ago when me and Jac got back together."

All three of their jaws dropped. "W-W-What?" Brendon managed to squeeze out through his lips, "Me and Jac are back together." Spenc and Brent smiled. "That's great man! I knew you two would get married one day." Spenc proclaimed.

Brendon crawled back into the van and lied down in the very back. Spenc made a face and a gesture trying to tell me "Go talk to him"

So I climbed in and sat down, "What's the matter Breeendon?" he turned his face into the seat, "I don't want to talk to you." I made a pitiful attempt to move into the space between the two seats, but I accidentally landed on big bad brendon boyd urie 'by mistake'.

"Awww c'mon Bren, it's not like you loved me anyways."

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About ten minutes later I emmerged from the van, "WHAT HAPPENED?" Spenc said worriedly, "Well I found out why brendon was sad. Oh!And he said through the seat that I'm and an asshole and he's not going to play the show tonight."

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I felt horrible. I couldn't help it, /I'm Ryan Ross/, what do you expect? Even after all the shit he put me through, I wanted to fix him. Even if we were doomed only to be friends.

First I had to set things right with Jac, tell her I was sorry but I was in love with someone else and will be for as long as I live. Then I had to talk to Brendon.

I walked out of the shower, and wrapped a big fluffy white towel around my waist. The only thing I liked about BIG arena shows were the showers in the bathrooms.

I wiped some fog off the mirror and looked at myself, never in my life have I looked so miserable. I could hear myself scream back at me, 'You're a monster Ryan, no matter what he did to you, you're still the monster.' I closed my eyes and covered my ears.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! I KNOW I WAS WRONG! I KNOW! JUST SHUT IT!" I screamed back, 'You're a monster and a fag. You're breaking two peoples hearts at once. You're ugly, and ruthless and decitefull. Ryan...you're one of us.' I fell to my knees my ears ringing, it sounded like the voices were in the room rather than in my head.

I stood up and opened my eyes, and a horrible miserable me smiled back through the mirror. "THAT'S IT!" I slammed my fist against the mirror, shattering it. I cut open my hand pretty badly too. "RYAN? ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?" Brendon... "I'm coming in, he opened the door to see me kneeling but naked grasping my hand.

"What happened Ry?" he looked up at the mirror, which was now in pieces. "Are you hurt?" I wanted to say, 'no I just smashed a mirror a put fake blood on my hand for the attention,' but I didn't. Brendon knelt down beside me and looked at my hand, "Let's get you some bandages for that hand." I was totally surprised at the fact that he still cared. Well maybe it was just me, but I could have sworn that he winked at me on his way out of the bathroom.

I managed to get my towel back on before he came back, he walked in the door with a bottle of peroxide and some medical tape thingies. "You really shouldn't be smashing mirrors like that. Do you have anything you'd like to talk about? Anything at all?" I shook my head no. After he finished he kissed my hand, "There all better. No more glass or germs." and he smiled.

I smiled weakly back at him and he raised his hand to rub the side of my face. "You know Ryan, you have gorgeous eyes." yeah, right, my dumb ol' brown eyes. "Thanks Brendon." He smiled again and let out a small laugh, "Call me Bren, like you used to." and he leaned in closer and closer till our lips touched.

I missed kissing him, with his large beautiful lips. We kissed passionately for a few minutes and then reality hut me. What the fuck? Bren is kissing me? Why? What's going on? I had so many questions and I needed answers.

But for right now, I just wanted to kiss him back and forget everything.

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Yeah me and Bren decided that we couldn't stay apart forever. The problem was how they hell was I supposed to tell Jac that I turned gay all of a sudden? I tired to hint it by cutting my hair, wearing more pink and purple, but she wasn't getting it very well. she was always a little blonde.

She would always say things like, "Oh baby, I love your hair." psh oh please, the only reason she kept me around was because my band was getting famous. What a stupid bitch.

No not just that, because I was her fuck toy. That's it fame and sex, that was all that mattered to her. I had to tell her one day, I decided to tell her when me and Bren could both approach her with the news rather than just me. Truthfully I was a bit scared of what she might have done to me if I was alone when I had told her.

"Baby, let's fuck." he whispered in my ear, "No, Jac, we can't." she made a face. "What about later then? Huh baby? I know you want me." I pushed her legs off of me, "No! Not now, not ever! I have something I have to tell you." Her eyes widened, "Oh so you have another girl you've been fucking all tour long? Some pretty brown hair groupie with huge boobs and beautiful teeth?"

Brendon stepped into the room from the kitchen, "Um...I don't know about the beautiful teeth and groupie parts, but I do have brownish black hair and big boobs." I smiled, okay maybe I'm in love with this guy.

Jac's face began to sadden and her mouth was open. She looked like she had just seen the very end of the O.C or something. "R-ryan? Baby...tell me your kidding me[ha]. Please tell me your kidding me." I shook my head as gestured to Brendon. He came over and squeezed my hand tightly, just like little kids would do when they played red rover.

She began to tear up, I felt really sorry for her, she couldn't find a fuck buddy other than me so she put on the fake crying act. "But I loved you Ryan." I was begining to believe that she wasn't faking it.

After a few minutes she calmed down, "W-w-w-well i-i-if you la-love hi-im then im oka-ay with i-it." She managed out. I felt really bad right now, but still grasped Bren's hand as tight as I could without hurting him. She got up and grabbed her purse and left my house without saying goodbye.

Finally me and Brendon could get our lives back in order again. We had another week till the tour kicked back into gear so we came home for the week. Me and Brendon and my huge house all to ourselves whatever in the world were we going to do?

We had sex on every surface in my house. From the bed to the washer, from the counter to the table. We did it all, and there wasn't a goddamn person to stop us. Well except Brent and Spenc of coarse.

We spent about 2 hours a day trying to master 'sexual' stuff. It was exhasting, so afterwords we'd usually cuddle on the couch and fall asleep to home videos we made sense we met.

Brendon Urie is everything a guy like me could ask for.

And he wasn't bad at sex either. I should know. I did kinda steal his virginity from him and all.

Then Brendon came up with this crazy idea, "Let's go on a date and pretend to meet all over again. That way we can finally have a fresh start." that was so dumb and stupid it was genius. "Sure, when and where should we have this 'date' then." I protested. "Voltaire, tonight, I booked it already." I was a little scared about doing this in public. What if one of the fans sees? What if BIG magazines post the pics all over the internet and we get bashed?

/Who cares/? I mean I'm in love, who gives a damn what anyone else thinks. Right?

Well we went to Voltaire(yeah I think it's french for car) and we sat at a booth. We looked around akwardly, "So how do we do this?" I asked, "Like this, Hello I'm Brendon Urie the lead singer of your band" he stuck his hand out, I shook it, "Hello I'm George Ross, but people call me Ryan. Just call me ryan. Never george or I'll be forced to castrate you." Brendon gulped, "I'm kidding" I laughed. We both made chuckles and remarks at eachother, and we were having lots of fun. Then Brendon began to talk about my lips, "You have gorgeous thin lips, I'm a little curious to see what they taste like. May I?" I shifted uneasily in my seat, "Sure".

With that he began to lean in closer and closer to my face, and when our faces were only inches apart a loud high pitched girl voice cried out, "Brendon!?!? Brendon Urie is that you?" It was the one bitch I never hoped to run into.

It was Audrey