FicWad

"Right....yes. Yes, of course. No...well, not lately anyway." A sigh. "Yes, I'm still with him. No....I will. Right. Goodbye." Crawford snapped his phone shut with an audible click and looked towards Schuldig. "Mother still doesn't like you."

"She's just afraid she'll give in to my obvious charm," Schuldig sniffed and turned his attention back to the television. "Now your uncle, there's a man who knows how to spot talent."

Crawford snorted. "He also runs around with a paper mask destroying everyone's chandeliers."

"The brilliant are often mad."

Brett tilted his head to the side. "So Dad...why did you call your parents up today? I thought you tried to avoid them as much as possible."

"It's Mother's Day. If I didn't call, she'd find a way to find me. The results of which wouldn't be pleasant."

Schuldig snorted. "Yeah. Brad's mother is as much of an egotistical megalomaniac as her son is."

"Ye shouldna use big words, Schu," Farfarello said with a half-grin that made most small children cry, "las' time it took weeks ta get th'blood out o' th'pillows."

"That was because Crawford got pissed and punched me."

"Exactly."

Schuldig started to see his point.

"So it's a Canadian thing, right?" Kirito asked from his bean bag chair in the corner. "Uncle Schu says you're Canadian. Then he snickers and says 'ey' a lot."

Crawford's glasses flashed. "Uncle Schu says a lot of things. Never listen to any of them."

"/Never/," Nagi emphasized.

The German's face warred between a pout and an amused sulk. "Ashamed of your heritage, ey Brad?"

"Schuldig, my family is from New England."

"Like I said, egotistical megalomaniacs."

Cailin paused in brushing the puppy's hair (a rare treat as Schuldig normally did it himself) and looked thoughtful. Then she smiled. "We should celebrate Mother's Day!"

Brett and Schuldig both opened their mouths.

Kirito and Crawford smacked them upside the head respectively.

"Hey!" the both yelped then muttered as they rubbed the back of their abused heads.

Nagi watched this in horrified fascination and made a note to get Kirito out of the house more often.

"The problem, Cailin," Crawford started, "is that-"

Cailin looked up at her uncle with wobbling gold eyes.

The oracle faltered and Nagi jumped in to the conversation. "Well, I'm sure you've noticed that, uh, our family is not exactly...."

"Conventional?" Brett offered.

"Right, conventional."

"And...?" Cailin prompted.

Feet shuffled and throats were cleared. Crawford looked at Schuldig, indicating with a look that the redhead should do what he normally does and be tactlessly blunt to end the whole thing.

Schuldig, in return, sprawled a bit more on the couch and pointedly rubbed the back of his head. Sorry, Brad, I'm out of this round and playing the role of Switzerland.

For once, could you be helpful?

/The mere idea is a contradiction in itself/, Nagi's thoughts muttered.

Farfarello watched them all, amused.

The silence stretched on in the living room as the members of Schwarz stared at each other.

Cailin watched them with polite interest. Then turned to her father. "Da?"

"Well, remember 'ow I told ye abou' 'ow I killed yer mum? That means ye 'ave no one ta celebra'e for."

Cailin blinked.

"An' Kirito's mother left 'im with Uncle Nagi because she really dinna want 'im."

Kirito sniffed. Loudly.

"So really, th' only mother would be Uncle Schu-"

"Hey!"

"- and 'e isn't really Brett's...well, mother."

"Yeah. I only have twenty percent of her genes," Brett said. He looked rather happy about this, for some reason.

Cailin scrunched up her nose in thought. Then shrugged. "I suppose we can wait until I become a mother."

It took the rest of Schwarz three hours to shake Farfarello out of unconsciousness.