FicWad

"Schuldig, you are lying, or you are insane, or possibly you are both," said Nagi, but his certainty was shaken. What had started as a wall of scoffing disbelief had slowly crumbled to a pile of doubtful rocks. All because Schuldig had that smirk on his face. The one that said "I know something you don't know" and meant it entirely.

Nagi had learned long ago to trust Schuldig's facial expressions, if nothing else.

But still...

"Brett and Kirito?" Nagi sputtered for umpteenth time. His arms moved with no real intent, only needing to do something to express their own shock.

Schuldig smirked more. "Yep."

"Kirito and Brett?!"

"Ahuh."

"Not-"

"Nope."

"You're kid-"

"We've established that," Schuldig interjected.

"-ding me," Nagi finished, glaring.

The telepath flicked his hair over his shoulder. "I kid you not."

Nagi huffed and turned in a furious, small circle. "I can't believe this. I didn't expect it at all. How could I not have seen this coming?!"

Schuldig calculated that there was a chair behind him and flopped backwards, sprawling, one hand idly petting the puppy's head. Miyavi cooed happily. "Well, kid, for all that I call you a mini-Brad, you aren't actually. Which sucks for you, since I know how much you want to pin me against the wall and-"

"Please, Schuldig, I just ate."

"Ah. Maybe later then? Wouldn't want you to get over-stuffed." The German leered. Nagi shuddered.

"But, I thought they both liked Cailin?" Nagi asked, almost desperately. Schuldig felt mildly insulted. His brat wasn't that bad.

"You know how teenagers are. Not to mention Far scared that bit of boy-ish crush right out of them. I have the back-ache to prove it," Schuldig muttered.

Nagi gave him a funny look.

"...They were scared and made me sleep in their room. On the floor."

"Ah."

They were both thoughtful for a moment. Then Nagi asked, "Are you really, really sure?"

Schuldig threw a throw pillow at him. "Just watch them if you don't believe me, would you?" he said, exasperated. He irritably blew a piece of hair out of his eyes. "After all, I'm just the expert telepath and confidante of all of the brats."

Dark blue eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, confidante?"

"Well," the telepath drawled examining his nails, "they all prefer to talk to me over anyone else. After all, you guys are so busy all the time and what not."

Nagi bristled. "That's not true! Kirito talks to me about important stuff. It's just that you're a nosy bastard and pry."

"What's the matter, Nagi? Jealous? Want me to pry at you more?"

"You're innuendo is steadily getting worse, you know."

Schuldig mock sighed. "That's what parenthood does to you. That and I've already used all my best lines on you before."

"Lucky me." Nagi sighed and sat across from the older man. "So...what should we do? Not that I believe you, or anything. It's just..."

"Like I said, watch them. I've already done my part in this little drama. Though I've told Brett time and time again that he could do better than someone like-"

Schuldig anticipated his chair tipping backwards. He didn't anticipate the floor being quite that hard.

Storming out of the room, Nagi headed up to Crawford's office. The Schwarz leader would know what to do and be sensible about it, unlike certain other people. Maybe he had seen something that could confirm either Schuldig's claim or Nagi's doubt or...

Nagi paused outside of Brett and Kirito's room. And listened. There was...laughter? giggling?...going on inside. And clothes rustling. Well, there was nothing too odd about that, really.

"Dammit, Kirito, press down on it harder!"

"I /can't/!"

"Well, let me then, would ya?"

"No, you don't know what you're doing."

"Like hell I don't! I- ow! You bastard!"

Nagi blinked. Was his son's laughter sounded...sinister. "I told you, it's my turn."

A bed creaked.

Nagi fled, running into Crawford's office without even knocking. The door slammed closed behind him, and the telekinetic pressed his back against it like a frightened, traumatized animal.

"Nagi," Crawford acknowledged. He turned in his swivel chair to stare directly at his teammate. Glasses flashed. "You're red."

"It..I...did you know?"

"Know what?" Crawford looked mildly alarmed now, whether from Nagi's tone or the idea that he had missed something.

"About.." Nagi waved his arms about, scowling, "about them."

"Who?"

The telekinetic wondered if he should be the one to tell the oracle this. But then, Schuldig would problem make the situation sound worse- or better. "Your son. And my son. They are, apparently, at an experimental age."

Crawford blinked. "I thought they both like Cailin."

"So did I. I blame Schuldig."

"You always blame Schuldig. And while you are normally correct, I doubt he would actually make them become attracted to one another."

"Really?" Nagi's look clearly stated "you can't actually believe that."

Crawford returned it with a "I'm trying, here" expression and sighed. "Fine." Standing, the oracle straightened his cuffs and strode to the door. "Let's go see the boys. Though I doubt there's anything to be concerned about. They're responsible."

"Yeah, but Brett is Schuldig's kid too, Crawford," Nagi said, one eyebrow raised slightly.

"I see your point."

"I'd be worried if you didn't."

Heading down the upper hall of Schwarzhouse, Crawford gave one rap on the plain door before barging in, Nagi on his heels. The room was a blend messy and neat, Kirito's things scattered about in an orderly fashion. Brett's side of the room as almost Spartan, but with enough photos and books to show a teenage boy actually lived there.

The boys looked up as one from their spot on Kirito's bed, Brett lying on his stomach while Kirito sat next to him. Horrible 80s video game music beeped happily from the tv.

Crawford snorted. "Tetris?" Casting a glance at Nagi, he turned to the door. Then paused. Why was Kirito's hand on the small of Brett's back?

Brett apparently heard that thought and smiled innocently.

*

Schuldig frowned and tried again to get out of his seat. And failed. The scowl strengthened twice fold with the lingering threat of becoming a full-blown pout. "I really don't want to miss my show, you know."

"You don't have 'a show.' And since you brought it up in the first place, you have to stay for this," Crawford said from his spot on the couch. Seated next to the oracle, Nagi was glaring at the carpet.

Schuldig sulked. By his feet, the puppy whined. It was his /play/time dammit and it was being interrupted.

Satisfied, Crawford turned towards the two boys. "Now, you two," Brett and Kirito tried to burrow into their seats, "what's going on?"

"Well you see," Brett started, "we're madly in love."

Kirito blushed. "Yes. Madly."

"We tried to keep it hidden, but well..you know..."

"Uncle Schuldig caught us...err..."

"...in an awkward position..."

"Meaning, I was on top of Brett."

"Kirito!" Brett growled and whacked the Japanese boy.

"What? Hey! That hurt!"

"We agreed that I'd be one top. No one would believe that you could be."

"What's that supposed to mean?! You're the one that wears girly clothes!"

"I do not, asshole!"

"You're dad told me I could say I was!"

"But I'm his son! Since it was his idea, I get to pick!"

"That's not fair!"

Schuldig rolled his eyes and smacked his head on the back of chair.

Nagi looked at Crawford. "I told you it was his fault."

"I see the wisdom in your lack of faith."


**

AN: For a first line challenge. Line paraphrased from Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.