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I couldn't believe that Panic! At the Disco was in our presence!
I stared at Ryan Ross. I used to think he was the most adorable person ever, what with his hair swiped over right eye and his childlike face. Cute. I kind of got over it after I went through that "teenage phase." But his face brought back memories. Too bad I couldn't get over Pete as I had done with Ry...

I sighed; last night had been the worst night of my life! After spending an hour in the elevator crying my eyes out. I went back to my room. Only to find out that Patrick and Dee were talking.

So instead of coming into the room and ruining their whole night, I had to go back to
Sam and Chad's room, but I realized on my way up to their door that I really didn't want to face them, and their pictures. So instead I went with my last choice.

I slept in the Convertible, wrapped in my clandestine hoodie I thankfully had left in there the morning before. It had been a long night. I finally gave up on sleep at 5 in the morning, after dozing a few times, and went back inside.

I had crept into my hotel room, careful not to wake the two bodies on Dee's bed, as I got some clothes and my bathroom supplies. Then I went down to Sam and Chad's room, knowing they were dead sleepers, and wouldn't hear me as I took a shower and did my bathroom stuff.

Then a few hours later, after everyone woke up, Patrick informed us of going to the recording studio to see how we sounded in a session. No one noticed that I was not talking about the night before. And very surprisingly Sam and Chad said nothing about the pictures they took.

I finally stood as Patrick was talking to Brendon. Discussing what? I didn't really pay attention. I was ready to get the session over with before Pete showed up.

"Um... excuse me!" I interrupted. All eyes were on me. "Could we get this thing over with already, I'm kind of getting sick."

Patrick smiled. "Oh yeah, I know the feeling. Its ok, its only nerves. I have them all the time"

Oh yeah, I'm sure Patrick broke off a 'what could have been' relationship with Pete all the time!

"Just do Imperfect by Reputation when I give you the cue." Patrick says as he walks out of the sound room. I merely nod.

"Geez Em. Could you have been anymore rude?" Sam said as he picked up his drumsticks from his backpack.

I roll my eyes, as I take my place in front of the microphone. I watch as Patrick and Jon, Brendon, Spence, and Ryan came into the control room.

Patrick sat down, and pressed the speaker button. "Ok Em whenever you're ready."

I nod, as I look over to Dee, a signal for her to start the first few notes. I start shaking my leg as Sam, Chad and Dee begin the song. (It was a singer thing!) I take a huge breath before I belt out the first few lines of the song, my gaze on the ground; afraid to look up into their expressions.

"I wake up to a sound at my door
My t-shirt crumpled, things thrown to the floor
That's when I realize it wasn't really a dream..."

I glance up finally, my confidence in place. And when I do, to my undying horror Pete walked into the room. I fasten my eyes close as quickly as possible.

Oh why did he have to come now? I shake my head unbelievingly. Just act as if he's not there and pour your heart out.

As I sung the last verse I open my eyes and look at Denise. Hoping that she would play the last notes forever, that way I wouldn't have to face the few most horrible moments of my life.

But unfortunately she didn't get my message. I sighed as I ended the song.

Denise turned to me after I got done singing. "Em where did that come from? I think that was the best performance we've ever had!"

I smile at her earnest expression. "I did it all for you!" I say in my most, sweetest voice.

"That was amazing!" Came Patrick's voice as over the speaker.
I distantly hear Sam and Chad giving each other high fives. I finally look up and meet Pete's sleepless gaze.

Oh god. Why was he staring at me? I tore my eyes away from his, even though it took me a minute to get myself back. Finally I realized Dee and the guys were leaving the room to go into the control room with the others.

I walked in after them. Denise stood in between Patrick and Brendon. Starting up a convo about the song we played. Sam and Chad went to go talk to Spence, Jon, Andy and Joe.

So, I was left standing beside Ryan, which would have been alright if Pete didn't happen to be a few feet away from us, staring at me as if I was going to jump all over Ryan and start making out with him.

I completely ignored him, wanting to get to know Ryan.

"Hi, I'm Emily! I love your songs." Damn could I sound any stupider? "Sorry I'm not that good at introducing myself."

Ryan smiled. "It's alright I use to do it all the time when celebs just came up to me and started talking out of the blue.

"I guess it must be intimidating."

Ryan shrugged "After a while you get use to it."

I tried smiling, but unfortunately my attention was being diverted to Pete, who still was staring at me. Geez, could he open his eyes any wider?

I stepped to the side more, just so he wouldn't be in my eyesight. "So are you guys working on a new Cd? You know after your old one and everything."

"Yea... we're all fiddling with sounds in the studio. This time we're hoping to put more of ourselves into it. Since we have like 6 months to do it."

"Yeah, I heard that you had to put some songs on A Fever You Can't Sweat Out That weren't finished. Well, finished, but not the way you would have had them if you had gotten more time."

Ryan smiled. "Yeah, but what can you do?"

"Nothing I suppose. So what did you think of our practice run?"

He raised an eyebrow. "It was good. Actually you surprised me with your voice it's so powerful, with you being so short and everything."

I look at him quizzically. "And you surprise me with having such a deep voice for such a tall skinny guy." I say pointedly. Was he trying to make fun of my height or did he mean it in another way?

Ryan flushed. "Oh. I didn't mean to make it sound demeaning or anything... I just meant you blew me away." His hand immediately spread through his hair showing his nervousness.

"Hey man, I was kidding, don't take me too literally. Seri-o-so dude!" I smile, pushing my hands into my tight jean pockets.

"Oh I thought I offended you or something."

"Nah..." I shake my head. "I'm good. I can take a joke. So are we just gong to stand around here and talk or are we going to go eat? 'Cause I'm hungry."

Ryan smiles in reaction. He was so cute! I don't believe I ever met a person so adorable before. Of course if I ever said this thought aloud he'll probably kick my ass or something. I bet you anything he gets that a lot.

"I'm in with you." He moved past me. "Hey Pete are we going to go eat or what? Dude I'm getting hungry."

The hairs on the back of my neck began to stand straight up as if I was suddenly struck with electricity. Did I really have to spend an hour in the company with Pete? No I don't think this is going to work at all.

"Uh... yeah. Guys, I think I'll just pick me up a burger or something on the way back to the hotel. I really don't feel like going out."

Denise merely nodded as she ambled past me behind Patrick and Brendon.

"Well if you want some company I'll be glad to assist."

I looked past Ryan who stood in front of me like a schoolboy asking out his first crush. Pete glared at the back of Ryan's neck. Was he jealous? Was he going to say something to Ryan? Maybe I shouldn't let Ryan do this. He and Pete are friends and I certainly did not want to encourage something that wasn't there to begin with.

Pete's eyes slid to mine. It was as if he was shooting brown fury right at me. For some odd reason I wanted him to hurt as badly as I was at the moment. I wanted him to wonder if we were going to do anything back at my hotel room. I wanted him to question if I let Ryan kiss me, or swipe his hand against mine as we reached for the same thing at the same exact moment; if I let him take that undeniable long first kiss that would tell if we felt a mutual attraction. I wanted to make him suffer.
But as I gazed at Pete with all my unrequited sorrow I knew I couldn't let my anger crush someone else's possible feelings for me, knowing that it would never be anything more. I knew deep down I couldn't be that cruel to get even with someone I wanted but couldn't have. Or at least before that moment I thought I wasn't that type of person.

"Yea that'll be fun Ryan. How 'bout pizza? I have a sudden taste for pepperoni."

Ryan smiled. "Yeah dude. Pizza sounds great... as long as there's no anchovies!"

I made a face. "Uh, yeah. Do I look like I eat anchovies?"

Ryan shrugged. "You'd be surprised how many gorgeous girls I've went out with that had weird tastes."

I smile. Not wanting to look and see Pete's reaction to all this. "Ryan are you hitting on me?"

Ryan wiggled his eyebrows. "What if I was?"

"I'll kick your ass."

I swung around to face Pete. "And where the hell do you get off making a comment like that? The last time I checked you weren't my boss."

"Well since we were almost practically having sex last night. I think that allows me t get a word in."

Ryan backed up; his hands out. "Whoa. I... Pete I did not know you and her had hooked up. I'm not that kind of guy."

Pete shook his head, thrusting his hands into his jacket pockets. "Yeah man, I know. If you hurry you can catch up to the rest of the guys."

Ryan merely nods, before taking a quick glance at me. Without saying a word he left, leaving me all alone with Pete.

I glared at him. "What in the hell was all that about? You had no fucking right to bring up that shit!"

Pete took a step forward his face filled with hot fury. "And if I didn't you would have went to bed with him wouldn't you. Just so I could get jealous. Huh? You're not going to treat one of my friends like that. Hell no you're not." He made it a statement.

I took a step forwards pushing against his chest with all my might. "Fuck you Pete. FUCK YOU!" I pushed him again. He was not going to treat me like one of his ex-girlfriends. FUCK NO!

He grabbed my arms, pulling me against him. "No Em... I almost fucked you."

SLAP!

I brought my hand back and watched in disbelief as a red handprint formed instantly on his left cheek.

He rubbed it in reaction; his face turning as hard as stone. "I guess I deserved that. This isn't over Emily. We aren't over. Come to terms with it!"

He moved away from me. Giving me a long look before he walked out of the room, letting the door slowly shut behind him. I stood there for what seemed like hours, shaking uncontrollably. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to.

We should have never started. Better yet I should have kept my feelings to myself. Now what am I going to do if he treated my band a certain way just because of the past? No he was right this was not over. Not even close.