"What?" I spluttered through my disbelief. My mouth returned to its gawping, open position as her heavily blotched face nodded softly. It's really stupid I know, but I never bothered to think that my therapist had her own life. She was just Sally; my therapist. Obviously I realised she didn't just shut down and crawl into a box at night or something, but anytime I've ever spoken to her it's been about me, I've never been there for her.
"Fuck" it was all I could think to say.
She was still crying heavily as she crawled over to me, flinging her arms around me and collapsing against my chest. We lay there, her crying into my chest while I rubbed her back in circles attempting to consoles her, until she flung her head up frustrated and wiped her face furiously with her hand. "Fuck!" she let our an angry squeal and sighed, smiling sadly at me, "she's such a fucking crazy bitch! I can't even remember when she got like that. Sorry."
I didn't get a chance to ask what she was sorry for as the door slid open, well crashed open, and Frank and Ray trudged in glumly and sleepily carrying blankets and pillows with them. Both looked tired and annoyed to say the least. Sally and I just stared at them waiting for an explanation.
"Argh!" Frank moaned as he gazed around the cramped space to see that Ray had crashed out on the sofa on the farthest side, his hair was the only thing that could be seen moving gently as he breathed steadily in his sleep, and Sally and I were taking up the other one. With his face like thunder, he dropped to the floor of the bus and set about laying his pillow and blanket out, muttering under his breath before falling down on his new 'bed' and turning away from us.
"Frank? What the hell dude?" I reached my leg forward to kick his head lightly, getting his attention, "Why are you sleeping through here. Why is Bob not through?"
He rolled over so he could see me, wearing a look of disgust he spat, "just use your ears little Way." And he rolled back around muttering, "Bob's deep asleep, either that or he's one sick fuck!" His snoring followed almost immediately.
Facing Sally, her face was a picture of confusion as was mine, I paused to listen only to wish I hadn't; Sara's high pitched squeals and moans along with my brother's deeper ones played through the silence of the bus hitting my ears, a cold revolted shiver running down my aching back.
"That's so fuckin' wrong!" Sally shouted out before turning her body from me and closing her eyes.
Awkwardly, I managed to lie down but sleep didn't come to me. It was unbelievably cramped and claustrophobic in that small space with us all laying around, even without the intolerably high temperature all the close bodies created. All I could do was lie there, dripping in sweat growing more nauseous as Frank's snores drifted through the air. After an three hours of having only my thoughts to occupy me, watching Ray's hair became immensely fascinating.
Everything was eerily natural and calm the following morning. It was as though yesterday didn't happen. The bus came to life at about six, which was the only unusual thing about the start of the day. Glancing out the window I could see that we had parked up at the venue. I went into the small bathroom upon waking and when I got out and walked to the kitchenette my jaw almost fell off my face in shock.
Everyone was sitting around the table eating their breakfast or drinking their coffee. At first I thought the mood was pleasant, in an unnerving way, but when I took the only available seat next to Sara and accepted the cup of very welcome brown liquid that Sally held over the table, it all came crashing down around me.
"Mikey, tell Gee what really happened." Ray stared me straight in the eye. Damn, I forgot that I'd been unconscious all through the confrontation about this last night.
Everyone was looking at me, waiting, their eyes boring into me making me shift uneasily in my seat. "Um," I had to pause and clear my throat nervously, "Gee, Sara..." I was cut off when I felt the sharp pain soaring through my lower body. I glanced down under the table to see her hand firmly between my legs squeezing me so hard I was finding it such a chore to breathe. "Fuck..." slipped past my lips breathlessly as I collapsed my head on the table; the pain was so fucking unbearable. But she just sat there as if she was doing nothing.
"What the hell?" "What's wrong Mikes?" everyone was concerned but that wasn't helping.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sally glance under the table and then look up venomously to Sara, "Get your hands off him you freak!" she shouted across the table, reaching forward knocking over all the cereal boxes and coffee cups as she pulled Sara across the surface so she was laying on it, looking up shocked as Sally held her by the throat threateningly.
I collapsed to the floor as she released me, tears rolling down my face. From where I had fallen I watched as Gee got out of his seat in an attempt to restrain Sally, but Ray held him back which led to another fight breaking out between them as the two girls continued shouting viciously at the top of their lungs. This is all because of Sara...
"You tried to kill him you whore!" Sally spat in her face as she connected her fist with Sara's stomach.
"No! You tried to kill him!" Sara struggled but couldn't overthrow Sally.
Their argument continued on like that as I flicked my gaze to Gee and Ray.
Gee screamed, "She's trying to kill my girlfriend!" while Ray held his arms behind his back and shouted, "your girlfriend tried to kill your brother!"
Frank and Bob were standing to the side gob smacked as the scene played out. It carried on like this for some time; me rolling on the floor in agony, Ray holding Gee back, Sally strangling Sara and Frank and Bob doing fuck all to help the situation. That is until the bus doors opened.
"Whatever the fuck is going on, stop it right this fucking second!" Brian's voice boomed through the bus silencing us all, everyone stopping mid-chaotic movement. It would have been quite comical had it been in a movie or something; Sally still had Sara by the throat and her fist was in mid air as she stared at the livid Brian. I don't think Frank or Bob had ever been more thankful to see that guy.
"Well..." he waved his hands about furiously, "stop then!" he demanded and everyone, suddenly terrified of him, let go of who ever it was they were restraining or, respectably, attacking.
He looked around disgusted before barking out a, "get in the venue!" and stormed out of the bus back across the parking lot to the venue.
I have never, and I mean never, played such a difficult and tense show in my career; none of us looked at each other at all the whole time, no eye contact and secret private jokes like we usually have, no fun basically. For the first time ever, I felt like this was just a 'job', a day at work, I had to get through, I didn't feel the passion flow through me like I usually do as I heard the crowd chant and sing along to our less-than-spectacular performance. And that, even out of all the shitty feelings I've had since I've known Sara, or even in my whole life, was the worst feeling ever; to not appreciate the time you spend with fans during a concert.
Glancing to the side of the stage, which I did quite often during the show, I was constantly aware of the icy waves radiating off Sara and Sally as they stood side by side watching the show blankly, standing still and un-reactive, like they weren't really there. Like I felt out there on stage.
The whole concert played like that, and in my miserable trance-like state I managed to reflect on everything that had happened, playing the notes flatly and automatically. By the end of it I was livid and ready to murder Sara. I almost laughed as I thought about the fact that Gerard must have felt the same about Sally.
I was relieved when the time came to drop my bass back into the stand at the side of the stage and I walked past where Sara was standing, so I could get to a shower. I stared at her coldly as I passed, a look she returned instantly. I continued walking but turned back to say something to Sally.
What I was going to say flew quickly from my mind though as I turned in enough time to see Gerard smash his microphone across Sally's face and she fell to the floor bleeding profusely. I stood rooted to the spot as I watched realisation seep over the faces of the surrounding security guards, then the flash of silver as the handcuffs were locked tightly around his wrists.
I thought I'd put a wee bit of violence AGAINST Sara cos we all hate her! evil laugh and it's usually her dishin' it out :)
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