FicWad

Another chapter, another lack of reviews...

Ratigan: Another chance to mock the author.

Me: (glares) Why did I give you this job in the first place?

Ratigan: (pulls out a newspaper clipping and glasses) And I quote, "Free lodging, easy job, free meals".

Me: (sarcastic) Gee, everything an aspiring criminal mind could ever hope for.

Ratigan: Aren't you going to continue with the story?

Me: Right... right... I'll deal with you later.

Ratigan: Oooh, look at me shake...

Disclaimer (AGAIN!): Will the Disniots (Disney idiots) never leave me alone?! Ratigan and Basil belong to Eve Titus/Disney.

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Basil was shocked. "But how...? Why..? Are you...?"

Ratigan laughed curtly. "Are you always this articulate?", he inquired, amused. "Or are you just pleased to see me?"

"Don't use that tone with me, Ratigan", Basil snapped, standing up, ready to fight if necessary. "You know I could have you arrested in under a minute."

"But what happens come sunrise, eh?"

"What do you mean 'come sunrise'?", Basil asked suspiciously.

"Some detective you are. I thought it was obvious by now."

"But how?" Basil was now confused to no end.

Ratigan's eyes narrowed. "I don't know how, but somehow I think we've been merged into one single person. When the sun goes down, we apparently separate, though we are still one person, but, with the sunrise, we merge again. So, in theory, all attempts to capture me in this state would be next to impossible, because I would be gone within hours of my capture."

"No..." The room started to spin, and he threatened to fall backwards. Suddenly, he was caught by a pair of strong arms, and he found himself being sat down on the bed. In that instant Ratigan had darted over to Basil, catching him before he even started to tip over.

"I suggest you'd better sit down if you feel so faint", Ratigan said in the same, mildly emotionless voice.

"There's just one thing I don't understand", Basil muttered, rubbing his forehead. "How?"

"'How' what?" Ratigan asked, amused.

"How have you been surviving? Oh..."

"Ah, so you've figured that out. Apparently we have a symbiotic relationship... Or, rather, parasitic, considering your opinion of me. Only this one, I suspect, is made by forces not known to mousedom or mankind."

"Oh, really?", Basil asked, sarcastically. "I didn't know..."

"And don't think of trying anything, Basil", Ratigan said sternly. "Apparently the connection between us allows me a window into your mind, and visa versa, though I doubt the latter."

"What do you mean, 'I doubt the latter'?", Basil asked sharply.

"Well, dear boy, I have had time to practice seeing into your conscious and subconscious, while, up until a week at the most, you were completely unaware of my presence."

"I don't believe this. It-"

"Can't be happening?", Ratigan finished, smirking. "Believe me, it is happening.

"All this time...", Basil muttered, all too aware of what happened as he sat, staring blankly ahead. "All this time I thought I outwitted you, but you still had the last laugh."

If Basil had glanced up at that moment, he would have seen a flicker of doubt and guilt in the Professor's face. "Basil, you know me. Do you really think I wanted this? Personally I would have been looking for a way to fix this myself, except..."

The detective hesitated. Was this actual sincerity... from /Ratigan/? "Except for the whole 'disappearing at sunrise' problem?", he finished flatly.

"Exactly. As much as I'd prefer working alone, I'm stuck."

"So it's all business to you...", Basil said, half amused, half annoyed. "That does seem like you..."

"Exactly. So I suggest we start soon, and hopefully, things will be able to get back to normal. Or, at least as normal as it was before..."

Basil sighed. This couldn't get any worse.

Tsuzuku...

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Ratigan: (suspicious) So... Were you serious about the whole "punishment" thing?

Me: Yes.

Ratigan: And this punishment would be... what?

Me: Well, you remember... that outfit?

Ratigan: (unsure) Ah... Which outfit?

Me: You know... That outfit? The one you said that, and I quote " Pain and Panic would come up here inquiring about the nearest sports equipment store that sold ice hockey gear" on the day you wore it?

Ratigan: (shocked) No.

Me: (wickedly) Yes...

Ratigan: (stuttering) But I didn't... But... Guh... Gah...

(Without another word, he turns tail and flees screaming, with the author on his heels, carrying a pair of strangely familiar white-and-sequined-heel shoes.)

Ratigan: (screams) Get those things away from me!!!