Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > love.cant.save.you
yay!
thanks for the reviews!
please keep them coming!
this chapter is kind of another
'filler' chapter. it is setting up some scenes.
there is some drama in thur!
brodizzle
throwing stones at a glass moon
Taking a sip of the warm chamomile tea I looked over the newspaper at the girl sitting opposite me. She was an exact replica of me when I was five. No surprises there. She was my daughter. My blood ran in her veins. Her eyes bore into mine and she half smiled at me.
"So, why are you here?" she asked me after she had taken a bite out of her toast, I set my teacup down its saucer and flicked my fringe out of my eyes, she leant her elbows on the table and gave me an expectant look.
"I am just visiting" I began to explain, she nodded and twisted one of her pigtails around her index finger. My brain ached for me to tell her why I was here, but my heart kept thudding away, reminding me not to mess this up.
"So your Mama, is my Mama?" Bella asked scooting closer to me, I looked down at my tea cup before nodding. "So we are sisters?" she continued, I bit my lip and shook my head.
"No, not quite" I whispered, she stood off her chair and walked beside me, I felt warm tears begin to form in my eyes, brushing them away quickly I smiled down at Bella as she pulled herself up into the chair beside me.
"Don't sisters have the same Mum?" Bella asked tentatively, I could see she was confused, I put my arm around her small shoulders and hugged her close to me and placed a soft kiss on her amber coloured hair.
"It is silly. Talk to Mama Bella, she'll explain" I stood up and left Bella at the large oak table, she took my tea cup and brought it to her lips, I watched her carefully wipe my lipstick off the rim before she sipped it herself. Walking through the double doors I walked quietly towards the stairwell, glancing over my shoulder I watched as the front door open and he walked in.
"Tiabela?" his voice had gotten husky, breathy and old. Tucking my hair behind my ears I sniffed and looked at the person who had been my idol up until a few years ago. A sudden memory broke through the wall I had put up for so long.
"If you keep this baby Tiabela, not only will you give shame to yourself, our family. It will shame everything we have strived not to be" he slammed his fist down on the table and I jumped. Carlos Mendez my father was one powerful person. Shaking my head I cradled my stomach with my hands and looked at him in defiance.
"It's too late Father to lose this baby, it is part of me. It is growing inside of me, and I will keep it no matter what" I said through gritted teeth, he shook his head at me and I felt his shame burn through me.
"That's it? Your final decision?" he asked, I glanced over at my mother who sat there. Her face vacant of emotion. Her red lipsticked stained lips were pursed and her arms were folded tightly across her chest.
"Yes" I almost whispered, in that second I knew there was no going back. I knew that I would always be an embrassment. I was seventeen. I was a senior in highschool. I was alone. My father looked at my mother and nodded his head. "you will have this baby, leave it with your mother and me, and then you will leave. Never return" he finished and I nodded my head. Who was I to disagree. I was only a kid
Snapping back to the real world I looked at my father, he looked at me with sadness. He looked much older than his forty five years. Taking a step towards him he motioned for me to follow him.
"In here Tiabela" he led me towards his office. Suddenly I was fifteen years old again being told off for being reckless. Stupid. Not mature. Stepping into the office the scent of stale cigar smoke was mixed with peppermints. Leaning on the doorframe I looked at him as he went and sat down behind his desk. You never sat down until you were invited, he didn't invite me to sit.
"Hi" I mumbled quietly, I watched as his eyebrows knitted together and then rose. "mum asked me to come" I continued, he nodded and drew his fingers together in front of him.
"Sit" he said suddenly, I walked awkwardly towards the seat and sat precariously on the edge of it. "Your mother is not well" he said simply, swallowing slowly I looked at him. "She is dying" he concluded, I watched for a change in emotion in his face. When none came I sighed.
"Why, why do you want me now?" I asked feeling anger creep into my voice. "It has been four years, you never called, never wrote. All I got was useless cheques. I have been living in sin" I finished with disgust, my father's face remained still as stone. "Say something!" I yelled, he stood up and walked to the door. Pulling it closed he walked back towards me.
"Bella is going to find out who you are" he suddenly said, the edge of calm was shifting from his voice. "Tonight" he concluded, suddenly I felt faint. The carpet rushed up to meet me.
--
Times flashed up on the board before disappearing. Flights arrived and departed. Tapping his foot impatiently Tyler waited for his flight to be called. Glancing down at his watch he watched as it turned into morning. His flight had been delayed five times on the account of the snow. Bright white flashes caught his attention, turning around he watched as a person a little taller than himself walked towards the check in desk. Hounded my photographers. Tyler knew it was him. Pete.
Standing up he began to walk towards the desk, Pete's eyes were shielded with black sunglasses, his hair was hidden beneath a white beanie with woollen ear flaps, his jeans were held up with a bat buckle and his body was engulfed in an oversized jacket with a furred hood.
"Pete?" Tyler asked, turning to face him Pete flashed Tyler a toothy grin and held out his hand.
"Tyler right?" Pete returned the answer with a question, Tyler shook his hand and nodded. 'I'm hitting New York" he said, the photographers began to subside and Pete took off his sunglasses. "Tink needs me" Pete finished as he handed over his luggage to the lady at the kiosk.
Shaking his head Tyler took Pete's carry on luggage for him. "She is with her parents, you know that right?" Tyler asked as the walked towards the hard cold plastic seats, Pete nodded and slumped into one of the seats.
"I am good with parents" Pete said with uncertainty, Tyler rolled his eyes and sat down beside Pete. "She will be happy to see me" Pete continued, sighing Tyler folded his arms across his chest.
"I think that you should leave this to me," Tyler began, Pete held up a hand and glared at him. "She has some serious issues to sort through, she needs a friend. Not someone who is willing to pay for her services" Tyler concluded through gritted teeth.
"What is that meant to mean?" hissed Pete as he plastered his face with a smile as a group of teenaged girls walked past and whispered. "We are friends" Pete said as he looked at Tyler who was laughing to himself. "Stop laughing"
"You don't love Tink; you don't have any more feelings for her than you would for any quick fuck in a park. Tink means so much to me. So much more than she will ever mean to you" Tyler said with a menacing hatred towards Pete.
"You disgust me Tyler" Pete said suddenly, feeling his jaw drop Tyler spun around to look at Pete. "You act all high and mighty; truth is you can't stand Tink to be happy. It sickens you to think that she might not need you anymore. And you can't stand it" Pete said with satisfaction, feeling a fist come into contact with his jaw Pete stood up and clicked his jaw into place.
"Coward" he muttered under his breath scooping up his bag and walking towards his flight which was now boarding.
--
A cool icy breeze blew in through the window. Huddling closer to my pillow I suddenly had a vague recollection of being on the carpet. Sitting up abrubtly I looked around the room. It was decorated in warm citrus colours. On the wall was my photograph. It unnerved me suddenly. Sliding towards the end of the bed I pulled back the curtains and watery sunlight spilt into the room.
"Tiabela?" a soft quiet voice broke into my thoughts, squinting I looked at the small figure sitting on a overstuffed chair in the corner of the room. Rubbing the back of my head I felt a small lump and winced.
"Hey Bella" I smiled at the girl, she slid off the chair and walked towards me. Lifting herself up onto the bed she put her hand in my hand and linked fingers. An almost sad look was upon her face. Looking into her hazel eyes I suddenly felt sadness, happiness and sickness all in one girl. "Whats wrong hun?" I asked her, she looked away quickly and then glanced back up at me.
"I know who you are" she whispered, my perfectly arched eyebrows furrowed momentarily. "You are not my sister" she kept her voice low and quiet, I nodded and looked at her.
"No, not your sister" I agreed with her, unsure of how much she knew, I did not want to mess this one up, considering in less than twenty four hours she would know I was her mother.
"You are my Mum" she said simply, I looked at her and shook my head. "Don't lie to me Tiabela, you are my mum, I know. I heard Dad and Mama talking about it a few weeks ago" suddenly the wisdom of a five year old can be so much more than their naivety. Her soft eyes were brimming with tears.
"Oh honey" I pulled her close to me, she wrapped her small arms around my waist. 'its going to be okay" I whispered into her hair, she pulled away and looked up at me.
"Its not going to be okay. Mama is dying" she sniffed, I nodded sadly and scratched my arm. A nervous habit of mine. "Why?" she suddenly asked.
"Because she is ill" I began, Bella shook her head fiercely at me.
"Why did you leave me and not take me with you" she asked picking at an invisible thread on her corduroy skirt, I closed my eyes and smacked my lips together before sighing. "I knew Mama was not my mama" she finished. For a five year old, this girl was smart.
"Sometimes, its better to leave something you love behind" I explained to her, she nodded her head at me. "It doesn't mean I stopped loving you" I added, she sighed and put her arms around my waist again.
"I love you Mum" she whispered, this time I let the tears fall and did not stop to wipe them.
thanks for the reviews!
please keep them coming!
this chapter is kind of another
'filler' chapter. it is setting up some scenes.
there is some drama in thur!
brodizzle
throwing stones at a glass moon
Taking a sip of the warm chamomile tea I looked over the newspaper at the girl sitting opposite me. She was an exact replica of me when I was five. No surprises there. She was my daughter. My blood ran in her veins. Her eyes bore into mine and she half smiled at me.
"So, why are you here?" she asked me after she had taken a bite out of her toast, I set my teacup down its saucer and flicked my fringe out of my eyes, she leant her elbows on the table and gave me an expectant look.
"I am just visiting" I began to explain, she nodded and twisted one of her pigtails around her index finger. My brain ached for me to tell her why I was here, but my heart kept thudding away, reminding me not to mess this up.
"So your Mama, is my Mama?" Bella asked scooting closer to me, I looked down at my tea cup before nodding. "So we are sisters?" she continued, I bit my lip and shook my head.
"No, not quite" I whispered, she stood off her chair and walked beside me, I felt warm tears begin to form in my eyes, brushing them away quickly I smiled down at Bella as she pulled herself up into the chair beside me.
"Don't sisters have the same Mum?" Bella asked tentatively, I could see she was confused, I put my arm around her small shoulders and hugged her close to me and placed a soft kiss on her amber coloured hair.
"It is silly. Talk to Mama Bella, she'll explain" I stood up and left Bella at the large oak table, she took my tea cup and brought it to her lips, I watched her carefully wipe my lipstick off the rim before she sipped it herself. Walking through the double doors I walked quietly towards the stairwell, glancing over my shoulder I watched as the front door open and he walked in.
"Tiabela?" his voice had gotten husky, breathy and old. Tucking my hair behind my ears I sniffed and looked at the person who had been my idol up until a few years ago. A sudden memory broke through the wall I had put up for so long.
"If you keep this baby Tiabela, not only will you give shame to yourself, our family. It will shame everything we have strived not to be" he slammed his fist down on the table and I jumped. Carlos Mendez my father was one powerful person. Shaking my head I cradled my stomach with my hands and looked at him in defiance.
"It's too late Father to lose this baby, it is part of me. It is growing inside of me, and I will keep it no matter what" I said through gritted teeth, he shook his head at me and I felt his shame burn through me.
"That's it? Your final decision?" he asked, I glanced over at my mother who sat there. Her face vacant of emotion. Her red lipsticked stained lips were pursed and her arms were folded tightly across her chest.
"Yes" I almost whispered, in that second I knew there was no going back. I knew that I would always be an embrassment. I was seventeen. I was a senior in highschool. I was alone. My father looked at my mother and nodded his head. "you will have this baby, leave it with your mother and me, and then you will leave. Never return" he finished and I nodded my head. Who was I to disagree. I was only a kid
Snapping back to the real world I looked at my father, he looked at me with sadness. He looked much older than his forty five years. Taking a step towards him he motioned for me to follow him.
"In here Tiabela" he led me towards his office. Suddenly I was fifteen years old again being told off for being reckless. Stupid. Not mature. Stepping into the office the scent of stale cigar smoke was mixed with peppermints. Leaning on the doorframe I looked at him as he went and sat down behind his desk. You never sat down until you were invited, he didn't invite me to sit.
"Hi" I mumbled quietly, I watched as his eyebrows knitted together and then rose. "mum asked me to come" I continued, he nodded and drew his fingers together in front of him.
"Sit" he said suddenly, I walked awkwardly towards the seat and sat precariously on the edge of it. "Your mother is not well" he said simply, swallowing slowly I looked at him. "She is dying" he concluded, I watched for a change in emotion in his face. When none came I sighed.
"Why, why do you want me now?" I asked feeling anger creep into my voice. "It has been four years, you never called, never wrote. All I got was useless cheques. I have been living in sin" I finished with disgust, my father's face remained still as stone. "Say something!" I yelled, he stood up and walked to the door. Pulling it closed he walked back towards me.
"Bella is going to find out who you are" he suddenly said, the edge of calm was shifting from his voice. "Tonight" he concluded, suddenly I felt faint. The carpet rushed up to meet me.
--
Times flashed up on the board before disappearing. Flights arrived and departed. Tapping his foot impatiently Tyler waited for his flight to be called. Glancing down at his watch he watched as it turned into morning. His flight had been delayed five times on the account of the snow. Bright white flashes caught his attention, turning around he watched as a person a little taller than himself walked towards the check in desk. Hounded my photographers. Tyler knew it was him. Pete.
Standing up he began to walk towards the desk, Pete's eyes were shielded with black sunglasses, his hair was hidden beneath a white beanie with woollen ear flaps, his jeans were held up with a bat buckle and his body was engulfed in an oversized jacket with a furred hood.
"Pete?" Tyler asked, turning to face him Pete flashed Tyler a toothy grin and held out his hand.
"Tyler right?" Pete returned the answer with a question, Tyler shook his hand and nodded. 'I'm hitting New York" he said, the photographers began to subside and Pete took off his sunglasses. "Tink needs me" Pete finished as he handed over his luggage to the lady at the kiosk.
Shaking his head Tyler took Pete's carry on luggage for him. "She is with her parents, you know that right?" Tyler asked as the walked towards the hard cold plastic seats, Pete nodded and slumped into one of the seats.
"I am good with parents" Pete said with uncertainty, Tyler rolled his eyes and sat down beside Pete. "She will be happy to see me" Pete continued, sighing Tyler folded his arms across his chest.
"I think that you should leave this to me," Tyler began, Pete held up a hand and glared at him. "She has some serious issues to sort through, she needs a friend. Not someone who is willing to pay for her services" Tyler concluded through gritted teeth.
"What is that meant to mean?" hissed Pete as he plastered his face with a smile as a group of teenaged girls walked past and whispered. "We are friends" Pete said as he looked at Tyler who was laughing to himself. "Stop laughing"
"You don't love Tink; you don't have any more feelings for her than you would for any quick fuck in a park. Tink means so much to me. So much more than she will ever mean to you" Tyler said with a menacing hatred towards Pete.
"You disgust me Tyler" Pete said suddenly, feeling his jaw drop Tyler spun around to look at Pete. "You act all high and mighty; truth is you can't stand Tink to be happy. It sickens you to think that she might not need you anymore. And you can't stand it" Pete said with satisfaction, feeling a fist come into contact with his jaw Pete stood up and clicked his jaw into place.
"Coward" he muttered under his breath scooping up his bag and walking towards his flight which was now boarding.
--
A cool icy breeze blew in through the window. Huddling closer to my pillow I suddenly had a vague recollection of being on the carpet. Sitting up abrubtly I looked around the room. It was decorated in warm citrus colours. On the wall was my photograph. It unnerved me suddenly. Sliding towards the end of the bed I pulled back the curtains and watery sunlight spilt into the room.
"Tiabela?" a soft quiet voice broke into my thoughts, squinting I looked at the small figure sitting on a overstuffed chair in the corner of the room. Rubbing the back of my head I felt a small lump and winced.
"Hey Bella" I smiled at the girl, she slid off the chair and walked towards me. Lifting herself up onto the bed she put her hand in my hand and linked fingers. An almost sad look was upon her face. Looking into her hazel eyes I suddenly felt sadness, happiness and sickness all in one girl. "Whats wrong hun?" I asked her, she looked away quickly and then glanced back up at me.
"I know who you are" she whispered, my perfectly arched eyebrows furrowed momentarily. "You are not my sister" she kept her voice low and quiet, I nodded and looked at her.
"No, not your sister" I agreed with her, unsure of how much she knew, I did not want to mess this one up, considering in less than twenty four hours she would know I was her mother.
"You are my Mum" she said simply, I looked at her and shook my head. "Don't lie to me Tiabela, you are my mum, I know. I heard Dad and Mama talking about it a few weeks ago" suddenly the wisdom of a five year old can be so much more than their naivety. Her soft eyes were brimming with tears.
"Oh honey" I pulled her close to me, she wrapped her small arms around my waist. 'its going to be okay" I whispered into her hair, she pulled away and looked up at me.
"Its not going to be okay. Mama is dying" she sniffed, I nodded sadly and scratched my arm. A nervous habit of mine. "Why?" she suddenly asked.
"Because she is ill" I began, Bella shook her head fiercely at me.
"Why did you leave me and not take me with you" she asked picking at an invisible thread on her corduroy skirt, I closed my eyes and smacked my lips together before sighing. "I knew Mama was not my mama" she finished. For a five year old, this girl was smart.
"Sometimes, its better to leave something you love behind" I explained to her, she nodded her head at me. "It doesn't mean I stopped loving you" I added, she sighed and put her arms around my waist again.
"I love you Mum" she whispered, this time I let the tears fall and did not stop to wipe them.
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