FicWad

Disclaimer: Not mine. never have been, Never will. All Hasbro's, Marvel's, DDP's etc.

AN: The following fic is spoilerish and beta'ed by her royal Finkess Rach :o) Thank you so much :o). If you feel a need to cry, yell or curse, please consult your writer. ;o)

The pillow is actually borrowed from the show /Monk/. The hero of the show did the same thing with his dead wife's pillow. The rest is to blame on Amy who issued out this challenge. Enjoy reading. :o).



Only In My Dreams

Over the past few years it had become a well practised ritual for him. He would work until late in the night, come home, take a shower and eat something...

...and then he would go to the closet and pull out the box. It was a simple cardboard box in dark red - her favorite color. Inside were the few things he'd kept of hers. The only physical memories he had.

Every year since she had been gone, he had done this, at least five times a year, always on the same dates.

Her birthday.

The day they'd met for the first time.

The day they had chosen for their wedding.

The day she had died.

Today - Memorial Day.

Taking a deep breath, he sat down on his bed opened the box and pulled out its contents. One was sealed in a glass, the rest kept in zip lock bags.

Gently he picked up the glass. It held one single strand of hair tied together with a red bow. Tears welled up in his eyes as he remembered how he'd gotten it. When he'd seen her for the last time, lying in front of him so pale and still, he had taken out his pocket knife and cut the strand of. Even though he'd never touched it in years, he could very well imagine the silky feeling of her hair.

He put it aside and pulled out the first bag. Inside was her diary, still locked as he had found it. The keys for the small lock were in the bag too, but he'd never used them nor would he. It held her most private thoughts, her secrets that he didn't know. If he opened it and read them, he'd lose the last things he could have learned about her. And he wanted to preserve those last mysteries.

The next bag he picked contained her favorite sweater. He always hesitated to take it out. There were still some traces of her favorite perfume on it, and as usual he had the feeling that the scent grew weaker. He knew that one day it would be gone forever, irrecoverable. But until then, he would take it in. Carefully he pulled the sweater out, buried his face in the soft fabric and inhaled deeply.

The came the last item. It was bigger than the others and the most valuable one. As always he put the other things back into the box before he unpacked it.

Her pillow.

Running his hand across it gently, he laid back on the bed, the pillow right next to his head where it belonged. There too was still a faint trace of her shampoo.

While his hand rested across the fabric, he could always swear he could feel her presence right there next to him, so strongly, that he always heard her voice.

"After all this time, you still kept these things?" she asked amusedly.

"Yeah," he'd always reply. "They are my last connection to you. I don't want to lose that."

"You never will," she whispered. "I'll always be with you."

He nodded, tears running down his cheeks. "I love you."

She smiled sadly and kissed his forehead. "I love you too."

Closing his eyes, he could literally feel her lips on his skin. When he opened them again, he saw that her body started to shimmer away as she spoke her parting words.

"Good night, Clay."

"Good night, Carolee," Hawk whispered when the vision of her was gone. "I'll see you in my dreams."








AN: I said it was spoilerish, just not for which issue ;o). Hope you enjoyed it anyway.