Categories > Celebrities > Good Charlotte > The Holiday Season... But Not Everyone's in the Holiday Spirit
chapter 15
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"So what's up with you and Benji, you looked kinda close when we walked in before." Josh said the minute we got over to mine.
"Nothings going on as far as I'm concerned anyway." I said rolling my eyes I knew all this was coming.
"How come you where over with just him in anyway?"
"Well I was about to have a shower here this morning but it was broke, your mom came over asking for some butter. When I said the shower was broke she said I could come over to yours for one. I didn't think anyone else was in. your mom said I could use Joel's room to get ready in. I had a shower and I was on my way to Joel's room in just a towel and I... forget it." I laugh embarrassed.
"No go on tell Me." he said grinning.
"I fucking ran into Benji." I laughed.
"And..."
"And it was weird."
"Why? What did he say?"
"Nothing he was... fucking hell he was like checking me out." I said laughing at my situation too. Josh burst out laughing.
"Shut up it's not funny." I said playfully hitting him on the shoulder laughing myself.
"It is, but that doesn't explain you playing happy family's with him and my mom after."
"Well I ran into Joel's room getting ready as quick as I could my intentions to leave straight away but your mom being so nice said that I should stay so that I didn't have to be on my own all day. so I was sat talking to your mom when Benji walked in and was acting all wired. He sat next to me and was talking like we where old friends."
"Well not to state the obvious you are old friends."
"Yeah that we just hated each other in-between."
"You don't hate each other you love each other." He grinned.
"Don't start that again."
"Ah see we are getting somewhere your not bothering to deny it anymore."
"No because it's so stupid it's not even worth denying."
"Sophie..." he tried to reason.
"No Josh it'll never happen even if I wanted it too it can't I'm in too deep with Liam." I said softly telling the truth for once. Yes I knew Benji wanted me from his confession in the hospital that night but I don't think anyone else knew his true feelings too they where just guessing and hoping. But the thing is even if I did feel the same way for Benji it's not that easy because I'm in too deep with Liam if we hadn't been together for so long and engaged, if I was still single then maybe things would be different. There you go ladies and gentlemen I have admitted it.
"Wait, what?" he said looking confused.
"You got what I said."
"You mean Benji... he..." he stuttered trying to get his head around it. That's it now it's all coming out because up till now it's all be hoping and guessing. No one actually knew how me and Benji actually felt abut each other, hell I didn't know exactly how Benji felt until a few days ago and I'm still not sure if he still knows how I feel.
"Yes he made it clear to me exactly how he felt about me that night at the hospital when Liam was in the accident."
"I can't believe it he really does love you, actually I can believe it, that's what we've all been telling you for years now. So what's stopping you two? And why are you still at each others throats?"
"We agreed that the conversation would be a one time thing and that everything would go back to more i.e. us hating each other after that night. after he told me how he felt, he kissed me and I admit I had a moment of weakness when I kissed back but as soon as I did I pushed him away and told him to basically fuck off. I hurt him really bad and I hate myself for it but it had to be done. I couldn't give up all what I have with Liam especially when he was on his death bed. So since then I've gone back to how things where between us and he now hates me for hurting him after him admitting how he felt for me."
"Soph I..."
"Josh he can't just expect to push me away, treat me like shit, ignore me for years and then expect me to fall for him the minute he admits his undying love for me. I went through some much shit, shit I wouldn't wish on anyone alone because of him. Maybe he didn't want me there for him when he needed me but that doesn't mean that when I needed him most he could just mush me away like he did to me." I said getting emotional again. No one except for Benji knew all what went on years ago and that's the way I wanted to keep it. He walked over to me pulling me into a hug.
"Ok I'm guessing there a lot more to this whole thing than any of us know about but he really does care for you and he knows he fucked up but he'll never be able to make it up to you if you wont give him a chance." He said softly.
"Josh I get what you mean, I really do but it's too late now maybe his chance has been and gone. Liam took over and he stayed by me and help me recover with out Liam I wouldn't be the same person any more." I said we ended up dropping the subject because we heard my mom coming home. Josh fixed the shower and not long after Liam arrived home in his taxi. I said good bye and thanks to Josh then me, mom and Liam had dinner.
"Nothings going on as far as I'm concerned anyway." I said rolling my eyes I knew all this was coming.
"How come you where over with just him in anyway?"
"Well I was about to have a shower here this morning but it was broke, your mom came over asking for some butter. When I said the shower was broke she said I could come over to yours for one. I didn't think anyone else was in. your mom said I could use Joel's room to get ready in. I had a shower and I was on my way to Joel's room in just a towel and I... forget it." I laugh embarrassed.
"No go on tell Me." he said grinning.
"I fucking ran into Benji." I laughed.
"And..."
"And it was weird."
"Why? What did he say?"
"Nothing he was... fucking hell he was like checking me out." I said laughing at my situation too. Josh burst out laughing.
"Shut up it's not funny." I said playfully hitting him on the shoulder laughing myself.
"It is, but that doesn't explain you playing happy family's with him and my mom after."
"Well I ran into Joel's room getting ready as quick as I could my intentions to leave straight away but your mom being so nice said that I should stay so that I didn't have to be on my own all day. so I was sat talking to your mom when Benji walked in and was acting all wired. He sat next to me and was talking like we where old friends."
"Well not to state the obvious you are old friends."
"Yeah that we just hated each other in-between."
"You don't hate each other you love each other." He grinned.
"Don't start that again."
"Ah see we are getting somewhere your not bothering to deny it anymore."
"No because it's so stupid it's not even worth denying."
"Sophie..." he tried to reason.
"No Josh it'll never happen even if I wanted it too it can't I'm in too deep with Liam." I said softly telling the truth for once. Yes I knew Benji wanted me from his confession in the hospital that night but I don't think anyone else knew his true feelings too they where just guessing and hoping. But the thing is even if I did feel the same way for Benji it's not that easy because I'm in too deep with Liam if we hadn't been together for so long and engaged, if I was still single then maybe things would be different. There you go ladies and gentlemen I have admitted it.
"Wait, what?" he said looking confused.
"You got what I said."
"You mean Benji... he..." he stuttered trying to get his head around it. That's it now it's all coming out because up till now it's all be hoping and guessing. No one actually knew how me and Benji actually felt abut each other, hell I didn't know exactly how Benji felt until a few days ago and I'm still not sure if he still knows how I feel.
"Yes he made it clear to me exactly how he felt about me that night at the hospital when Liam was in the accident."
"I can't believe it he really does love you, actually I can believe it, that's what we've all been telling you for years now. So what's stopping you two? And why are you still at each others throats?"
"We agreed that the conversation would be a one time thing and that everything would go back to more i.e. us hating each other after that night. after he told me how he felt, he kissed me and I admit I had a moment of weakness when I kissed back but as soon as I did I pushed him away and told him to basically fuck off. I hurt him really bad and I hate myself for it but it had to be done. I couldn't give up all what I have with Liam especially when he was on his death bed. So since then I've gone back to how things where between us and he now hates me for hurting him after him admitting how he felt for me."
"Soph I..."
"Josh he can't just expect to push me away, treat me like shit, ignore me for years and then expect me to fall for him the minute he admits his undying love for me. I went through some much shit, shit I wouldn't wish on anyone alone because of him. Maybe he didn't want me there for him when he needed me but that doesn't mean that when I needed him most he could just mush me away like he did to me." I said getting emotional again. No one except for Benji knew all what went on years ago and that's the way I wanted to keep it. He walked over to me pulling me into a hug.
"Ok I'm guessing there a lot more to this whole thing than any of us know about but he really does care for you and he knows he fucked up but he'll never be able to make it up to you if you wont give him a chance." He said softly.
"Josh I get what you mean, I really do but it's too late now maybe his chance has been and gone. Liam took over and he stayed by me and help me recover with out Liam I wouldn't be the same person any more." I said we ended up dropping the subject because we heard my mom coming home. Josh fixed the shower and not long after Liam arrived home in his taxi. I said good bye and thanks to Josh then me, mom and Liam had dinner.
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