FicWad

Lily stared at her shoes as Bert lead them to a quiet spot behind the building.
The roadies were pushing speakers and crates past them, wheeling in equipment up a small make-shift ramp.
Bert took out a pack of cigarettes and put one in his mouth. He tilted the pack towards her,
"Want one?"
Lily shook her head,
"You know I hate cigarettes." she mumbled, arms crossed.
"Oh yeah.." Bert said in an exhale of smoke.
He watched her stand there for a moment, arms tightly pressed across her chest, looking up at the roof, anything but his eyes.
It made him feel sick, furious, disgusting, unwanted, a JOKE.
All these horrible feelings overcame him in a rush as he took a drag.
What happened to the Lily he used to know?
The one who looked up at him in admiration, with big blue eyes full of happiness, of hope; bubbly and slightly crazy..always smiling...
always smiling.
Bert took one last drag, down to the filter.
He smashed it beneath his foot as Lily watched,
"So whats up?" he asked, putting his hands in his pockets.
Lily shrugged, "Nothing..."
Bert felt his stomach shrivel up...her silence was like a stab to the gut.
His eyes fell to the curb..almost magnetic.
"So.." Lily began, "You wanted to talk?"
Bert fumbled with the lighter inside his pocket,
"Yeah..I..."
He paused as a roadie walked by.
"Sorry for..yesterday. I..uh...I was mad and...sorry." he mumbled softly.
Lily swallowed and nodded,
"It's..ok...I said it was ok."
Bert smiled, "Yeah but.."
He caught her eyes.
Her big blue eyes that for some reason...more than any other day, or laugh or smile, made his heart twist, tie up into knots..his throat catch and his eyes start to water.
Lily furrowed his eyebrows as Bert stood there, looking at his feet.
"But?" she echoed.
Millions of thoughts raced though his head in lightning speed. He wanted to tell her the truth, tell her how he felt,
"Listen Lily, I fuckin' like you. Fuck Gerard, fuck what other people think, I want to be with you. So, what do you think?"
No. He couldn't say that.
Look at the way she's standing.
She can't fucking stand you.
She doesn't want to be with you...she can't even look at you.
LIE.
LIE.
Bert cleared his throat and looked up at her, bravado pushing him to speak,
"I just can't fucking stand you're dating that asshole." he began, repositioning his feet and relaxing his shoulders.
He could almost instantly see Lily relax.
She sighed loudly and rolled her eyes,
"Come on Bert, I told you-"
"No no no" he began,
"Let me finish." he said, taking out yet another malboro red.
His hands were shaking slightly as he pulled the stick out of the box.
He hated that he was holding back.
"So, I know you guys are like..fuckin'" Bert paused and exhaled a small stream of smoke,
"In love or whatever."
Lily snorted and covered her mouth.
Bert raised an eyebrow, tapping the ash off his cigarette.
"No no no, go on." Lily said with a wave of the hand.
Bert's heart beat a little faster, his hand wobbled slightly...
He shoved it in his pocket as he inhaled more nicotine,
"So," he continued with a sigh,
"Quinn and I had just gotten into a fight and I wanted to talk to you, because, believe it or not LILY," Bert began, tapping the ash off of his cigarette,
"I consider you to be my friend"
"You are." Lily said with a sigh and a roll of the eyes.
Bert blew some smoke,
"And then you fuckin' yell at me for what happened on the plane, like it's my fault or something - " he held up his hand as Lily opened her mouth to protest,
"And I got pissed off because.."
Bert paused and took a drag off his cigarette.
Because I can't stand to see you with him.
Because I'm in love with you.
"Because I DON'T like Gerard right now, and you're dating him and its like..what the fuck, you know? I guess I want you to hate him too. He just pisses me off."
Lily nodded,
"Bert, I told you I wasn't going to pick sides." she said with a frustrated sigh.
Bert ground the cigarette butt into the ground,
"Yeah I know, I don't want you to but...just don't do something fuckin' stupid like..." he paused and crossed his arms,
"Stop being my friend because you're dating him." he said, bringing his thumb nail up to his mouth and biting it out of habit.
Lily shook her head,
"Of course not. You know I wouldn't do that." she said, stifling a smile.
Bert shrugged,
"I don't know..I never thought you'd date him in the first place, so..."
Bert paused, "OK, nevermind...I guess I did think so...but..sorry for throwing your cookies."
He added, shifting his weight.
Lily shrugged, "Meh, it's ok. Could've been worse." Lily began to say something, but shook her head.
Bert raised an eyebrow, arms tightly across his chest.
Lily shook her head,
"I thought you were going to say..." she paused and rubbed her nose, "NEVERMINDDD" she said, walking over to Bert and pulling him into a tight hug.
Bert, previously stiff, melted in her arms, putting his own long, awkward limbs around her body.
Fuck, she smelled good.
"And I'd never just..stop being your friend over your little..spat. If you guys are going to act like 13 year olds, be my guest." Lily said pulling away, hands at his shoulders.
Bert rolled his eyes and smiled weakly.
Lily continued, "Besides, you're like..my best friend."
She added, squeezing him in a hug.
"I love you." she said quietly into his hair.
Bert's eyes became blurry...his body stiff.
He momentarily stopped breathing... his heart felt like it was being squeezed..
"I love you too." he whispered, pulling her tightly to him.
Lily broke away and smiled,
"Want some Oreos? I'm dying for some." she said, pulling her hair out of its style and running her fingers through it.
Bert shook his head, shoving his hands into his pockets,
"No, I'm cool...I've got to practice and stuff.."
Lily shrugged, "Ok. See you backstage then?" she asked, playing with the hair-tie on her wrist.
Bert nodded, "Yeah. See you then..."
Lily waved good bye and walked away, leaving Bert with the roadies...by the makeshift ramp and the coke machine.
Bert turned around and faced the wall...eyes becoming blurry once more.
He tapped his fist against the stone, scowl on his face.
He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly.
"I'm her fuckin' best friend." he mumbled to himself, pulling another cigarette out of the red striped box.
"A-o-Fucking-Kay." he said, flicking the lighter.
He watched as the flame engulfed the paper, lighting the tobacco on fire.
He took a drag and stared up at the sky, feeling his eyes well up..
He tired hard to tilt his head back, to drain the tears back into the ducts,but it didn't work.
It couldn't work.
He exhaled as one lonely tear fell, which he wiped away with his gloved hand.
"Fuck.." he whispered,
"She loves me."