Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Fall Out Love
Patrick and Ry sat backstage together, looking very nervous. Mostly Ry. "Not another chance to emabarass myself on national TV." Joe corrected from his dressing room, "International." Ry rolled her eyes and replied sarcastically, "Thanks Joe. You really made me feel better." Patrick said soothingly, "If any of those girls try and do something to you or Soy, I'll be right there to beat the shit out of them." Standing right next to them was Vie (Soy) and Andy making out. Patrick looked at them and asked them, "Do you mind?" Soy and Andy broke apart for a moment, looked at him, then went back to making out.
"All right. Patrick you remember the plan right?" Ry asked Patrick. "The plan that failed when Soy and Andy got married and then we had to revise so we could expose Jim for all his dishonesty, get fired, and never work in show biz again? Yeah, I remember it." Patrick replied, a bit loudly. Jim overheard and told Patrick, "Well, well, well. Trying to get back at me, eh? Well, you never did pick your girl?" Patrick remembered, in horror, "That's right I didn't." "And of course, it's down to two girls...Abs and Ry. And of course, she Ry can't let you choose her, you can't choose Ry, you must choose who I say...etc., etc." Ry screamed loudly, "This is unfair! You're taking away our rights." "But," Jim added. "I'm doing it legally." He pulled out the contract. Ry got a bright idea in her head, but she covered it up with some acting. She hugged Patrick and told him, "Good-bye my love. For we may never see each other again." Then Patrick leaned in for a kiss, but then I announced to the camera, because I am host, "This is me, Dirty. I have been the host of the show, and now, we find out how Soy and Andy are, and we find out who Patrick picks. Ry, the sweet one, or Abs, who has been known as a bitch in the house. Let's take a look..."
And then the camera showed Abs spreading rumors about other castmates, cursing out other castmates, and trying to seduce Patrick. Then came something really big, "All right!" Abs said to Pick. "You got in bed with him! Way to go girl!" Then Pick replied, "At least I'm not a f*cking whore like Ry and Soy." the whole audience gasped, and Pick countinued, "She has been hanging around Patrick a lot. And they kissed! At Disneyland! I had to dump her when Marista and I were friends with her." The audience started whispering amongst each other, as Pick countinued, "Her and Sunshine were totally ruining mine and Marista's image." Then Abs replied, "Gosh, don't you just hate them. They like, totally ruin your image, and it's like, totally bad, gosh, what are those called?" Pick took a sip of her coffee and said, "Whores."
Once the clips stopped, Dirty replied, "Whoa, what a big thing there, okay, now for an interview with Andy and Soy." In Andy and Soy's interview, they revealed that they had bought a house, they had done some charity work for PETA, and Soy was opening up SubVeg, a vegan Subway.
Meanwhile...
Ry had her plan all worked out. But she needed to add more. She saw Patrick's cell phone lying there, all alone, she picked it up, started searching for the band's lawyer and their manager too, called them, and told them the whole situation. They promised to be over there in about thirty minutes. In the meanwhile, she tried to act helpless to the whole situation. She even put on some fake tears on Soy's shoulder. And everyone bought it!
While that was happenning...
Patrick had already bought Ry a locket, as a way of saying he wanted to have a serious relationship with her. He opened it to the small picture of him and her at Disneyland goofing around in a photo booth. He looked at it, and started to feel even more sad. When the director said, "We are rolling in five..four...three...two...one." He put the locket back in his pocket and went back on set.
"All right." I told the cameras again. "Patrick has finally decided who he is going to choose, but first, three former contestants will sound off on who he should choose. First one, Ash." Ash came on and said, "Ry is a really sweet girl and Patrick would be lucky to have her. Abs, not so much luck in there. Pick Ry." Ash said to Patrick, then I said, "All right, second hot girl, Brie." Brie came out and said, "I;m going to be flat-out honest. Ry, sweet girl, big heart, any guy who hates her is a dipsht. Abs, she's a total bitch! Thanks." Then I announced, "Many think she's a bitch, but that's up to you...Pick." Pick came out, then said, "All right, all right. Abs, oh what a sweetheart, she's really nice to me, and she's like one of my new BFFs." then she blew an air kiss at Abs, who blew one back to Pick. "Ry, let me be as honest as I can. She's a fcking bitch! She's such a whore, and I just can't stand her. I don't see why any guy would put up with her." she said, then gave Ry a cold stare. "I must go now, little people." and she walked off.
Then I came back out and said, "All right and we'll find out who Patrick chooses..." and then someone whispered to me, "Dirty, go to commercial right now! Or else!" I turned back to the camera and said, "After the break?" Then I saw Jim walk up to Patrick. "You choose Abs or else." Patrick gave him a look, and he replied, "Fuck no!" Then Jim told him, "Fuck yes! Or else I can have you and Ry in jail cells." Then Patrick replied, "At least we'll be together!" Then Jim told him, "They'll be on other sides of the country!" Patrick looked even more disappointed. Ry saw Mike McKoy, the band's lawyer, and Bob McLynn, the band's manager, give the "Ok" symbol and she told Patrick, "Patrick pick whoever you want." Patrick gave her a serious look and asked her, "Are you serious? Did you just hear what he said?" Then she replied, "Patrick, trust me, I know what I'm doing."
"Three...two...one." The director said, and Ry went back to her place. I said to the camera, "All right, before we go to the crowning ceremony, Pete has to say a few words." Pete came out, said to the cameras, "I have proof this show is a fcking hoax, and I want to say something to all the viewers. Fck you fcking Jim Gurashti. F*ck you!" He walked off, then whispered in Patrick's ear, "No pressure, Patrick?" Patrick replied, sarcastically, "Oh, none." Then he started on crowning the winner.
"I've had some fun times with both of you, but I've chosen only one of you to be my girlfriend. Abs, you're a really outgoing girl, and really attract attention, but you seem to be super catty, and I don't like that." He finished on Abs, then turned to Ry. "Ry..." he started. Where to begin? "I like that you're super sweet and loyal, dedicated, clever, smart, beautiful, and just overall...great, but, it...seems...oh damn, you're perfect. The girl I choose is...Brie." Everyone had a look of shock on their faces. Was that even allowed? Didn't he say she was perfect? Then Patrick laughed and said, "Just kidding. Ry, come on over here, you're my new girlfriend." Then se ran over and as they hugged, Jim came out and was throwing a tantrum.
"You were supposed to pick Abs! You little...I'll have both of you behind bars for breach of contract and assault!" Mike came out and replied, coolly, "First off, Ry didn't assault and Patrick assaulted out of defense. Second, you can't go to jail for breach of contract. Third, you could go behind bars." Jim looked at Mike and replied, "For what reason?" "In simple terms, beating up someone, forcing two human beings to do whatever you say, and sexually harrassing some of the contestants." "Like who?" "Well, Cow, Misery Signals, Ash, Brie, Elle, Stella, Pig, Chicken, Frodo-" "All right, I get it." Mike told him, "Now, while these young girls I listed above are having suits filed against you, I suggest you let these two go on with their lives." Then Jim told Patrick and Ry, "Patrick, you can choose whoever you want.
Patrick smiled, and then he picked up Ry, carried her as they ran outside, and they kissed for a long time. They hugged, kissed, overall, they celebrated. "I'm so glad you chose me." Ry told him. "I'm glad I chose you." Patrick replied.
On the set...
Pick and Dew were angry. They won? They got the guys? How could this be? Pick stood up and screamed, "But she's a whore!" Then Pete walked over to Pick, and said to her, "By the way skank, you left your underwear in my room." and gave her her underwear.Everyone laughed, but Pick and Dew. They stormed off, and took out their cell phones and called their chaffeur. "Chives, pick us up right now! We want to go home! The house in L.A., duh!"
And that my friends, is the story of when Fall Out Boy tried to find love on a reality show. So here's a message to you kids who want to start a reality show to find a girlfriend: don't.
"All right. Patrick you remember the plan right?" Ry asked Patrick. "The plan that failed when Soy and Andy got married and then we had to revise so we could expose Jim for all his dishonesty, get fired, and never work in show biz again? Yeah, I remember it." Patrick replied, a bit loudly. Jim overheard and told Patrick, "Well, well, well. Trying to get back at me, eh? Well, you never did pick your girl?" Patrick remembered, in horror, "That's right I didn't." "And of course, it's down to two girls...Abs and Ry. And of course, she Ry can't let you choose her, you can't choose Ry, you must choose who I say...etc., etc." Ry screamed loudly, "This is unfair! You're taking away our rights." "But," Jim added. "I'm doing it legally." He pulled out the contract. Ry got a bright idea in her head, but she covered it up with some acting. She hugged Patrick and told him, "Good-bye my love. For we may never see each other again." Then Patrick leaned in for a kiss, but then I announced to the camera, because I am host, "This is me, Dirty. I have been the host of the show, and now, we find out how Soy and Andy are, and we find out who Patrick picks. Ry, the sweet one, or Abs, who has been known as a bitch in the house. Let's take a look..."
And then the camera showed Abs spreading rumors about other castmates, cursing out other castmates, and trying to seduce Patrick. Then came something really big, "All right!" Abs said to Pick. "You got in bed with him! Way to go girl!" Then Pick replied, "At least I'm not a f*cking whore like Ry and Soy." the whole audience gasped, and Pick countinued, "She has been hanging around Patrick a lot. And they kissed! At Disneyland! I had to dump her when Marista and I were friends with her." The audience started whispering amongst each other, as Pick countinued, "Her and Sunshine were totally ruining mine and Marista's image." Then Abs replied, "Gosh, don't you just hate them. They like, totally ruin your image, and it's like, totally bad, gosh, what are those called?" Pick took a sip of her coffee and said, "Whores."
Once the clips stopped, Dirty replied, "Whoa, what a big thing there, okay, now for an interview with Andy and Soy." In Andy and Soy's interview, they revealed that they had bought a house, they had done some charity work for PETA, and Soy was opening up SubVeg, a vegan Subway.
Meanwhile...
Ry had her plan all worked out. But she needed to add more. She saw Patrick's cell phone lying there, all alone, she picked it up, started searching for the band's lawyer and their manager too, called them, and told them the whole situation. They promised to be over there in about thirty minutes. In the meanwhile, she tried to act helpless to the whole situation. She even put on some fake tears on Soy's shoulder. And everyone bought it!
While that was happenning...
Patrick had already bought Ry a locket, as a way of saying he wanted to have a serious relationship with her. He opened it to the small picture of him and her at Disneyland goofing around in a photo booth. He looked at it, and started to feel even more sad. When the director said, "We are rolling in five..four...three...two...one." He put the locket back in his pocket and went back on set.
"All right." I told the cameras again. "Patrick has finally decided who he is going to choose, but first, three former contestants will sound off on who he should choose. First one, Ash." Ash came on and said, "Ry is a really sweet girl and Patrick would be lucky to have her. Abs, not so much luck in there. Pick Ry." Ash said to Patrick, then I said, "All right, second hot girl, Brie." Brie came out and said, "I;m going to be flat-out honest. Ry, sweet girl, big heart, any guy who hates her is a dipsht. Abs, she's a total bitch! Thanks." Then I announced, "Many think she's a bitch, but that's up to you...Pick." Pick came out, then said, "All right, all right. Abs, oh what a sweetheart, she's really nice to me, and she's like one of my new BFFs." then she blew an air kiss at Abs, who blew one back to Pick. "Ry, let me be as honest as I can. She's a fcking bitch! She's such a whore, and I just can't stand her. I don't see why any guy would put up with her." she said, then gave Ry a cold stare. "I must go now, little people." and she walked off.
Then I came back out and said, "All right and we'll find out who Patrick chooses..." and then someone whispered to me, "Dirty, go to commercial right now! Or else!" I turned back to the camera and said, "After the break?" Then I saw Jim walk up to Patrick. "You choose Abs or else." Patrick gave him a look, and he replied, "Fuck no!" Then Jim told him, "Fuck yes! Or else I can have you and Ry in jail cells." Then Patrick replied, "At least we'll be together!" Then Jim told him, "They'll be on other sides of the country!" Patrick looked even more disappointed. Ry saw Mike McKoy, the band's lawyer, and Bob McLynn, the band's manager, give the "Ok" symbol and she told Patrick, "Patrick pick whoever you want." Patrick gave her a serious look and asked her, "Are you serious? Did you just hear what he said?" Then she replied, "Patrick, trust me, I know what I'm doing."
"Three...two...one." The director said, and Ry went back to her place. I said to the camera, "All right, before we go to the crowning ceremony, Pete has to say a few words." Pete came out, said to the cameras, "I have proof this show is a fcking hoax, and I want to say something to all the viewers. Fck you fcking Jim Gurashti. F*ck you!" He walked off, then whispered in Patrick's ear, "No pressure, Patrick?" Patrick replied, sarcastically, "Oh, none." Then he started on crowning the winner.
"I've had some fun times with both of you, but I've chosen only one of you to be my girlfriend. Abs, you're a really outgoing girl, and really attract attention, but you seem to be super catty, and I don't like that." He finished on Abs, then turned to Ry. "Ry..." he started. Where to begin? "I like that you're super sweet and loyal, dedicated, clever, smart, beautiful, and just overall...great, but, it...seems...oh damn, you're perfect. The girl I choose is...Brie." Everyone had a look of shock on their faces. Was that even allowed? Didn't he say she was perfect? Then Patrick laughed and said, "Just kidding. Ry, come on over here, you're my new girlfriend." Then se ran over and as they hugged, Jim came out and was throwing a tantrum.
"You were supposed to pick Abs! You little...I'll have both of you behind bars for breach of contract and assault!" Mike came out and replied, coolly, "First off, Ry didn't assault and Patrick assaulted out of defense. Second, you can't go to jail for breach of contract. Third, you could go behind bars." Jim looked at Mike and replied, "For what reason?" "In simple terms, beating up someone, forcing two human beings to do whatever you say, and sexually harrassing some of the contestants." "Like who?" "Well, Cow, Misery Signals, Ash, Brie, Elle, Stella, Pig, Chicken, Frodo-" "All right, I get it." Mike told him, "Now, while these young girls I listed above are having suits filed against you, I suggest you let these two go on with their lives." Then Jim told Patrick and Ry, "Patrick, you can choose whoever you want.
Patrick smiled, and then he picked up Ry, carried her as they ran outside, and they kissed for a long time. They hugged, kissed, overall, they celebrated. "I'm so glad you chose me." Ry told him. "I'm glad I chose you." Patrick replied.
On the set...
Pick and Dew were angry. They won? They got the guys? How could this be? Pick stood up and screamed, "But she's a whore!" Then Pete walked over to Pick, and said to her, "By the way skank, you left your underwear in my room." and gave her her underwear.Everyone laughed, but Pick and Dew. They stormed off, and took out their cell phones and called their chaffeur. "Chives, pick us up right now! We want to go home! The house in L.A., duh!"
And that my friends, is the story of when Fall Out Boy tried to find love on a reality show. So here's a message to you kids who want to start a reality show to find a girlfriend: don't.
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