FicWad

I woke up to a buzzing going off in my ear. I groaned and rolled over. I immediately jumped realising that there was a body laying beside me. I looked over and recognized the trucker hat pulled over the fuzzy head of Patrick. My head started spinning in circles and my stomach started doing flips. The feeling like I was going to be sick immediately hit me like a ton of bricks. I grabbed my phone off of the table and rolled off of Patrick beside me and the couch as well. I fell down to the floor and immediately picked myself up from the floor and started running to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me as softly as possible and then threw myself at the toilet just in time to hurl my guts everywhere. My phone was furiously going off now and I wiped my mouth off on a nearby cloth. I laid my head down on the toilet and looked at the caller id on phone. The id said Blocked number. I was a little hesitant to go ahead and answer, but going against my better judgement I did so anyways.

"Hello?" I answered quitely.
"Hey beautiful lady."

I quietly sat there and rolled my eyes. I moved myself against the counter and relaxed. All I could think about was when this phone call was going to end and what drama would insue after it. After all, I had just seen him on television getting his ass arrested for driving under the influence.

"Hi."
"What are you doing at this fine hour of the morning?" His words were drunken and slurred. I was wondering why the hell he was talking on his phone from jail, or if he was even still in jail at the moment.
"I am sitting on a bathroom floor, and yourself?"
"Nooothing. Why are you on the bathroom floor?" I started to look at the nail polish on my finger nails. I really did need a new manicure soon, either that, or at the present time I really could careless about what he had to say to me.
"I just got done puking my guts out actually."
"Oh Matt did tell me that he saw you earlier tonight and that you had a little run in with him at the bar and that you're fucking Fall Out Boy faggots tried to save the day." Zack was taking another swig of whatever he was drinking. "Matt could have totally taken them, by the way. What the fuck do you see in them anyways? I mean, that one guy. He's so fucking whiney and, and like I don't know, emo."

I chuckled at Zacks last comment. It was very true. This girl broke my heart, I crashed my car but I thought it was because of a girl... blah blah blah. Sugar, Were going down. Oh Pete, I thought. The thought brought a smile to my face and then it instantly faded when I remembered what had happened earlier and how he was so good to me all night, but then when we get home it was like he turned the switch off and became a shell of himself. A shell of the Pete that I knew, and once fell in love with.

"That's a very true thought Zee." There was silence on the other end for the a few moments.
"I wish I could make you see that I could give you better, I really do. But I don't know how, and you're not helping me."
"I don't know what you want me to say Zacky, I really don't. And I'm so sorry that I'm hurting you in this way. It's the last thing I want, it's the very last thing I want. I love you, a lot but I'm not sure it's a complete head over heels in love and I don't want you to get emotionally invested into me and then you and I ending up in the same situation I'm in now. You mean a lot to me and the very last thing I want is for you and I to end up like me and Pete." I tucked my legs underneath of me and sat in crossed legged formation.
"I love so much Kate, I just don't think I'm going ever get over this. I don't know why. But everywhere I turn it's always you and him. In magazines and online and I can't help but think about how much I wish it was me holding your hand or kissing you the way he is." I heard his voice crack and then take a deep breath.
"I'm not going to lie to you Zee, I know you would treat me like gold, you would treat me like a Queen. Hell, if I asked you to find the end of the world I'm positive you would manage a way, somehow. Right now I am so emotionally unstable that it wouldn't be fair to anyone - you, me or Pete for that matter if I jumped head over heels in love with you and managed to somehow untangle myself from the mess that I've gotten myself into with him."

There was heavy breathing on the other side of the phone and I heard some moving around. "Do you love him?"
I paused. I felt my heart start to beat faster and I twisted my lip a little bit. "I.. do."
"Does he love you?" I stopped moving, breathing and thinking. I never thought of the situation like this before. Did Pete love me? I stopped and put my speaker phone on, on my cell phone and laid it down on the floor.
"Does he love you Kate? Does he love you like today might be his last day living with you in his life?"
I couldn't talk and at that point I was pretty sure I couldn't breathe.
"Kate, look at you. Since when were you the type of girl to settle for anything less than the best? You love him with your whole heart, your whole fucking heart and you put up with so much of his shit to be treated like this. You don't deserve that at all, you're too special for this. I haven't seen you in so long but talking to you I know that you're not happy, you're not the person I once knew.."
"Zacky, I can't deal with this right now. I have to go."
"Of course you do because you're scared now aren't you?"

I don't know what happened but I just started crying. Everything he had said was true. I wasn't even sure if Pete loved me. I wasn't even sure if I loved him but I was making a chase after him that was surely going to be the death of me. I laid down on the floor and moved the phone closer to my face. I couldn't even muster complete sentences if I tried. I just wanted to run away from all of this and start over. I wanted a life where relationships never happened because they always ended up hurting someone in someway.

"Hey, don't cry. I don't want to hear you cry and not be able to be there to hold you and console you. Please stop."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore Zacky. I have to go."

I closed my phone and laid on the floor for what seemed like hours. The tears had stopped rolling down my cheeks a long time ago but I was still stuck on the fact that I couldn't answer the question of whether or not he loved me or not. I knew that I loved him, or needed him or maybe a little bit of both. Or that maybe even part of me was so wrapped up in him that I couldn't untangle myself even if I wanted to. I needed to have a little bit of commitment from Pete, a little bit assurance.

I finally found the strength to pull myself up off of the bathroom floor and up to the sink. I sighed. My eyes were blotchy once again from crying. It felt like that was all I was doing lately. I ran a hand through my hair and thats when a figure in the door way had caught my eye. He was walking away. I wasn't quite sure who it was so I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. I saw the tatoos on the arms, the boxers, the tan skin and the black hair. I started to walk after him but quietly so that he didn't notice that I was behind him. He was talking quietly on his cell phone to someone. I couldn't make out what they were talking about nor could I hear any names. I watched Pete walk down the stairs and over to the kitchen and stare out to the night through the patio door. It was killing me to know who he was talking to, I have seen Pete do weird things but none of them included talking on his cell phone at nearly 4 in the morning.

I listened to Pete's conversation. He didn't see me so I just stood quietly on the stairs listening. I knew it was probably wrong to listen into his conversation but part of me was telling me to listen into what he was saying. I stood and listened, he was talking about touring, shows and what he was up to lately. The normal stuff that happens in a conversation but thats when I heard something that perked my ears up.

"I really miss you too."

My eyes felt like they were burning in my head, I wanted to be shooting daggers through them at him. I litterally felt like I was going to throw up again but I fought the feeling and kept on listening to what Pete had to say to this mysterious person.

"I don't know when I'll be in town again... I think she's coming this time.. I don't know.. Patrick would kill me." I was aching inside right now. I was killing to know what was being said on the other line of the phone. I remembered that Patrick was sound alseep on the couch and if he woke up and heard this conversation he would kill Pete but part of me highly doubted that if Pete continues with this conversation then he won't have any idea what murder actually is.

"But hey listen, it's four thirty almost and I need to get some sleep, but I'll call you when I get a chance... I promise."

And that's when I heard the most crushing blow that I've heard in a long time..

"I love you too."