Categories > Original > Poetry
Make Sense
4 reviewsWhen you make a big mistake over and over again, it can haunt you. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!
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Reviews
Make Sense
(#) Nitara 2007-03-17
This is a very nice poem. I like the way it flows. :)
There's just one mistake that I thought I'd point out to you.
"Hoping someone with catch you" I think you meant to say will. :)
Anyway, keep writing!Make Sense
(#) bryetheshadow 2007-03-19
BRAVO i love it truely it is erally goo i think you should stick to poetry your stories are good but you poems are better please read mine 2
bryeMake Sense
(#) Magic144 2007-04-07
That was so...so deep! I absolutely positively adored it! I added your poem to my fav stories and such! Can't wait to read more of you're future poems!
keep it up!
Magic144:)Make Sense
(#) Rous 2007-04-10
Well, the subject is cliché, but you could overcome that. Unfortunately, you have not. You show little imagery that is not literal description. Telling is not the same as showing.
"You fall (find another word here: overuse-plummet works well)
Into the swirling vortex
Of all of your mistakes,
It makes a sea
Of despair (a vast sea of despair)
This is just an example of one line. You can improve this greatly by editing what you have. Find different words; other than articles, try to use a word only once. Check your thesaurus for like words.
Overall, not very impressive. But, you can change that.
rous
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