Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > I've already given up on myself twice

I used to always want to break something...but I didn't mean you

by sillyperson 0 reviews

Its about time I came to term with my feelings, no matter wat people say

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor, Romance - Published: 2007-04-02 - Updated: 2007-04-02 - 1541 words

1Moving

Brendon's POV

I paced up and down the corridor waiting impatiently for a mutter of a word just anything. Pete slumped on the chair his eyes shut tight, blocking everyone and everything out. I stared at my arm its skinny looks had been covered by a thick blue cast, cushioned by a sling. A week had passed and today was the final operation. I felt so guilty that night was one I'd rather forget but if she dies I'll have a permanent remind of it. I noticed Ryan walk up the corridor with Fiona. She flung her arms around me. I delayed the response since I couldn't give a fuck about her at the moment.

"How is she?" Ryan asked while taking a seat next to Pete.

"Don't know." Pete said openly while still closing his eyes tight.

"Brendon I'm hungry can we go get something to eat?" Fiona whined.

I rolled my eyes and sat down and held my head in my hands. "Do you need me to take you everywhere? No! So go on your own I need to be here." I said harshly

"Fine be like that." She said while storming off so it was just I, Rye and Pete. There was an awkward silence and all that could be heard was the tapping of Ryan's foot.

"Guilt." Pete said suddenly.

"What?" I asked while staring at him.

"Guilt." He paused and opened his eyes and glanced into mine. "It's in you're eyes Brendon. When people do stuff they don't mean they become guilty and that's what you are at the moment. Don't take it out on Fiona, and I know you didn't mean it. But you still said it." He said seriously.

"I know but Pete I am sorry." I pleaded.

"So am I. Don't tell me that though tell Elsie." He said while tears in his eyes.

"Hold on why are you sorry?" Ryan chimed in.

"Because I hit Brendon because he said something to Elspeth that was uncalled for. I am sorry Brendon." He said while pulling me into a hug.

"Dude people do anything for love...I seem to do the opposite." I whispered in his ear. Pete was being so understanding it was kind of weird. So he may have broken my arm but I said some stuff that was totally uncalled for and I didn't mean. I always acted on the moment and that was one of those that I didn't want to act on. I sighed deeply to try and break the silence.
Unfortunately it didn't work.
"Brendon are you in love with Elspeth?" Ryan asked me suddenly. My mind went blank; I glanced into Pete's eyes and tried to read the look on his face.
"Err...what?" I smirked trying to play stupid.

Ryan sighed and rolled his eyes. "You know what I said Brendon Urie, are you in love with Elspeth?" He said seriously.

My heart raced in my chest, "Erm..." I stuttered. I glanced around trying to think of an accuse when the doctor came out. We all quickly rose to our feet.

"How is she?" Pete asked quickly.

"Well she isn't awake yet but the operation to reduce the scaring on her wrists as far as we know is a success." The doctor explained. My heart raced in my chest, as I was thankful that she's going to be okay.

"Can I see her?" I asked nervously studying the expressions on Pete's face since he still wasn't best mates with me. He smiled softly at me.

"Yes she isn't awake but she can hear you." The doctor said reassuringly.

Pete went in first I watched from the window as he held her hand and spoke to her; I had been such a prick. She obviously liked me and I like her, why have I been so blind? Staring at her in there helpless it made me want to hold her and just care for her. I'm such a prick.

"You still haven't answered my question." Ryan said from behind me. I turned around and faced him.

"What's there to answer?" I asked while raising an eyebrow.

"Well if you're in love with Elspeth then it's not really fair on Fee is it?" He snapped at me.

"Well no." I mumbled just say it Brendon what have you got to lose?

"There must have been a reason of why you said what you did to Elspeth, or you wouldn't have said it all." Ryan said sternly. I knew how he felt about Fiona so obviously he'd do anything for her.

"I said it because I'm an idiot...nothing else." I said simply while staring at Elspeth, her eyes shut tight. Why did she have this power over me? I'd run miles for her but I just couldn't tell Ryan that.

"Brendon stop stalling and just answer the question yes or no? I'm not going to tell anyone what you say it'll stay between you and me." Ryan said while putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Ryan I-"

"Brendon you can go in and see her now." Pete said, and good timing too. I sighed and walked into the room. Pete grabbed me aside a second since Ryan had walked off somewhere.

"Brendon you've already hurt her once before so if you even think you have a chance of getting with her erase those settings now." He said sternly. Once he had gone I rolled my eyes and nervously opened the door. I walked over to the bed and perched on the side since the chair had some of her things on it. I grabbed her bandaged hand and held it between my two hands. I stared at her angelic face I could feel her hand warm in mine.

"Elsie if you can hear me I want you to know that I'm sorry what I said...it was all lies. I should have never let you out of my arms that day in high school. I can't believe it takes all this to make me realise that. I love you Elspeth and even if you don't want that I understand, it still doesn't change the way I feel." I said softly. For the first time in months I'd finally told someone how I truly felt even though they probably didn't hear it, it still felt like a load off my mind. I put my good hand in my pocket and found the ring I gave her ages ago. I placed on the only finger that wasn't bandaged up. I bit my bottom lip and stared at her yet again. I slowly knelt in and placed a kiss on her lips, not expecting a response I was shocked when she kissed back. I didn't attempt to deepen it, it was a perfect kiss it didn't need that to ruin it. I took my lips away from hers and she quietly said,

"I love you too Brendon."

I couldn't help but grin as she beamed at me, "I take it you heard my little speech?" I asked while feeling my cheeks go red.

"Yeah well what I did hear was important." She said while stroking the palm of my hand. "What happened to your arm?" She said sounding very croaky.

"Oh after you ran into me and Pete well, he broke my arm." I said nervously, "But I deserved it." I added.

"Brendon people do stupid things when they're in love...the stupid things you do seem to come from your mouth." She smirked.

"I am really sorry." I said seriously.

"I know I know." She while trying not to move her arms, since she was probably in quite some pain.

"Look I got some stuff to sort out but I'll be back later okay?" I said while stroking her cheek.

"Okay Love you." She said softly while cracking a cute smile.

"I love you too." I said seriously while placing another kiss on her tender lips. I got up and left the room feeling quite pleased with myself.
-----------------------------------------------

"Brendon where have you been?" Fiona asked as I sat down next to her on a bench near to the hospital.

"I've been with Elsie." I said simply. She entwined her fingers with mine and I could see this being hard.

"When are we going to have the wedding now?" She asked me seriously. I rolled my eyes and let go of her hand.

"Is that wedding all you care about?"

"No." She said simply.

"I know it is an important day but I think what has happened in the last week has changed the way I see things." I said sternly.

"What do you mean by that?" She asked with a whimper in her voice.

"I don't love you and everyday it's just less and less. The truth is Fee I always have and will love Elspeth. So I can't be with her? It doesn't change the way I feel and nothing can change that. That's why I can't marry you." I said seriously making sense of the way I felt in the past couple of months.

"Brendon please!" She wailed, I could tell she was putting half of it on.

"I'm sorry." I said seriously and then I walked away
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