FicWad

Ava twitched in her seat, staring off into space as the silence in the room stretched on for what felt like hours. In reality, it had only been half a minute or so but Ava was determined to stake it out. This time she would make him speak first. She wanted to be finished with bearing her sole to him when he was giving so little in return.

Taking her purse from the floor, Ava rummaged through the inner contents until she found what she was looking for: her cell phone. The slightly illuminated numbers gave way to the overwhelming feeling of dread that slowly washed over her body. She had only been here for ten minutes. She still had another forty to go.

"What is on your mind?" Dr. Heinrich finally asked.

A slight victory won, Ava dumped her cell back into her bag, replacing it in its rightful position on the floor. "Nothing out of the usual, really."

This was their game.

And oh, how it was a game. He would ask her questions, which she would try to dissuade with pretending everything in her life was peachy keen and right on track. The good doctor would, of course, see through that and prod her until she finally answered his question with an answer he believed.

Long gone were the days when he would let her do all the talking. The therapy sessions had definitely evolved into something she was much less comfortable with.

"Well," She started, not knowing what he would consider most important, "I attended a funeral this morning. It was for my friend, Matthew." She attempted a crooked smile. "But hey, that's a part of life, isn't it?"

She was perfectly aware that he knew she was trivializing a matter that actually held a significant role in her life.

"It is true that death is a natural part of our existence." He agreed, letting his sentence hang in the air. He waited for her to continue with any explanation that would prove that this funeral was, in fact, different from the others that had played such a huge part in her life.

She nodded. "He was Wendy's boyfriend- I think I've mentioned that a few times before." She shrugged. "It's just weird that he's gone now after just losing Wendy. Like it's sort of fitting, them finally being together again."

"You believe that- That they are together now?"

"Sure. Why not? He was completely infatuated with her, and I know for a fact that she loved him with all her heart. It's easier to believe that the two of them are at least happy now."

Dr. Heinrich nodded, his eyes locked with hers. "And do these thoughts make you happy?"

Ava twisted uncomfortably in her seat, rubbing her hands along the soft leather. "I'm a lot of things, but I don't think 'happy' is necessarily one of them. Not about this anyway."

The look of concern on his face deepened. "And what are you feeling, Ava?"

"I don't know." She sighed. "I guess I feel sad mostly. 'Confused' and 'worried' are right up there with 'anxious' and 'lonely'. But mostly I'm sad... I just lost two of my friends. I don't know how else to feel."

He nodded, taking a moment to think over her words before speaking again. "Do you think you should be feeling differently?"

Ava blinked up at him, twiddling her thumbs together in her lap. That was a good question- one she didn't really have a straight answer to. Instead of even trying to delve that deep into her subconscious, she made a point to switch around his question. "I guess it's less of how I think I should be feeling and what I wish I was feeling."

"Explain that to me."

She sighed again, frustrated with how difficult these sessions were becoming. "I guess I wish I didn't have to feel this way- so sad and whatever else. I wish I could just let all these deaths go and I could keep on living my life, but I just can't get them out of my head." Ava frowned, looking away from her psychiatrist, ashamed for her emotions. "And- and it's like every time I have the glimmer of something good, it's completely crushed again by something dark."

"So, you're feeling guilty for wanting to move on?"

She nodded. "But I can't. It's like everything here is holding me back."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because Matthew was the last real thing tying me to Wendy. Now all I'm going to have are my memories." She rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand, wondering for the hundredth time if she was doing the right thing in letting Patrick take her away from her apartment. "I decided to move, so now even my surroundings will be different. It's like I'm replacing Wendy with this new life I'm trying to create, and that just makes me so sad."

Ava could feel the tears burning behind her eyes as she blinked them back. "I don't want to forget Wendy." She explained, feeling her heart break at that thought. "I want to stay in my old apartment just to remember her. I want Matthew around to always remind me of her ability to continually make me laugh, or make me feel good about myself when I fail at another project. I don't want to leave those things behind because it makes me feel like if I do then I'm choosing this new life over whatever I had with Wendy in the past. And- and..." She choked out the words as her throat began to constrict. She was going to start crying all over again if she wasn't careful. "I don't want this life over anything Wendy and I shared. I just wish it was possible to keep them together, but it's becoming increasingly impossible to do so."

Dr. Heinrich leaned forward in his chair. "And you think that maybe if you do continue on down this road- this new, chosen path to follow- you will eventually begin to feel less and less like you do right now. You're afraid you'll eventually be glad you didn't stay to keep the memory of Wendy alive, and that is not something you're ready for."

Ava swallowed.

Oh, yeah, he was good. The doctor definitely won this game.








*








Ava wondered around her apartment, casually going through everything that hadn't been ruined in the sprinkler mess. It was beyond depressing being here; having to trash so many things that had once been such a huge part of her life. It was even more depressing to glance in Wendy's old room only to discover her things were beyond repair as well. It was completely her fault it was ruined. After Wendy was found dead, she should have boxed it all up immediately and put it in storage- like a responsible person.

But no- she had the illogical hope of her dead friend returning.

Wendy wasn't coming back.

She would serve herself well to get that through her head.






*







Ava stopped outside Patrick's room just as she heard the voice the voice of the Bitch Nurse sound from inside. Instinctually, she narrowed her eyes, leaning against the cool doorframe so she could be better suited to listen in on what the woman was saying.

Not that Ava was the least bit jealous or anything. Oh no.

She just, you know, wanted to be well informed on what they were talking about before making her presence known.

"You have lovely eyes, Patrick, truly." BN gushed, her voice low and throaty, causing Ava to involuntarily gag. "But you must hear that all the time."

Patrick cleared his throat. "Uh, thank you, you're much too kind." Ava could tell, from all the practice she had in reading the tone of his voice, that he was very uncomfortable with the situation. Ava couldn't help the little surge of pride that gripped her heart. He wasn't the type of guy to cheat when his girlfriend wasn't around.

Girlfriend.

It was honestly weird to put herself in that category when thinking of Patrick.

Good... but still a little weird.

"You're very welcome." The gushing continued. "You're really a great guy. Any girl would be so lucky to know you." BN paused, and Ava had the unwavering suspicion that some form of touching was going on. "I'm lucky to know you."

"Um... yeah." Patrick croaked out. "You're starting to crush my ribs, miss..."

She continued as if he hadn't said anything at all and Ava wondered how BN was even managing a rib crush. "I just never thought I'd ever really get the chance to meet you, so I'm sorry if I seem a little forward when I say this, but-"

Ava had no urge to hear where she was going with this line of thinking. Clearing her throat in an authoritative manner, she slipped inside the room half expecting to see the BN wearing something from the Enema of the State album cover but she was sorely disappointed; however, over the past few days, the woman's outfits were becoming more and more outrageous as her volume of make-up also increased dramatically from the first day when Patrick was admitted. It was blatantly obvious that she was trying to attract the attention of /someone/.

And I wonder who...

"Ava!" Patrick said, relief and shock laced through his voice as his eyes opened wide in panic. "This isn't what it looks like!"

It, indeed, was not a good position to walk in on. The Bitch Nurse was sitting on the bed beside him, both hands resting beside each of his shoulders as she hovered slightly above. Anger immediately flared through Ava as she glared at the other woman. How dare the BN do this when she was very aware that Patrick was not up for grabs. This woman was well past crossing the line.

Ava purposefully walked toward Patrick's side, crossing her arms over her chest as her injured boyfriend tried very poorly to explain the situation.

"Ava, please... she just... I don't know what she was thinking..." He rambled on as she and the BN played a staring game. "I had no idea..."

"Excuse me," Ava said coldly, interrupting Patrick's sad excuse of an explanation, "I don't want to seem /forward/, but I think you're sitting on my boyfriend."

BN's face reddened, as she moved cautiously away, getting up off the bed in one smooth motion. Instead of acting embarrassed- like she should have been- her eyes swept the length of Ava, as if she were measuring her up. "Sure, I'll, uh, just go get those discharge papers."

"Yeah." Ava said quickly, taking a seat on the other side of the bed, careful not to touch Patrick's bandages. "You run along and do that." She kept her glare firmly on the BN as she retreated from the room, leaving her alone with a very stressed out Patrick.

"Ava- I swear nothing happened."

"Yeah, yeah. I just don't like her very much." She sighed, wrapping her hand around his. "I heard the last little bit. You know, you could have pushed her away or something."

The look Patrick was shooting her was clearly pained as she remembered he could barely lift his arms past his shoulders without trouble. There was no way he could push anyone away.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated and Ava had no choice but to believe him.

She sighed, moving her body into a position very similar to the one BN had just moved from. "I'm not hurting you, am I?" She asked as he shook his head 'no', a smile slowly beginning to form at his lips as he realized Ava wasn't particularly angry with him. "These things are bound to happen, Patrick. You're in a band and with that comes... fan girls/." The word left a bitter taste in her mouth. After all, she had been one of them- still /was one of them in an odd sort of way. "It's not that I expect you to be rude to them or anything... I guess it's just something I'm going to have to get used to."

She leaned in slightly as he closed the distance, brushing his lips softly against hers. The kiss was quick and sweet- a mere show of affection, but she felt it all the way down to her toes just the same. Pulling away, she looked down at his still closed eyes, resting her forehead against his. "I just don't particularly have to like the fan girls throwing themselves at you."

"I don't like them throwing their selves at me either." He said, brushing her cheek with his fingertips.

Ava laughed, her attitude turning sarcastic. "Yeah, right. How terrible that must be for you."

"Horrible." He agreed, his smile widening.

"Um hm. I don't know how you stand it."

"It's very difficult. But I manage."

"I see."

Ava backed away from him slightly and Patrick re-took her hand in his, gently flicking his thumb over her pulse. He had done that before, and she was starting to like that little caress; it was like he was trying to sooth her.

"In all seriousness," he started, looking down at their joined hands, "I'll tell them all I have a girlfriend. That way the girls don't get the wrong impression."

Ava frowned, shaking her head at the idea. "That's ridiculous. I'd rather keep us a secret."

Patrick was apparently having the same reaction to her thoughts, his eyes narrowing at what she had said. "What? Why?"

"Lets be realistic. I have enough people out to get me; I'd rather not add a mob of crazed teens to the list." She shrugged, "And I'm not ready to find pictures of me on the internet or stumble upon 'Hate Ava' topics on your message boards."

Patrick didn't say anything right away, but just stared up at her with a frown creasing his forehead. "I understand the... 'mob' issue." He said finally. "You don't want any more attention on you than what you already have. I get that, and I guess it wouldn't be smart of me- to make it easier for them to find you after you move out to L.A.- by making the relationship public... but you can't let the media bother you."

Ava's mind raced. Instead of focusing on the topic they had been discussing, her attention was set on one thing- her soon-to-be living arrangements. "L.A? When did this happen? I never said anything about moving states, Patrick."

Patrick let out an obvious breath. "It's the most reasonable thing to do, Ava. Don't make this any more difficult."

"Any more difficult? I'm majorly changing my address, here." Her heart rate increased, making her breath come slightly faster at the thought of being somewhere so completely foreign to her. "How am I going to move all my stuff there? And I just put it all in storage today. What am I going to do with that?"

"I'll pay for it in advance. You won't need most of it anyway." He said carefully.

She ignored his comment. "I'm going to have to get a new drivers license... and probably a new bank..."

"Well, that won't be too hard to do; you're just looking for excuses now." He trailed his hand up and down her arm. "Besides, you don't need a license, your car exploded."

She glared. "I'll need it as some kind of /ID/, Patrick."

"Right, well, you can use your old one until it expires." He countered.

"I still have, like two more years left on it! Hopefully I'll buy a car somewhere between now and then."

"Why are you so instant in finding something wrong with moving?" He asked calmly. "What exactly is holding you here?"

Ava opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out. She really didn't have a reason behind her arguments, only that she had been fighting it for so long, it had become almost like a second nature to do so. It probably was a smart decision to move somewhere far away, where no one would recognize her. She could get a fresh start, even if the thought of doing so made her slightly nauseous.

"I don't really know." She answered honestly.

"Well," He kept his voice even, inquiring more than demanding anything from her. "What can I do to make this transition easier for you?"

Ava's eyes locked with Patrick's, and involuntarily, her heart swelled. She had no idea how she ended up lucky enough to find someone like him. Just by being there for her, he was making the thought of such a transition a hundred times easier. She captured his face in his palm, letting her thumb rub over his temple. Slowly, she leaned forward, pressing her lips against his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, and finally his lips. His grip on her arm tightened, holding her in place and his other traveled to her waist, attempting to pull her closer.

"I don't want to hurt you." She whispered as he gently nipped at her lower lip.

"Shh, you're not going to hurt me."

Ava moaned quietly, running her hands through his hair. His fingertips dug into her skin, pulling her slowly over his waist so that each of her legs rested on opposite sides of his hips. Even though Ava was the one the one in control of the situation due to her on-top position, she was afraid somehow he was taking that power from her just through his contact alone. Carefully, as to avoid pressing on any part of his chest, she lowered herself to her elbows, gripping the bed's headboard to steady herself in the process. Eagerly, she pressed kisses to the spot just below his ear letting them trail along down his neck. The rough edges of his cast scratched her skin lightly, making little chills follow in the wake of his touch. Patrick reached up suddenly to her shoulder and instantly she could hear the air hiss out between his clenched teeth.

Her body froze, not wanting to injure him further. "What happened?" She asked, managing to sound a little less breathless than she actually was.

"Nothing, nothing." He urged, quickly gripping her waist with both hands so she wouldn't try and move.

She sighed, frustrated with their situation just as much as he was. He definitely had the uncanny ability to make her forget their location, and that quickly needed to stop if they were going to keep their status solely between them. "This obviously isn't working."

He groaned against her hair. "Oh, it's working alright."

Ava smiled, pushing herself up by her arms so that she was no longer hovering over him. "This-" she motioned between the two of them, as well as the way they were positioned on the bed, "is not healthy for you."

"No, you're wrong. It's the quickest way to recovery." His hands traveled to her hips, again trying to show that he didn't want her to move.

"You're just going to keep raising your arms without thinking or tensing your muscles and it's not going to stop hurting." She pulled to one side in order to climb off the bed, but his hands just gripped tighter. Cocking one eyebrow in his direction she stopped her movement. "I don't want to hurt you; I want you to get better, Patrick." Her eyes scanned his face, looking for his reaction. "Besides, don't you think this is moving a little too fast? We only started dating, like, three days ago."

Patrick released his hold; silently giving her the impression that if she was uncomfortable with the way things were going then she was more than able to stop them. "If you really think about it, honey, we've pretty much been together for about a month now."

She bit her lower lip, refusing to actually argue with him over this. They had been dancing around a real relationship for some time now. Even if they hadn't been 'official' then it could definitely be classified as 'dating' (if traveling many a mile to see him was any indication). And Ava knew she wouldn't win that one... she didn't really want to. It would be crazy to move to an entirely different state for a guy she had only been with for three days. At least knowing him for a month was slightly better- still not something a sane person would do, but definitely an improvement.

"Right." Ava finally agreed, as- yet again- that annoying clearing of the throat interrupted their conversation. She rolled her eyes, not even needing to see that it was the BN who was the culprit.

"Um, miss, you are not supposed to be sitting on Mr. Stump. He has /broken ribs/!"

Ava swung her leg over Patrick, standing on the side of the bed opposite the Bitch Nurse who casually made her way over to Patrick's other side carrying what she assumed to be the discharge papers. "Well, everything looks good, here." She said smiling down at him while flipping her long hair over her shoulder. (Weren't they supposed to wear it back?) "You just need to sign a few things here."

BN handed the paperwork to Patrick who had immediate trouble with holding the pen with the cast covering a portion of his hand. The BN was there instantly, holding it against his palm, covering his fingers with her hand. Ava felt her jaw clench, but didn't do or say anything. He quickly glanced over to judge her reaction, but Ava just smiled. She would much rather get him out of here over starting something with an annoying nurse.

"Ok, and here." She was saying, flipping the page. "Initial here, please."

Patrick scribbled something on each line, finally handing back the clip board to its rightful owner. He gave her a polite smile as she clutched it dearly to her chest. Ava would bet that his signature would definitely be photocopied, even if those records were strictly records of the hospital. "When will you be in town again?" She asked, her teeth flashing in a grin.

"Oh, I really couldn't say." Patrick turned back to Ava, holding his hand out to her. "Ready to get out of here?"

She took a deep breath. His words had stronger meaning than just the hospital, but Ava nodded all the same. "More than ready."







________________________________________________

My lovelys!!! Soooo first of all... I had twenty AMAZING reviews on my last chapter. Seriously, you are all so fantastic. I've been having quite a hard time writing for a while now and all your incouraging words have really inspired me to keep it up. Really- with out all of you, 'The Mistake' probably would have been forgotten a long time ago. So thank you thank you thank you! I love you!!!

And secondly, (I don't know why this is even important) but I honestly almost just erased this entire thing about fifteen minutes ago to start all over. I just stayed up the entire night working on this (Ok, there was some tv watching going on at the same time, I must admit)and once the new FOB video for 'thnks fr th mmrs' I just thought 'this is crap... doesn't capture Patrick at ALL!!' and the NEXT video that played was the Ciara 'Like a Boy' which inspired me to be like 'screw this' and I just posted... so maybe that has to do with my chapter title. lol who knows.

AND PS... Shout out to punkypromqueen (Alex) and Hips-n-hearts (Rindi) who helped me brainstorm through the writers block! You are simply superb!