FicWad

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, its better off this way.
What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?

"Hey Gerard," I greeted cheerfully.
We were at school on a Monday morning before first period. I was in front of Gerard's locker, watching him while he took out his. He was doing this one handed; holding his cell phone in his other hand.
"Hey," he said giving me a quick kiss on my forehead.
I looked down at the floor, desperate for something to do. So I brushed my fingers through my hair, letting it flop against my face, ruining the part I took so long to get perfect. The movement of people talking drowned out Gerard's voice, as it was a soft whisper.
That's when Sabrina, my best friend since 3rd grade came up.
She and I met during recess one day when I was trying to climb the bars. They had made me cried so many times; I don't know how they are "fun." But I was pathetically taking two steps up the latter, mumbling, "No, I am not doing this." then taking two steps back. That's when she came up to the later across from me, and proudly climbed up the later and sided down the pole, spinning around on it. I was amazed by this; so I walked up to her and said, "How do you do that?"
She looked at me with her ice blue eyes, just barley covered by her blonde and brown bangs that are now cut off. She said, "It's easy."
Those are the words I have heard so many times. It's easy, it's easy, it's easy. What about the hard things in life? Does saying those two words just suddenly make everything easier? I have tried to climb that later many times, once in fourth grade I barley made it to the top, but then looked down. My hands were sweaty; I could barley grip onto the bars. The ground looked so far away, like it wanted me to drop so I could fall into an everlasting pool of sharp woodchips. I couldn't even force myself to move. I thought about this one girl who had fell and sprained her ankle because it was so bad. So the tears started, right In front of my two best friends, who were already sitting on the top like it was a party. So we never went near them for my sake; instead hanging around on the swings or slide.

I looked at Sabrina now, her highlighted brown and blonde hair half covering her eyes. She was in a simple black tang top, and jeans with tears along the knee.
"Helena!" she yelled excitedly. She was now standing in front of me. She glanced at Gerard, still on his phone.
"Omg guess what!" she yelled, jumping up and down like an excited five-year-old.
"What?" I asked back plainly.
"I got a dress!"
My stomach dropped and my mind filled in with questions. Dress? She only gets a dress when there is a prom or something...
"What? Haven't you heard about the Formal Ball yet?" She asked, her voice serious.
I shook my head slowly, letting my black hair fall in front of my eyes.
"Hmm... I know! We should go to the mall tonight or something!"
"When is it?" I asked plainly. My first intention wasn't getting a dress right now.
"Its..." she stopped to think, "like, next week I think."
I blinked, with a plain expression on my face. She rolled her eyes and continued talking about her dress. "Well, it's this really cute grey and black dress, and it's sparkly and wicked cute! Jared and I are going to pick out a matching tie tonight!"
I just nodded, trying to take all of this in.
Jared is Sabrina's boyfriend; they have been going out for about five or six months now. He is the star football player, and Sabrina is a cheerleader. This way, she always got the closest seat and view of him the entire time.

I glanced back Gerard, who was still on his phone. He friendly waved to Jared, who was walking up to talk to Sabrina about the dance. I couldn't take much of this calm happiness going on. Everyone was just walking by, like they wouldn't even panic if someone announced that the world was going to explode in 8 minutes. I dropped my books to the floor and ran. I had the urge to scream, it felt like my lungs were going to burst. I made my way around, dodging people and trying not to bump into them. Half way through I quickly turned the corner, my hair whipping around. I looked at Sabrina, Gerard and Jared. Gerard put his phone down, for once, and looked at me. They were peering over at me wearing a "What's Wrong with Her?" expression.
I sat in my car until the third period bell rang, almost time for lunch, when Sabrina ran up to me. She was standing by the window, painting, and tying her cheerleading shoes. She had an excited look on her face, and she said, "Let's go to the mall!"
"What?" I asked, but I knew what she said. "Don't you have cheerleading?" She knew how much I hated shopping. She tried to drag me into the mall many times before. I was desperate for any excuse I could find.
She rolled her eyes. She hated cheerleading; her mom made her try out so she could spend her time outdoors instead of being in the mall all the time. She hoped to get kicked off the team every day, but it never happened so far.
"Yeah, come on!" she said, and started climbing in the passenger's seat. She had a big smile on her face like she had an evil plan or something.
I sighed, picked up my keys and put them into the ignition. "Yay!" she squealed. I rolled my eyes and turned on the radio. Sabrina shortly took control of it; pressing all the buttons like a curious two year old.
"Boring. Boring... Omg this stuff is so boring! Don't you have any actual music?" She complained.
In reply, I pressed FM. The familiar voice that was singing sent a chill down my spine.
I wake up and this is not a dream...
I only heard those nine words before Sabrina changed it.
"Boring!"
"No!" I jumped, quickly pressing shuffle. I slightly smiled when I found it again. I started mouthing the words without thinking.
And I almost can't believe
that you're the same
Person who can
tell me that you love me.
It was Trying to Escape, by Pencey Prep. I knew the song so well.
I looked at Sabrina, who was sitting with her arms crossed, slouched down and staring out the window. She occasionally went to straiten out her cheerleading skirt, then folded them again. The song ended, and she sprang into action again.
"Omg, I was thinking," She stopped suddenly at the sound of her phone buzzing. I reached to turn the volume down as she zipped open her Coach purse.
She took out her phone, which was covered in pink rhinestones. "It's a text." She explained, sounding calmer. She quickly pushed the buttons, clearly an expert at text messaging.
I sharply turned left, leading us into the parking lot. Like always, all of the spaces were taken up. So I drove in circles, until I found an open space under number 9. I pulled my keys out of the ignition and opened the car door. Sabrina was sitting there like a log. "Oh my god did you really have to drive in circles like that?"
I shrugged. "Well, there were no spaces... but come on."

Before I knew it, we were walking on the first floor of the mall. The smell of warm pretzels and salt filled the air, along with the typical mall music. Little kids too young to be in kindergarten were running around while their parents tried to keep them in sight. Only a few kids our age were here, because we were supposed to be in fifth period right now.
We were passing by Hollister, when Sabrina said, "Ooh they have a new autumn line! We should go in their later!"
When I didn't reply, she looked over and saw me staring into Hot Topic. "Come on," she sighed, pulling me away from the store, in the other direction. She steered me into Deb, witch had a lot of preppy outfits and prom dresses. They had large blue green and pink dresses right up font, taking up all the space with the multilayers of nothing but puffiness. She instantly started picking out dresses. "How about this one?" she asked. I looked up from the floor, and shook my head in disgust. She was holding a hot pink dress with beads threaded all over it.
I had a sudden flashback from last year, not too long ago. I had a gold dress for the 11th grade prom, like I always wanted to wear since I was little. Gerard unwillingly was wearing a matching gold tie. I remember the day we went shopping for his tie.
"Gerard, you cant where a red tie!" I said to him when he showed me the blood red tie in his hands. "Why?" he had asked me.
"Because, I am wearing a gold dress and everyone knows that the dress, tie and flowers need to match!"
He just shrugged at that, tossing it across the room. But I could tell he still wanted it. So I promised him that the next time there was a prom, he could wear a red tie.

I looked up. "Sabrina," I started. She looked up from the tiny white dress she was looking at. "Do you know if they have any black and red dresses?"
"Black and red?" She made a face.
I shrugged. "Yep."
She looked around the store. "No..." she said as she moved onto a tangerine floor length dress with an ugly diamond broach in the middle.
"Do you know where they would have any dresses like that?"
"Um...no. Do you want to go to Hollister?" she asked with a little wine in her voice. She switched racks.
I rolled my eyes. "Go do whatever you want." And stormed out with a dramatic exit. I left her standing there, holding the hem of a sequined dark blue dress.

All those dresses in there are so ugly, I thought as I walked into Hot Topic. It wasn't a good hiding place, since it was right across from Deb.
Life On Standby by Hawthorne Heights was playing when I walked in there. My head started bobbing to the beat, repeating all of the words in my head.

The distance and my hearts to sand
Flowing through the hour glass.
I fall to pieces, I can't let go
Of all the times I never said goodbye.

I started getting myself engrosses in the tee-shirts they had displayed on the wall. I looked to my left and jumped.
"Whoa!" I exclaimed.
Sabrina was standing there, clearly mad. Her eyes were a dark blue, her face was a little red and she had her hands folded.
"Why did you leave?" she asked with her teeth gritted.
I walked over to the shoes, pretending to be looking blue and black checkered Converses. She followed me, still waiting for an explication. I wasn't going to give her one; since I didn't have one.
"Can you at least tell me why you ran out at school?"
I didn't know why I ran out at school either. I shrugged. I kept walking around, not even realizing what part of the store I was in anymore. That's when I looked up.
There was this beautiful dress right in front of me. I gasped, and gently touched the black net that was lying on top of the silky fabric. It was floor-length, with a thick but thin ribbon falling down the side of it. It was almost a tube-top but had strings that looked like they would snap if you touched them. I looked behind it, feeling my hope sink. There was only one. The dresses behind it were short, black and had big buttons running down in the front. I picked it off from the rack. My natural intention would be to run up to Sabrina and tell her what I found, but she was already making her way over to Hollister.
I walked up to the counter. "Excuse me?" I asked. A boy with short black hair looked up. He had a tattoo of a scorpion on his neck and a lip piercing. He was in black, the typical baggy jeans and shirt outfit that employees were here. The soft features in his round face looked familiar. Is that Frank? I thought.
Frank is the guitarist in Pencey Prep, and sometimes the backup screamer. He was a grade younger than us, but Gerard still hung out with him sometimes.
He smiled at me. "Frank?" I asked.
"Oh, hey Helena!" he greeted.
"Can I try this on?" I asked shyly.
"Sure," he said, grabbing the keys off the counter. He walked over to the dressing room and handed me a card with a 1 on it.
"Here ya go." He said before walking out.
I quietly closed the door behind me, making sure it wouldn't slam shut.
The dress looked amazing on me. It wasn't as long as I thought it was going to be, the perfect fit. The edges circled around me, and the ribbon glided until it reached a little lower than my mid-thigh. You could barley notice the little black straps, and they weren't as weak as I thought. They elevated the dress a little, but the rim stayed up. I was twisting and twirling around the room, smiling. I started thinking about what jewelry I should wear, how I am going to get my hair done, if it should be up or down. It felt like hours had passed, I slowly came back into reality. I remembered how Sabrina was mad at me. My smile disappeared a little as I took the dress off and slid back into my jeans and hoodie. I opened the heavy door and returned the number card.
It appeared that Frank and I were the only ones in the store. He was quietly laughing as I went up to the desk and put the dress in front of me.
"You ok? That was a long time." He asked.
I replied with a shy smile. "Yeah, I really like it."
"Are you going to wear it to the prom?"
"Yeah, I guess. I promised Gerard he could wear a red tie so, I might as well get something to match." My promise sounded too average and unspecialized as I repeated it.
Frank nodded. "Are you going to see us play on Wednesday?" He asked as he carefully put the dress into a big black bag that said Hot Topic on it.
"I don't know. Gerard didn't mention that. What time is it?"
He paused, looking at the computer screen. "It's at four."
"I think I can make it."
"You should be able to if you can be here right now. We're supposed to be in school!" He said, laughing. I laughed too. "Yeah, but its only lunch were missing, right?"
He looked at the clock on the computer. "Well, school is over."
I felt my heart drop. "What? By how long?"
"Only a couple of minutes have passed but it might take a while to get back."
"Um, okay..." I said and started taking out my wallet. Oh, god. I didn't look at the price!
"That will be one hundred and twenty dollars."
My stomach dropped. Oh my god how am I going to pay for that?!
The thought of my credit card came in my mind. My parents gave it to me if I ever needed it for emergency or something. I really want this dress, though...
I took out my credit card and swiped it.

I stood at the font steps of Hollister, hesitating to go inside. We are never going to get back if she doesn't come out of there, I told myself. I walked in.
It was very dark, with a lot of people walking around, tossing shirts everywhere. The shirts all looked the same, but strangely unique.
Sabrina was standing behind a plant, spraying August on herself. She smiled when she saw me, but then it turned into a glare.
"What, did you come here to tell me you bought shoes or something?" she asked, not looking up from the ground.
"Fine, if you don't sound interested I won't tell you." I teased.
She looked up like a five year old being told they can get an ice cream Sunday.I had her full interset now. I smiled. She gasped when I took the dress out from the bag.
"Omg you got a dress!" she squealed. Everyone started looking at us.
"Come on, lets get out of here." She said, pushing me as I folded the dress back into the bag.

We were sitting in the car, with Sabrina's iPod plugged into the radio. She gently turned her fingers over the dial, making a soft clicking noise. She stopped at Taking Back Sunday, and went to the song Lier, Lier. "I love this song; it's like the best one on the album." She told me. I nodded, thinking about Gerard.
She jumped out of her fantasy world when I turned down the volume a little.

"Hey, how did you find me in the parking lot?" I asked with curiosity.
She sighed.
"Ok, I was in second period, witch is art, and Gerard like, loves art. But he wasn't there and I found it odd. And he wasn't there in third period either, but I had to go to cheerleading so I went outside and saw you their," she explained.
"Oh," Was all I could say before her phone went off again.
"Can you get that?" she asked. She was preoccupied with eating a Twizzler. Where she got those, I have no idea.
At the stoplight I reached into her purse, digging through all of the junk she had. Her phone was at the bottom. I flipped it open.
"It's a text, from..." I clicked the See Now button. "Mikey?" I questioned.
Her eyes flashed, and she reached for it. I held it back from her reach, and started reading it.
MikeyW: No, Gerard has been gone since Helena left.

I gasped. "Sabrina, you knew Gerard left? Why didn't you tell me?"
She sat their, speechless. I didn't blame her. My glares can be harmful.
"I was going to," she lied. I rolled my eyes, handing back the phone.