Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The General Said I Would Have Days Like This
Rescue Mission and Playboy Bunnies
9 reviewsStargate SG1Harry Potter Sometime in life you have to do the one thing you absolutely dread to get the one thing you absolutely need or want, so you can do the one thing you have to do. And sometim...
5Exciting
Disclaimer: If I owned Stargate SG-1 Jack would never grow old and we would see more Mini-Me... what can I say I like the character. If I owned Harry Potter Sirius would have killed but Dumbledore would still have died but not by Snape's hand. But I do own this fic so I can do whatever I want excpet make money from it... that SUCKS!
Bad Author Notes: There are days when I wonder why I do this, why I spend time putting the things I see with my mind eye to paper. And then there are days I wonder how I can not do this, how if I don't get these thoughts to paper and out of my head I'll go mad.
Rescue Mission and Playboy Bunnies
by Lady FoxFire
April 5, 2007
"Sirius," another voice said, "do you remember what I said about element of surprise?"
"Umm... no."
Moving quicker than one would think he could given his age and bulk, Hammond was out of his chair and facing the empty space from which the voices came from.
He wasn't the only one though, the unexpected voices had everyone moving at once. Jack immediately grabbed Harry by the collar of his shirt and dragged him into the corner. Thrusting Harry down to the floor next to the filing cabinet Jack stood guard over him.
"Security," Hammond snapped out as his eyes moved restlessly as he searched for the intruders.
Meanwhile the others spread out around the room while the two guards who stood guard on the door entered the room.
"Sir?" Sgt. Peterson who was one of the guards said as two other guards came into the room and took up a position that blocked the doorway.
"Two intruders, possibly more. Invisible." Hammond snapped out.
"Yes sir," Peterson replied, as he and the other guards became even tenser. Their eyes roaming over the room, never stopping, as they searched for the intruders.
"Umm, Moony," a voice in said drawing everyone's attention in Jack and Harry's direction, "I think they're talking about us."
"Bloody hell," the one who answered to the name Moony said as he suddenly appeared in front of Jack and Harry; a moment later another man appeared.
The guards raised their weapons at the intruders, their eyes narrowing at the possible hostage situation.
"Lay down on the ground, hands on your head," Sgt. Peterson ordered.
"I think there's been a misunderstanding," Moony said calmly as he took a step towards the guards.
"I said down of the ground, hands on your head!" the sergeant commanded as the guards aimed their weapons.
Jack knelt down putting his body between Harry and everything else.
Sirius slowly started to raise his hands. "Umm Moony I think...." He started to say when he suddenly stopped in mid sentence, his eyes widened suddenly. "Never mind."
Remus cocked his head to the side as he looked at the guards in confusion. Turning to Sirius he asked, "Did you do that?" as he pointed at the guards.
One by one those in the room glanced quickly at the guards then back to at the intruders and then did a double-take back to the guards as they realized what they had seen. The two guards were now dressed Playboy Bunnies complete with the ears and fuzzy bunny tail while carrying very large carrots in place of their guns.
"It wasn't me," Sirius replied with a chuckle.
The intruders looked at each other for a moment then as if one they slowly turned and looked down at Harry and Jack.
"You've corrupted my godson," Moony said as he smacked Sirius on the back of the head.
"He's my godson and they were James' magazines," Sirius replied as he rubbed his head.
Moony snorted. "Yes but you were the one who gave them to him."
"They were in a trunk of some stuff James had me hide from Lily," Sirius stated as he threw his hands up in the air. "Do you honestly think I would knowingly give them to Harry? I mean there was a copy of Playboy July '79 in there. Do you honestly think I would give that up if I know about it!"
A voice that sounded strangely like Daniel Jackson's said, "Lucky bastard."
"Who are you? How did you get into this base? And what did you do to my men?" General Hammond wanted to know.
"It's a little complicated," Moony said innocently as he ran a hand through his greying hair.
"I have a better question," Sirius' tone had become hard and menacing as everyone's attention centered on him. "What the hell did you do to my godson?"
Sirius's question as meet by a number of confused expressions and two concerned ones.
"Harry?" Moony said as he walked over to Harry.
"What's wrong with him?" Jack asked as he gently touched Harry's arm.
Sirius snorted. "He's high."
"What? "
"He's flying higher than a bloody dragon," Sirius replied.
"Which type?" Harry asked before turning to Jack. "I once had to fight a Hungarian Horntail. It was... it was..." Harry stretched his arms out as far as he could. "It was really big! And it had a really hot stinking breath."
"What did you give him?" Sirius demanded as he glared at those gathered in the room.
"Nothing," Dr Fraiser volunteered as she stepped forward. "A sedative. The only thing he was given was a sedative so he could be transported."
"A sedative? " Remus replied as both Sirius and him took a step away from Harry. "You gavehim a sedative?"
"Oh shit," Sirius said quietly his hand covering his mouth, his eyes became distant.
"Yes. Why is there a problem?" Fraiser asked as she looked back and forth between the two men as they moved away from Harry and Jack.
Sirius' hand dropped to his side, his eyes grew wide and panic started to settle into them. "Is there a problem?" he said his voice breaking slightly.
"Red. It was everywhere," Moony mumbled to himself his eyes widening as if remember some past horror. "The walls, the ceiling... all red. Everywhere you look was bathed in it. It hung in the air. You could taste it on every breath."
Closed his eyes, Sirius took a deep breath to calm himself. "If you don't mind chaos, mayhem and destruction then.... no it's not a problem."
"And then everything went purple," Moony mumbled as his eyes twinkled with mischief. "He ran out of red paint."
Sighs of relief escape the room as the two men smirked at each other.
"But honestly if you don't mind chaos, mayhem and destruction then it's not a problem," Sirius said with a half grin.
Hammond reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Would someone please tell me what the Hell is going on?"
Sirius and Moony looked at each other then back at Hammond. "Rescue mission?" they said at the same time.
"Rescue mission," Hammond mumbled to himself. "And how did you track Mr. Potter on this rescue mission let alone get into a high security military base?"
"Magic," they replied.
"Is this the same type of magic that was used to summon O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.
"Kind of."
"Sort of."
Hammond let out a wearily sigh, "Only SG-1," he mumbled to himself as he shook his head.
"Perhaps," Daniel said as he looked around at everyone, "we should all sit down and you can explain everything."
"Umm sir?" Sgt. Peterson said nervously as he pulled down the back of his pink Playboy Bunnie outfit.
Everyone turned to look at the guards and then over to Remus and Sirius.
"Harry did it," Sirius said with an apologetic shrug of his shoulder. "Only he can fix it."
Moony sighed as he looked up towards the heavens. "Harry," he said in the nice calming voice one typically used to con a child with.
"Yes, Moo Moo," Harry replied with a sweet smile.
A snort came from the regions of Lt. Ferretti at the mention of Moony's nickname.
"Can you change the guards back?" Moony asked with a glance back at the guards.
"Yeah. Ahh. Sure. You bet ya," Harry replied to which Sirius and Moony raised an eyebrow at the unusual answer from Harry.
Harry looked over at the guards. Slowly he turned his head to the side; his eyes started to cross...
"Holy Hannah! "
In the place of the guards were bunny-rabbits. However they weren't normal size rabbits but rabbits the sized of a large dog with green, Kermit the Frog green, fur.
"Could have been worse," Sirius blinked once... twice, then with a shrug as he started to lead Harry towards the table.
"WORSE! " Hammond snapped.
Covering Harry's ears with his hands, Sirius said in a loud whisper, "It could have been toads."
"The croaking," Moony moaned.
Everyone looked at Moony and Sirius waiting for them to finish the joke like they had done earlier.
"James, Harry's father, has a similar reaction to some medicine once and..." Sirius explained, "it rained toads for a week."
Moony sniffled. "They even got into the ice cream. I can't eat mint chocolate chip ice cream anymore and it was my favorite."
"Toads," Hammond said as he closed his eyes wearily, wondering why he even bothered getting up this morning. Taking a steadying breath he opened his eyes. "So what do you suggest we do with them?"
"Be grateful that one of them isn't a girl rabbit?" Sirius suggested innocently as he pushed Harry into a chair next to Jack.
Hiding his face behind his hands, Moony groaned at Sirius' attempt at humor. "Harry can change them back once he comes down."
"And how long do you think that will take?" the General growled as he glared at Sirius.
"One... maybe two months," Moony replied with an apologetic shrug.
"Months! "
"That's only if we can't get an antidote," Sirius stated.
Hammond closed his eyes and sighed wearily. "And where can we get an antidote?"
A smirk appeared on Sirius's face as he opened his mouth and called out, "Dobby!"
With a soft crack the alien who appeared with Harry Potter on the military based appeared in the room.
"Harry Potter, Sir dogfather wants Dobby?" the small creature said as he bounced on his toes.
"Dobby!" Harry exclaimed like a small child who has just rediscovered his best friend as he escapes his chair. Dropping to his knees in front of the creature, Harry pulled it into a hug.
Dobby gently patted Harry's back as he looked at Sirius and Moony with questions in his eyes.
With a shrug of his shoulders Sirius answered the unasked question with a simple, "He's stoned."
"That's the alien!" Daniel exclaimed pointing at Dobby, causing the others to rise from the table and stare at the creature with the floppy bat-like ears.
Dobby looked around. His eyes narrowing as he looked for the alien he needed to protect Harry Potter from.
"No," Sirius drew out the word, "that's Dobby. He's a House Elf."
"A House Elf?" Dr Fraiser said as she studied Dobby with a professional eye.
"We'll explain later," Moony said dismissing the questions as unimportant.
Stepping up to Harry Moony pulled a small vial from within his robes. Tapping his wand against the vial twice he laid his wand against Harry's' arm only to remove it when the vial was full of Harry's blood.
"Do you think you could teach Fraiser that trick," Jack commented as he walked over and started to run his fingers through Harry's hair. "She's always threatening me with big honking needles."
"She'll just find a different way to torture you," Sirius commented from where he sat at the table. "Everyone in the medical fields is a sadist."
"Amen to that," Ferretti mumbled softly unfortunate it was loud enough for Fraiser to catch.
"Don't you have a physical coming up Lieutenant?" Dr Fraiser said sweetly.
Ferretti eyes grew wide. "Shit," he squeaked.
"Better you than me," Jack commented as he shot Lou a pitying glance.
"Dobby I need you to take this vial Severus and tell him that Harry is suffering from the same thing James did during the winter holiday of our sixth year. He'll understand what I mean," Moony said. "And you absolutely can not let the Headmaster know that you are there or that anything is going on with Harry."
"Dobby can do that," the little house elf said his head nodding like a bobble doll. "Dobby can sneak in Hogwarts. Dobby no let Headmaster know Dobby was there. Dobby good at that."
"I know you are Dobby," Remus said as he pulled Harry off of Dobby and pushed him into Jack's arms.
As soon as Dobby was free and had the blood sample in his hands, he vanished with a crack.
"So," Sirius said rubbing his hands together with a slightly manic grin on his face, "were do we begin?"
Everyone looked at Sirius then at each other.
"Umm... introductions might be in order," Daniel suggested sitting down at the table. "I'm Daniel Jackson."
"He's the mummy guy Billy wanted," Harry chimed in as Jack gently pushed him into a chair before setting next to him. "Can we keep him? We can put a big bow on him and stick him under the tree. I know Bill would like him."
"That's a good idea Harry," Moony replied as he sat down next to Sirius, "but Yule isn't for another seven months."
"Birthday?" Harry asked as he chewed on his bottom lip
"Six months away," Sirius stated as he smirked in Dr. Jackson's direction
"Please gentlemen," Hammond said, "Can we get back to the matters at hand?"
"And what matters are those?" Sirius asked with a completely clueless expression.
Hammond eyes narrowed as he slowly exhaled. Those familiar with the signs that Colonel O'Neill had pushed the General too far carefully edged their chairs away from the older man.
"The kidnapping of Colonel O'Neill," Hammond growled.
"Moony can growl better than that," Harry commented with his child like innocence as he interrupted Hammond before starting to sing softly to himself. "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair...."
Those gathered around the table did their best not to snicker at Harry's comment about the General while Hammond glared at the stoned you man.
"The current situation," Hammond continued on, "in which Colonel O'Neill and Mr. Potter can't be apart from each other. The matter of your breaking into a top secret military base on your rescue mission and my guards being turned into giant green rabbits!"
"Oh those matters," Sirius said meekly as he ducked his head slightly.
Moony shook his head at Sirius. Looking at those gathered around the table, he took a steadying breath. "Well I'm not sure what Harry has told you or if you could even understand it given his current condition." Remus said as he shot Harry an apologic look. "So I guess I'll...umm... well my name is Remus Lupin, Moony is my nickname and I'm Harry's unofficial godfather."
"Remus?" Jack said as he moved so if he had to he could easily protect Harry. "As in the Remus the guy who tried to eat Harry?"
"What?" Remus sputtered in confusion.
"HarryPotter mentioned that a teacher in his third year tried to eat him," Teal'c stated as he watched Remus warily. "Are you not Remus who taught HarryPotter in his third year?"
"He's my cub! I would never harm him!" Remus exclaimed.
Remus's statement was meet by a number of raised eyebrows at the unusual statement. Meanwhile Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Remus, a single eyebrow raised questionably.
"I won't have! I might have eaten Granger and Weasley but not Harry," Remus replied. "You know that Sirius!"
Sirius nodded his head in agreement. "And Snape?" he asked.
"Yummy yummy I got food in my tummy," Harry sang out. Leaning towards Jack, Harry whispered very loudly, "Moony eats Snapey-poo almost everyday. I saw them."
"And you had the gall to say I was perverting Harry," Sirius said with a smirk.
"No!" Remus's face grew red.
"Uh huh. I saw Moony eating Snapey-poo on the kitchen table... with honey," Harry said. "Snapey-poo liked it too."
"Oh shit," Remus said his face growing even redder before he hid it in his hands.
"Well that explains what happened to that new bottle of honey and why we got a new kitchen table," Sirius glanced over at Remus, "with those unusual wards on it."
"It is wrong for a warrior to sate his needs by using a child. Surely your shield mate could have served you just as well," Teal'c condemned Remus in a bland, unexcited tone of voice. This emotionless tone of voice has been known to drive young soldiers to develop unusual eye twitches waiting for the axe to fall. Whenever they heard this emotionless tone they knew they would soon be on the receiving end of some form of Doom because of something they had done, or not done, usually to Dr. Jackson.
Remus and Sirius stared at Teal'c for a moment as their minds processed what he'd just said.
"Did he just accuse you..." Sirius said.
"Yes he did," Remus growled. "I'll have you know that I am not a pedophile."
"If you are not then why did you say you would have eaten Granger and Weasley?" Teal'c inquired.
"Because I would have ripped their stomachs open and let their intestines fall out and while they were still alive I would have feasted on their flesh. Ripping chucks off their bodies with my fangs and swallowing it whole." Remus said his lips curled back baring his white teeth. "And the world would have been a better place if I had."
At Remus's statement everyone shifted nervously especially Colonel O'Neill.
"Well don't you tell us how you're really feeling Moony," Sirius asked with a smirk.
Remus turned in his chair and looked at Sirius. "Bite me, Sirius" he snarled. "It's not like you wouldn't have broken something aside from Weasley's arm if we'd known back then what we know now."
Sirius just shrugged his shoulders in answer, not denying Remus's comment.
"Hannibal the Cannibal, just great" Jack said as he rolled his eyes.
"I am not a cannibal. Saying I am a cannibal implies that I'm human," Remus said sadly.
"Moony," Sirius' voice carried a note of warning.
"If you're not human then what are you?" Sam asked as she eyes roamed over him trying to figure out what was different about him.
"Homo Sapiens Therianthropes Lycos," Remus replied with a slight predatory grin.
"Human changing into..." Daniel's eyes grow wide as he translated the scientific name Remus had used for himself. "Werewolf. You believe you're a werewolf?"
"I don't believe I am a werewolf, I am one," Remus stated with conviction.
"Are we talking about werewolf like in the movie the Howling or like those kids down in Mexico who just have body hair everywhere?" Lou asked nervously.
"I preferred An American Werewolf in London," Remus stated with a cocky grin.
"You're kidding right?" Lou asked nervously as he played with his dogtags.
Sirius shook his head. "Remus is human as everyone else," he said to the relief of everyone in the room. "He just has a furry problem every four weeks."
Jack opened his mouth to make a comment but catching the looks being directed at him by Dr Fraiser and Carter out of the corner of his eyes his jaw snaps shut.
"Good choice," Lou whispers leaning towards Jack while trying to keep one eye on Remus and the other eye on Carter and Fraiser.
"Thanks," Jack whispers back. "At least I don't have a physical coming up."
"Had to remind me didn't you," Lou grumbled.
"Yep. Hey if you don't survive can I have to movie collection," Jack asked with a smirk
"If Lt. Ferretti and Colonel O'Neill are done whispering like a pair of school girls could we get back to business?" Hammond glared at the two younger officers
"Yes sir. Sorry, sir," the two men replied at the same time as they straighten up in their chairs.
"Reminds you a bit of McGonagall," Sirius said to Remus.
Remus tapped his chin with his fingers in thought. "Not stern enough," he replied.
Hammond glared at the two men who only smiled innocently back at the General.
Turning his attention back to Sirius and Remus, he got back to business "Now I believe you were explaining why you kidnapped Colonel O'Neill and how you appeared on my base."
"We didn't kidnap him," Sirius stated, "we summoned him."
Hammond groaned as he leaned his head into hands. "Jack, not a word. Not one... word."
"Yes sir," Jack said as he tried not to smirk.
"I take it Harry has already gone over this?" Remus said as he glance to the young man in question who was leaning against O'Neill fast asleep.
"We didn't arrive until you were talking about Tremor the series," Sirius volunteered
"HarryPotter explained about a secret society with the ability to use and magic and the reason why they hide from the world," Teal'c explained.
"So he didn't get to the part where if he doesn't manage to kill Voldemort that, not to be melodramatic; darkness will cover the land and death will walk the earth on a scale like you have never seen before?" Remus said with an air of disinterest.
Jack shrugged his shoulders dismissing Remus's comment. "We hear that a lot."
"Tough crowd," was Sirius' only comment.
A cocky grin came to O'Neill's face. "Well we're dealt with our share of bad guys before."
"Really?" Sirius said his tone no longer that of light teasing but that of someone who knows the darker things of human nature. "So did your bad guys ever use mind control on fathers so that they rape their children some as young as a year old while the mothers are force to watch, carve up the other children or be raped herself? Of course after the children and the wife are dead, they might let the father go and just hand him a knife and walk away. So are your bad guys like that?"
"No. No they're not," Hammond replied his face slightly whiter than it was before.
"And that the bad guy. The leader of good guys has no problems with putting a baby into abusive household where the child will grow up believing his name is Freak. And then when the child is old enough he will put him through life or death tests to hone him to a killing machine. Of course the kid's best friends will be working for the good guys making sure the kid obeys his master. And we can't forget that the good guys will throw anyone who might upset their little plan into jail without a trial where they can be tortured for years on end with their worst memories," Sirius stated.
Jack clutches his jaw as he tightens his grip on Harry. "And to which group do you belong? Good guys, bad guys or other "
"We're Marauders," Remus' eyes were hard and deadly. "We protect our own no matter who gets in our way."
"But why did you... why did you summon the Colonel?" Carter asked as she played with her pen.
Remus glanced over at Sirius. "We weren't sure if Harry could defeat Voldemort, face the good guys and live. Being bonded to his soulmate will give Harry more control over his magic as well as giving him someone to fight for."
"If Harry can't defeat Voldemort the world is screwed," Sirius explained. "And if he can't defeat Dumbledore and his followers then world is still screwed."
Before anyone could say anything a pop heralded Dobby's return.
"Dobby has medicine for Harry Potter sir," the little house elf said excitedly.
"Thank you Dobby," Remus rose from his chair and took the small bottle and a note from the house elf. "You did a great job."
"Harry Potter sir's wolfie told Dobby thanks," he exclaimed as he practically bounced around the room. "Do sir need Dobby to do anything else? Dobby has much work at Harry Potter sir's home to make ready for Harry Potter sir's boundmate."
"No Dobby that is all," Remus said with a distracted air as he read the note Dobby had delivered.
With a quick nod of his head Dobby vanished with a pop.
"Is he... Is he always like that?" Jack asked as he stared at the spot the house elf had been in.
"No," Sirius replied. "He used to be worse but he's learned to calm down. Just never ask him to save you."
Sirius comment was meet by a number of raised eyebrows.
"I don't think I want to know," Lou mumbled to himself.
Sirius chuckled softly as he leaned over Remus's shoulder to look at the letter. "Anything interesting?"
Remus jumps in surprise, clutching the letter to his chest. "What? Huh?"
"The letter," Sirius chucked softly as he noticed the blush on Remus' face. "Did Snape have something interesting to say?"
"Ah... no. No," Remus replied hurriedly. "Umm... just that... just that Harry needs to drink the whole potion and if anyone gives Harry a Muggle drug again he'll use that person for potions ingredients."
"Seems like a long letter for such a threat," Jack said as he catches on to what's going on.
"Ahh... yeah..." Remus mumbles, looking down at the letter once again; a smile crossing his lips. "Umm... he writes big."
"Yeah right Remus," Sirius says with a roll of his eyes as he snatches the potion bottle from Remus's hands. "So what do we need to do? Have him drink it?"
"Umm..." Remus quickly rereads the letter. "Yeah... he needs to drink the whole thing."
"Does he need to eat or drink anything with it?" Dr Fraiser asks as her professional curiosity raises its head. "What about side effects?"
Remus and Sirius blinked in response to Fraiser's questions.
"Ah... Remus," Sirius scratched his head not knowing how to answer the questions.
"Potions don't have the same problems as the mediences that you're used to," Remus replied.
"Really," Fraiser replied in a tone that says 'tell me more.'
"Harry," Sirius said softly as he shake his godson gently. "It's time to get up Harry."
"Don't want to," Harry mumbles as he snuggles into Jack's chest.
"You need to get up pup," Sirius says.
"Naha," Harry mumbled once again.
Sirius gets a determined look on his face. "Harry if you don't' wake up this instance Poppy is going to take you to the hospital wing."
Harry sprung up as if he was given a jolt of electricity. "I'm up. I'm up. Don't need to go to the hospital," he said as he looked around with wide eyes.
Jack bit his lip to keep from snickering.
"She's not here," Harry said after looking around.
"No she isn't," Sirius replied. "But she wanted you to take this potion." Sirius held out the potion bottle to Harry.
Harry looked at the bottle. Then at Sirius. Then at the bottle. Crossing his arms over his chest, Harry glared at Sirius. "No."
Sirius's should slumped slightly. "But Harry you need to take it."
"No," he replied firmly.
"But..."
"No."
Digging into his robe Sirius pulled out a small box. "I'll give you this if you take the potion," Sirius waved the decorated box at Harry.
"Give it to me first," Harry countered as his eyes following the box.
"After."
"First."
"After."
"First or I won't take it."
"Just give it to him Sirius," Remus commanded.
"But Remus," Sirius whined.
"Give it to him,"
"Fine," Sirius growled as he gave Harry the box.
Inside the small box was a small brown frog, which Harry quickly grabbed as it tried to jump out. Then before anyone could stop him, Harry quickly shoved half of the frog into his mouth.
Turning to Jack, Harry smiled around the frog it's hind legs kicking madly as it tried to escape. With an audible crack the frog stopped moving.
Reaching up Harry plucked the other half of the frog from his mouth and held it out to Jack. "Want some?"
Jack looked down at the poor little brown frog in Harry's hands; it's insides slowly oozing out. Jack swallowed nervously, "No thanks."
Harry looked at Jack sadly then down at his frog and then up at Jack once again.
"Harry," Sirius said, "Jack might not like a peppermint frogs. I think Remus might have a plain chocolate one."
"It's mine," Remus whined.
"Please Moony," Harry begged as he started up at his adopted godfather with big green eyes.
Remus looks at Harry; stared into those big green eyes and sighed in defeat as he tossed a box to Jack who caught it easily.
"It's chocolate," Sirius stated as he noticed everyone's uneasy expression at the idea of eating a living animal. "Magic makes them move. Harry just happens to like the 3W Anatomically Correct Peppermint Frog the best because... well because..." Sirius nodded to Harry who was slurping up the frog's intestine like it was a piece of spaghetti, "well because of that. And the fact he loves peppermint."
Jack looked down at the small box in his hands once again before opening it. Immediately the frog jumped out of the box in the direction of Carter, who snatched it up as soon as it landed. She slowly opened her hands to look at it while trying to keep it from escaping but it remained motionless in the palm of her hand.
"They only have enough magic for one good hop after that they're pretty much done," Remus explained as he watched Carter poked at it with her finger while Dr Fraiser leaned closer and watched.
Hammond groaned. "Animated chocolate, rescue missions, kidnapping that aren't kidnappings. What's next?"
"The Boy Who Lived?" Colonel O'Neill said as he looked down at a card he held in his hand.
Harry leaned over towards Jack and looked at the card. "I hate that photo," he said before starting to lick the melted chocolate from his hands.
"It's moving," Jack stated as he glance briefly at Harry then at the card once again.
"It's a wizard photo," Sirius said as if it explained everything.
"And the Boy Who Lived?" Jack asked as he looked at Harry then up at Sirius, waiting for an explanation.
"Long story," Sirius said before he turned on Harry who had just finished licking his hands clean. Thrusting the bottle at his godson. "Drink," Sirius commanded.
Skunking his nose up at the potion, Harry took the bottle and downed it in gulp. "Blech!"
"How long does it take for it to work," Hammond asked as he watch the young man.
"It shouldn't take..."
"Oh shit! " Harry exclaimed suddenly before vanishing with a loud crack.
"... long," Sirius finished what he was saying with a rather smug look.
"Where did he go," Daniel asked as everyone stared at where the young man had been sitting.
Sirius cocked his head to the side, a puzzled look on his face. "Are we underground?"
"Yes," Hammond replied cautiously.
Sirius nodded his head. "Then he's on the surface."
"Now do you know that?" Daniel asks.
"I'm his godfather," Sirius says as if that explained everything.
Seeing their confusion Remus explained farther. "A special bond is created between godparents and godchildren in the Magical community. The bond allows the godparent to track a child when necessary."
"So that's how you were able to find the base," Daniel concluded
Sirius nodded his head in reply.
"I wonder if that would work with Daniel," Jack mumbled to himself.
"So," Sirius said as he rubbed his hands together, "now that Harry is out o the way lets talk about bride price. I was thinking an even million."
Bad Author Notes: There are days when I wonder why I do this, why I spend time putting the things I see with my mind eye to paper. And then there are days I wonder how I can not do this, how if I don't get these thoughts to paper and out of my head I'll go mad.
Rescue Mission and Playboy Bunnies
by Lady FoxFire
April 5, 2007
"Sirius," another voice said, "do you remember what I said about element of surprise?"
"Umm... no."
Moving quicker than one would think he could given his age and bulk, Hammond was out of his chair and facing the empty space from which the voices came from.
He wasn't the only one though, the unexpected voices had everyone moving at once. Jack immediately grabbed Harry by the collar of his shirt and dragged him into the corner. Thrusting Harry down to the floor next to the filing cabinet Jack stood guard over him.
"Security," Hammond snapped out as his eyes moved restlessly as he searched for the intruders.
Meanwhile the others spread out around the room while the two guards who stood guard on the door entered the room.
"Sir?" Sgt. Peterson who was one of the guards said as two other guards came into the room and took up a position that blocked the doorway.
"Two intruders, possibly more. Invisible." Hammond snapped out.
"Yes sir," Peterson replied, as he and the other guards became even tenser. Their eyes roaming over the room, never stopping, as they searched for the intruders.
"Umm, Moony," a voice in said drawing everyone's attention in Jack and Harry's direction, "I think they're talking about us."
"Bloody hell," the one who answered to the name Moony said as he suddenly appeared in front of Jack and Harry; a moment later another man appeared.
The guards raised their weapons at the intruders, their eyes narrowing at the possible hostage situation.
"Lay down on the ground, hands on your head," Sgt. Peterson ordered.
"I think there's been a misunderstanding," Moony said calmly as he took a step towards the guards.
"I said down of the ground, hands on your head!" the sergeant commanded as the guards aimed their weapons.
Jack knelt down putting his body between Harry and everything else.
Sirius slowly started to raise his hands. "Umm Moony I think...." He started to say when he suddenly stopped in mid sentence, his eyes widened suddenly. "Never mind."
Remus cocked his head to the side as he looked at the guards in confusion. Turning to Sirius he asked, "Did you do that?" as he pointed at the guards.
One by one those in the room glanced quickly at the guards then back to at the intruders and then did a double-take back to the guards as they realized what they had seen. The two guards were now dressed Playboy Bunnies complete with the ears and fuzzy bunny tail while carrying very large carrots in place of their guns.
"It wasn't me," Sirius replied with a chuckle.
The intruders looked at each other for a moment then as if one they slowly turned and looked down at Harry and Jack.
"You've corrupted my godson," Moony said as he smacked Sirius on the back of the head.
"He's my godson and they were James' magazines," Sirius replied as he rubbed his head.
Moony snorted. "Yes but you were the one who gave them to him."
"They were in a trunk of some stuff James had me hide from Lily," Sirius stated as he threw his hands up in the air. "Do you honestly think I would knowingly give them to Harry? I mean there was a copy of Playboy July '79 in there. Do you honestly think I would give that up if I know about it!"
A voice that sounded strangely like Daniel Jackson's said, "Lucky bastard."
"Who are you? How did you get into this base? And what did you do to my men?" General Hammond wanted to know.
"It's a little complicated," Moony said innocently as he ran a hand through his greying hair.
"I have a better question," Sirius' tone had become hard and menacing as everyone's attention centered on him. "What the hell did you do to my godson?"
Sirius's question as meet by a number of confused expressions and two concerned ones.
"Harry?" Moony said as he walked over to Harry.
"What's wrong with him?" Jack asked as he gently touched Harry's arm.
Sirius snorted. "He's high."
"What? "
"He's flying higher than a bloody dragon," Sirius replied.
"Which type?" Harry asked before turning to Jack. "I once had to fight a Hungarian Horntail. It was... it was..." Harry stretched his arms out as far as he could. "It was really big! And it had a really hot stinking breath."
"What did you give him?" Sirius demanded as he glared at those gathered in the room.
"Nothing," Dr Fraiser volunteered as she stepped forward. "A sedative. The only thing he was given was a sedative so he could be transported."
"A sedative? " Remus replied as both Sirius and him took a step away from Harry. "You gavehim a sedative?"
"Oh shit," Sirius said quietly his hand covering his mouth, his eyes became distant.
"Yes. Why is there a problem?" Fraiser asked as she looked back and forth between the two men as they moved away from Harry and Jack.
Sirius' hand dropped to his side, his eyes grew wide and panic started to settle into them. "Is there a problem?" he said his voice breaking slightly.
"Red. It was everywhere," Moony mumbled to himself his eyes widening as if remember some past horror. "The walls, the ceiling... all red. Everywhere you look was bathed in it. It hung in the air. You could taste it on every breath."
Closed his eyes, Sirius took a deep breath to calm himself. "If you don't mind chaos, mayhem and destruction then.... no it's not a problem."
"And then everything went purple," Moony mumbled as his eyes twinkled with mischief. "He ran out of red paint."
Sighs of relief escape the room as the two men smirked at each other.
"But honestly if you don't mind chaos, mayhem and destruction then it's not a problem," Sirius said with a half grin.
Hammond reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Would someone please tell me what the Hell is going on?"
Sirius and Moony looked at each other then back at Hammond. "Rescue mission?" they said at the same time.
"Rescue mission," Hammond mumbled to himself. "And how did you track Mr. Potter on this rescue mission let alone get into a high security military base?"
"Magic," they replied.
"Is this the same type of magic that was used to summon O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.
"Kind of."
"Sort of."
Hammond let out a wearily sigh, "Only SG-1," he mumbled to himself as he shook his head.
"Perhaps," Daniel said as he looked around at everyone, "we should all sit down and you can explain everything."
"Umm sir?" Sgt. Peterson said nervously as he pulled down the back of his pink Playboy Bunnie outfit.
Everyone turned to look at the guards and then over to Remus and Sirius.
"Harry did it," Sirius said with an apologetic shrug of his shoulder. "Only he can fix it."
Moony sighed as he looked up towards the heavens. "Harry," he said in the nice calming voice one typically used to con a child with.
"Yes, Moo Moo," Harry replied with a sweet smile.
A snort came from the regions of Lt. Ferretti at the mention of Moony's nickname.
"Can you change the guards back?" Moony asked with a glance back at the guards.
"Yeah. Ahh. Sure. You bet ya," Harry replied to which Sirius and Moony raised an eyebrow at the unusual answer from Harry.
Harry looked over at the guards. Slowly he turned his head to the side; his eyes started to cross...
"Holy Hannah! "
In the place of the guards were bunny-rabbits. However they weren't normal size rabbits but rabbits the sized of a large dog with green, Kermit the Frog green, fur.
"Could have been worse," Sirius blinked once... twice, then with a shrug as he started to lead Harry towards the table.
"WORSE! " Hammond snapped.
Covering Harry's ears with his hands, Sirius said in a loud whisper, "It could have been toads."
"The croaking," Moony moaned.
Everyone looked at Moony and Sirius waiting for them to finish the joke like they had done earlier.
"James, Harry's father, has a similar reaction to some medicine once and..." Sirius explained, "it rained toads for a week."
Moony sniffled. "They even got into the ice cream. I can't eat mint chocolate chip ice cream anymore and it was my favorite."
"Toads," Hammond said as he closed his eyes wearily, wondering why he even bothered getting up this morning. Taking a steadying breath he opened his eyes. "So what do you suggest we do with them?"
"Be grateful that one of them isn't a girl rabbit?" Sirius suggested innocently as he pushed Harry into a chair next to Jack.
Hiding his face behind his hands, Moony groaned at Sirius' attempt at humor. "Harry can change them back once he comes down."
"And how long do you think that will take?" the General growled as he glared at Sirius.
"One... maybe two months," Moony replied with an apologetic shrug.
"Months! "
"That's only if we can't get an antidote," Sirius stated.
Hammond closed his eyes and sighed wearily. "And where can we get an antidote?"
A smirk appeared on Sirius's face as he opened his mouth and called out, "Dobby!"
With a soft crack the alien who appeared with Harry Potter on the military based appeared in the room.
"Harry Potter, Sir dogfather wants Dobby?" the small creature said as he bounced on his toes.
"Dobby!" Harry exclaimed like a small child who has just rediscovered his best friend as he escapes his chair. Dropping to his knees in front of the creature, Harry pulled it into a hug.
Dobby gently patted Harry's back as he looked at Sirius and Moony with questions in his eyes.
With a shrug of his shoulders Sirius answered the unasked question with a simple, "He's stoned."
"That's the alien!" Daniel exclaimed pointing at Dobby, causing the others to rise from the table and stare at the creature with the floppy bat-like ears.
Dobby looked around. His eyes narrowing as he looked for the alien he needed to protect Harry Potter from.
"No," Sirius drew out the word, "that's Dobby. He's a House Elf."
"A House Elf?" Dr Fraiser said as she studied Dobby with a professional eye.
"We'll explain later," Moony said dismissing the questions as unimportant.
Stepping up to Harry Moony pulled a small vial from within his robes. Tapping his wand against the vial twice he laid his wand against Harry's' arm only to remove it when the vial was full of Harry's blood.
"Do you think you could teach Fraiser that trick," Jack commented as he walked over and started to run his fingers through Harry's hair. "She's always threatening me with big honking needles."
"She'll just find a different way to torture you," Sirius commented from where he sat at the table. "Everyone in the medical fields is a sadist."
"Amen to that," Ferretti mumbled softly unfortunate it was loud enough for Fraiser to catch.
"Don't you have a physical coming up Lieutenant?" Dr Fraiser said sweetly.
Ferretti eyes grew wide. "Shit," he squeaked.
"Better you than me," Jack commented as he shot Lou a pitying glance.
"Dobby I need you to take this vial Severus and tell him that Harry is suffering from the same thing James did during the winter holiday of our sixth year. He'll understand what I mean," Moony said. "And you absolutely can not let the Headmaster know that you are there or that anything is going on with Harry."
"Dobby can do that," the little house elf said his head nodding like a bobble doll. "Dobby can sneak in Hogwarts. Dobby no let Headmaster know Dobby was there. Dobby good at that."
"I know you are Dobby," Remus said as he pulled Harry off of Dobby and pushed him into Jack's arms.
As soon as Dobby was free and had the blood sample in his hands, he vanished with a crack.
"So," Sirius said rubbing his hands together with a slightly manic grin on his face, "were do we begin?"
Everyone looked at Sirius then at each other.
"Umm... introductions might be in order," Daniel suggested sitting down at the table. "I'm Daniel Jackson."
"He's the mummy guy Billy wanted," Harry chimed in as Jack gently pushed him into a chair before setting next to him. "Can we keep him? We can put a big bow on him and stick him under the tree. I know Bill would like him."
"That's a good idea Harry," Moony replied as he sat down next to Sirius, "but Yule isn't for another seven months."
"Birthday?" Harry asked as he chewed on his bottom lip
"Six months away," Sirius stated as he smirked in Dr. Jackson's direction
"Please gentlemen," Hammond said, "Can we get back to the matters at hand?"
"And what matters are those?" Sirius asked with a completely clueless expression.
Hammond eyes narrowed as he slowly exhaled. Those familiar with the signs that Colonel O'Neill had pushed the General too far carefully edged their chairs away from the older man.
"The kidnapping of Colonel O'Neill," Hammond growled.
"Moony can growl better than that," Harry commented with his child like innocence as he interrupted Hammond before starting to sing softly to himself. "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair...."
Those gathered around the table did their best not to snicker at Harry's comment about the General while Hammond glared at the stoned you man.
"The current situation," Hammond continued on, "in which Colonel O'Neill and Mr. Potter can't be apart from each other. The matter of your breaking into a top secret military base on your rescue mission and my guards being turned into giant green rabbits!"
"Oh those matters," Sirius said meekly as he ducked his head slightly.
Moony shook his head at Sirius. Looking at those gathered around the table, he took a steadying breath. "Well I'm not sure what Harry has told you or if you could even understand it given his current condition." Remus said as he shot Harry an apologic look. "So I guess I'll...umm... well my name is Remus Lupin, Moony is my nickname and I'm Harry's unofficial godfather."
"Remus?" Jack said as he moved so if he had to he could easily protect Harry. "As in the Remus the guy who tried to eat Harry?"
"What?" Remus sputtered in confusion.
"HarryPotter mentioned that a teacher in his third year tried to eat him," Teal'c stated as he watched Remus warily. "Are you not Remus who taught HarryPotter in his third year?"
"He's my cub! I would never harm him!" Remus exclaimed.
Remus's statement was meet by a number of raised eyebrows at the unusual statement. Meanwhile Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Remus, a single eyebrow raised questionably.
"I won't have! I might have eaten Granger and Weasley but not Harry," Remus replied. "You know that Sirius!"
Sirius nodded his head in agreement. "And Snape?" he asked.
"Yummy yummy I got food in my tummy," Harry sang out. Leaning towards Jack, Harry whispered very loudly, "Moony eats Snapey-poo almost everyday. I saw them."
"And you had the gall to say I was perverting Harry," Sirius said with a smirk.
"No!" Remus's face grew red.
"Uh huh. I saw Moony eating Snapey-poo on the kitchen table... with honey," Harry said. "Snapey-poo liked it too."
"Oh shit," Remus said his face growing even redder before he hid it in his hands.
"Well that explains what happened to that new bottle of honey and why we got a new kitchen table," Sirius glanced over at Remus, "with those unusual wards on it."
"It is wrong for a warrior to sate his needs by using a child. Surely your shield mate could have served you just as well," Teal'c condemned Remus in a bland, unexcited tone of voice. This emotionless tone of voice has been known to drive young soldiers to develop unusual eye twitches waiting for the axe to fall. Whenever they heard this emotionless tone they knew they would soon be on the receiving end of some form of Doom because of something they had done, or not done, usually to Dr. Jackson.
Remus and Sirius stared at Teal'c for a moment as their minds processed what he'd just said.
"Did he just accuse you..." Sirius said.
"Yes he did," Remus growled. "I'll have you know that I am not a pedophile."
"If you are not then why did you say you would have eaten Granger and Weasley?" Teal'c inquired.
"Because I would have ripped their stomachs open and let their intestines fall out and while they were still alive I would have feasted on their flesh. Ripping chucks off their bodies with my fangs and swallowing it whole." Remus said his lips curled back baring his white teeth. "And the world would have been a better place if I had."
At Remus's statement everyone shifted nervously especially Colonel O'Neill.
"Well don't you tell us how you're really feeling Moony," Sirius asked with a smirk.
Remus turned in his chair and looked at Sirius. "Bite me, Sirius" he snarled. "It's not like you wouldn't have broken something aside from Weasley's arm if we'd known back then what we know now."
Sirius just shrugged his shoulders in answer, not denying Remus's comment.
"Hannibal the Cannibal, just great" Jack said as he rolled his eyes.
"I am not a cannibal. Saying I am a cannibal implies that I'm human," Remus said sadly.
"Moony," Sirius' voice carried a note of warning.
"If you're not human then what are you?" Sam asked as she eyes roamed over him trying to figure out what was different about him.
"Homo Sapiens Therianthropes Lycos," Remus replied with a slight predatory grin.
"Human changing into..." Daniel's eyes grow wide as he translated the scientific name Remus had used for himself. "Werewolf. You believe you're a werewolf?"
"I don't believe I am a werewolf, I am one," Remus stated with conviction.
"Are we talking about werewolf like in the movie the Howling or like those kids down in Mexico who just have body hair everywhere?" Lou asked nervously.
"I preferred An American Werewolf in London," Remus stated with a cocky grin.
"You're kidding right?" Lou asked nervously as he played with his dogtags.
Sirius shook his head. "Remus is human as everyone else," he said to the relief of everyone in the room. "He just has a furry problem every four weeks."
Jack opened his mouth to make a comment but catching the looks being directed at him by Dr Fraiser and Carter out of the corner of his eyes his jaw snaps shut.
"Good choice," Lou whispers leaning towards Jack while trying to keep one eye on Remus and the other eye on Carter and Fraiser.
"Thanks," Jack whispers back. "At least I don't have a physical coming up."
"Had to remind me didn't you," Lou grumbled.
"Yep. Hey if you don't survive can I have to movie collection," Jack asked with a smirk
"If Lt. Ferretti and Colonel O'Neill are done whispering like a pair of school girls could we get back to business?" Hammond glared at the two younger officers
"Yes sir. Sorry, sir," the two men replied at the same time as they straighten up in their chairs.
"Reminds you a bit of McGonagall," Sirius said to Remus.
Remus tapped his chin with his fingers in thought. "Not stern enough," he replied.
Hammond glared at the two men who only smiled innocently back at the General.
Turning his attention back to Sirius and Remus, he got back to business "Now I believe you were explaining why you kidnapped Colonel O'Neill and how you appeared on my base."
"We didn't kidnap him," Sirius stated, "we summoned him."
Hammond groaned as he leaned his head into hands. "Jack, not a word. Not one... word."
"Yes sir," Jack said as he tried not to smirk.
"I take it Harry has already gone over this?" Remus said as he glance to the young man in question who was leaning against O'Neill fast asleep.
"We didn't arrive until you were talking about Tremor the series," Sirius volunteered
"HarryPotter explained about a secret society with the ability to use and magic and the reason why they hide from the world," Teal'c explained.
"So he didn't get to the part where if he doesn't manage to kill Voldemort that, not to be melodramatic; darkness will cover the land and death will walk the earth on a scale like you have never seen before?" Remus said with an air of disinterest.
Jack shrugged his shoulders dismissing Remus's comment. "We hear that a lot."
"Tough crowd," was Sirius' only comment.
A cocky grin came to O'Neill's face. "Well we're dealt with our share of bad guys before."
"Really?" Sirius said his tone no longer that of light teasing but that of someone who knows the darker things of human nature. "So did your bad guys ever use mind control on fathers so that they rape their children some as young as a year old while the mothers are force to watch, carve up the other children or be raped herself? Of course after the children and the wife are dead, they might let the father go and just hand him a knife and walk away. So are your bad guys like that?"
"No. No they're not," Hammond replied his face slightly whiter than it was before.
"And that the bad guy. The leader of good guys has no problems with putting a baby into abusive household where the child will grow up believing his name is Freak. And then when the child is old enough he will put him through life or death tests to hone him to a killing machine. Of course the kid's best friends will be working for the good guys making sure the kid obeys his master. And we can't forget that the good guys will throw anyone who might upset their little plan into jail without a trial where they can be tortured for years on end with their worst memories," Sirius stated.
Jack clutches his jaw as he tightens his grip on Harry. "And to which group do you belong? Good guys, bad guys or other "
"We're Marauders," Remus' eyes were hard and deadly. "We protect our own no matter who gets in our way."
"But why did you... why did you summon the Colonel?" Carter asked as she played with her pen.
Remus glanced over at Sirius. "We weren't sure if Harry could defeat Voldemort, face the good guys and live. Being bonded to his soulmate will give Harry more control over his magic as well as giving him someone to fight for."
"If Harry can't defeat Voldemort the world is screwed," Sirius explained. "And if he can't defeat Dumbledore and his followers then world is still screwed."
Before anyone could say anything a pop heralded Dobby's return.
"Dobby has medicine for Harry Potter sir," the little house elf said excitedly.
"Thank you Dobby," Remus rose from his chair and took the small bottle and a note from the house elf. "You did a great job."
"Harry Potter sir's wolfie told Dobby thanks," he exclaimed as he practically bounced around the room. "Do sir need Dobby to do anything else? Dobby has much work at Harry Potter sir's home to make ready for Harry Potter sir's boundmate."
"No Dobby that is all," Remus said with a distracted air as he read the note Dobby had delivered.
With a quick nod of his head Dobby vanished with a pop.
"Is he... Is he always like that?" Jack asked as he stared at the spot the house elf had been in.
"No," Sirius replied. "He used to be worse but he's learned to calm down. Just never ask him to save you."
Sirius comment was meet by a number of raised eyebrows.
"I don't think I want to know," Lou mumbled to himself.
Sirius chuckled softly as he leaned over Remus's shoulder to look at the letter. "Anything interesting?"
Remus jumps in surprise, clutching the letter to his chest. "What? Huh?"
"The letter," Sirius chucked softly as he noticed the blush on Remus' face. "Did Snape have something interesting to say?"
"Ah... no. No," Remus replied hurriedly. "Umm... just that... just that Harry needs to drink the whole potion and if anyone gives Harry a Muggle drug again he'll use that person for potions ingredients."
"Seems like a long letter for such a threat," Jack said as he catches on to what's going on.
"Ahh... yeah..." Remus mumbles, looking down at the letter once again; a smile crossing his lips. "Umm... he writes big."
"Yeah right Remus," Sirius says with a roll of his eyes as he snatches the potion bottle from Remus's hands. "So what do we need to do? Have him drink it?"
"Umm..." Remus quickly rereads the letter. "Yeah... he needs to drink the whole thing."
"Does he need to eat or drink anything with it?" Dr Fraiser asks as her professional curiosity raises its head. "What about side effects?"
Remus and Sirius blinked in response to Fraiser's questions.
"Ah... Remus," Sirius scratched his head not knowing how to answer the questions.
"Potions don't have the same problems as the mediences that you're used to," Remus replied.
"Really," Fraiser replied in a tone that says 'tell me more.'
"Harry," Sirius said softly as he shake his godson gently. "It's time to get up Harry."
"Don't want to," Harry mumbles as he snuggles into Jack's chest.
"You need to get up pup," Sirius says.
"Naha," Harry mumbled once again.
Sirius gets a determined look on his face. "Harry if you don't' wake up this instance Poppy is going to take you to the hospital wing."
Harry sprung up as if he was given a jolt of electricity. "I'm up. I'm up. Don't need to go to the hospital," he said as he looked around with wide eyes.
Jack bit his lip to keep from snickering.
"She's not here," Harry said after looking around.
"No she isn't," Sirius replied. "But she wanted you to take this potion." Sirius held out the potion bottle to Harry.
Harry looked at the bottle. Then at Sirius. Then at the bottle. Crossing his arms over his chest, Harry glared at Sirius. "No."
Sirius's should slumped slightly. "But Harry you need to take it."
"No," he replied firmly.
"But..."
"No."
Digging into his robe Sirius pulled out a small box. "I'll give you this if you take the potion," Sirius waved the decorated box at Harry.
"Give it to me first," Harry countered as his eyes following the box.
"After."
"First."
"After."
"First or I won't take it."
"Just give it to him Sirius," Remus commanded.
"But Remus," Sirius whined.
"Give it to him,"
"Fine," Sirius growled as he gave Harry the box.
Inside the small box was a small brown frog, which Harry quickly grabbed as it tried to jump out. Then before anyone could stop him, Harry quickly shoved half of the frog into his mouth.
Turning to Jack, Harry smiled around the frog it's hind legs kicking madly as it tried to escape. With an audible crack the frog stopped moving.
Reaching up Harry plucked the other half of the frog from his mouth and held it out to Jack. "Want some?"
Jack looked down at the poor little brown frog in Harry's hands; it's insides slowly oozing out. Jack swallowed nervously, "No thanks."
Harry looked at Jack sadly then down at his frog and then up at Jack once again.
"Harry," Sirius said, "Jack might not like a peppermint frogs. I think Remus might have a plain chocolate one."
"It's mine," Remus whined.
"Please Moony," Harry begged as he started up at his adopted godfather with big green eyes.
Remus looks at Harry; stared into those big green eyes and sighed in defeat as he tossed a box to Jack who caught it easily.
"It's chocolate," Sirius stated as he noticed everyone's uneasy expression at the idea of eating a living animal. "Magic makes them move. Harry just happens to like the 3W Anatomically Correct Peppermint Frog the best because... well because..." Sirius nodded to Harry who was slurping up the frog's intestine like it was a piece of spaghetti, "well because of that. And the fact he loves peppermint."
Jack looked down at the small box in his hands once again before opening it. Immediately the frog jumped out of the box in the direction of Carter, who snatched it up as soon as it landed. She slowly opened her hands to look at it while trying to keep it from escaping but it remained motionless in the palm of her hand.
"They only have enough magic for one good hop after that they're pretty much done," Remus explained as he watched Carter poked at it with her finger while Dr Fraiser leaned closer and watched.
Hammond groaned. "Animated chocolate, rescue missions, kidnapping that aren't kidnappings. What's next?"
"The Boy Who Lived?" Colonel O'Neill said as he looked down at a card he held in his hand.
Harry leaned over towards Jack and looked at the card. "I hate that photo," he said before starting to lick the melted chocolate from his hands.
"It's moving," Jack stated as he glance briefly at Harry then at the card once again.
"It's a wizard photo," Sirius said as if it explained everything.
"And the Boy Who Lived?" Jack asked as he looked at Harry then up at Sirius, waiting for an explanation.
"Long story," Sirius said before he turned on Harry who had just finished licking his hands clean. Thrusting the bottle at his godson. "Drink," Sirius commanded.
Skunking his nose up at the potion, Harry took the bottle and downed it in gulp. "Blech!"
"How long does it take for it to work," Hammond asked as he watch the young man.
"It shouldn't take..."
"Oh shit! " Harry exclaimed suddenly before vanishing with a loud crack.
"... long," Sirius finished what he was saying with a rather smug look.
"Where did he go," Daniel asked as everyone stared at where the young man had been sitting.
Sirius cocked his head to the side, a puzzled look on his face. "Are we underground?"
"Yes," Hammond replied cautiously.
Sirius nodded his head. "Then he's on the surface."
"Now do you know that?" Daniel asks.
"I'm his godfather," Sirius says as if that explained everything.
Seeing their confusion Remus explained farther. "A special bond is created between godparents and godchildren in the Magical community. The bond allows the godparent to track a child when necessary."
"So that's how you were able to find the base," Daniel concluded
Sirius nodded his head in reply.
"I wonder if that would work with Daniel," Jack mumbled to himself.
"So," Sirius said as he rubbed his hands together, "now that Harry is out o the way lets talk about bride price. I was thinking an even million."
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