FicWad

That without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
Can you hear me cry out to you?
I'm really not so with you anymore.


I was half way out the window now, my hands sweaty with the nervous fear of falling. The branches of the trees felt smooth and round as I tried gripped on to them. I thought about back in 4th grade, when I tried to climb the bars.
Gathering all my strength and fighting the urge to give up and start crying, I transferred my feet from the floor to the windowsill, the wood crushing my stomach. I did the thing I would normally never do: jump.
Jumping off a high height can make you feel good at first. Free. Like nothing can stop you. But gravity eventually gets a hold of you, bringing you down back to reality. Then you hit the ground, the pain returning to you; a shock running up and down your spine. And from all my past experience, I knew that the only way to make it go away fast enough is to run.

The Way residence was fully alive, every light on. That's why Jamie, his mom noticed me standing on the brightly lit porch, catching my breath.
She immediately opened the door greeting me, and I could tell something was wrong. Her face has stressed written all over it. Her hair was frizzed and tossed like it had been finger brushed several times. Her eyes were all red, like she has been crying, and there were bags under them. But I saw the resemblance in Gerard. Not so much in Mikey, though. He looked more like his dad, with brown hair and glasses, but the same hazel eyes. But they didn't hold the same story that Gerard and I had.
"Helena! How nice to see you!" she greeted, forcing a smile. I was surprised when she didn't question why I came so late at night. I guessed that she knew why. I stepped in the house, the too warm air taking over the cold of the night. The first thing I noticed was the pictures of Gerard and Mikey on the wall. They have been there since forever, but they never got old. I am not the first one to continuously glace back at them. They looked the same as they do now; the round face, hair and smile.
"They haven't seen any sign of Gerard," Dean, his dad reported as he hung up the phone disappointedly. I looked away from the pictures; trying to digest what I had just heard. They haven't seen any sign of Gerard.
"The last time I saw him was this afternoon, when he walked off on me," I blurted out. I instantly regretted it when Jamie burst out in full sobs. His dad walked down to comfort her, as she went on in full tears. He nodded at the stairs, meaning I was dismissed.
I quickly climbed up, feeling bad, when I walked past Gerard's room. I stopped short, taking notice that the light was on. I saw a figure on his bed. Gerard, I thought. I walked in, quickly disappointed that that was not Gerard but Mikey. He was passed out, his glasses still on shoes on and everything. I didn't want to wake him up but I was desperate to find answers. I quietly kneeled down beside him, and poked his arm. Nothing. I poked him again, until he woke up, with an annoyed, "What?!"
I jumped back, not expecting that. His expression quickly turned normal, seeing I was not who he thought I was. "I am worried about Gerard," I told him, my voice suddenly shaking. I sat on the floor in silence, my knees hugged to my chest. Finally, Mikey spoke, quietly and gently.
"I always knew this was going to happen."
"But, why /now/?" I replied.
"I don't know, but I knew it was going to happen sometime. Gerard always seemed like that kind of guy that the girls follow, they can't leave him alone. Sometimes I feel bad for him, people always asking him to things like make out and stuff."
"Wait, you mean he's like, /cheating on me/?" I asked, feeling sick. Gerard wouldn't do that. He wasn't that kind of guy. I could tell. Mikey just shrugged. "Who knows?"
At this point, I was having a melt down. Just like his mom, I started strait out sobbing.
The thing that I hate about crying is, when you try to say something, people just look at you like your speaking Chinese. You try to speak clear, but your throat gets so dry and scratchy. Your chest tightens causing your breath to be short.
Tears block your vision completely, and all you can see is the tears in between your eyelashes blurring up everything and stretching it out.
"I just so worried about him... he could be anywhere..." I strained to say.
Mikey just looked at me. I don't know if he understood me or not. But I kept crying. There was nothing that could stop me, tears now drenching my hair that stuck to my face, and rolling down onto my sweater.
I looked up, seeing nothing but a few colors all stretchy. I whipped some away, and looked at Mikey. This was the first time I had seen him upset; he had always been happy. But now there was something different about him. Fear. I could tell he was holding back tears, trying to be the only sane one in this house.
"There must be a reasonable explanation to this," he said, pacing around the room. He picked up a notebook ad flipped through the pages.
"Hmm-hmm," I sputtered out. He stopped walking and looked at me.
"I have nothing," Mikey said, sighing and closed the notebook. "He keeps everything with him. Never leaves anything out in the open."
Not knowing what to say to this, I stayed quiet. I didn't want to case another breakdown again.
So I sat there for a couple of hours, on the floor with my head against the wall while Mikey searched Gerard's desk for anything useful. That's when I said, "Gerard has been on his phone, like, a lot."
"Yeah, I noticed," he said quietly.
"I miss the old Gerard," I said quietly.
"Hey, yea, like remember when we were running around Mrs. Anderson's yard?" he brought up.
"Yeah and she got mad at us for stepping on her roses!" I added.
"And he got yelled at, so he took a worm and cut it in half." Mikey finished.
We started laughing, remembering the good times in life.


"Let's go see how my parents are doing." He suggested, and started standing up.
"Okay." I said and slowly stood up. It felt weird walking, like that feeling that you get when you step out of high heels that you have been wearing all day. It feels like every step you take, the floor curves beneath you.

Jamie was on the couch, holding back tears while Dean was pacing around the kitchen. I started going down the stairs, looking at the pictures and stopped when I reached Gerard's picture. I smiled, for what felt like the first time since forever ago.

He was four years old; Mikey at age one. They were very plump, black hair and very happy. Mikey was sitting on Gerard, who was in a dark blue and white striped shirt. I smiled and gently touched the gold frame around it. I continued down the stairs, past the pictures of all three of us playing underneath the oak tree across the street.
We were all covered in mud, about 6 years old. Mikey, only four, had glasses. But even then, Gerard's black hair swooped over his eyes. I had my thin black hair tied back into a ponytail. I remember that day, when I wanted to go play in my new gold dress, but my mother forced me into theses horrible lime green shorts and shirt. I was sitting on my knees, next to Gerard, and Mikey was leaning on him, getting mud everywhere.
Then there was our prom picture, from the 11th grade,
If you look close to the bouquet I am holding, it is mostly white flowers with a tinge of gold. But in the middle, was a single red rose, to always remind me of the red tie he wanted to wear. I forgot about that until now. Looking at it made me miss the old Gerard.
I kept walking, gliding my hand against the wall. I studied the space amount. There was the perfect space there for our new prom picture, just below where the light shines.
I glanced at the clock, and it read 5:43. I took a deep breath.
I have to go home, but I don't want to leave them here.
"Um," I started saying uncomfortably, "I think I should like, go home, because my parents are going to be mad."
Jamie stood up, understanding my situation. "Very well, honey. But if they don't understand, then tell them to call us and we will explain. Do you want a ride? Its awfully cold out." She asked generously.
I smiled, but said politely said no and said bye to everyone. I took one last glance at the pictures on the wall, and opened the door. An instant whoosh of cold wind greeted me, taking away all the warmth that was there. The wind bustled the leaves on the trees, shaking the branches. I walked out of their driveway, looking at all the places we once played. I walked out into the street, with the cold wind beating against my arms. It made me wish I put on a jacket. Gerard, please come back.

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ok i know that Gerard and Mikey's parent's names are NOT Jamie and Dean, but i wanted to be a little original...