Categories > Games > Final Fantasy 7 > When your heart stops beating
No regrets?
I wake up with a bitch of a hangover. I look over at him asleep beside me. His red hair just catches the light, his skin almost translucent. The tattoos on his face stand out bright red against his pale flawless skin. This is about the fourth time we've slept together. It goes like this. He turns up at the bar; we spend the evening bouncing insults off each other, getting steadily drunker, until we're both out of it enough to kiss, then we retire to my room and... well yea you get the picture.
He's pretty good actually, but there's no way I'm letting him know that, so I hold back, don't let myself enjoy it too much. I think this bugs him but he keeps coming back so I'm not complaining. But he never stays. I make sure of it in fact, practically push him out the door, but he never resists. This is good I keep telling myself. You don't want to turn into another one of his little groupies, never let him think you're attached to him. I roll over so I'm not looking at him. It's just casual sex, that's all, casual drunken sex. Keep it on your terms, he's crazy about you (who wouldn't be) but you want to keep it one sided. Everything is going to plan. You wanted something to keep you occupied and here it is. So why do I have to remind myself of this every time I wake up beside him?
**************
She rolls over beside me and I open my eyes. Her back is turned towards me, as usual. I'm struck by how small and vulnerable she looks; it sort of makes me want to protect her. I mean, I know better then anyone how dangerous this world is. I smile slightly, as I imagine the arse kicking I'd get if she knew what I was thinking.
I don't know why I keep coming back. Do 'em then dump 'em, that's my motto, so why do I keep coming back to her? I swear it's like she plans it, get me drunk, screw me, and kick me out the next day. Crazy ninja bitch. There's just one problem, this time, I wasn't drunk. I let her think I was, but I actually only had a couple of drinks. I regret that more then doing it drunk, I mean I'm used to doing it drunk, but this way I can remember all of it, and the way she holds back. I mean, it's embarrassing, the love master Reno, not satisfying a girl? But its true and that bugs me. Maybe that's why I keep coming back, but I'm not sure it is. There's something about this girl that's got me hypnotised and I can't say I like it, nobody headfucks Reno. I roll out of bed.
"Leaving again" She says to the wall.
"I'll stay if you want"
"Just put your clothes back on and leave"
"Wooo, someone's cranky in the mornings" I quip, but I do as she says.
**************
I watch him get dressed out the corner of my eye. His face may be perfect, but his body is covered with scars. I'd ask how he got them, but that really would make me one of his little groupies. I will never degrade myself to that level. That's why I have to push him away. That's why I have to make sure I'm drunk before I do anything. Otherwise I might actually feel something.
***************
I walk down the street, heading for the Turk headquarters, or what's left of the Turks. Three of us, hardly the terrifying force we once were. I'm not in a good mood. I can't get her out of my head, the way she kisses, that lip biting thing she does, the way she looks when she's angry. Desperately I try to think of something else. Unbidden, Elena pops into my mind. I shove her away, anything but her. Rule one of the "Brave new world" Reno. You do not think about Elena. I'm not looking where I'm going and some guy knocks into me. I grab him roughly.
"What the hell do you think your doing?"
"I, I'm sorry, I was just..."
"Save it" I snarl, shoving him to the floor. The guy looks terrified. This is better; this is what I'm used to, inciting fear in others. I kick him in the ribs.
"Please," He begs, "I was just going to visit my wife's grave, she died in Sector Seven"
It was like getting punched. I back away from the guy, and duck down an alley. I feel like I've been winded. Another one of my victims. I thought back to that day, up on the plate, setting the explosives, the fight with AVALANCHE, leaving in a pretty sorry state by helicopter, and then the rumble, the crash, and the screams, as the Sector Seven plate crashed into the Sector Seven slums, killing thousands of people, all because of me.
"You were just following orders" I tell myself, its not like it was your idea. Yea, but I didn't have to. I would have been killed, but what's my life against thousands of others? Still, they would have just got another poor sod to do it. I straighten up and shake my head. Rule two of the new Reno, the one I created for myself after meteor was destroyed: you don't dwell in the past. No regrets just live each day as it comes. I straighten up and go on my way.
I wake up with a bitch of a hangover. I look over at him asleep beside me. His red hair just catches the light, his skin almost translucent. The tattoos on his face stand out bright red against his pale flawless skin. This is about the fourth time we've slept together. It goes like this. He turns up at the bar; we spend the evening bouncing insults off each other, getting steadily drunker, until we're both out of it enough to kiss, then we retire to my room and... well yea you get the picture.
He's pretty good actually, but there's no way I'm letting him know that, so I hold back, don't let myself enjoy it too much. I think this bugs him but he keeps coming back so I'm not complaining. But he never stays. I make sure of it in fact, practically push him out the door, but he never resists. This is good I keep telling myself. You don't want to turn into another one of his little groupies, never let him think you're attached to him. I roll over so I'm not looking at him. It's just casual sex, that's all, casual drunken sex. Keep it on your terms, he's crazy about you (who wouldn't be) but you want to keep it one sided. Everything is going to plan. You wanted something to keep you occupied and here it is. So why do I have to remind myself of this every time I wake up beside him?
**************
She rolls over beside me and I open my eyes. Her back is turned towards me, as usual. I'm struck by how small and vulnerable she looks; it sort of makes me want to protect her. I mean, I know better then anyone how dangerous this world is. I smile slightly, as I imagine the arse kicking I'd get if she knew what I was thinking.
I don't know why I keep coming back. Do 'em then dump 'em, that's my motto, so why do I keep coming back to her? I swear it's like she plans it, get me drunk, screw me, and kick me out the next day. Crazy ninja bitch. There's just one problem, this time, I wasn't drunk. I let her think I was, but I actually only had a couple of drinks. I regret that more then doing it drunk, I mean I'm used to doing it drunk, but this way I can remember all of it, and the way she holds back. I mean, it's embarrassing, the love master Reno, not satisfying a girl? But its true and that bugs me. Maybe that's why I keep coming back, but I'm not sure it is. There's something about this girl that's got me hypnotised and I can't say I like it, nobody headfucks Reno. I roll out of bed.
"Leaving again" She says to the wall.
"I'll stay if you want"
"Just put your clothes back on and leave"
"Wooo, someone's cranky in the mornings" I quip, but I do as she says.
**************
I watch him get dressed out the corner of my eye. His face may be perfect, but his body is covered with scars. I'd ask how he got them, but that really would make me one of his little groupies. I will never degrade myself to that level. That's why I have to push him away. That's why I have to make sure I'm drunk before I do anything. Otherwise I might actually feel something.
***************
I walk down the street, heading for the Turk headquarters, or what's left of the Turks. Three of us, hardly the terrifying force we once were. I'm not in a good mood. I can't get her out of my head, the way she kisses, that lip biting thing she does, the way she looks when she's angry. Desperately I try to think of something else. Unbidden, Elena pops into my mind. I shove her away, anything but her. Rule one of the "Brave new world" Reno. You do not think about Elena. I'm not looking where I'm going and some guy knocks into me. I grab him roughly.
"What the hell do you think your doing?"
"I, I'm sorry, I was just..."
"Save it" I snarl, shoving him to the floor. The guy looks terrified. This is better; this is what I'm used to, inciting fear in others. I kick him in the ribs.
"Please," He begs, "I was just going to visit my wife's grave, she died in Sector Seven"
It was like getting punched. I back away from the guy, and duck down an alley. I feel like I've been winded. Another one of my victims. I thought back to that day, up on the plate, setting the explosives, the fight with AVALANCHE, leaving in a pretty sorry state by helicopter, and then the rumble, the crash, and the screams, as the Sector Seven plate crashed into the Sector Seven slums, killing thousands of people, all because of me.
"You were just following orders" I tell myself, its not like it was your idea. Yea, but I didn't have to. I would have been killed, but what's my life against thousands of others? Still, they would have just got another poor sod to do it. I straighten up and shake my head. Rule two of the new Reno, the one I created for myself after meteor was destroyed: you don't dwell in the past. No regrets just live each day as it comes. I straighten up and go on my way.
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