FicWad

"I have a surprise for you", said Gerard hugging me from behind and resting his head on my shoulder.
I was coding merch in the back room, it was my punishment for fooling around with Gerard when I should have been dealing with costumers.
funny Mikey didn't punish Gerard, that little slut!.
After a week of nagging, Mikey finally accepted us to work. It was actually fun and I was spending all my time in that store anyway so I might as well get paid for it.
"What surprise?", I asked delighted.
I loved surprises. Especially from Gerard.
He took the coder thingy from my hand and spun me around to face him, he was holding a white envelope in his left hand and wore a huge grin on his lovely face.
"I guess it's not a puppy", I laughed.
He kissed me and gave it to me.
I opened it eagerly with my hands shaking, that's how much I liked surprises!.
Once I saw what was inside the envelope, the loudest squeak escaped my lips, I threw my hands around his neck and hugged him so tight he began to cough.

"I can't believe it!! Concert tickets!! To nightwish!!! Oh my fucking god!!", I jumped up and down, I was thrilled, I was excited, I was over the moon!
I tackled him again causing him to laugh, "I knew you would like it".
"Gerardyou'rewonderfulthisiswonderful", I said without breathing at all. I think I forgot how to perform this function for the past couple of minutes.
I hugged him again and again, covering his whole face with kisses.
Then we heard Mikey moan from the door, "You're doing this again! This is exactly why I didn't want to hire you!".
I ran to him and tackled him as well, "Gerard got me tickets to see nightwish", I roared in his ear making him cringe.
"What?", he freed himself from my tight hug.
I just handed him the envelope I was dancing around with and jumped on Gerard instead.

"Can I go to a concert?", I asked my mother, dropping myself on a kitchen chair.
Once I got over my first enthusiasm about the concert I remembered that the chances my mother was going to let me go to New York with Gerard to a metal concert were pretty slim.
She didn't stop cutting the vegetables, "What concert?".
"My favorite band will be performing in New York and Gerard bought me tickets", I said trying to stay calm.
She always knew how to push my buttons, we always ended up screaming at each other.
"Who's going?", she put down the knife and stared at me with that look that I hated.
she always wore it, thinking she always knew better, but I was going to keep it cool since it's a freaking nightwish concert on stake.
"Gerard and I", I said trying to keep my tone light and breezy.
I didn't tell her he was my boyfriend since it would've limited my hang out time at the Way's house and also tried to avoid the birds and the bees conversation as much as possible and besides she probably already knew, as much as I hated it she could read me like an open book.
"To New York? All by yourself", she continued to cut the freaking vegetables.
I felt a screaming fest coming up.
"I'm going with Gerard", I whined.
"And that supposed to reassure me? That boy is up to no good", she shook her head.
'Stay cool, stay cool, stay cool', I kept chanting in my head.
"He's nice. And he's older, he'll keep me safe if you fear I'll get murdered up there", I rolled my eyes.
"What a big mouth you have and where do you get these twisted ideas from?!", she fussed.
She did it every time I joked about my death. Jesus woman, just because I say it doesn't mean I'll drop dead right on the fucking spot.
I just stared blankly at her.
"What time is the concert?", she finally finished cutting the vegetables and turned to face me.
"About 19.00", I crossed my arms on my chest. Like she cared, she just wanted to make me hope and then crush the illusion in the most painful way.
"How long is the concert?", she asked putting down the knife.
"3 hours I suppose, with all the delays and sh...stuff", I almost said shit, it's a good thing I recovered on time or I can forget about social life for the rest of my life.
"And then you have the ride from New York. I don't think so Skyler, it's too late for a young girl to wonder on her own", she turned to cut the bread now.
"I'll be with Gerard", I said through clenched teeth.
"It's still too late", she took out a plate and arranged the bread on it.
"I'm not even going to bed at that hour!", I protested, refusing to lose this battle.
"So it means you can run around New York with Gerard", her mocking tone cut through my ears like the knife through the bread she cut.
"I'm 17 years old, why do you insist on babying me constantly", I clenched my hands into fists.
"Because you act like a baby!, what normal girl stays up with boys all night long? When you'll be an adult and have a house of your own and you'll be making a living, you can spend all your nights with boys, but as long as you live under my roof I don't want to hear people talk about you!", I could detect the anger in her voice and eyes.
"It's all you care about. How people see you, what people are saying about you!, what mother they think you are!", I banged my fists on the table.
I could feel the anger flowing in my veins, spreading in every organ of my body like venom.
"I spent 17 years of my life on you, and this is what I get!. I've put everything I could into you, forgot about social life, threw away my career so you won't be like the kids you're hanging out with. I tried to keep you away from this dirt but you seem to be interested in their company, you don't care about normal kids. I didn't want to face the fact that a girl I've put my all into raising is turned out to be just like them, to be all the things I tried to keep you away from!", she yelled at me with tears walling in her eyes.
But I didn't feel sorry for her, her tears didn't move me, they made me angry. She were such a hypocrite!
Dirt? Gerard? Mikey? Frank? Ray? Bob? Dirt???
They were the ones to keep me sane when the world came down crushing on me because of her!
They were there, patting my head and wiping my tears after she made me feel like shit for the 4656th time.
"Don't you care what I think? I think you're not much of a mother. And I can't wait to get out of your house so you won't feel like I ruined your life and after I do, forget I was ever alive. I'm dead to you from the second I get out of here!", I yelled crying, I didn't want to but she just made me feel like nothing, like I'm a terrible mistake she still pays for.

It went down hill from there, she yelled, I yelled some more.
I screamed, she screamed louder.
Just a regular evening in our household.
I was so tired from all the drama's and fighting.
I wanted to fade away to nothing, just disappear without anyone knowing.
Once again my mother made me feel like shit, I wanted to die.
I don't ever want to admit it because I see myself as a proud feminist but I wanted to be saved by someone who'll carry me away from all this shit and make me feel safe and secure.
I wished Gerard would be here to say that everything is going to be alright, to reassure me.
I curled on my bed, crying into my pillow.
Why does it have to be this way?

She was such a hypocrite talking about the boys like that! She hung around with their parents but kept trashing their sons behind their back, she kept saying they weren't good enough for me and that I deserved much better.
But the guys were the best people I've met, I loved them more than anything.
If it wasn't for Frank's little pranks and jokes, I wouldn't know what laughter is.
If it wasn't for Gerard and Mikey, I wouldn't know what love and care are.
If it wasn't for Ray and Bob, I would've been incomplete.
If everybody on this planet have at least a little part of their uniqueness and good hearts, it would've been a much better planet!.

I was so angry! and not because of the concert, but just for the way she kept treating me, like I was a mentally ill baby capable of nothing but ruining her damn life.
It's not my fault she had me and had to make all these sacrifices, it's what every other parent would do.
I didn't ask for it just like no other child is asking to be born.
At that moment I vowed not to be like my mother, not to be similar to her in any way.
I vowed to make sure my kids would never feel like I hate them, they will never feel like shit because of me.
I would never make them loathe themselves because of something I did or said.
They will never feel like a mistake.
They'll feel loved and accepted, they'll know I will be there no matter what.
They'll know I'll never hurt them on purpose, they'll never cry themselves to sleep because of me.
I'll never punish them for being them.
I would support them in anything, I won't be remembered as the bitchy mom!

'Daddy are you watching?', I sobbed to the ceiling, "Take me away! Save me! Please'.
It was useless, I could talk to the walls with the same amount of respond.
I was all alone and I felt all alone.
I felt crushed and defeated.
Couldn't see the reason to keep breathing.


I don't really like chapter. It feels like something is missing but I can't put my finger on it.
Tell me what do you think!

OK, I rewrote it, I like it better.