Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Sing for Absolution
It had been a few days since I had seen Killian come out of her room. I would ask Bob if he'd seen her, but he would only shake his head and give a small, sympathetic smile. I would only nod, trying not to show my disappointment, although part of me had a feeling that he already knew my feelings.
Today, Bob was in the "kitchen" like area and sitting at the small table, drinking his fair share of blood.
"Has she come out yet?" I asked as I took out a transfusion bag of B Positive blood and pouring myself a cup. My heart (if it existed at all) was secretly hoping that she had and that what happened a few nights ago had already passed her.
"No, I just dropped her dinner off as well. She hasn't been eating either. Her face is sallow and she's losing some light in her eyes. What the fuck did you do to her?" Bob said, sitting back in his chair and looking at me curiously.
"I told her that it would be better if we never see each other again...after what happened," I said, trying to make it seem like that wouldn't condone the behavior she was exhibiting now.
Bob shook his head and sat straighter in his chair. "What the hell is wrong with you Frank? You like her don't you? You did have her coming to your room in the first place. Why lead her on if you were going to do that to her?" Bob said; he looked kind of angry.
"I just wasn't thinking, you know how I am with blood," I said...I'd been defending myself that way a lot lately.
"Bullshit Frank, you're just scared. You don't want to be with her because you know what's happened to vampires who've had relationships with humans. Quite honestly, you speak a lot about your suffering, but you never really think of the suffering you've just put her through because of your fear."
I didn't say anything for a while, but I stared at Bob, wondering what to say now. I really wasn't thinking of the pain or suffering I had inflicted upon Killian by spending nights with her and then all of a sudden telling her that it'd be better off if we'd never done it in the first place. I really wasn't that regretful of all the stuff we'd done together. In fact I was more grateful that I'd been with her because in the total centuries that I have been on this earth, I've never feflt more alive than I had those nights that I spent with her. Indeed, I was grateful for them...but I had no idea how to be with her without breaking rules.
"I don't know what to do Bob," I said desperately, falling into the chair just across from him, my hands shielding my face out of shame. I really wasn't sure what to do now.
"You need to decide whether she's worth loving...if she's worth dying for," Bob said simply, wiping his mouth before getting up and putting his cup in the sink and walking away, my thoughts running askew.
Dream after dream they came. Like a sequential beating they plagued me and never stopped, haunting me even when I was awake.
The one I had just awoken from was the worst I'd had. It started in a dark room and then all of a sudden it was filled with dim lights until I could see Frank. He was smiling and brushing his cold hands through my hair, lightly touching my scalp sometimes. Just as he was about to say something, there was a loud crash and I saw a flash of moments, and felt hands latch around my waist, pulling me away from Frank. I could see the horror written on his face, the pain pouring from his eyes. As I could see a shiny blade shining just behind him, my eyes widened, my heart fell to the pit of my stomach, and I began to flail, kicking and screaming, trying to get Frank to pay attention to it.
And then I woke up.
Frank didn't deserve my dreams after what he did, but something inside of me still wanted to love him. Some part of me wanted Frank to love me back, but that was way of the question after what happened.
The next few days were spent, staring lifelessly at the door, that only opened four times a day so that Bob could bring food that I would never eat. He always looked worried every time he'd look me over. I knew I looked unhealthy, and I knew my appearence was in no way flattering, but it didn't matter anymore...nothing did.
The next night, all of the vampires went out into the human world to feed. I lied on the bed getting more depressed because this very night only a week ago was the very first night I snuck to Frank's room.
Just as I was about to let the tears fall, Bob entered the room smiling. "I might have something that will cheer you up," he said, looking at me.
"What?"
"Frank wants to talk to you."
"Why?" I asked.
"No, no Q&A, just go," he said, pulling me out of the bed and leading me to the same drawing room from days ago.
Frank was seated in the same chair and slighlty jumped when he noticed I was there. "Killian...I wanted to talk about what happened..."
I didn't answer, but let him explain whatever he wanted to.
"When I told you it'd be better if we weren't together...I didn't mean it'd be better for the two of us. There are rules that forbid us to be together and I don't want anything to happen to you," he said, desperation in his voice.
"That wasn't all of the problem Frank. I...I thought..."
"You thought what..." Frank tried to encourage.
I shook my head, frustrated with my thoughts. "It doens't matter what I thought becasue in the end, you just left me."
"No...tell me."
"I thought you really did like me. I thought I meant more than just being a human to you. I thought you viewed me as an equal," I said quietly, the tears already building up in my eyes. Was Frank worth my tears?
"Why did you do it, other than the rules?" I asked, my eyes focuesd on the rug beneath my feet.
"Elijah warned me and then I went against him and then after everything he did to make sure I wasn't captured-"
"That wasn't what I asked," I said, a sharpness to my voice that I'd never known. "I asked what else besides rules made you say that?"
It was silent for a few moments, and I decided to glance at Frank. He was looking far off, almost pained.
"About one hundred years ago, one of my only real friends as a vampire was Andrew. He got into a deep relationship with a mortal girl...human. When Elijah, Vlad and Elizabeth (our elders) found out and they sentenced both of them to death. They drained the girl and then they sent Andrew into madness and killed himself only one day after hearing about her death," Frank said, a single black tear rolling down his cheek.
It all started to make sense. He was scared. He was petrified of the idea that he could die because of this relationship. My face suddenly softened and I walked to him, taking a hold of his face and staring into his blazing eyes.
"I don't know how you feel, but I am willing to die for what he have, if there is anything we have at all. I am willing to give up everything for this. I'll wait for you if I have to, but I can't wait forever," I said.
"After some thought, I know that you're worth dying for...I know that you're worth protecting as well. For as long as I am fit and capable of doing so, I will protect you no matter what happens," he said.
A smile grew across both of our faces and I stepped away from him, trying to take him in. And just as I was about to close the gap again, Bob rushed into th room looking a bit horrified and confused.
"We have a problem."
Today, Bob was in the "kitchen" like area and sitting at the small table, drinking his fair share of blood.
"Has she come out yet?" I asked as I took out a transfusion bag of B Positive blood and pouring myself a cup. My heart (if it existed at all) was secretly hoping that she had and that what happened a few nights ago had already passed her.
"No, I just dropped her dinner off as well. She hasn't been eating either. Her face is sallow and she's losing some light in her eyes. What the fuck did you do to her?" Bob said, sitting back in his chair and looking at me curiously.
"I told her that it would be better if we never see each other again...after what happened," I said, trying to make it seem like that wouldn't condone the behavior she was exhibiting now.
Bob shook his head and sat straighter in his chair. "What the hell is wrong with you Frank? You like her don't you? You did have her coming to your room in the first place. Why lead her on if you were going to do that to her?" Bob said; he looked kind of angry.
"I just wasn't thinking, you know how I am with blood," I said...I'd been defending myself that way a lot lately.
"Bullshit Frank, you're just scared. You don't want to be with her because you know what's happened to vampires who've had relationships with humans. Quite honestly, you speak a lot about your suffering, but you never really think of the suffering you've just put her through because of your fear."
I didn't say anything for a while, but I stared at Bob, wondering what to say now. I really wasn't thinking of the pain or suffering I had inflicted upon Killian by spending nights with her and then all of a sudden telling her that it'd be better off if we'd never done it in the first place. I really wasn't that regretful of all the stuff we'd done together. In fact I was more grateful that I'd been with her because in the total centuries that I have been on this earth, I've never feflt more alive than I had those nights that I spent with her. Indeed, I was grateful for them...but I had no idea how to be with her without breaking rules.
"I don't know what to do Bob," I said desperately, falling into the chair just across from him, my hands shielding my face out of shame. I really wasn't sure what to do now.
"You need to decide whether she's worth loving...if she's worth dying for," Bob said simply, wiping his mouth before getting up and putting his cup in the sink and walking away, my thoughts running askew.
Dream after dream they came. Like a sequential beating they plagued me and never stopped, haunting me even when I was awake.
The one I had just awoken from was the worst I'd had. It started in a dark room and then all of a sudden it was filled with dim lights until I could see Frank. He was smiling and brushing his cold hands through my hair, lightly touching my scalp sometimes. Just as he was about to say something, there was a loud crash and I saw a flash of moments, and felt hands latch around my waist, pulling me away from Frank. I could see the horror written on his face, the pain pouring from his eyes. As I could see a shiny blade shining just behind him, my eyes widened, my heart fell to the pit of my stomach, and I began to flail, kicking and screaming, trying to get Frank to pay attention to it.
And then I woke up.
Frank didn't deserve my dreams after what he did, but something inside of me still wanted to love him. Some part of me wanted Frank to love me back, but that was way of the question after what happened.
The next few days were spent, staring lifelessly at the door, that only opened four times a day so that Bob could bring food that I would never eat. He always looked worried every time he'd look me over. I knew I looked unhealthy, and I knew my appearence was in no way flattering, but it didn't matter anymore...nothing did.
The next night, all of the vampires went out into the human world to feed. I lied on the bed getting more depressed because this very night only a week ago was the very first night I snuck to Frank's room.
Just as I was about to let the tears fall, Bob entered the room smiling. "I might have something that will cheer you up," he said, looking at me.
"What?"
"Frank wants to talk to you."
"Why?" I asked.
"No, no Q&A, just go," he said, pulling me out of the bed and leading me to the same drawing room from days ago.
Frank was seated in the same chair and slighlty jumped when he noticed I was there. "Killian...I wanted to talk about what happened..."
I didn't answer, but let him explain whatever he wanted to.
"When I told you it'd be better if we weren't together...I didn't mean it'd be better for the two of us. There are rules that forbid us to be together and I don't want anything to happen to you," he said, desperation in his voice.
"That wasn't all of the problem Frank. I...I thought..."
"You thought what..." Frank tried to encourage.
I shook my head, frustrated with my thoughts. "It doens't matter what I thought becasue in the end, you just left me."
"No...tell me."
"I thought you really did like me. I thought I meant more than just being a human to you. I thought you viewed me as an equal," I said quietly, the tears already building up in my eyes. Was Frank worth my tears?
"Why did you do it, other than the rules?" I asked, my eyes focuesd on the rug beneath my feet.
"Elijah warned me and then I went against him and then after everything he did to make sure I wasn't captured-"
"That wasn't what I asked," I said, a sharpness to my voice that I'd never known. "I asked what else besides rules made you say that?"
It was silent for a few moments, and I decided to glance at Frank. He was looking far off, almost pained.
"About one hundred years ago, one of my only real friends as a vampire was Andrew. He got into a deep relationship with a mortal girl...human. When Elijah, Vlad and Elizabeth (our elders) found out and they sentenced both of them to death. They drained the girl and then they sent Andrew into madness and killed himself only one day after hearing about her death," Frank said, a single black tear rolling down his cheek.
It all started to make sense. He was scared. He was petrified of the idea that he could die because of this relationship. My face suddenly softened and I walked to him, taking a hold of his face and staring into his blazing eyes.
"I don't know how you feel, but I am willing to die for what he have, if there is anything we have at all. I am willing to give up everything for this. I'll wait for you if I have to, but I can't wait forever," I said.
"After some thought, I know that you're worth dying for...I know that you're worth protecting as well. For as long as I am fit and capable of doing so, I will protect you no matter what happens," he said.
A smile grew across both of our faces and I stepped away from him, trying to take him in. And just as I was about to close the gap again, Bob rushed into th room looking a bit horrified and confused.
"We have a problem."
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