Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > ELYSIUM
Hip Hip Hooray for me.
4 reviewsGuys are confused and worried. Gerard circles his 'problem' and crosses things from his list.
1Ambiance
AN: Huge THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed. offers more icecream The lyrics are from LOSTAlone's song called 'Unleash the sands of all time'. There's alot of thinking and thoughts and stuff like that in this story, it will make sense eventually. There's quite a lot of swearing in this chapter. hides under the table :D anywho, read & enjoy & tell me what you think. ( please? )
To say goodbye is the hardest thing in life and to let go
The ghosts in my head made me say what I said
*
"Gerard? Why am I talking with the tape dude? And why the fuck are you not answering your cell ? If you're there and just pretending to.... Not to hear or something, I swear to God I'll kick you when we see, 'cause this is serious man!" Bob sighed, took a drag from cig and continued to talk to Gerard's answering machine.
"Someone broke into Franks house, he's jumping on the fucking walls. Everyone's pretty freaked out you know. There are polices all over the place and we just saw the first goddamned stalker-razzi. CALL WHEN YOU GET THIS." Bob stopped to think for a moment.
At some level he was really mad at Gerard, first he just jumped up and told he needed a vacation or something like that, guess five months break wasn't vacation enough for the guy, and then he decided not to answer his phone, which he usually carried pretty much everywhere.
"I hope this is fucking emergency enough for you man," he added quickly knowing that he hadn't hid the nastiness from his voice at all. He shoved his phone back to his pocket and walked back to Ray and Mikey.
"Is Frank still talking with the cops?" Bob questioned when the two men looked at him. He really didn't feel like talking about Gerard right now. Mikey nodded but kept looking at him under his furrowed eyebrows. "Did he pick up?" He asked quietly, trying to sound calm. Ray looked at his friends biting his lower lip. It was enough that they were all worried for Frank, but now they also had to wonder about Gerard.
Ray wanted to understand what made Gerard run away like never before, he really wanted to, and he also wanted to help and be there for his friend, but Gerard didn't actually give them, give him, any chance to do just that. And Ray could see how this hurt Mikey. Sure he tried to sound convincing when saying that his older bro was old enough for his own decisions, and that he knew what he was doing, but Ray saw his eyes. He saw Mikeys eyes when Gerard walked out of the door with a wave and smile but without a reason.
"I left him a message," Bob said shortly.
Jamia enjoyed macaroni salad and conversation with her mom at her parents house. Her dad watched Formula 1 on TV and yelled random names of the drivers every now and then when they did something unacceptable. Her parents had always supported her, even when she introduced certain short and skinny beginning of a rockstar with piercings and tattoos to them. She didn't spend as much time with them as she wanted to, so these little moments were very special for her. That was the main reason she didn't pay any attention to the silently vibrating phone in her bag.
"Can I ask you something?"
Gerard looked at Emily. He was out of place for a moment because he had observed some of the photographs on her wall. He ran his finger over one of them and then ripped his focus from it to Emily. "Sure."
Emily leaned her body to the wall next to Gerard and stared straight at his eyes. "Why are you here?" She then said. "Normally I can tell why people choose this place to stay, 'cause there are only few types of quests. But you don't go with any of those."
Gerard raised his eyebrows, turned to face her and leaned his upper body to the wall as well. The distance between them wasn't that long.
"What are the types ?" He said sounding amused and crossing his arms to his chest. Emily was silent for a moment and all they heard was the sound of raindrops hitting the window.
"There are those who can't afford any better, those who boycott bigger places 'cause of principles and those who want to not to be noticed," Emily said extending a finger with each, "and then there are those who are here to hide."
Her last words hit Gerard. Hide.
If he wasn't here to hide, what was he doing? He felt a wave of anxiety rush over him and he looked Emilys knees instead of her eyes. He had run away from his problems. Now the problem was that the first problem had followed him, of course it had. The problem was in him. Gerard frowned, he still couldn't quite see it. It was easier for him to just call it 'it' instead of something more describing. He chuckled at the thought although there was nothing amusing in it. It was the truth. That he couldn't see the dark lump inside of him. He wanted so badly to let the lump go, make it leave, but the brutal truth that kept him from doing so, was that he was afraid what would come after he 'let go'.
Emily looked at the man in front of her and wondered what gave him this sort of darkness. She hadn't spent that much time with him, and already she had seen the shadow grow over his face few times. She didn't say anything, she just stared at his pitch black hair before her and just as she was about to take few steps away from him, away from the wall, Gerard looked at her again. His eyes shined, and Emily could have sworn that he had tears in his eyes.
"How do you know I'm not hiding?" His voice was sharp and it got Emily flinch. She tried to shake it away, and said; " I just do. " To Gerard her nervous smile seemed little cocky.
"I'm pretty good teller when it comes to humans," Emily continued.
Gerard stared at her for a moment without blinking. He was confused, angry, bitter and annoyed at the same time. "What the hell you think you know about me?" He said and turned away. Emily watched his back as he grabbed his bag and walked to the door. He opened it and was just about to leave the room, when Emilys clear voice got to his ears.
"You're welcome."
Gerard turned at his heels and looked at Emily, who carried an expression on her face Gerard couldn't read or understand. "WHAT?"
Emily crossed her arms on her chest and stood more straight. "For the shower. You're welcome."
Her calm and plain voice sent Gerard to loose his cool. "I- I fucking pay for a shower, I'm not gonna thank you," he said with raised voice, feeling how his otherwise pale face started to redden.
"Oh riiight," Emily said like she had just remembered something, "For a moment there I thought I was making you a favour instead of just lowering the prize of your room, but hey.." She lifted her shoulders and smiled a mocking smile.
"I don't need your fucking favours," Gerard spat pointing her with his finger. By that he stormed out and left Emily alone.
"You were already hiding when you got here," Emily whispered to the closed door, realising that she should go back downstairs to stand behind the counter.
"I hope this is fucking emergency enough for you man."
Bobs cold voice echoed slightly in the small room. Gerard buried his face to his hands and screamed at himself inside his head.
He was mad, 'cause he had snapped to Emily. The woman had been nothing but kind and nice and funny and several other things, and clearly hadn't deserved the rudeness he gave her. He was also mad at himself, 'cause he had left his phone to his room. With Emily time had flown, and he hadn't been there to answer the call, or at least call back at the guys immediately. Bobs voice made him feel guilty. Guilty and stupid.
"Hip hip hooray for me", he sang in a low voice. It was incredible how his own lyrics could still make sense after all the time.
He raised his gaze and looked at small black gadget on the bed. He wanted to call them, to know if they were okay, to tell them that he was sorry. To get some of the guilt of his chest, but he was afraid. He didn't want them to be angry at him, even they had the reasons to be. "This is stupid," he said without realising that he had said it, and chose his brothers number from the list.
"Gerard?" Mikeys voice wasn't mad or cold or annoyed. It was warm and relieved, which totally surprised Gerard.
"Uhh, yea," he said, " is everything okay back there? Are Frank and Mia okay?"
With phone on his ear Mikey smiled to Frank, Bob and Ray. "Well yea, kinda. Jamia only found out bout all this like an hour ago 'cause she was at her parents and didn't pick up. When she found out , all she cared about was if Frank was okay. Some of their cd's and that flat TV got stolen, and there's still a huge mess, but they're as okay as they can be."
"Thank God," Gerard said and sighed. "Mikes? Could you - - tell the guys that I'm sorry? "
Mikey frowned confused. "What are you sorry for?"
"For not being there. For being so messed up for no reason. Could you tell them? Mikey?"
Mikey bit his lip not really knowing what to do. He didn't wan to be a messenger and he thought that it would best for Gerard say it for himself, so he lowered the phone to the table they were all gathered around and pushed the speaker-button. "You tell them," he said. The guys looked at Mikey and Gerard stared at the wall.
"I'm on speaker?" Gerard asked chuckling and felt nervous all of a sudden. In some black, ironic way it was amusing to him. People would never believe that he was nervous in situations like this, when he performed and did all mindless stuff on stage like he did.
He heard agreeing murmuring, but then they all went silent again. He scratched the back of his head and tried to figure out a way to say what he wanted to say in a least-awkward-way. He figured quiet quickly that there was no such way.
"Frank, I'm sorry I'm not there to, " Gerard paused for a moment, " to pat your back and to tell you it's okay and that we'll buy you a new, flatter, TV."
Frank sat quiet and stared at Mikeys Sidekick. Ray hit him to his arm, and gestured towards the phone, telling him to say something.
"Errr, Is that a promise Gee?" He finally said smirking little. Guys around him smiled too, and so did Gerard on the other line.
"Well of course," Gerard chuckled but got serious again.
"But I'm sorry for all this too. Try to understand okay? I can't always lay my problems on you guys. This is something I just have to do," he said, "I just have to. "
The guys looked at each other and moved their heads so little you couldn't really tell were they nodding or not.
"Just know that you can come home, like, before the two weeks date," Ray said leaning closer to the phone, like that would make him closer to Gerard.
"I know Ray. I know."
"Well good," Frank said loudly and clapping his hands, " How was the first day on your own ma' boy?"
Gerard smiled. One of the many reasons he loved Frank was his capability to cheer others up and joke right after near-traumatic affairs.
"It was okay-ish. But I was really rude to this nice girl even I had no reasons to do that," he answered. The guys raised their eyebrows in surprise, it had been a long time since Gerard had spoken a word about any female in this tone. In this she's-nice-in-a-way-I-could-date-her-tone.
"Is she hot?" Mikey asked causing the guys yell at the same time so none could tell what they were saying.
"She's umm an artist."
"Is that your code-word for hot?" Bob asked smiling. The anger towards Gerard had stepped aside. The guys including Gerard, laughed. " Yeah, just admit it Gee," Frank yelled.
"Okay, she's kinda hot," Gerard said quickly.
"Well what the fuck are you wasting time on talking with us, when you should be apologizing to her?" Mikey said smiling.
"And kissing ass and having make-up sex," Frank added.
"What?" He asked when the guys stared at him
Gerard laughed a little. "I guess you guys are right," he said. ("Of course we are", Frank whispered.)
"Let us know how it went then okay?" Bob said.
"Kay. I'll call you, bye," Gerard finished.
He was happy he had called them. He had felt like he was together with his friends again, and not sad and alone in a small, miserable motel room that didn't have a working bathroom. He had a list of things to do, a long list, but right now on the top of it was telling Emily that he was sorry.
To say goodbye is the hardest thing in life and to let go
The ghosts in my head made me say what I said
*
"Gerard? Why am I talking with the tape dude? And why the fuck are you not answering your cell ? If you're there and just pretending to.... Not to hear or something, I swear to God I'll kick you when we see, 'cause this is serious man!" Bob sighed, took a drag from cig and continued to talk to Gerard's answering machine.
"Someone broke into Franks house, he's jumping on the fucking walls. Everyone's pretty freaked out you know. There are polices all over the place and we just saw the first goddamned stalker-razzi. CALL WHEN YOU GET THIS." Bob stopped to think for a moment.
At some level he was really mad at Gerard, first he just jumped up and told he needed a vacation or something like that, guess five months break wasn't vacation enough for the guy, and then he decided not to answer his phone, which he usually carried pretty much everywhere.
"I hope this is fucking emergency enough for you man," he added quickly knowing that he hadn't hid the nastiness from his voice at all. He shoved his phone back to his pocket and walked back to Ray and Mikey.
"Is Frank still talking with the cops?" Bob questioned when the two men looked at him. He really didn't feel like talking about Gerard right now. Mikey nodded but kept looking at him under his furrowed eyebrows. "Did he pick up?" He asked quietly, trying to sound calm. Ray looked at his friends biting his lower lip. It was enough that they were all worried for Frank, but now they also had to wonder about Gerard.
Ray wanted to understand what made Gerard run away like never before, he really wanted to, and he also wanted to help and be there for his friend, but Gerard didn't actually give them, give him, any chance to do just that. And Ray could see how this hurt Mikey. Sure he tried to sound convincing when saying that his older bro was old enough for his own decisions, and that he knew what he was doing, but Ray saw his eyes. He saw Mikeys eyes when Gerard walked out of the door with a wave and smile but without a reason.
"I left him a message," Bob said shortly.
Jamia enjoyed macaroni salad and conversation with her mom at her parents house. Her dad watched Formula 1 on TV and yelled random names of the drivers every now and then when they did something unacceptable. Her parents had always supported her, even when she introduced certain short and skinny beginning of a rockstar with piercings and tattoos to them. She didn't spend as much time with them as she wanted to, so these little moments were very special for her. That was the main reason she didn't pay any attention to the silently vibrating phone in her bag.
"Can I ask you something?"
Gerard looked at Emily. He was out of place for a moment because he had observed some of the photographs on her wall. He ran his finger over one of them and then ripped his focus from it to Emily. "Sure."
Emily leaned her body to the wall next to Gerard and stared straight at his eyes. "Why are you here?" She then said. "Normally I can tell why people choose this place to stay, 'cause there are only few types of quests. But you don't go with any of those."
Gerard raised his eyebrows, turned to face her and leaned his upper body to the wall as well. The distance between them wasn't that long.
"What are the types ?" He said sounding amused and crossing his arms to his chest. Emily was silent for a moment and all they heard was the sound of raindrops hitting the window.
"There are those who can't afford any better, those who boycott bigger places 'cause of principles and those who want to not to be noticed," Emily said extending a finger with each, "and then there are those who are here to hide."
Her last words hit Gerard. Hide.
If he wasn't here to hide, what was he doing? He felt a wave of anxiety rush over him and he looked Emilys knees instead of her eyes. He had run away from his problems. Now the problem was that the first problem had followed him, of course it had. The problem was in him. Gerard frowned, he still couldn't quite see it. It was easier for him to just call it 'it' instead of something more describing. He chuckled at the thought although there was nothing amusing in it. It was the truth. That he couldn't see the dark lump inside of him. He wanted so badly to let the lump go, make it leave, but the brutal truth that kept him from doing so, was that he was afraid what would come after he 'let go'.
Emily looked at the man in front of her and wondered what gave him this sort of darkness. She hadn't spent that much time with him, and already she had seen the shadow grow over his face few times. She didn't say anything, she just stared at his pitch black hair before her and just as she was about to take few steps away from him, away from the wall, Gerard looked at her again. His eyes shined, and Emily could have sworn that he had tears in his eyes.
"How do you know I'm not hiding?" His voice was sharp and it got Emily flinch. She tried to shake it away, and said; " I just do. " To Gerard her nervous smile seemed little cocky.
"I'm pretty good teller when it comes to humans," Emily continued.
Gerard stared at her for a moment without blinking. He was confused, angry, bitter and annoyed at the same time. "What the hell you think you know about me?" He said and turned away. Emily watched his back as he grabbed his bag and walked to the door. He opened it and was just about to leave the room, when Emilys clear voice got to his ears.
"You're welcome."
Gerard turned at his heels and looked at Emily, who carried an expression on her face Gerard couldn't read or understand. "WHAT?"
Emily crossed her arms on her chest and stood more straight. "For the shower. You're welcome."
Her calm and plain voice sent Gerard to loose his cool. "I- I fucking pay for a shower, I'm not gonna thank you," he said with raised voice, feeling how his otherwise pale face started to redden.
"Oh riiight," Emily said like she had just remembered something, "For a moment there I thought I was making you a favour instead of just lowering the prize of your room, but hey.." She lifted her shoulders and smiled a mocking smile.
"I don't need your fucking favours," Gerard spat pointing her with his finger. By that he stormed out and left Emily alone.
"You were already hiding when you got here," Emily whispered to the closed door, realising that she should go back downstairs to stand behind the counter.
"I hope this is fucking emergency enough for you man."
Bobs cold voice echoed slightly in the small room. Gerard buried his face to his hands and screamed at himself inside his head.
He was mad, 'cause he had snapped to Emily. The woman had been nothing but kind and nice and funny and several other things, and clearly hadn't deserved the rudeness he gave her. He was also mad at himself, 'cause he had left his phone to his room. With Emily time had flown, and he hadn't been there to answer the call, or at least call back at the guys immediately. Bobs voice made him feel guilty. Guilty and stupid.
"Hip hip hooray for me", he sang in a low voice. It was incredible how his own lyrics could still make sense after all the time.
He raised his gaze and looked at small black gadget on the bed. He wanted to call them, to know if they were okay, to tell them that he was sorry. To get some of the guilt of his chest, but he was afraid. He didn't want them to be angry at him, even they had the reasons to be. "This is stupid," he said without realising that he had said it, and chose his brothers number from the list.
"Gerard?" Mikeys voice wasn't mad or cold or annoyed. It was warm and relieved, which totally surprised Gerard.
"Uhh, yea," he said, " is everything okay back there? Are Frank and Mia okay?"
With phone on his ear Mikey smiled to Frank, Bob and Ray. "Well yea, kinda. Jamia only found out bout all this like an hour ago 'cause she was at her parents and didn't pick up. When she found out , all she cared about was if Frank was okay. Some of their cd's and that flat TV got stolen, and there's still a huge mess, but they're as okay as they can be."
"Thank God," Gerard said and sighed. "Mikes? Could you - - tell the guys that I'm sorry? "
Mikey frowned confused. "What are you sorry for?"
"For not being there. For being so messed up for no reason. Could you tell them? Mikey?"
Mikey bit his lip not really knowing what to do. He didn't wan to be a messenger and he thought that it would best for Gerard say it for himself, so he lowered the phone to the table they were all gathered around and pushed the speaker-button. "You tell them," he said. The guys looked at Mikey and Gerard stared at the wall.
"I'm on speaker?" Gerard asked chuckling and felt nervous all of a sudden. In some black, ironic way it was amusing to him. People would never believe that he was nervous in situations like this, when he performed and did all mindless stuff on stage like he did.
He heard agreeing murmuring, but then they all went silent again. He scratched the back of his head and tried to figure out a way to say what he wanted to say in a least-awkward-way. He figured quiet quickly that there was no such way.
"Frank, I'm sorry I'm not there to, " Gerard paused for a moment, " to pat your back and to tell you it's okay and that we'll buy you a new, flatter, TV."
Frank sat quiet and stared at Mikeys Sidekick. Ray hit him to his arm, and gestured towards the phone, telling him to say something.
"Errr, Is that a promise Gee?" He finally said smirking little. Guys around him smiled too, and so did Gerard on the other line.
"Well of course," Gerard chuckled but got serious again.
"But I'm sorry for all this too. Try to understand okay? I can't always lay my problems on you guys. This is something I just have to do," he said, "I just have to. "
The guys looked at each other and moved their heads so little you couldn't really tell were they nodding or not.
"Just know that you can come home, like, before the two weeks date," Ray said leaning closer to the phone, like that would make him closer to Gerard.
"I know Ray. I know."
"Well good," Frank said loudly and clapping his hands, " How was the first day on your own ma' boy?"
Gerard smiled. One of the many reasons he loved Frank was his capability to cheer others up and joke right after near-traumatic affairs.
"It was okay-ish. But I was really rude to this nice girl even I had no reasons to do that," he answered. The guys raised their eyebrows in surprise, it had been a long time since Gerard had spoken a word about any female in this tone. In this she's-nice-in-a-way-I-could-date-her-tone.
"Is she hot?" Mikey asked causing the guys yell at the same time so none could tell what they were saying.
"She's umm an artist."
"Is that your code-word for hot?" Bob asked smiling. The anger towards Gerard had stepped aside. The guys including Gerard, laughed. " Yeah, just admit it Gee," Frank yelled.
"Okay, she's kinda hot," Gerard said quickly.
"Well what the fuck are you wasting time on talking with us, when you should be apologizing to her?" Mikey said smiling.
"And kissing ass and having make-up sex," Frank added.
"What?" He asked when the guys stared at him
Gerard laughed a little. "I guess you guys are right," he said. ("Of course we are", Frank whispered.)
"Let us know how it went then okay?" Bob said.
"Kay. I'll call you, bye," Gerard finished.
He was happy he had called them. He had felt like he was together with his friends again, and not sad and alone in a small, miserable motel room that didn't have a working bathroom. He had a list of things to do, a long list, but right now on the top of it was telling Emily that he was sorry.
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