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Sitting at his dining room table, Patrick picked at his food. He didn't want to eat, he didn't want to think. His body felt numb and his heart felt like it weighed a ton. It was just pressing into his chest making it so hard to breathe. His conscience was resonating in his head. Guilt had this way of encompassing his body. It was his fault. How could he not listen to her? How could he push her away for some stupid interview, or joke, or even a damn show. His fans could have waited. /Michele needed him./

He closed his eyes as he pictured her face. She looked so lost as she tried to tell him. Her body seemed so weak and fragile. Michele was scared. For the first time in their whole relationship the woman who he had admired for being so strong and honest wasn't, she was the complete opposite.



"No.. Noo Patrick we can't" Michele squirmed under him as she reached over and picked up her shirt. The passion between the two was at its peak. A mixture of pure love, with angst, and despair. They had so many things that needed to be said, yet just as much had to be avoided.

This was the third time Michele asked him to stop. "why not?" he moved closer kissing her shoulder in another attempt to weaken her. He had her home, Patrick did not want to stop. He missed her and longed to feel her, to show her how much she meant to him. "I love you Marshmallow, you know we belong together. We can try again, we can make it work. Just let me show you.." he had moved her as his hands started to move over her body

"please, please stop" Michele begged him. You could tell that it almost pained her to say it. Her mouth was tightly clenched and her eyes were closed. "we can't Patrick.." she pushed his hands away and moved further down the couch quickly putting on her shirt. "just STOP IT! we can't, okay.. ? we can't" Michele put her head down and began to rock herself back and forth. "I'm sorry"

"Michele..what's wrong?" Patrick asked concerned. She had never acted like this. Never had she pulled away from him looking like she was afraid. This was so uncharacteristic of who she was as a woman, as the woman he had loved for more than three years. He had never seen her move away nor had she ever been scared, especially of him. "please tell me."

"I tried. I called and called. I needed you so much Patrick. "

"when? Michele, why did you call me? " He started to get upset There was a plethora of situations playing in his head. "please tell me, I'm sorry but I am here now. What happened?"

She shook her head as she continued to look down. "I lost our baby." whispering softly as she swallowed hard "I lost it." the tears instantly started to fall as her body broke down into a sob. Those words hurt so much coming out. She had tried a million times to think about how she would tell him. How the words would formulate, what his reaction would be after he found out. It depressed her, it tortured her soul, it left her feeling weak and alone. Michele had no one to lean on just a cell phone. A cell phone that was never answered by the man that she really needed, and when it was, Michele was rushed because he was too busy. "I was about six, seven weeks pregnant. I had just found out ten days before. I tried to tell you Patrick, I swear. It's why I wanted to come see you. But, It was too late. I am so sorry" she desperately tried to explain it to him. She wanted to tell him and have that moment. Michele hoped the news would get them back on the right track. That maybe they had a reason to try again. She just never had that chance, and it just proved to her that Patrick couldn't be the boyfriend she needed. The band would always come before her and if ever, their children.

"you..you were pregnant." Patrick stated in shock. His eyes were wide as he was trying to understand what he felt. "when... did you find out?"

"the day I left you like 15 messages telling you I needed to see you, that I missed you." she wiped her face. Michele was so tired of crying. "I was so happy and I just wanted to tell you. But I wanted to do it in person, I wanted to see your face. To kiss you. I needed that. You were too busy though, and you told me that it wasn't a good time to come out. So I was going to wait."

"But.. you were moving out."

She shook her head "Not if I was pregnant, the baby made me realize that our love is what mattered. We could work through anything. That no matter what you loved me, and you would be there for me. It was our little miracle. But, then it was gone. My miracle was taken away, and I was alone." she looked back down at her hands. She was ashamed. Michele knew how Patrick always dreamed about having a family.

Taking in a deep breath Patrick was trying to remain calm as his heart was being torn apart even more. He was trying to absorb everything Michele was telling him. He felt it was necessary to know as much as possible. He had to mourn the loss of his child, he had to support her. "when did you, ya know, how did you lose the baby?"

"I was at work, and had intense back pain. "she used her hands to demonstrate where. "It hurt so much, and I kept going to the bathroom. My boss thought maybe I pulled a muscle, or I had kidney stones. No one knew I was pregnant. I wouldn't tell anyone if you didn't know." Michele looked back at him. She could look at him and know how devastated he was. "it hurt, soo much and as I got into the stall, I just kind of.. bent over in pain" she paused and pushed her lips together in effort to prevent more tears. The moments replaying in her mind. "I could feel the blood , and then I looked in the toilet and I saw the drops, and I knew. I knew what was going on."her lip curled over as the tears just started. "I just wanted to stop it. Patrick, I didn't know what I did wrong, I just wanted it to stop."

Patrick fought back his own tears as he reached over and took her hand in his. "I know sweety but, there was nothing you could do."

"my boss found me, and called an ambulance. The doctors told me I lost the baby. They said the baby would have been as big as a grape" she shrugged and took her hand back, wrapping her arms around herself. Patrick watched her, he had never seen her so afraid and just withdrawn with herself and her emotions. He didn't know what to do to change anything. "I needed you so much Patrick. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do anything. Inside, its almost empty and I just feel numb. I felt so alone"

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry Michele. You weren't alone though, I swear. If I had known, I swear I would have done something" he wanted to fight that .

"NO!" she looked at him sharply. "don't you dare say that now. That's what this baby taught me. I am alone, especially with you. I called you so much to tell you but I didn't have any importance in your daily life. That's why I moved out Patrick. I couldn't take it anymore. What if I had the baby? And you were gone when I gave birth, you would have been TOO busy to pick up your phone, or what if something was wrong with it and I was calling you. You would be TOO busy with work. I needed you. I need you to see me as important too. That's why I left. I couldn't take it anymore." tears were now frantically coming down her face as she spoke to him erratically. There was so much emotion. "I didn't know what to do, and I needed you, I felt soo alone and you were gone. I had no one. That's why I left. I just needed you to answer your phone, but I wasn't important enough. I can't do this again" Michele stood up."I'm sorry Patrick. I have to go"

Patrick sat there shocked as he watched her leave. He couldn't even imagine the pain she must have been going through. The loss of a child, the numb feeling of emptiness and on top of that being alone.



Shaking his head, Patrick got up and threw his food out. He lost his appetite after he remembered her face. The woman of his dreams was distraught and it was because he never stopped to think about her. He never once left his phone on, or close to him to respect her. That's all it was .Respect. He gave unimportant people more respect than the woman he wanted to be with. It was disgusting.

Turning off the light, Patrick went and sat down on his couch. He was in total darkness but it didn't matter. There was nothing he wanted to see. It was amazing to know that for seven weeks he had been a father . Whether he knew or not. Even Michele had missed about five of those weeks, but then even that amazing feeling was replaced by the same guilty feeling from before. His baby was gone. Michele and his baby were gone and it was his fault. All he had to do was be a better boyfriend and show more attention for them and maybe, just maybe his unborn child and his girlfriend would still be apart of his life.







SURPRISE!? Yeah, I'm sorry if you were not expecting that. Totally took this story somewhere else. I know. Well, I do hope you enjoyed this chapter. I also hope this chapter did not make the story lose its emotional vividness that I was told it had. I just wanted to write something big, shocking give it more of a plot really. Anyway, I have finals coming up so there will be another update as soon as i manage to study and get them over with. I promise. If you read this story at any point, please review. You took the time out ot to read it and I would just like to know what you thought of it. What you liked, what you didn't. You don't have to be a registered ficwad user to review!! Okay.. well i am done soliciting reviews. It isn't really my thing.
thank you all for reading