FicWad

"They've broken your heart

They're gonna tear your world apart

Why make up a lie

And believe it's true?

Tear it all apart

I know the shape of things to come"


Chapter 18

White Wedding


Aika awoke slowly. The first thing she became aware of was that she was fully-dressed, neither did she have a covering laid over her. She'd been so full of thoughts last night that she hadn't had a thought of actually going to sleep, but eventually she had given in to the sandman.

When the first layer of sleepiness had worn off, she remembered the previous night. With no need to put clothes on, she left and headed over to Esteban's room. She knocked on the door, but when no one opened it she turned the doorknob and found the room to be empty. The bed was made, everything looked just as it had done before Esteban came.

So he was gone...

/Well, at least he cleaned up after himself/, she thought. She missed him already.

Aika took the stairs down to the ground and walked to the tavern, a certain mercenary residing in her mind. Even if Esteban didn't want to stay with them, would he turn away from his taken values? Would he ever face life with joy? The chances were big that they wouldn't meet again. But she wouldn't forget him. He would still be out there, somewhere.

With all these gloomy thoughts in her mind, imagine her total surprise when she opened the tavern door and found Esteban sitting at the table, having his breakfast.

"Esteban!"

He looked up from his morning meal, consisting of a cheese sandwich and a glass of water. He looked a bit thoughtful, or reflecting, like he had something on his mind.

"Are you going to stand there all morning?" he said.

Aika glided into the tavern, her braids touched the doorpost, and then closed the door behind herself. She decided to join him in at breakfast, after she had got some. Stocked up with two slices of bread with ham, and a cup of Yafutoman tea, she sat down in front of him.

"So" Aika started, "how are your injuries? Are they getting any better?"

Esteban shrugged.

"More or less," he answered casually. "At least they don't hurt anymore."

"Oh... good."

Aika didn't feel like going to the core just yet. It would be the best if Esteban started it. He seemed a bit different, not just because she had got some light on his past. Something had been lost from him, without anything to cover it. He would be best described as "blank".

"Did you..." she had to do it, "Did you decide anything last night?"

Esteban stopped in the middle of a bite in his sandwich. He leant back and half-closed his eyes.

"I did," he said finally. "And... I can't say I regret what I did."

Aika's eyes grew wide with astonishment.

"Not!?"

"If I had kept longing for something that I could never get, I could've broken down completely. I had to protect myself."

So everything was the same. All that for nothing. He continued:

"It was possible, as I began to see the world as I wanted to see it. If I thought something was right, it was. If something was wrong, as it mostly was, it was. All the things we hold for true depend only on our own point of view. No one liked me anyway. That's how it's been. Always."

It sounded true to a certain point, but it was so wrong. So categorical. A mind of such solid ice that next stage would be psychic Glacia.

"It can't be," said Aika. Even if she'd lost, she would struggle. "I mean, it's not possible to have your own world. Sure, everybody have different opinions, but some things are the same. They have to be!"

"Like what?" Esteban asked, a bit intrigued. "Friendship, maybe?"

Aika nodded.

"I like Vyse and Fina very much, yes," she said. "I can't imagine living without them. People need each other."

"A lot of people might disagree with you. Not everybody, but many. For instance, I would."

What the..."Would"? Did he mean past-tense, or did she put her own wishes into his words? It was too early to hope for something, but still...

"I saw friendship as a weakness. Something that would always bring you down. You are strongest by yourself. But..." He paused. "I guess it's not that bad, after all," he ended, pensive. "I've realized that now."

"Oh," was all Aika managed to say. It was so different, and a bit surreal, to hear Esteban say this. "You sound like... like a whole new person."

Esteban looked up at her. His blue green eyes told her that he had something to reveal.

"Maybe. At least I know I'm through with the mercenary stuff. I've never liked it much anyway."

"... So what are you gonna do now?"

Here goes nothing. Was it what she hoped for? Esteban looked her straight in the eye and simply said:

"Where do I send in my application?"

Gradually, Esteban's words sunk in, but they weren't more easily understood for that. But slowly, the insight spread through her. Esteban had accepted their offer, wanted to stay with them, turn around! All her nervousness and tension were dispersed in a damp fog, and changed into a wave of emotion, relief and overwhelming joy! Of all scenarios, Esteban had chosen the best.

"If the offer still is on of course," he said, apparently having misunderstood Aika's gaze. "Is it?"

Hadn't that table stood in between them, Aika would've thrown herself at Esteban and hugged the life out of him. Now she just grasped his hand. Her face burst into a wonderful smile.

"It sure is!" she said with a voice that sparkled with delight. She lowered her gaze. "And if Vyse and Fina would ever doubt it for even a second, I'd personally keelhaul them all day long!"

"Mind if I join in then?"

There was something in his voice that made her look up, and she didn't regret it for a second. Esteban was actually smiling at her. Not sarcastically, dry or jeering. Just a good, if a bit shy, little smile of true happiness. The sort of smile Aika had wanted to see. It made him look so... sweet.

"The more the merrier, you know. But let's go and tell them," Aika said and stood up, still holding his hand.

"I thought they were sleeping."

"Yeah, yeah. But this is something they want to awake to. Else, we'll force 'em up."

"Before we do that," Esteban started and freed himself from Aika's grip on his hand. He looked a bit nervous, but resolute. "I just want to say; thank you. Hadn't it been for you, I would've still been...that is... you really opened my eyes."

"Don't mention it," Aika smiled. "I only did what I wanted to do. But just remember: it wasn't just me; it was you who decided to change. I mean, for the better."

"But I would never have done that if not for you. All of you have... you've all been the first people who actually gave a damn about me even though I behaved like a jerk. But it was you who could put up with me and make me take the step. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you."

It wasn't hard to see that Esteban meant each and every word. His eyes were filled with a still but deeply profound joy. He smiled, and his lips were actually shivering a little. Having no words, Aika stepped forward and carefully, step by step, pulled Esteban in a tight but soft embrace, her braids effectively blocked his eyesight, their cheeks almost touching. How wonderful was this? He had both wanted to leave his old path, and even join them. Was this really the same cold minded person she had met just a few days ago?

Of course, no matter how good it seemed; it may take a while. Esteban had taken a huge first step, and he had done it on his own, but he had quite a journey ahead. And a lifelong woe wouldn't just go away.

But all these thoughts were shattered when he slowly, doubtfully but eternally welcome, laid his own arms around Aika. It was such a touching gesture, coming from him. A hug was hard to overestimate, really. Few other things could with more sincerity say: /"Yes, I want to be near you" "Yes, I'm so fond of you"/. They were so close to each other that she could almost hear the sound of his heart beating. She could feel he was trembling a bit, or perhaps convulsing. Was he crying? Well, Aika's eyes weren't exactly dry either.

Aika felt she could stay like that the whole morning, but it wasn't right to keep these glad tidings from Vyse and Fina.

"Shall we go tell them?" Aika said, her arms still around Esteban.

She more felt than saw that he nodded.

"Yes," he mumbled. "I think so."

So they let go of the hug and walked out of the tavern. Everything felt just perfect. Aika was so joyous for Esteban's sake. Even if he had made the decision on his own, she still had a small part in it, and it was a wonderful feeling to have helped him get over his past. It would be the start of a new chapter in life for both of them. Inside, he was just like them. OK, his friendship was maybe a bit hard to get, but whoever got it could rely on him at any time. The scars on his forehead were clear evidence for that. He'd be a darn good Blue Rogue. She glanced in his direction. Esteban was still smiling, as if he walked in a happy dream.

Both Vyse and Fina had been sleeping, as it was early morning. But the news about Esteban sure made them brighten up; it was received with great joy by them both.

Vyse had been very positive about Aika's suggestion in Ixa'taka. He would love to have Esteban in his crew, and count him as a friend. The former mercenary had seemed so different, and so glad. It had been a pleasure to declare him a shipmate aboard the /Delphinus/.

Fina shone with happiness as well. To hear Esteban accept their proposal had made her quite emotional, a wave of relief washed over her. Even before Fina was rescued, she had known Esteban was a good person deep-down. But he didn't want to show it; he hadn't been able to. Two different wills had raged within him; what he wanted to do, and what he should do. But now he could be himself again, let his real self emerge. It was easy to see that he was delighted, least said. Having been in the same situation as Esteban, she knew how glad he was to finally be able to put it behind him, to start all over again. She looked forward to their time together. Now they would be four...

Five days later

I was in my room, looking at myself in the mirror while tying my blue headband, humming slightly to myself. It was such a thing; I wouldn't have been doing anything like that hardly one week ago. Of all the four of us, I was probably the one most amazed by my change. I did feel like a new person. I allowed myself to feel emotions that I had once thought were lost forever. It felt like a whole new world. The same one as always, with all its cons, but much more better. More bright, joyful, and even fun. Everything suddenly had a new meaning. I know it sounds stupid, but that's how it felt. It felt so nice to just... be alive.

With the headband done, I had a look at my face. There weren't many scratches or bruises left. Only the three scars on my forehead remained, they'll probably be permanent. The wounds had started to heal, just like me. All alone, I couldn't do anything but shield myself from what had happened. Deny my pain, since, if it didn't hurt, why grieve? It sounded sane back then, but now it was just wrong. It was necessary to have someone to help you through, I mused. In my mind, I had only walked in circles. There was no one who said it was wrong. The only person I had was myself. "Oh, you again. You are following your rules, I hope?" Sure did. "Come on, don't be surprised that no one likes you. You are different, but they are bastards." Ditto. There had been exceptions of course. My superior officer in Valua, for instance. She had taught me everything about being a good spy, and she was against all unnecessary killing, but since she also was an admiral in the armada, she didn't really count by my standards. Back then, that is.

When I first met Vyse, Aika and Fina, I had actually in my heart of my hearts been envious. In them, I had seen what I could've been instead. To have someone who always stood by my side, who would do so not because of my abilities or wits, but because of me. That's why I had put up a frostier facade than usual. I knew all too well that they might try to befriend me. That was the whole reason I didn't work with others. It felt much better being on my own, so I wouldn't see what I was missing. I wanted to remain in my world. My world... that I now could say goodbye to. I wouldn't miss it at all.

Except for my "rules", there's only one thing I regret: all the jobs I had taken. Although no one did know about it, I would never take a bounty. But indirectly, through the smuggling, I have probably been the cause of several demises. I can at least hope it was criminals who were targeted, but a life is still a life, that's how I saw it. Only because I had had it rough, it was no reason to let anyone else get the taste of it.

My parents then? Sadness passives, anger activates. Hate was easier to carry than sorrow. But it was much more destructive, was for me anyway. Wherever they are now, either at the world's bottom or buried somewhere, I wish them peace. Finally, I've completed what they tried to start so long ago; I was finally out of Valua; the real me, that is.

I heard someone was knocking on the door. It was followed by the distinctive sound of a kick. It didn't take any genius to realize who that was.

"Esteban! Are you going to take all morning?!" I heard Aika say.

"That's because I actually care about my looks," I said as I stretched the headband, made the loose ends reside on my right shoulder.

"What! Why you scallywag! Come out and say that again if you dare! Vyse, stop laughing or I'll... Fina! Not you too!"

That's another thing I have to learn. Good-natured bickering. I had never been sociable at all, so sometimes I went a bit too far. Well, as long as they knew I was just joking and didn't mean anything bad by it, it was OK.

I finally opened the door and went out. All three of them stood there.

"Well" I said, "what do you think?"

The black boots I wore was quite un-extraordinary. The forest green trousers, however, were a change in what I had usually worn. They were quite comfortable, and were held up by a studded black leather belt. I wore a black vest, and a thin, blue jacket that that was very similar to my old waistcoat; it was completely sleeveless. It reached down to my waist and it had no buttons, so I had yet another thin belt to keep it together. On my left wrist; my bracelet resided. And to top this new outfit was the dark-blue headband. It was quite long, so I had to put the loose ends somewhere. The main reason for the headband was to cover the scars, and it gave me a more Roguish look. Also, I had wanted it to be blue for a sort of symbol for the new direction my life was about to take.

They all smiled appreciatively.

"Great!" Vyse said and made a thumbs up sign. "Now you look like an Air Pirate, Blue Rogue style."

"It's perfect," said Fina. "But are you sure that you don't want a bandanna instead?"

I shook my head.

"Nah, I don't fit in them. They look quite silly." Then I saw she wore one. "I mean" I tried to explain myself, "only for me. You look very good in it."

That didn't fare well. Fina's eyebrows raised, and she looked a bit surprised. Aika and Vyse just sniggered.

"Esteban, you klutz," Aika said, grinning like a looper, "You're scaring the ladies, you know."

"It was meant as a compliment," I said.

Aika whistled, and I already regretted what I had said.

"Then I can tell you have a lot to learn," she said teasingly.

"And what's that suppose to mean?!" I said just a little too hastily.

"Well, well, well," said Aika. "Looks I'm on to something, huh?"

That's it, I would have to wear a muzzle! At least when Aika was around. The others were just laughing.

"Do I really have to put up with this?" I said.

"YES!" they all said in unison.

So here I was, stuck on this island with three nut-jobs of Blue Rogues... And I wouldn't have it any other way. It was only because of them, especially Aika, that I was able to ditch my old life. They had given me a chance to start over. I finally felt at home.

After the laughter had died out, we began to walk to the docks. We had decided to start our hunt for the new crew. In the meantime, I was primary gunner. I don't like combat and such, but if I can keep them away from danger, protect them, make sure they're alright, I'll do anything. When I sat in the cell, I couldn't bear the thought of their death. The same with Fina. That's why I had rescued her. Being a girl, she could've faced far worse treatment than me. Of course, I didn't mean to be captured myself. They can rely on me totally, just as I know I can rely on them; my friends... Will I get to share that special bond they have with each other? It's wide open for me and in time, I'll learn. Until then, Aika and I have a certain link between us.

Had someone told me I would quit being a mercenary in favor of joining a band of Blue Rogues, I would've laughed at that person straight in his or her face, if I knew how to laugh that is. Life's full of surprises, isn't it?

/Someone else will soon learn that/, I thought with a mischievous grin.

"You know of the Nasr Syndicate, right?" I said, all out of sudden.

Three puzzled pair of eyes turned towards me.

"Actually, no," said Vyse. "Who are they?"

Was I afraid? No way. I have the best Blue Rogues in Arcadia by my side. Finally my life has started! Together with them, it will be an interesting journey.

"There's nothing fair in this world

There's nothing safe in this world

And there's nothing sure in this world

And there's nothing pure in this world

Look for something left in this world

Start again!"


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A/N:

My thank-you list:

Sega, Overworks and Rieko Kodama for creating the most wonderful RPG (and characters) the world (and I) has ever seen.

ff.net user Kkcty for proof/test-reading the whole story, finding plot-holes and much more. It wouldn't look half as good if not for your help. One big captain's salute!

MageMidnight for proof-reading in chapter 8 and 17.

ff.net user Kirala for slight test-reading and supplying ship-terms. Please give us new chapters for your story.

Billy Idol for my use of lyrics from "White Wedding" in chapter 1 and 18, and "Adam in Chains" in chapter 18.

SoAWorld forum for info about the Valaun-Nasr war and Lower City.

The person who sold his/her copy of Skies of Arcadia to that game-trader in Brighton, so that I could buy it.