Chapter 10 - I Can Carry You On My Back
Rory wrapped himself around Shay hard.
"Careful Rory!" Patrick scolded him.
"He's OK...He's ok." She said, kneeling down and holding him tightly.
"I missed you Mom." He said, squeezing her tight.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I left you!" She whispered.
"Mommy!" Aimee said excitedly, she bundled into Shay and Rory, squeezing her too.
Patrick watched the scene before him, it seemed surreal but his connection with Shay was non-existent at that moment, he felt almost nothing. There was no compassion, happiness, relief or even love, just a gray feeling of numbness.
Natalie tugged on his jeans, he picked her up and she looked down at her Mom cuddling her sister and brother.
"Mom!" she chirped, her outstretched hand opening and closing, grappling for her.
"Hey baby!" Shay said, taking her youngest and Natalie innately clung to her mother. Shay kissed her head firmly, pushing her dark hair off her forehead.
Patrick moved uneasily into the kitchen, looking back at his wife with her children. He knew that walking through the front door of their home was the most detrimental part of this whole situation for Shay, having to face her children after so nearly leaving each one of them alone.
For the entirety of that afternoon, Shay remained within inches of her kids, they stayed in the garden the whole day, playing while she watched, talking as she listened, eating as she fed them. Patrick's hand rested on the window as he watched her, his eyes moved to the picture on the wall of his home studio. He glanced back to Shay.
"You're still Shay..." he whispered, a little smile crept over his face as she laughed heartily at Rory cartwheeling carelessly.
It seems that the time spent watching her was reconnecting them, or rather, him to her. He had always admired her ability as a mother and a wife, she was consistently patient and softly mild, he only felt now that he should have told her that more often. He then began doubting his skills as a father and his attention as a husband, it seemed Shay was such a natural, he found he had to dig deep to muster up the strength and at times the courage to deal with the trials a family brought.
He'd just become comfortable with everything in his life, he went away and fulfilled his ambition and his family would always be standing to welcome him home when he arrived back. He'd become comfortable with how he and Shay loved each other, how they showed it and he'd never wanted more from her than what he thought she wanted, everything was just cosy.
Little did he know the truth behind Shay's deepest desires and further, how he was no where near to fulfilling them...
The single most important thing to a family's success is their daily routine. It alarmed Shay how easily she got back into the routine she'd had since accepting Rory into her life. Consumed with fatigue, she would tirelessly attend to the individual needs of her children throughout the day, Patrick would attend to his work and by the end of the day and as they both crawled into their bed at the end of the evening, their interest in attending to each other failed.
Shay's defeated confidence to be truthful with her husband brewed endlessly in her mind as she lay next to him.
Patrick's confused emotions with what was happening to his family unit plagued him religiously before her closed his eyes.
There were no words, just breathing to survive.
"Tell me what you love about him?" Sue asked.
Shay and Sue had just finished up talking about Shay's transition home since the incident. Shay had been doing ok. It was hard at first, but being with her children was helping her cope through the tough times.
"What?" Shay looked over at Sue confused.
"Tell me what you love about him?" Sue asked again waiting patiently for Shay to answer. This answer was pivotal for Shay to answer. It was going to show Shay who she really was in love with.
Shay sat there staring at Sue like a deer in headlights. She wasn't expecting Sue to ask such a question so soon after she got back from the hospital. She thought they would work on her transition back into the home, not her love life.
Shay's shoulders dropped and she sighed deeply.
"What isn't there to love about him?" Shay said looking at Sue defeated.
"You tell me," Sue challenged.
"He's everything. He's everything to my children and he's everything to me. I can't begin to explain to you the patience and compassion this man has for his family. He loves us with his entire being. It's true he puts a lot of himself into his work, but he's been trying so hard not to have that reflect on his family. I can't help but adore him more everyday. And he's been such a saint with me," Shay said as her voice broke with emotion.
Sue smiled slightly.
"You really love him," Sue said nodding slightly.
"I do, but..." Shay said trailing off breaking her eye contact with Sue. She couldn't help but think about Pete. If she was so in love with Patrick, why did she always run to Pete?
"But what? Shay, I asked what you loved about him. I didn't ask what you loved about Patrick. You answered that on your own," Sue said simply.
Shay looked over at Sue with confusion and shock.
"What do you love about Pete?" Sue asked trying to outline everything for Shay.
"I love how he touches me. I love how he looks at me with those eyes. He gives me butterflies every time that he touches me or every time that his breath touches my skin. He makes me feel alive," Shay said sighing back into her chair. She felt that she was completely hopeless; torn between two men.
"What's the difference in what you describe what you love about Pete than that of Patrick?" Sue asked.
Shay sat and pondered the question for a moment. She looked over at Sue who was looking at her expectantly.
"I'm not sure what you want me to say here," Shay said quietly.
"I don't want you to say one specific thing, I want you to think about the differences in what you love about each man," Sue said simply.
Shay just shook her head as if to say she didn't know. Sue took a deep breath.
"Well, let's consider both men. Everything you said that you loved about Pete had to do with physical interaction. The way he touches you or the way he looks at you. Everything you said that you loved about Patrick had to do with an emotional interaction. The way he has patience and compassion for you," Sue pointed out what Shay had said.
Shay knitted her eyebrows together as she thought deeply about what Sue had said. She was right. Her feelings for Pete were extremely superficial. It was full of lust and not of compassion. It wasn't what she felt for Patrick. Patrick was her one and true love.
Shay broke down crying after the realization had hit her like a ton of bricks. Sue put a comforting arm on her shoulder and handed her a Kleenex.
"I've been so blind," Shay cried.
"These things happen to people. It's very easy to mistake one feeling for another. Feelings are very hard to interpret," Sue encouraged Shay.
"How could I have done something so horrible to someone I love so much?" Shay asked almost to the point of hysterical crying.
"Shay, you need to take a few deep breaths," Sue said calmly rubbing her back slightly causing Shay to calm down quickly.
She continued to weep quietly into her hands.
"Shay, I think the question to ask isn't how you could have done what you did, but what you can do now?" Sue said removing her hand, so Shay could sit up straight.
"What I can do now?" Shay asked with confusion in her voice.
"What do you think you should do?" Sue asked.
"I think I should tell them the truth, but I don't want to. I don't want to lose him," Shay said and started to cry again.
"What do you think will happen if you don't tell him the truth?" Sue asked.
Shay didn't answer. She just shook her head and continued to cry in her hands.
"Guilt is an awful thing to live with, Shay," Sue said simply.
Shay nodded her head knowing full well what Sue was getting at. If she were to continue on with faÃ§ade that she had been living with all these years, she just may end up dead.
"You say that he's a saint and that he is full of compassion, then don't you think he deserves to hear the truth?" Sue asked making her point more clear after Shay didn't say anything.
"If you love him like you say you do, then you will do the right thing. For him."
So, here's the problem, you have no comprehension of the detail, chats, emails and time that goes into this story and it's not even about a flagging obsession with possibly the most adorable band on the planet. No, it's about delivering writing that means something. That hits home. That incorporates real situations. Every day.
There's another chapter ready and waiting to go up and once we receive at least 10 reviews about how this chapter made you feel, it'll be posted. No this is isn't so we have an story that's got a whole bunch of ratings and reviews ( sorry but Miss Bridget is well winning that small feat) but because we love to know how you feel when you read something when we work hard on it.
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