FicWad

"What the fuck were you thinking? Getting into the middle of a fight like that."
Will asked as the bus started up, engines vibrating beneath them.
Lily sighed, pressing a large piece of gauze to her nose and taking a seat, an employee from the medical tent sitting next to her.
"Let me see." the med asked, nodding at her, a small plastic case of medical supplies at his side.
Lily gingerly peeled off the blood soaked gauze,
"I just couldn't stand..." she began nasally as the assistant put on a pair of blue gloves,
"Seeing Bert get pummeled like that." she explained, wincing as the med touched her nose softly.
"God!" she hissed as he laid a gloved finger on the soft, tender area beside her nose.
"It really hurts!" she whined with a frown, eyes tearing up as he pushed the flesh gently.
"Well..." he said, dunking a cotton ball in a bottle of hydrogen peroxide,
"It's not broken."
Lily exhaled in relief, tears in the corners of her eyes.
"Good." she sighed as he wiped the dried blood off of her face, running the cotton over her lip, chin, and the corners of her nose.
"But..." he paused, cleaning her nose gently,
"There will be some bruising."
Lily frowned, furrowing her brow in pain as he ran the swab over the hard to reach places coated in sticky blood, drying into a thin, stiff film.
"Lucky for you, it's stopped bleeding mostly." the med said, twisting a plastic packet in his hand.
"What's that?" Lily asked, staring at the white packet adorned with red and blue writing.
"An ice pack." he answered, handing it to her, "You'll need this. No direct pressure." he added, placing the blood soaked pieces of gauze and swabs into a red bio-hazard bag.
He handed her a handful of gauze,
"If it starts bleeding again, pinch and lean forward. That way blood doesn't go back into your head." he stated, standing up and closing his small, plastic case.
"Oh and..." he added, running a tired hand through his hair,
"Take some aspirin."
Lily nodded, gently pressing the ice pack to her face.
The bus driver pulled to the side, dropping the med off at a rest stop as Lily thanked him in a small, nasally voice.
"Fuck.." she whispered, leaning back on the couch and staring up at the ceiling.
Will rubbed his forehead, eyes closed,
"What are you going to do?" he murmured sleepily.
Lily sighed,
"I don't know." she whispered, the cold from the pack numbing her face,
"I don't know..."
-----------------
Gerard sat in silence, head in his hands.
"Did you try..calling her?" Ray asked, arms crossed, standing above him.
"Like she's gonna fucking answer her phone." Gerard mumbled at the carpet.
Ray shrugged,
"Can't hurt to try."
Gerard sighed and looked up at the ceiling,
"Fuck fuck fuck." he whispered, standing up and crossing the bus.
He stared at his cellphone blankly, leaning on his bunk...replaying it all in his mind.
He
punched her.
He punched his girlfriend...his Lily..in the face.
The least he should do is apologize.
But he was afraid of what she would say.
She knew how to cut with words.
But...maybe he deserved it.
He remembered what Bert had said..and what Lily had said...
Maybe he didn't treat her right.
He never knew it was such a big deal he never held her hand...or kissed her in front of people.
He thought he had made it clear it was for their own privacy..
He never knew it bothered her that much.
Fuck..she didn't act like it did when they were together.
But the way she was crying...and screaming..suggested otherwise.
So he stared at the screen...paused at her name.
He remembered the way it used to be..before all of this happened...
When they were all friends...the deadly trio, as the roadies called them.
Clearing out hotel bars and running through hallways...weaving in and out of tour-buses...causing general havoc and driving their managers crazy...
And they were
always
laughing.
He remembered the first time she had really impressed him;
the first time he really knew he was falling in love with her.
It was late at night..after a show.
It was pouring outside....but she was there...only wearing a black hoodie...signing autographs and chatting despite the rain and the wind..coming down in sharp, stinging droplets.
She was the only one who went out that night..besides Frank.
No one else dared to.
And she came back on her bus, soaking wet..but smiling.
Fuck, he loved her smile.
Gerard laughed as he recalled staring at her through his window...watching her manager grab her by the arm and yell at her, telling her she would get sick, and 'THEN WHAT WOULD THE BAND DO?!'.
All of these memories flooded his mind....thinking of countless drunken nights beside her..and that night in the hotel...tangled up on her bed...pressed up against her body.
Her curves screaming to be touched...be claimed as his.
And as sad as it sounds...he never had.
No one knew..but...they had never had sex.
It was embarrassing, but, hey..they were both very busy..and being on warped meant no alone time...and meant nowhere to fornicate but a cramped, and very crowded bus.
...Now that he thought about it...Lily hadn't even seen IT.
Felt it digging into her thigh...but...she had never touched it or laid her eyes on it.
But, after all..their relationship was still young.
But...he felt these feelings for her...that were indescribable...
Of lust..of love, adoration...all swirling around in his head...twisting his stomach into knots..
He quickly pushed the call button and waited...tensing with each ring.
"Hello?"
Gerard's eyes widened.
She actually answered her phone.
"Lily?" he blurted.
There was a silence on the other line..and a rustling..a crinkling of plastic,
"...Hey.." she mumbled, rather awkwardly.
"Hey...you know...I'm...sorry about..." Gerard began softly.
"Punching me in the face?" Lily finished, voice void of emotion,
cold and almost calculating..cutting Gerard with precision.
"Uh..yeah..." Gerard winced, hand to his forehead.
He really felt like a jack-ass...honestly, he did.
Lily paused,
"It's ok...you didn't mean to." she said with a sniffle.
Gerard nodded...realizing he had sat down in Franks bunk.
"But uh.." Lily began, "I think..." she paused, "I think Bert's right." she said quietly, almost in a tired tone.
Gerard's stomach fell to the floor,
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Lily sighed, fingers to her lips.
Her eyes stayed fixed to the floor,
"What I mean is...he's right about...you." she said slowly, carefully.
She had to be strong..she had to do this, for herself.
"About what? That I'm a prick? Is that what you're trying to say?" Gerard asked, brow furrowed, breath caught in his chest..
Lily shook her head,
"No, you're not a prick....that's not what I meant...it's just.." she paused,
"You don't...you aren't affectionate in public..and you deny me..all the time...and.." she broke off momentarily,
"I can't take it anymore."
Gerard nodded slowly,
"...Ok...."
Lily gathered her thoughts quickly,
"And..in being with you, I've been thrown into a lot more compromising situations." she began
"Like...Every time you say, 'oh we're just friends' I look like..a complete..and utter...dumbass."
"Lil-" Gerard tried to interject, only to fail,
"Or everytime you brush away my hand or nudge me away..." Lily fell silent,
"It's just...I want to..kiss you and hug you..and touch your face...or just HOLD YOUR HAND but...you won't let me." she said quietly.
"Lily," Gerard responded softly, "You know you can do those things anytime you want..when we're alone..or on our buses. I just don't want the fans..or anyone, to pry into MY private life. I don't want them to eat you alive for being with me...remember what they did when you were with Kris?"
Lily hummed quietly.
Oh how she did.
Water bottles to the head.
Gerard continued,
"I'm...I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's just...I don't know.." he rubbed his face out of habit,
"I can't put either of us in that kind of situation."
Lily nodded,
"Well../my/ fans wouldn't...eat you alive. I wouldn't LET them." she added, almost sharply, with a tinge of pain in her voice.
She continued before he could speak,
"And right now, we're already in a situation...if you haven't noticed. Tonight was the breaking point." she breathed deeply, "It's turned violent...and I don't want to give you or Bert a reason to fight." She sighed and continued,
"And it kills me being in the middle of it." she explained, "I want to be..well, not be with both of you.." she said with a frustrated frown, "but, I want to be supportive of both of you guys..I don't want to be treated like..." she couldn't find the right words to describe how she felt,
"I don't want either of you guys to use ME against each other. I thought that maybe I could be friends with both of you guys...and still be with you..but.." she paused,
"It's not working...and now, Bert kissed me..and it's like everything I know isn't real...it's crazy.." she murmured.
She had rambled on for quite some time, leaving Gerard to listen to her thought process with a scowl.
He thought of the way Bert had grabbed her and kissed her..
He could almost recreate the anger rising through his body like wildfire.
He thought of his fist against Bert's stomach, his hands banging his head against the tour bus with a sickening thud....
And as Lily sat there in the quiet corner of the couch..the only sound the whir of wheels on pavement, her fingers wandered, absentmindedly, to the pulsing flesh beside her nose...the throbbing, tender sore spot where Gerard's fist had met her freckled skin.
She knew he hadn't meant to do it, and it was mainly HER fault...but she couldn't help but feel slightly cold...even unfeeling towards him.
Fuck, even to Bert.
She was caught in the middle of a whirl wind, in a net of testosterone and bitterness, along with a couple grudges that stuck like bubble gum.
Things weren't simple anymore..but much more complicated.
Ornate and intricate like a crossword puzzle...or even those chess things in the newspaper.
Who did those anyway?
She didn't know how to react..who to empathize with and who to ignore...
She had memories of them both...good and bad.
But she couldn't bring herself to pick a side.
And frankly, being with Gerard kept tensions high.
It was a 'him or me' kind of situation, everyone was begging her to pick a side, and it had been driving her crazy for the past couple months.
She had tried to play it neutral, not giving one or the other more attention, acting apathetic and trying hard to ignore the fact that there was any sort of dispute going on between the two of them.
She had told both of them, Bert AND Gerard, that she wouldn't get in the middle, wouldn't mediate, wouldn't say ANYTHING to either of them.
But then a small issue arose...Bert was apparently 'into' her.
That made things a bit different.
In actuality, Lily dreaded being the kind of girl oblivious to all around her.
She despised the girls in highschool, surrounded by a pack of men, who would swear in high pitched tones and giggles,
"We're just friends! Shutup!"
But, she honestly had felt that way with Bert.
He had a girlfriend, one who he claimed to be very much in love with.
One who was psycho enough to confront her over the phone.
After all, he didn't exactly treat her special...
Lily raised her eyebrow as a flurry of images flooded her mind.
Bert belching, scratching, laughing...he never treated her any different then his other friends...minus that one time he showed up at her house in the pouring rain..and the way he suddenly fell silent upon hearing she was dating Gerard..the look in his dark blue eyes...the black, dense feeling she had felt in the pit of her stomach as he stared at her in silence.
And then there was Gerard....
A school girl crush..the unattainable jock in highschool Lily never imagined she would end up with.
Except, with Gerard, he was the lead singer of a band climbing the charts..an idol to so many screaming teenage girls...but, the deal was..
Lily wasn't in highschool anymore.
She was a grown woman who had overcome drugs and a failed dancing career to be HERE.
She had fought her inner demons and won, and lived to tell the tale, or at least sing it.
(Heavily metaphored, of course)
Sure, he was good looking and sweet, and even sexy....but..
She did not, and could not be a secret.
She had gone through too much.
There had been many interviews over the past year....humiliating ones.
And every time, at least once, she was asked about her relationship with either Gerard, or with Bert.
Lately all her questions had been about Gerard, due to a couple fan photos leaked out over the internet of them standing rather close, or laughing together.
Now, Brian didn't care if they dated.
Matt didn't either...as long as it didn't put her or the band into a compromising position.
Reprise preferred that it be kept private, seeing as they didn't want to lose any fans on either side of the spectrum.
After all, both Lily and Gerard had large fan bases of the opposite sex, and their record label didn't want to lose any due to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend.
And Gerard..just didn't want either of them to get bothered.
His reasoning was that his fans would tear her apart...and tear their privacy to shreds as well.
Lily didn't care, because she was already under heavy scrutiny by the press.
She was an open book, because they'd find it all out on their own anyway.
She knew she wasn't perfect, and she'd be the first to admit it.
She had some warts..figuratively speaking...and ever since their first cd went platinum, the media couldn't get enough of her.
But as far as Gerard went, the questions wouldn't stop coming.
And every time SHE denied their relationship, they would present her with a very suggestive picture of the two of them, taken by some prying fan..or a photographer.
And occasionally these interviews would be on camera...and they would capture her expression of surprise as she stumbled for words, or as she blushed and stuttered a
'Well, t-that's interesting..but..no...'.
At this point Will would either turn the interview to himself, or Matt would give the interviewer an intimidating glare, forcing them to move on.
She hated it.
She hating looking stupid, being embarrassed in front of thousands of people.
And she knew Gerard's fans hated her.
Sure, there were a lot of them who listened to her music too, but there were those that Jessie had told her about..
The obsessive ones that despised her and gossiped about her, making up rumors on forums and jumping to conclusions...calling her the next Courtney Love or Yoko Ono...discussing her past drug use with intolerance and bad grammar.
Sure, it was ok Gerard used to do drugs, but not her.
It was bullshit.
As much as she tried to say it 'didn't bother' her what his fans said, it did.
Jessie would occasionally inform her of what they said, and point out she would fight for her '24/7'.
For example,
'gee would nevr date her. shes sucha ho.'
'yeah. did you see her on the cover of ap? fake.'
'lol, yeah.'
Jessie would always follow this with,
"And I told them to stfu. They don't even know you anyway....Is Gerard with you..or?"
Those were the fans that made her want to break...grin and stare into the camera smugly and state clearly,
"Yes, we are dating...and yes, he is a good kisser."
But Bert's fans weren't as hateful.
Honestly, a lot of them didn't see her as a threat, and most of them preferred Lily over his current girlfriend, whose pictures were circulating the internet.
'She looks like a bitch'
But, there were still a few fans with conspiracy theories and harsh words to say about her...it couldn't be avoided...not everyone could like her.
It was all fun and games for a while...she and Gerard meeting in secret, like star crossed lovers or something..but it got old, real fast.
It was tiring, and just stupid.
And in all honesty, it hurt her feelings.
She wanted to tell the world.
Hold his hand.
She didn't want to lie anymore...and she couldn't take Gerard's rebuffs any longer.
The fight was the boiling point.
She realized..being with Gerard wasn't worth it anymore...
It was causing way too much melodrama...and it was just...too hard.
And as much as she hated to admit it...Bert was right.
And she could see, in Quinn's eyes, in Frank's eyes, in anyone affiliated with EITHER band, that they felt it was HIGH time she picked a side.
And Lily thought it was high time she stood up and boldly refused.
She didn't want to deal with this BULLSHIT anymore.
Gerard's eyes were stone, staring at the bunks, the welded metal, Mikey's leopard-print bed sheets....
"So.." he mumbled, "you wanna break up?"
Lily sighed,
"Yeah...yeah I do."
-------------------------------------------

"WHATTHEFUCK?!!" Alyson shrieked over the receiver.
"It was j-" Bert attempted to explain, only to be cut off by her shrill voice,
"NO BERT, IT WASN'T JUST ANYTHING! I HAD TO FUCKING WATCH THAT SHIT ON TV TODAY, HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MADE ME FEEL?!" Alyson cried, almost piercing his ear drums.
A video had mysteriously appeared on MTV, FUSE, VH1, and E!News that day, showing Lily waving to the crowd and then cutting to Bert grabbing and kissing her not once, but twice.
The music media pounced on it immediately...playing the footage non-stop, making it the headlining story.
Even Steven from Fuse had been calling Matt non-stop pleading to get an interview in.
He called Bert as well, but with no progress, seeing as Bert had told him to "suck" his "left nut".
"Babe...Lily's my friend-" Bert mumbled.
"BULL FUCKING SHIT SHE'S YOUR /FRIEND/!" Alyson interjected,
"I KNEW YOU LIKED HER, I KNEW IT!"
Bert sat there, phone a few centimeters away from his ear as she laid into him, telling him all the things wrong with him, along with how horrible he was.
"I THINK.." Alyson paused, taking a deep, broken breath, "I think we should take a break." she said coldly, dramatically.
Bert rolled his eyes,
"Ohhh k." he said with a sigh.
"What do you MEAN OK? You don't even CARE, do you?!" Alyson asked, outraged at Bert's tired, apathetic tone.
"Babe, I do care...but you're yelling at me. And if you think that's best-"
"I'm yelling at you because YOU KISSED SOME OTHER GIRL!" Alyson cried furiously.
10 minutes later, Bert had apologized..and they were off the phone.
But..taking a 'break' nonetheless.
He stepped into the hallway, making his way to the mini-fridge to take an icepack out of the freezer.
His head was throbbing from being repeatedly slammed into his own tourbus.
Quinn sat on the couch, staring blankly at the tv, Jepha at his side sipping green tea while skimming through a magazine. Branden was elusive, as he had been these days...and was off walking around the venue....he hadn't been getting along with Quinn OR Jeph lately.
None of them looked up while he walked by.
None of them dared bring up last night.
But..they both felt the same way;
Bert had to expect all that was happening..doing what he did.
Bert brought the icepack to the back of his head, wincing upon the contact.
"...any calls?" he asked quietly, staring at Quinn.
Quinn shook his head, tearing his eyes from the tv screen momentarily,
"Aaron said no one knows about the fight..unless you say something. He says they've got Lily covered."
Bert raised his eyebrow..his heart still beat furiously at the mention of her name..
And she was his, and his only..for those few seconds up on stage...
"Got her covered? What does that mean?" Bert asked, readjusting the pack.
Jeph swallowed a mouthful of tea,
"They're saying she's sick or something..that her throat's fucked up and she needs a while off..." he said with a sigh, turning a page of his magazine casually and taking another sip.
Bert nodded...he wondered how she was....if her nose was alright...if SHE was alright...
He remembered, as he stared blankly at the carpet..how Lily had thrown herself in between the two of them..to protect...
him.
He remembered her screams off in the distance...the way she threw her body in front his, and the way she slightly fell into him from the pressure of Gerard's fist....
Her tiny, broken gasp as she stared at the blood trickling out onto her hands, her big blue eyes wide with shock.
For..him.
His heart beat hard against his ribs, fluttering like a bird's.
He took another breath, realizing a sharp pain filled him with each intake of oxygen.
He needed to go to the med tent....get some aspirin..get drunk...get high.
Do something to make it all go away in a blur....and let him forget about it all, just for a little bit.
"I uh..I'll be back.." he mumbled, dropping the ice pack back into the freezer and walking out of sight, taking the steps two at a time.
Quinn sighed and turned off the tv,
"Poor Bert....that fuckin' dumbass." Quinn murmured, standing up and stretching.
Jeph drained his mug and nodded thoughtfully, eyebrows raised in disagreement,
"Poor Bert? Poor Lily."