FicWad

23.
Fat and alone, you're out on your own. No one is calling on your telephone.
Things aren't getting any better
and you stretched out all your sweaters
things aren't getting any better
No never, no never.

The old Pencey Prep song reeled through my head as I sat on a cold bench outside the institution. I sat sucking the shit out of a cigarette and huddled underneath my bath-robe, pulling it tighter around me.
The cold, crisp and somewhat foggy morning air ecompassed around me, making it hard for me to see two feet in front of me.
I had gotten up that morning and bribed the tubby Security Guard with a candy bar, so he'd let me outside before everyone got up. I needed some time to think of what I was going to say to Lilana later on that day.
I was lost for words even thinking about her. I loved her for a split second, I thought it was more than it actually was.
Emotions were rushed, mixed feelings were thrown about, and the need for human contact was unbearable.

It was all just a big mistake.

A really, big, mistake.

The fog began to clear a bit, so I could at least see the grass being drenched by the sprinklers.
How I got into my coma began to real in my mind again. Drug overdose? It just didn't make sense. I mean, who goes into a coma from drug overdose?
Someone was lying to me, I just knew it.

"Yo Frank. Man you gotta' come inside for breakfast now man." I heard a man say. I turned around to see Ed, the big black guy that looked exactly like that black guy from Talledega Nights.
"Yeah, ok." I said, stubbing out my cigarette and pulling my robe around me tighter; trying to block out the cold that seemed to be everywhere.

Ed tried to lead me back to the building by griping my arm; but I quickly pulled away from his grip and hurried to the door on my own.
Everyone treats you like you're some 90 year old woman in mental hospitals, even if you're a very capable human being.

I scuffled inside the building, my feet padding against the long, white halls. I bit my nails anxiously as I aproached my room, knowing who was in there. She loved being early and unexpected; but I was expecting her, I could see past everything she ever tried for. The deciet in her eyes when I fucked her, that I chose to ignore for my own selfish orgasm.

I disgusted myself.

Pushing the door to my room open, I inhaled deeply and slid inside. Lilana's back was turned to me, as she gazed out the barred window in my room.
My feet dragged beneath me as I quietly walked over to the bed and sat down next to her.

I let my eyes fall upon her tense profile, her eyes not blinking even once and her jaw clenched tight.
Her lips parted slightly, a thin string of her saliva breaking as she opened them further. "Well. here we are." She said, not turning to look at me.

"Yeah," I answered, voice and head low into my lap, "Here we are."
"Frank," I could have sworn her voice cracked as she uttered my name, "why are you doing this to me? What the fuck have I ever done to you?"

I nervously gazed around the bland room, searching for the answer somewhere in the ugly white walls. I didn't even know why I had played her so much.
"I-I-I...I don't know, I'm just a jerk I guess."

She turned her face to me, tears streaming down her pale cheeks, "You guess?" She said, almost in a whisper. She was tired, circles under her eyes and the crack in her voice told me so. "Frank, I thought I was falling for Gerard, and then...you go and push me into you..and then I thought..I knew..I loved you."

She paused.
She sighed, "You always wanted me to love you Frank; and then when you have that love, you throw it away and decide you love someone else. I just..I just don't understand you Frank."

Silence, all but her quiet sniffling sobs.

"So tell me, why?"
"Lil, I havn't been myself. Why the hell do you think I'm in here? I mean my God woman, give me a motherfucking break!"

Lilana rolled her eyes and stood up from my bed. "When you have an answer, I'll be back. I was always there for you Frank, but maybe the next time you need someone to fuck because your phsyco girlfriend is ripping you to shreads, I may not be there."

The sound of her high heels clicking towards the door filled the room. I turned to watch her leave. She paused at the door and glared at me, "I'm fucking Gerard."

So, I officially suck.
I know I havn't posted in forever.
I'm really sorry, life has just been hitting me hard and I have had NO time to do anything with my computer.
I know it's short and it's not very good, but it's something and it's getting further into the story.
But, please read and reveiw and shit.
Hopefully, I'll have another chapter up by the end of the week.
Love you all.