FicWad

(With all the energy afoot and the tunnelway conveniently blocked, not to mention the river of magma, it is only a matter of time until--)



/BOOM!/


.
.


(Scene: Cata-tours tram. Tourists are running and screaming as chunks of the tunnel ceilings fall into their midst!)

MITSIE: Gaaah! Stay behind the yellow line!


.
.

(Scene: Temple of Pyrosk. Assorted priests and clergy stop their tasks as the walls tremble.)

PRIEST: Holy #$%&!


.
.

(Scene: Coratheim Bishounen Guild Offices. A signed picture of Sesshoumaru clatters to the floor as the entire building shakes)


.
.

(Scene: Mount Lorel.)

BRIGAND RYUA: (To Brigand Fzzr) You say something?


.
.

(Scene: A gaping pit, now open to the sky just outside the shaken city walls. The magma flows, steams and slowly begins to cool in the open air.)


.
.

HATRI: Geaah. (Shakes himself) I'm alright! Guys! Boss!

SIL: ...alive.

JEDD: I'm okay.

ORANFH: Me too.

JEDD and HATRI: (Stare at Oranfh)

SOOT: That was bitchin'!

EMAL: (Climbing out from under rocks) Another day, another demolition.

AMLAH: Don't be so down, Master Emal. Surely the Flame Orb was lost amidst all the chaos.

EMAL: (Walks over to Sil and offers her his hand)

SIL: (Allowing Emal to help her to her feet) Yes... It probably fell into the river of rock. It is now better hid than even the sun-god could wish. (Shakes her head) I suppose I must create my new world order without its power. Emal, I can't help but notice that you don't really like your job. Would you consider coming to work with me? We could reshape this society!

EMAL: I'm sorry, Sillene. I'd love to meet you for coffee, be your boyfriend, penpal, arch-nemesis, whatever you need, but if there's one thing I've learned from this crazy story, it's that no matter how wonderful the chick is, never let her come between you and your friends!

SIL: Emal, that's beautiful!

SOOT: What are you talking about? That's not one of our themes! You made that up!

EMAL: Dude, shut up!

SIL: There's one thing, though...

EMAL: Yes?

SIL: The water balloon; how did you know that it would neutralize Soot?

EMAL: Oh! It was something that Lord Pyrosk said to me. The deal with him is that his instructions can get very obtuse, but they always turn out accurate after the fact. If he says Soot is a thing of value to him, he means it.

SOOT: So why pawn me off on Auntie K my whole life?

EMAL: Because you're immune to his kind of flame magic. He'd have had no way of keeping you under control. And quite frankly (rolls his eyes at Amlah and sighs) sometimes people do need a good zapping when they've misbehaved.

AMLAH: (Flips her hair.)

SIL: But what's that got to do with it?

EMAL: Simple: Soot said that Stormcloud was good at keeping him out of trouble. What's a stormcloud but air and water?

SIL: Hm...

EMAL: So, uh ...could I buy you dinner after my bishounen interview?

SIL: Okay!

SOOT: WHAT?!

EMAL: No offense, Soot, but I'd rather you didn't tag along on this one--

SOOT: No no no no -- I mean why are you asking her out? She's evil!

EMAL: So? That's no reason to be rude.

SOOT: Dude, she tried to make a coat out of my skin!

EMAL: Yes, but she's really hot.

SOOT: She tried /to make a /coat out of my /skin/!


.
.
.
.
.

(Scene: That evening at the temple of Pyrosk. The messenger has returned unexpectedly early to commune with the sun-god. A smaller form, not a shadow, but radiant, approaches with him. The messenger nears as if with news, yet his countenance is dark.)

EMAL: Well of course I've got news, and your countenance would be dark too!

(It is not likely.)

SOOT: Hi, Dad.

(How's it going, short stuff?)

SOOT: Fine.

EMAL: Why didn't you tell me that the thing of value was your son?

(If the sun-god says "son" how can you tell that he means "son" and not "sun.")

EMAL: Uah?

(See what I mean?)

EMAL: Because it was so much less confusing this way.

(As the conversation continues, it becomes clear, like the ocean beneath the cloudlessness, that the return of the thing of value to the Stormcloud may not be best.)

EMAL: No it frikkin' hasn't!

SOOT: What?

(The messenger has done well; the thing of value has increased in wisdom. One day his light will be great.)

EMAL: No -- wait!!

(The messenger will take the thing of value with him to deliver his next message. The thing of value will further increase. The thing of value will then be returned to the Lady of the Stormcloud.)

SOOT: Dude!

(Think of it as on-the-job training, short stuff.)

EMAL: Gah! I can't believe this!

(You said you wanted a cool sidekick, man. He's a half-demon half-god with a smart mouth and great hair.)

SOOT: Thanks!

EMAL: But I'm the messenger; I'm almost a priest. Won't people think I'm a freak for hanging around with an eight year-old all the time?

(The dress doesn't already do that?)


EMAL: Well it-But I- Geaah!!

(The messenger has done well. The messenger may claim his reward.)

EMAL: (Looks up.) I get to pick?

(For such a difficult and unusual task, with more ahead. Choose well. If the messenger should need time to ponder, it will be allowed, because such a-)

EMAL: (Cuts him off) Take away Amlah's taser!

(Um... Choose something else.)

EMAL: What? Why?

(Uh...)

SOOT: Dad?

(Let's just say that... I'll explain in a minute. Just pick something else.)

EMAL: Well... There is one thing...


.
.
.
.
.

(Scene: Interior of the temple of Pyrosk. Amlah flutters over to Soot and Emal and looks them up and down. The cut of Emal's robe has been radically changed. He probably couldn't sit for GQ, but no one's going to mistake it for a dress.)

AMLAH: Master Emal, what's this?

EMAL: My new uniform, and what's this I hear about you threatening to send incriminating light-impressions to the local media?

AMLAH: (Beams) And the negatives!

SOOT: Dad said I get to hang with you guys for the next trip!

AMLAH: Wonderful, little master!

EMAL: (Grumbles) Let's just go.

PRIEST: Uh, Messenger? Why are you wearing pajamas at this hour?

EMAL: (Stands gape-mouthed for a full minute, then folds his arms.) I can so totally live with that.

.
.
.
.
.

(Scene: Coratheim streetcorner. Sil and her henchbrigands are present.)

JEDD: So boss ...how's it going to go?

SIL: Well... We had dinner and I think he likes me, but what with his schedule, my schedule, all the travelling and the fact that we're on opposite sides of the struggle between good and evil, we decided that it shouldn't be an exclusive relationship.

JEDD: Oh.

HATRI: I think Jedd meant to ask whether you're going to have us dipped in honey and tossed to the killer bees, boss.

ORANFH: Yeah. Are we getting fired?

(Sil pauses, thinking. In her mind we hear: "If there's one thing I've learned from this crazy story ... never let it come between you and your friends!")

SIL: (Turns to her henchbrigands and flips her black cloak over her head. In her creepy silhouette voice:) Come on, boys. Let's go home.


.
.
.
.
.

(Scene, Coratheim customs office. Emal shoulders his pack and waves to Soot.)

EMAL: Amlah, could you flit ahead and see how long the line is? Okay, Soot. Your dad gave me a message to take to his brother, and I guess I'm stuck with you 'til then.

SOOT: Come on! I'm not so bad.

EMAL: It seems that your divine and demonic heritage has blended in such a way as to make you no more evil than the average human eight year-old. Hate to clue you in, kid, but that's still no picnic.

SOOT: Maybe, (points at Amlah) but isn't she supposed to be a little slice of good incarnate? Somehow I don't think I'm doing so badly.

EMAL: Says the boy who wanted to rain fire down on three major cities just for the fun of it.

SOOT: Yeah, well... (scuffs nervously at the floor) I bet I can still make myself useful, especially now that I don't have to hide my powers!

EMAL: Whatever. (Sneezes)

SOOT: Here; you can even borrow my hanky (Soot pulls a plain handrag out of his pocket. A granola bar and a small glowing rock fall to the floor.)

EMAL: Gah!

SOOT: Crud! My lunch! (Snatches granola bar) ...oh, and eheh! (sheepishly) Did I forget to mention that I managed to snatch the Flame Orb before it got buried?

EMAL: No! (moves toward Soot)

SOOT: (Darkly) Well you'd better. (Yelling) Amlah! Emal used the word %$#@!

AMLAH: He did?

EMAL: What? No I-- oh %$#@!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTT!!


.
.
.
.
.

(Scene, Coratheim customs office holding cell. Emal is coming to.)

EMAL: Gaah... (To Soot) What did I do this time?

AMLAH: Nasty words!

EMAL: And why am I in a cell?

SOOT: Your head was smoking again.

.
.
.
.
.


(Scene: Outside the Coratheim gates. Emal looks somewhat melancholy as he views the shining skyline.)

EMAL: I'm almost sorry to leave.

AMLAH: And why is that, Master Emal?

EMAL: I'm going to think of Sillene every time I look at these shining city walls!

AMLAH: That's just lovely!

SOOT: Especially considering that the big fat hole we blew in them is on the other side.

EMAL: Soot, you're going to have to learn what a "moment" is.

SOOT: Hey! When you look at the city walls, are you also going to remember your bishounen application getting declined?

EMAL: I just haven't grown out my hair yet!

AMLAH: Now little master!

SOOT: Yeah, yeah... So where we going?

AMLAH: (Points to the west, away from Mount Lorel) That way!

EMAL: Your father has a message for Rokea, Lady of the Unknown.

SOOT: Wow! What's her deal?

EMAL: Well... I don't really know...

SOOT: Cool!


(Our three Zeroes trek off into the sunset, a sun which almost seems to be laughing at them. ...would be laughing with them, but if he told them the joke, their heads would explode.)


.
.
.
.
.

. . .

(Bows.) (Thank you for reading.)